Nes spent a long time drifting in and out as her body began to heal. She'd required numerous surgeries just to deal with the internal injuries she'd sustained and then once she was stable enough, they began addressing the broken and shattered bones. The jaffa's greater strength from their symbiotes was apparent in every part of Nes' body and she knew without anyone saying that it had been a rough battle to keep her alive.

As she started spending more time awake, she was surprised by how much she had missed, the biggest of which involved the Atlantis expedition. Stargate Command had finally heard from the Pegasus galaxy when a highly compressed data file was sent through the gate, only to learn that the expedition would likely be under attack from a hostile alien race they'd encountered. Somehow (though Nes was still very confused on the details) the SGC had gotten their hands on another ZPM, an Ancient power source, and immediately began working on a plan to help Atlantis.

From what Nes could gather, they'd first sent support through the Stargate using the ZPM to power the dialing to a different galaxy and then immediately plugged that ZPM into the Daedalus. Earth's newest ship then headed towards Atlantis, the advanced power source allowing them to make the trip in just four days. A little over a week later, Atlantis had dialed Earth and the senior members of the expedition had walked through the gate with good news that they'd fooled the new enemy (the Wraith or some such name) into thinking the city had been destroyed and were hopeful they'd be left in peace, at least for a while.

So when Dr. Weir and a man Nes hadn't met came into the infirmary for their turns at getting a thorough workup, Nes wasn't surprised to see the former leader of Stargate Command, though the same could not be said for the Atlantis commander.

"Nesert! What happened to you?" Dr. Weir came over to her bed, her mouth hanging open, the dark haired man trailing behind.

Nes knew she still looked quite bad, the swelling and healing knife wounds making her barely recognizable at times. "I'm afraid a group of free jaffa had some questions about my allegiances. A concern I believe you share, Dr. Weir."

"Yes, but good heavens…" She looked around for something else to say and remembered the man next to her." Nesert, this is the newly promoted Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. He's the military commander of the Atlantis expedition. John, this is Nesert Saeda. She's...well, she's…" Dr. Weir looked to Nes for help.

"I'm a former goa'uld host and without these injuries most people would recognize me as Tessa James."

"The Butcher Tessa James?" Colonel Sheppard asked with raised eyebrows.

"That's the one."

"So the snake in your head was the one killing people."

Nes tilted her head slightly. "Mostly." She ignored his confused look. "Dr. Weir...I was just curious...Lt. Elliot..."

"He's good," Dr. Weir said with a smile. "And he'll find out when we get back that he's now Captain Elliot."

"That's great. He deserves it." She tried to insert some excitement into her voice, but even she could hear the hollowness.

"You and Elliot friends?" Sheppard put his hands in his pockets uncomfortably.

"No." Normally she wouldn't elaborate her answers, but Sheppard contorted his face in a way similar to Jack that was meant to encourage her to continue and she finally sighed and continued. "I was along on his first offworld mission. Just curious how he's getting on in the Pegasus galaxy."

Dr. Weir gave her a pointed look, knowing what had occurred on that mission. Nes knew she at the very least had heard rumors on base of the relationship between the pair, but the expedition leader didn't call her out on her partial truths. After all, by the time Dr. Weir had taken over the SGC, Nes had already begun cutting Elliot out of her life, trying to protect him from her duplicity as she allied herself with Ba'al.

"When do you all head back?" She needed to redirect the conversation.

"The Daedalus began its journey back to Earth soon after we left, but it will take them about three weeks to get here without the ZPM, plus it'll likely need some maintenance after the battle with the Wraith."

"The Wraith...what are they like?"

The colonel crossed his arms. "Kinda like vampires. Suck the life right out of you."

"Well, that sounds pleasant."

"Yeah...better than a snake in your head, though, I'm guessing."

Nes wasn't sure how to respond simply because she wasn't sure if that was true or not. She finally just shrugged. "Hard to say when you only have experience with one, I suppose."

"How long do they think it will take you to heal, Nesert?" Dr. Weir's tone was cautious.

Nes swallowed hard. "Without a sarcophagus...a long time. I doubt I'll ever fully recover with the damage done."

"I'm so sorry," Dr. Weir said with real sympathy.

Nes didn't want sympathy. "We both know I deserve much worse than this, Dr. Weir."

The other woman began to object, but a nurse came in then to collect Nes' conversation partners for their own workups and Nes laid back, exhausted from the effort of talking, but also relieved to hear that Elliot was fine - good even. She fell asleep quickly, her body and mind still weak.

