Did they really think Megatron was that stupid?

Skywarp and Thundercracker had radioed in a panic: they were under attack and needed backup. For some reason the space bridge had sent an unidentified mech (later confirmed as Optimus Prime) to Cybertron, AGAIN, one that both guards declared they had been unable to stop. This was the fifth incident in a VERY short span of time. Should it be for the reason Megatron suspected, then there would be a great deal of punishment to dole out before the end of this planetary rotation. It would depend on their spy's report.

It was a call instituted so often Megatron could practically hear it before Soundwave elicited any noise from his masked face. "Laserbeak, return!" The tape flew in and folded himself into his master's safe berth to unwind his sordid tale of surveillance.

"Let us hear what Laserbeak has discovered concerning the Autobots' activity," Megatron announced superfluously to Starscream as the first dialogue began. It was nothing special, just two Autobots in target practice. (The irony of their spy hiding in the one room guaranteed to have ammunition was lost on Laserbeak but Megatron enjoyed it immensely.)

Crackle.

(Noises of shots going off. Door opens.)

"Ah see yer back in here agin." (That must be either Ironhide or Inferno. Megatron still had difficulty discerning Autobot voices. The only truly recognizable personalities were Optimus Prime, Jazz, Grimlock, and that irritating mech Bumblebee. And Slag.)

"I've given up. If he wants to spend his time hiding in his lab and obsessing over Optimus Prime then so be it."

(More firing sounds.) "Mirage, buddy, I'm with ya on that. Yeh know, in the old days I could get a bump buddy and that was that. Use 'em, toss 'em out, we didn't care. There was always another one ready to be next in line. Now we have to play games. Fraggin' kids."

The one known as Mirage gave a patrician snort. "Bump buddy. I haven't heard that phrase used in vorns."

(A short pause.) "Didya ever have one?"

(Sigh.) "A long time ago. Like you said, there was a far greater variety back then."

"I wouldn't mind one right about now. Leakin' lubricant, Ah'm outta ammo agin. I'll be back."

"Ironhide?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember that day you and Jazz talked about tag teaming me and I said you could do it?"

(These Autobots were worse than Starscream! When did they have time to interact with the humans if they were too busy going after each other?)

"That was a joke, Mirage."

(Uneasy laugh.) "I knew that!" (Another uneasy laugh.) "I just thought…since you brought it up…" (Long pause.) "It wouldn't be a deep connection because we don't have anything in common."

(Clank!)

"Just one thing, buddy."

(Long silence. Sounds of metal on metal. Undistinguishable vocal noises, mostly moans and sighs.)

"I think we can work out a suitable arrangement."

"Not here we ain't. Red Alert has cameras everywhere. Yer place or mine?"

"I like yours better."

"Okay. Meet me there in fahve earth minutes.(Steps toward door.) "Wait, Ah need to clean up, so knock first."

"You won't see me when you open the door, anyway."

"Good idea."

(Door closes.)

Did he have any more? No, Laserbeak had to wait for Mirage to depart from that room so that he could keep a good distance. He tried to follow, but the blue car had turned invisible and was not locatable. He lingered in the hallway and caught a few bits and snatches of conversation and noise-mostly from other rooms around the spy's post-until one mech walked into his room and a row began between him and what must have been Jazz.
"What are you doing?"

"If you don't know what this is you're not as smart as you let on, honey."

"We have Cloudstreaker on a strict watering schedule, Jazz." (He was right!) "Too much water and she drowns. We agreed to adhere to this."

"She looked thirsty. So sue me."

(Sigh.) "Jazz, we agreed to a schedule. You're ignoring it. This is exactly what Smokescreen said we needed, more commitment to the obligations we've both made as a couple. This is how we honor our spark bonding and avoid the proverbial power struggle stalemate."

"It's just a lousy half a liter of water. It's not like I sold all your stuff on ebay. And if you ever start quotin' Smokey's therapy mumbo-jumbo on me again I will."

"You were the one who wanted me to go. I'm going, and trying to employ what we've talked about, and your response is less than encouraging."

"I thought he'd teach you to talk some sense." (Very long pause.) "Why did you come in here, anyway?"

"Besides the obvious fact that this is my room? I just had a long talk with Blaster."

"That's nice."

"He asked me why you've been avoiding him as of late."

(Silence.)

(Warning tone.) "Jazz." (Silence.)

"No reason. He's just been kind of crazy lately, that's all. What did you talk about?"

(Snorts.) "You assume that any interaction connotes that I have a morbid curiosity for details regarding a Certain Event. I do not."

(Long silence.) "It was a mistake."

"It was. It was also forgiven and forgotten, as promised. I do not bear a grudge for you doing something so reckless in a moment of weak will. The only one who holds it over your head is you. It has been jettisoned from my database."

"Really? 'Cause it wasn't that long ago."

"Really."

"Prowlie-bot!"

