Chapter Twenty: Revenge is a Bitch, Baby.
I asked Alice and Bella to get the kids so we could leave. I no longer wanted to stay the night in La Push, but it was for completely different reasons now. I wanted to be as far from Leah and her...and Jacob's...son as possible; I needed to get away. Alice went to put our things in the car while Bella gathered up the twins from their beach adventure with Seth. I did feel bad for dragging them away from the fun that I was sure that they were having, and for denying them the promised time with their grandfather. I only hoped that they would eventually understand. I headed into the bathroom to clean up my face and nearly gasped at the girl in the mirror. Her eyes were cold, heartless, dead; her mouth was set in a hard line across her face; there was no expression on her face – it was like she was carved in stone.
I washed my face, attempting to erase the lines of tears, and brushed my hair back with my fingers to calm the frizz that accompanied the wet climate. I heard Billy's chair rolling across the floor and felt his heartbeat sending vibrations through the air as he reached the door to the bathroom. I thought about slamming it in his face, but immediately felt guilty for the thought. Billy didn't do anything wrong. In fact, he had stuck up for me with Leah earlier. Billy was just as much of a victim in this scenario as I was.
"Erm, Renesmee?" Billy spoke cautiously. I looked at him and he gasped. He was not expecting the constant glare that had settled on my face. "Uh…I…" He stammered, wide-eyed in the bathroom doorway.
I forced myself to soften, trying on a smile – it probably looked even more threatening. In that moment, I felt like I looked like the stereotypical, sadistic Vampire, smiling an evil smile at my prey - luring them in to my web before destroying them. "Sorry, Billy. I'm just tired of being hurt over and over again. I don't know how much more I can stand before I break." My eyes fell as my true feelings cracked through my mask for a minuscule second before I shoved it back. Jacob would no longer have any control over me. I wasn't his puppet anymore.
"Listen, Ness. I just want to say this" Billy's shook his head sadly. "No, I just need to say this." His head lifted to meet my gaze as his face tightened in determination. "When Leah told Jacob she was pregnant, I told him he needed to tell you." He rolled his eyes and spoke to himself, "He should have told you earlier…" Billy met my eyes again. "I told him that if you found out at another time that you would think he was hiding it. I thought he was going straight home to tell you…" He trailed off, confused. "Anyhow, JJ doesn't know. He doesn't have a grandpa, since Harry died before you were even born. I didn't have any grandkids at the time, so I kind of became his adoptive grandpa. I feel awful either way." We stood (or in his case sat) there for a few moments, just letting the words linger in the air around us. "What ever happens from here, I want you to know that I still love you like a daughter. And I care more about those two grandbabies than I ever thought possible."
"Billy, it's nice that since you're his real granddad, you have taken an effort to be in his life – even if that's being his fake granddad." I couldn't deny that Billy was doing his part for this boy. It seemed that J.J. was well adjusted in his life despite the screwed up situation that he entered the world. In the end of things, I never wanted that innocent boy to feel one ounce of heartache if it could be prevented.
He tilted his head, confused and gave me a strange look. "I don't really look at it like that." I started to ask him why, but we were interrupted by several voices and the front door slamming roughly in its old frame. Billy rolled into the hall and I followed him, eager to she the only good things in my life at the moment. I shook my head again, wondering where it all went wrong.
"Mommy! You awake!" Ambrosia rushed through the house and threw herself into my waiting arms.
William was right behind her, "We played at the beach, Mommy!" He wrapped his little arms around my legs and squeezed tightly. I genuinely smiled as I noticed that his grip was stronger than usual.
"Ouch, Will. You're strong! And you're getting better with your gift." I shifted Ambrosia to my hip and leaned down to look at him. It was easier to pretend everything was okay when surrounded by two loving creatures that were obviously so happy to see me. "Let's go home, babies." I sat Ambrosia down, releasing all of her except her little right hand. I stretched my other hand out to William, who happily took it and bounded off towards the front yard. "Tell Granddad bye!" I stopped just outside the door and leaned down to give Billy a hug. "Thank you for everything, Granddad Billy." He knew that I was talking about more than allowing us to have the get together at his house.
"Bye Bye Granddaddy!" William climbed into the chair with Billy and wrapped his little arms around his waist. "I love you!" He kissed Billy on the cheek.
"Love you too, munchkin." Billy smirked at his sort-of name sake, and kissed him on the forehead. He lifted Will off of him and sat him back down onto the ground before motioning Ambrosia closer. "Come here, angel." He whispered as he lifted her up into his lap.
"Gwandaddy." Ambrosia pouted into his neck. "I don't wanna go." She hugged herself tighter to him until he started gasping for air.
"Too...Tight...." Billy sputtered, to which Ambrosia ducked her head and leaned away.
"I'll see you soon, baby." He kissed her on the head and then sent her back to us. They both slowly got into their carseats, taking their time in leaving. I silently vowed that we would come back soon under better circumstances.
The car ride was quiet except for Ambrosia and William chattering about their time at the beach. I tried to concentrate on their stories, but my mind kept wandering as I grew angrier and angrier with the way that Jacob had treated me. I began contemplating different attack methods for getting revenge on Jacob before kicking him to the curb.
I debated simply walking in and giving him an overdose of morphine, but that seemed like a bit of a waste of medicine. I thought that if I wanted him gone quickly, I could just inject him with some venom. Surely, someone would offer, wouldn't they? I could be more theatrical. I would wait until he woke up; make him feel the pain as he died. Should I ask him to explain, make him think that I could forgive him, then tear him to pieces – or just rip him up immediately?
Alice giggled quietly in the front seat as she saw the future that my ideas created. At the idea of venom she quickly jerked her head left to right. Apparently that idea wouldn't work out so well. Even though I fantasized about putting an immediate end to my problems, I knew that I would never be able to kill Jake. I would always love him, despite the hell that he put me through for the past several years. I could never take away my children's father without hurting them in the process. It was times like these that I hated imprinting. I would never be able to remove Jacob from my heart, no matter how badly I wanted to.
All too quickly we pulled into the drive to our house. Bella and I climbed the back deck that went straight to the second floor. I realized that I still didn't know what I planed on doing. Maybe I should just kick him out. I heard a menacing growl inside – Edward – he must have heard the combination of Alice and my thoughts. "Honey, if you want to talk with me before you go to him…" Bella asked before opening the door to the house.
We stepped into the house, listening for who else was around. "Actually, I was hoping I could stay in your room until he wakes up. I can't be in the same room with him right now."
Edward was on my other side, holding me by the elbow, he guided me towards their bedroom. "Of course, you can stay with us. I can't believe he did that to you." He spoke the last sentence through clenched teeth.
I put a hand on my mother as I sent a message to both my parents. I knew that Dad would be able to see it as I thought it. I showed them holding Jacob up against a wall as he told his side of the story, only to have his "man hood" ripped off. "Gotta say, Ness. I know I've wanted to do that before, in another life time – but I would be more than happy to hold him while you have the honor." She smiled vindictively.
"Um, Ness. Bella, Edward?" Alice addressed us individually. "Hammer down your plans, because Jacob is waking up in fourteen hours." I looked at my watch. It was 7:27 PM. He would be awake by 10 the next morning.
Bella, Edward, and Alice looked at me comfortingly. I could feel the heartless mask reattaching itself to my face. I wouldn't let him see me hurt. I wouldn't let him know what he did to me today. I wouldn't let him see me cry.