It was still several weeks before Nes was allowed to leave the infirmary and its constant monitoring. She was certainly grateful for the slight increase in privacy by being back in a regular room. Of course, that also meant a significant decrease in her human interaction without nursing staff buzzing around all the time and Nes felt herself slipping further and further into a depression with too much time with her own thoughts.

The irony of the situation was not lost on Nes even with the concussion and medicinal fog. Her greatest injuries had come from those she would have counted as allies. It really was no surprise they saw her as they did, but still, it was hard with her empty hours to not begin to develop a level of bitterness towards all of those around her she'd been trying to help.

Before he had left for Dakara to help with the creation of the new Jaffa government, Teal'c had come by to check on her. The guilt he felt was apparent even on his stoic face, but she had forced out all the appropriate words to absolve him of any responsibility for his brethren or their understandable misconceptions about her allegiances. She made sure the blame was laid squarely on herself and the Goa'uld. She also had pressed him to pass her words onto Rak'nor, wanting to at least thank the young jaffa's efforts in protecting her.

The attack by the jaffa had hurt her more than just physically, though. All of her attempts to help had been worthless, too often making her yet another pawn of the goa'uld despite her best efforts to stay in control. She'd committed too many unforgivable acts and she was finally beginning to acknowledge the impossibility of ever gaining acceptance from any of those she admired. She would always be a monster to anyone with even a semblance of a conscience. She was far too damaged and now her body had followed suit.

By the time Sam had come to tell her she was taking a position as head of R&D at Area 51 and Daniel would be catching the return trip to Atlantis soon, Nes was nearing rock bottom, her skills in deception now struggling to cover her despair.

"When do you leave?"

"Next week."

"And Jack?" Nes wasn't stupid. When Sam had called off her engagement to Pete shortly after her father and Selmak had died (Nes hadn't learned about that until just a few weeks ago, having been with Anubis at the time and not exactly coherent for so long afterwards), it had been obvious to everyone without anyone speaking the words that Sam and Jack had finally begun to acknowledge their feelings for one another. And now the two of them were taking clear paths to separate themselves professionally and Nes did her best to be happy for them.

"He's headed to the Pentagon to be the new head of Homeworld Security."

Nes nodded slowly. "Good. Let me know if any of my houses can assist in any...covert operations." She smiled as Sam's face tinted just slightly red.

Sam cleared her throat a few times. "I'll keep in touch, Nes. I'll try to get back here as often as I can to check in on you as well. Make sure you keep up on therapies."

"Yes, Mom," Nes teased, but then suddenly felt an overwhelming need for her own mother and a few tears threatened to spill out. She quickly pulled up Sekhmet who, even in her weakened form, would be able to shut down those emotions she couldn't handle.

Not quick enough, though.

"You okay, Nes?"

"Yeah, of course. Just tired. Everything just takes so much effort still."

Sam nodded, but didn't look completely convinced. "They've offered SG-1 to Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell. Good guy. He led the squadron of F-302's that held off Anubis' forces over Antarctica while we tried to get down to the Ancient outpost. His plane went down, though, and he was injured pretty badly. Took him a long time to recover, but when given the choice of any posting in the Air Force, he wanted SG-1."

"So many new people. General Landry replacing Jack. Dr. Lam down in the infirmary. Father and daughter...hostile father and daughter. That should add some nice drama around here. It's always far too quiet."

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, they'll be an interesting pair. Dr. Lam's handled your care well during the transition, though, right?"

"Yep, a total professional. And General Landry's...a straight shooter. I can't complain about that."

"Good. Well, I'll make sure to send Cam to say hello when he gets here. He knows all about long days of therapy and recovery."

Nes just nodded. She had no desire to make any new friends or hear about how someone understands exactly what she's going through. There wasn't a single soul on Earth or anywhere else that could understand what she was going through.

Sam left and Daniel was in a state of pure panic and chaos trying to pack and Nes just...stopped. She stopped going to therapy. She stopped eating more than the bare minimum. She stopped talking.

She just stopped.

It was pathetic and she knew it, but the disgust with her self pity only intensified her self loathing and spiraled her back around to despair. Dr. Lam tried medication changes and the base psychologist tried to get her to talk, but she was past talking. She was past caring. She had nothing left anymore. She didn't even have the ability to walk out of the base and disappear, her usual tactic when things got too difficult.

She didn't bother responding to the knock on her door. She never did anymore, but quietly took in the man who peeked around the door.