"There is no need for this kind of expression. As I previously attempted to inform you, Blaster has a coded communication he assured me you would understand: The Bear Went Over the Mountain."

"Ah Primus, he would do that NOW!" (Sounds of footsteps. Door opens. More footsteps.) "Blaster, this is Jazz! Next time, radio me, don't tell Prowl! Gimme some future Bear coordinates."

"You already know 'em, dude."

"Slag! Ironhide! (Sounds of door being knocked.) "Are you in there? We gotta move out!"

(Door opens) "Jazz, wait! Did he-"

"Shh!"

"You are not giving me enough credit. I was not about to announce it in the hallway."

(Door opens) "What? Ah'm busy."

"Sorry, buddy. Papa Smurf's gone Gargamel hunting. C'mon! Maybe we can stop him!"

"Where do they get this ridiculous code?" Starscream sneered. "I've heard better subterfuge from 'The Dukes of Hazzard.'"

Megatron was unwilling to admit that it confounded HIM. He knew Prime was doing something, and it involved the space bridge, but this was knowledge ex post facto. Instead he told Starscream to shut up. Skywarp and Thundercracker's activities –which reflected on the Air Commander-had not been revealed yet.

(Abrupt stop and start in another location, obviously outdoors due to the wind noise.)

"You're crazy."

"And you like me for it."

"It's just because you have a hot body."

"I thought it was my great kissing."

"Your kissing's still as weak as ever, but I'll overlook it."

"You-"

(Crashing noises, fighting noises, then the unmistakable sound of two Decepticons interacting.)

(Megatron glared at Starscream, who gave a 'who me?' expression and backed away from the throne.

"I can't control what they do when I'm not around!" he protested, waving his arms erratically.

"This is why you'll never be above any rank I have given you. If you won't administer punishment, then I will.")

"Oh…yeah. Oh."

(Sound of truck engine in the background. Transforming noise is barely heard above loud grunts and Skywarp calling out Thundercracker's name ecstatically. Other noises superimposed by noises made by the Decepticons.)

(Loud exhalation.) "You loser. How do you do that to me?"

"It's a talent."

"Don't ever lose that talent!" (More noises.) "What was-"

(Both) "SLAG!"

(Sounds of space bridge opening up, shooting someone upwards, and closing. Dust creates a great deal of noise and feedback.)

"What are we gonna do, T? We're SCRAP!"

(Megatron continued to glower at Starscream, who noticed that Soundwave had a rather malicious gleam in his visor. Megatron wouldn't let Soundwave beat him to scrap again, would he?)

"Calm down. There's some ground-pounders right now. If we say we got held up by these guys, then who's gonna know?"

"Whoever's spying on us!"

"Nobody's spying on us. Let's get these guys and radio in. Come in Shockwave!"

"I'm going to nail you right here so that every time you press a button on this keyboard you remember me doing THIS to you!"

"AH!"

"Shockwave!"

"Ah! I am busy! I will report once I've ridden myself of this-ah-pest."

"Soundwave! Thundercracker reporting! We're under attack by Autobots and one got through to the space bridge! Shockwave is under attack! Repeat, Shockwave is under attack!"

Backup had arrived in time for two very disjointed Decepticons to tell them the obvious: they'd been under attack, hadn't seen who made it to Cybertron, and that communications with Shockwave were impossible, until Megatron did it himself. (Amazing how quickly he got results when he threatened to go over there and beat Shockwave into sheet metal.)

The purple mech's responses were less than satisfactory.

"Optimus Prime WALKED right past you?"

"He will return." Shockwave sounded…excited.

"Explain your source of intelligence."

He could think fast, this mech. "He made a speech."

Prime was known for doing that. "Make sure he does not get past you AGAIN," Megatron replied. "Or you will suffer the consequences."

Sure enough, a mere ninety astro-minutes later the Autobot leader had managed to fight his way back to the space bridge and return to earth, although Shockwave looked as though he had fought valiantly. He was full of bumps and scrapes and his light was broken.

"You failed."

Shockwave had the grace to look down, allowing his only hand to lovingly trace the keyboard as he awaited his punishment.

"You will come down here and give me a FULL report and I will decide your fate myself."

"Yes, mighty Megatron."

"Soundwave! Radio the rest of the Decepticons for a meeting." Out of a hidden area he pulled out a potent cube he'd been saving for a special occasion. "Use this to revitalize Ratbat. I have a mission for him."

Wildrider was waiting when Megatron finally entered his large chambers. Of course, where else would the Stunticon go? He was in an energon cage. Wildrider had informed Megatron of his knowledge regarding a certain Dinobot; the logical response was to put him somewhere he'd be unable to communicate with any other Decepticon. He'd begged and pleaded for release, swearing he'd submit to a database cleaning, but there was the danger of Soundwave inadvertently discovering Wildrider's information. No, he had to stay in a cage in Megatron's room, which meant that Megatron's nocturnal contact with other Decepticons had to stop, or else the point of hiding him in here would be moot. (Megatron had stopped demanding his underlings' attentions and look what happened!) After the initial hysterical horrified reaction of a claustrophobic mech placed in a small prison, Wildrider had turned most of his processor off as a coping mechanism and only responded to Megatron's vocalizer commanding him to awaken.

