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100 things I, Cyprus, cannot do.

1. Okay, first things first.

2. I am NOT Turkish Republic of Northern Cyprus.

3. That is my younger brother.

4. Second, I am NOT Egypt.

5. He's just a close bud of mine.

6. Got it?

7. Good, now this actual list can start.

8. I cannot lock Greece and Turkey together in a room to get them stop fighting each other.

9. Because it won't help anything.

10. In fact, it will probably just make things worse.

11. Locking them up together while both of them are drunk won't make much of a difference.

12. You don't want to know what happened.

13. I cannot steal Greece's cat when he calls me 'playground of the gods'.

14. Look, that was a long time ago! I didn't know what the heck was going on because I was a kid back then!

15. *pouts*

16. I cannot ask TRNC for us to become one again.

17. Even if I say please.

18. Or pretty please.

19. I cannot brag about how my wine brand, Commandria, is the oldest in the world.

20. Because other nations will stand up furiously and challenge me.

21. And that won't end well.

22. Besides, I would win the wine brawl anyway.

23. Heck, King Richard the Lionhearted even said it tasted amazing!

24. Trying to get TRNC and Sealand to get along won't end well.

25. It will most likely result in the death of someone.

26. Like me.

27. (It's probably going to be me)

28. I must learn to stop reminiscing about the past.

29. Even if I once was the wealthiest nation in the world...

30. I cannot ask Poland if he's sure he's a boy.

31. He'll chase me around on his infamous pink pony.

32. Or dye my hair pink.

33. Note to self: I do not look good with pink hair.

34. I cannot kick Turkey into a closet when he dresses up in his Ottoman Empire outfit.

35. Or when he starts a bonfire in the Meeting Room to cook kebabs.

36. Or when he dyes Greece's hair red with a white crescent moon and star.

37. ...I feel like a damn babysitter.

38. Accessing Hungary's website is not healthy for me or my sanity.

39. Nor is it good for my eyes.

40. When Turkey is fasting for Ramadan, I must restrain him when Greece decides to tease him eating his favorite sweets in his face.

41. But even I have to admit that was pretty funny.

42. But it wasn't funny when I nearly broke my arms trying to stop Turkey from killing Greece!

43. I must not give any sensitive details about Greece and Turkey to Hungary.

44. No matter how much money she offers.

45. Because Turkey and Greece would get along for once and hunt me down together.

46. I cannot tell Sweden that he looks like a dick on the map.

47. Because I would most likely to perish.

48. Again.

49. I cannot refer to Denmark as 'Legoland'.

50. Actually, he wouldn't even mind it.

51. It's Greece and Norway that have a problem with it.

52. I cannot ask Iceland about that one time he had that weird dream about Turkey.

53. (See 25-27)

54. I CANNOT even think of telling Turkey this.

55. Because Iceland would have my head.

56. Along with Norway.

57. Mentioning how you can rent out Liechtenstein for only 70,000 dollars a day to America is a terrible idea.

58. Because he would attempt to rent her out.

59. And then England would get mad at me for further trapping the American in his pit of debt.

60. And then Switzerland would be angry at me for mentioning it to America in the first place.

61. I cannot facepalm myself too hard when America asks me if I am called Cyprus because my main export is cypress trees.

62. *FACEPALM*

63. ...Really?!

64. When Turkey smokes Hookah, I cannot mention to him that Hookah is actually no safer than smoking cigarettes and hookah smokers may actually absorb more toxic substances than cigarette smokers.

65. He really needs to stop...

66. I cannot kick Turkey into a closet when he starts bragging about how natural black roses are only found in Turkey.

67. Or when he starts bragging about how the most beautiful horse in the world is Turkish.

68. Wow, there are a lot of closets conveniently around here for me to kick him into.

69. I must restrain Turkey when he makes jokes about this number.

70. ...Why do I always have to restrain him?

71. Whenever Japan starts exhibiting Paris Syndrome, I must get Greece immediately for help.

72. Last time was not pretty.

73. He started hallucinating that everyone was a famous model out to kill him and had to be sent back to Tokyo.

74. Note to self: Japan's hallucinations can be pretty gory.

75. I cannot tell anyone that Greece believed that at one point, redheads would become vampires when they died.

76. *Snicker*

77. So... How about I tell Ireland that Greece?

78. Any offers made by China to taste his "Obama Fried Chicken" shall be declined.

79. I'm scared now..

80. If America ever says the words, "Birthday", "Minnesota", "Tank", and "Smash" in the same sentence, the wisest choice would be to get out of the room immediately.

81. When Germany gives a 30 minute speech about not wasting time, I am not allowed to try to break the table in an attempt to get him to stop.

82. But really...

83. The irony.

84. When France starts talking about how love is more important than money, I cannot ask him if he's ever tried paying his bills with a hug.

85. Well? Have you?

86. My economy sucks...

87. I am not allowed to lecture TRNC about his new casino tourism.

88. Prostitutes! Do you know what this means brother?!

89. Shame!

90. I cannot ask England if he was the most successful pirate there ever was.

91. Because China would pop up behind me and tell me the most successful pirate ever was a Chinese woman who controlled over 1,500 vessels and had 80,000 sailors under her command.

92. And than England would take that as an insult to his pirate dignity.

93. And provoke a fight.

94. The greatest fight ever, that is.

95. I cannot feel depressed when I think about TRNC's separation.

96. Poor little boy...

97. He's so young, but he's already been through hell...

98. "..."

99. Having stated this thoroughly throughout this list, I must remember because I am one of the few sane nations, I have a duty to keeps tabs on less than mentally sane nations.

100. What th- NO STRIPPING FRANCE!

13-15: According to Ancient Cypriot legend, Cyprus was where the goddess Aphrodite was born, emerging from the waters. While Cyprus does recall it, Greece likes make perverted jokes about how Cyprus lost his innocence that way since Aphrodite was nude as she emerged. XD

19: The Cypriot wine brand Commandaria is oldest existing wine brand today. It's so old that it was around when Richard the Lion hearted was alive! (Coincidentally, Richard had his wedding at Cyprus)

28-29: Cyprus was once the wealthiest nation in the world due to its large copper reserves.

57-60: You can rent out the entire country of Liechtenstein for the low, low price of 70,000 dollars a day.

64-65: This is true.

66: This is true, again.

67: WHOA TRUE

71-74: Japanese tourists who visit Paris sometimes have to be sent back to Japan because of extreme shock known as Paris Syndrome. This may happen from being completely unprepared for the reality of Paris not being the greatest city like its shown to be in Japanese media. Some say this occurs from feelings of prejudice because of both language barriers and cultural barriers.

75-77: Ancient Greeks believed that Redheads would become vampires after they died.

78-79: Obama fried chicken is actually a thing in China.

80: In Minnesota, you can drive a tank for your birthday or wedding anywhere you'd like. They also allow smashing with it.

87-89: Northern Cyprus has a significant casino tourism, compared to South Cyprus's ban on them. This has also fostered a sex tourism industry as well.