"Oh! Hi! You didn't answer so I thought maybe you just weren't here. Figured I'd leave a note or something, but I guess you are here, so…" He looked around the room and then back at her silent self in the bed and pointed to himself. "Cameron Mitchell."

Nes still didn't respond, but also didn't bother to hide her observing eyes.

"Just got here to join SG-1, but apparently I'm supposed to lead an entirely new team. General O'Neill forgot to mention that Colonel Carter, Dr. Jackson, and Teal'c are all leaving. Is he always like that? Just leaving out major details?"

Nes couldn't keep a smile from forming and forgot herself for a moment. "He doesn't like to talk about anything that makes him uncomfortable."

Mitchell gave her a large smile and grabbed a chair to sit. "Right. Well, now I'm supposed to pick out my new team members. I went and spoke to Dr. Jackson to try convincing him to stay, but he's too excited about Atlantis."

"He's been wanting to go for a while now."

"Yeah, something about it being the City of the Ancients and he's the expert on the Ancients." He folded his arms. "Offered me his apartment, though."

"Nice of him."

"Yeah, but there's gotta be a way to get them all to come back. You know them all pretty well, right? Any ideas?"

"Sam will probably be back the second there's a new problem to solve, Teal'c...politics will drive anyone back here, and Daniel...you'll have to physically chain him to the wall to keep him from going to Atlantis. Though even then, he might just gnaw his own arm off."

Colonel Mitchell thought for a moment. "So we need some new adventure for them?"

"Good luck with that. The galaxy's getting boring out there."

"Yeah…" He went quiet in thought. "Well, maybe something will turn up."

"You're hoping for a new crisis?"

"Well, maybe not a crisis. Just some excitement."

"I think those are the same thing around here, Colonel."

"Call me Cameron. And what do people call you?"

"To my face?"

Cameron chuckled. "Yeah, to your face."

"Most people call me Nes."

"So word on the street, Nes, is that you've stopped going to therapy."

Nes crossed her arms. "What is this? An intervention?"

"Nah, just someone who's been there."

"Mmhmm, I bet. Have you even read my file?"

"Oh yeah, couldn't put it down."

"And you still think you've been here?" she asked as she gestured to herself and the room.

"Well, maybe not exactly here...there, but I remember being told I might not walk again and thinking my life was over."

"My life was over a long time ago."

"You haven't even tried yet."

"Do you want to know the big difference between you and me? When you're strong and healthy, you do good things. You help people. When I'm strong and healthy...well, let's just say I don't have the best track record."

"And here I thought your file suggested that you're big into self sacrifice, saving plenty of people."

"Don't believe everything you read, Colonel."

"Listen, I don't know you. I don't know what you've gone through or what you've done. It doesn't matter at this point." He stood up in frustration. "Find a reason, a goal to work towards, anything, but good grief, buck up. You got hurt. You're not dead. You still have your legs. There's a lot of people who aren't so lucky. And don't think you're the only one who's ever killed innocent people in the middle of war." He blinked his eyes rapidly and Nes was surprised to see they were damp. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go figure out what the hell I'm going to do here."

With that he left abruptly and Nes was left trying to figure out how she'd lost control of the situation so entirely. She needed to find his file and get a handle on his background and motivations. She was slipping. She wasn't able to read people as well as she used to now that she was so consumed with her own issues. She was weak in every way now.

Surprisingly, that seemed to be the motivation she needed. It was one thing to have her body injured, but no longer being able to manage the people around her made her feel intensely fragile and uncomfortable. She would at least work towards being able to leave the base. If she could walk, she could get out of this room and out of her own head. Maybe even find Ba'al for a bit of revenge. That was an appealing thought, certainly, and one both Nes and Sekhmet latched onto. Making Ba'al pay for his betrayal ever so slowly was a mental image she played over and over and over as she slowly worked through the pain of standing for the first time since she'd been hurt.

"So my pep talk worked, huh?" Cameron came bounding in with an arrogant strut.

Nes' teeth were pressed so hard together that she couldn't do anything but glare at him, but as she sat down again with groan, she looked up at him with a smirk. "You said to find a goal."

"Yeah?"

"You made me realize how much I'd like to torture and kill Ba'al for his contribution to my current situation."

"So my backup career as a motivational speaker…"

"Depends what you were trying to motivate me to do."

He shrugged. "Well, it sounds like this Ba'al guy probably deserves it, so...uh...good for you."