"Arise!"

His optics registered dull helplessness. "Hail Megatron."

There was not much time to brief him. The Decepticon leader swung open the cage door and informed Wildrider of his NEW duties.

His red face twisted into shock. "Thank you, mighty one!" he cried, falling to his knees.

"Thank me later." He wasted so much time disciplining his troops…why couldn't he find anyone loyal enough to obey his commands the first time? His wrath doubled at this thought and he ordered Wildrider to follow him to the throne room.

Soundwave had the culprits lined up in a row in front of Megatron's throne, surrounded by the rest of the army (minus the rest of the banished Stunticons). The silver mech sat down, demanding his darker gray remora settle nearby.

"Shockwave! Report!"

The large purple ray gun stepped forward and gave a precise description of Optimus Prime coming out of nowhere and overpowering him (his vocalizer wavered almost imperceptibly, but Megatron heard it). The Autobot leader made a speech about how he would deliver the energon cubes in his trailer to needy Autobots and Shockwave couldn't stop him. Upon his return, Prime again had Shockwave under him, begging for mercy and getting none.

"Yet he allowed you to function."

Shockwave hung his head in a show of humbled shame. "He has a weakness for letting me live."

The throne's armrests began to curve under the furious pressure of Megatron's hands. The entire account was plausible. Detailed. A lie. "Skywarp! Thundercracker! Explain how Prime was able to overpower BOTH of you."

Thundercracker and Skywarp did not have the luxury of having minimal facial features to hide behind. Nor could they make up stories as convincingly when they knew they were in trouble.

"He's a strong mech. Remember that time he said if he had to fight less than four Decepticons or he got bored? He wasn't lying."

"But YOU are! Soundwave! Replay Laserbeak's testimony."

Both Seekers tried to keep their composure, even through the Constructicons' snickering and Starscream's shrieks of wrath and the Coneheads' dirty jokes, but there was nowhere to run from Megatron's rage. Thundercracker opened his mouth to say something and keeled over from Megatron's shot.

Skywarp let out a shriek. Stricken, the Seeker kneeled before his beloved Thundercracker as circuits fizzled and smoke poured out of him and he screamed in agony. He hadn't been knocked offline by the shot.

Their leader spoke, ignoring the cries coming from below. "My fellow Decepticons: you have forgotten the price of treachery and failure. I KNOW what you do and I WILL punish your disobedience. Skywarp!"

He was trying to shush his trinemate, to no avail.

"You will repair him. Without assistance," he added, before the black mech could turn to Starscream. "If you do not, you will have to guard the space bridge alone." A few were smart and laughed. "Dismissed."

Skywarp heaved Thundercracker over his shoulders (who elicited a number of moans of pain while this was accomplished) and dragged him out, leaving a trail of fluid behind him. Megatron turned to Shockwave.

"You are to be detained here until you decide to tell me the truth. Wildrider, you will take his place-temporarily." Wildrider nodded, glee creeping into his red face. "Ratbat has your instructions. He will monitor you closely. Scrapper will escort you to the space bridge." Megatron suspected that Prime's 'visits' would cease to be an issue when he saw Wildrider, who would be eager to demonstrate his trustworthiness after being held prisoner for so long. "Dirge, Thrust, Hook, Ramjet: take our new guest to my chambers. It's time to prove yourself, Shockwave."

If there was so much as a trace of blue and red paint on that mech there would be slag to pay. Shockwave knew that. The cage would be a tough fit. Hook would figure out how to place the large mech inside, and the other three would do well to keep Shockwave from rebelling. Megatron dismissed the rest of the troops and turned to Soundwave, and Starscream.

"You will not assist him, Starscream."

"Who'd want to? The mess he's going to make out of Thundercracker will be a joke! I hope he learned his lesson. I told you that I can't control what they do when I'm not around."

"I suspect that dominance will not be an immediate issue," Megatron retorted wryly, leaning on one hand and thinking with some trepidation of his own mess he'd have to deal with when he finally confronted Shockwave. He didn't want to have to scrap such an efficient mech, but if he didn't there would be more eruptions of this type of Thundercracker/Skywarp problem.

"The only immediate issue that concerns me is how Ironhide and Mirage are doing," the jet declared, a gleam in his optics.

Megatron sighed. He needed to start planning more energon collecting schemes if the soap opera that was the other army entertained them more. He'd have a brainstorming session with himself once Shockwave returned to Cybertron. "So be it." He gave Soundwave a signal.

"Buzzsaw, return!"