Nes smiled and he wished her luck before leaving her to get back to work. And work it was. Nes couldn't remember ever being as exhausted as she was after therapies, barely able to keep her eyes open once she showered and climbed into bed. She was grateful for sleep completely devoid of any dreams, good or bad. She wasn't even sure what good dreams looked like any more; anything good faded into the sadness that happiness was so unachievable for her.

With her new persistence, Dr. Lam made the decision to move her to the Air Force Academy Hospital for continued therapy as well as some new procedures that might be able to assist her. Nes wasn't particularly keen on leaving the SGC, but the idea of seeing the sun and sky was appealing enough to convince her of the benefits of the move. The scarring on her face obscured her identity so they didn't have to be quite so careful with hiding her and part of Nes was happy for the anonymity that didn't require so much effort on her part.

She still wasn't in any shape to return to her house, needing far too much assistance, medication, and monitoring, but the annoyance of living in a hospital continued to push her to work hard. Cameron had stopped by once to check on her after she'd gotten settled, making small talk and clearly trying to figure her out, but otherwise she was still mostly alone, unable to connect or relate to the staff or other patients she encountered.

The second time Cam came by, he was much more deliberate in their conversations and Nes listened carefully before responding.

"So this woman who stole the Prometheus once showed up with some vague promises of Ancient treasure here on Earth and then slapped a goa'uld prison transport bracelet onto Daniel to ensure she got her fair share of whatever was discovered."

"Yeah, you ever have experience with these Kor Mak bracelets?"

"Sekhmet rarely ever took prisoners. I could dig through her memories, but I doubt she cared much about them."

"Damn. Well, Daniel's either gonna have to find the treasure or marry this girl."

Nes chuckled. "And you said she's a former host?"

"Yeah. Vala was host to...Qetesh? Yeah, that sounds right."

"Really?" Sekhmet's personality surfaced at this information, Qetesh being both a rival and ally of Athena at various times, and Cam narrowed his eyes as he noted the change in her expression. "So I'm guessing Daniel is working to translate this tablet she brought, then?"

"Oh yeah. I think he'd do anything to get rid of her."

"What about Atlantis?"

"The Daedalus already left."

Nes took a breath in through clenched teeth. "I'm surprised Daniel didn't kill this woman for making him miss going."

"He contemplated it, but he'd die, too, so…"

Nes laughed and wondered if this Vala was precisely what Daniel needed in his life. She wanted to meet her. She hadn't met any other former hosts of goa'uld, just Tok'ra.

"Well, keep me updated."

"Will do. Keep working hard."

She did. She kept at it, but it required more and more of Sekhmet's bitterness at Ba'al to keep her going, especially knowing that she wasn't likely to ever have her body back to its original form or strength. The scars left on her mind by Sekhmet were now reflected in the damage done to her face and limbs and she struggled with the realization that she'd depended far too much on her outer appearance and physical skills.

By the time Colonel Mitchell returned, Nes was starting to walk, though only a few steps at time at this point. Unfortunately, he came with news of a new foe coming to their galaxy.

"You were the one who wanted some...excitement."

"Not what I meant."

"I tried to warn you of what excitement looks like around here."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember."

"So the Ori."

"Ascended beings who apparently are not as nice as the ones we've encountered in this galaxy. They want to be worshipped and they're not pleased with anyone who doesn't want to jump on their religion bandwagon."

"And you said they've started sending...missionaries to worlds here?"

"Yeah, they call themselves Priors. Apparently one used powers and burned himself alive in the briefing room."

Nes contorted her face into disgust. "Well, they sound less pleasant than even the Goa'uld."

"Yeah, the Ori aren't frauds in the power department."

"And the Ascended beings here? Will they help?"

Cam shrugged. "Not sure. Technically the Priors are still just humans, so they probably won't stop them. All the rules are a bit fuzzy for me."

"At least with the goa'uld, you could just assume they were waiting to stab you in the back. The Ascended beings...who the hell knows, right?"

"Yep, guess it'll just be a waiting game, but I don't plan on entrusting our galaxy to energy beings who may or may not help. Hopefully we can find some ways to defend ourselves." He looked at his watch and stood. "Hey, I gotta go. Vala finally took the bracelets off herself and Daniel and is supposed to leave today so I figured I'd at least say goodbye...and make sure she doesn't steal anything."

"Too bad. I would have liked to meet another former host."

Cam smiled and gave her a wink as he headed out the door. "I'd hate to see the trouble you two would cause. Bye, Nes."

As he left, she sighed and leaned her head back, wishing she could find her old self to get her through this instead of having to constantly pull Sekhmet up for strength. This should have been the perfect opportunity to suppress Sekhmet as long term pain had done in the past, but she'd had enough outside forces back then to keep her going. She was drifting now with everyone she'd relied on gone. Sam, Elliot, Jack, Daniel, Teal'c, Hailey, even Nathan, who'd been deployed after completing his training. They were all off living their own lives and she'd been left behind. Not intentionally, but she was still alone, still on her own to get through this.

Was Sekhmet the only one who would really always be there for her?

It turned out that removing the bracelets hadn't severed the connection between Daniel and Vala, though it was unclear as to the why. At this point, all they could do was hope that the effects would eventually wear off, which wasn't a comforting thought to anyone at the SGC. In the meantime, Vala was tagging along, Daniel's constant companion, and (from what Cam had to say) annoying him to death.

Nes felt bad for being amused at Daniel's annoyance with the situation, but she couldn't help it, especially when Cam laughed right along with her. It felt good to laugh, though he left and it was over and she felt worse than she had before.

She had to get away, but she still couldn't walk well enough to manage on her own, nor could she go long enough without all the medications she was on. She'd been attempting to wean off of the drugs for the pain, but it was going far too slowly. Her connections could certainly gain her access to any prescriptions she required, but she didn't like the feeling of total dependence on something. It was too similar to how she'd felt with killing and the sarcophagus.

It was several more weeks and quite a bit of progress in her therapies before anyone stopped by again, but she was pleased that this time it was Sam and Daniel.

"So you're hoping to be discharged soon? Going to outpatient therapy?" Sam asked as she and Daniel got settled in her room.

"That's the plan. I'm getting stronger and weaned off of most of the medications I was on."

"Good. You look so much better than the last time I was here." Sam shifted her eyes downward, likely feeling some guilt over not visiting like she'd promised to. "Prognosis good then?"

Nes just shrugged. "We'll see." It wasn't a great prognosis actually, but she didn't want to discuss it at the moment. "So Daniel, I'm guessing the effects of the bracelets have finally worn off if you're here without Vala."

He sighed and cocked his head to the side. "Yes, but it's more that...well, she's gone. She, uh, well...she sacrificed herself to stop the Ori from creating a kind of supergate to invade this galaxy."

"A supergate?"

Sam leaned forward. "They were able to form a forcefield around a gate and then expand it to contain the entire planet. They then collapsed the planet into a black hole to power a huge gate that an entire armada could fit through."

Nes knew her eyes were wide as she took that information in. A gate large enough for ships and from a different galaxy. The power consumption was amazing, the engineering amazing, the sheer magnitude of the plan amazing. The Ori and their followers were a formidable foe.

"But Vala stopped them?"

"She flew a cargo ship into the place of the last section of the supergate, disrupting the energy field. She might have beamed away before the ship was destroyed by the shockwave, pulled into the singularity, but there's no way to know."

"It's lucky you found where they came into our galaxy."

Sam and Daniel looked at one another before Daniel spoke. "It wasn't luck. We were tricked."

"By who?"

"Nerus."

"Nerus? That disgusting pig? What on Earth did he have to do with all of this?"

"He sent a message saying he wanted to work with us against the Ori. Told us about the forcefield and convinced us to attack. We detonated a naquadria enhanced nuclear warhead."

"And that didn't destroy it?"

"No, on the contrary. The forcefield actually used the power from our own weapons to expand."

"So Nerus got in bed with the Ori."

"Yep," Daniel said in annoyance.

"And where is he now?"

"In a cell in Area 51. He thought we would kill him and then he'd ascend."

"I doubt he's going to be too happy with prison food."

Daniel smiled. "We're hoping that motivates him to actually help us against the Ori."

Nes chuckled. "And here I thought you didn't torture prisoners. Well, watch him closely. I doubt Ba'al will be thrilled about his betrayal, though that is just the way of the Goa'uld. Be the most powerful or serve the most powerful. Still, Ba'al doesn't take kindly to that kind of behavior and he may not want him to survive to help you."

"Well, Ba'al's been pretty quiet since the whole Dakara debacle. Teal'c said he's been seen in the Archeva system."

Nes felt her bitterness intensify as they discussed him. "Good. I hope he rots on some backwater planet."

Daniel looked over her face. "We all hope that."