Author's Note: Many and much thanks to SpikeDee and mikeytron, as usual, especially SpikeDee. Thanks also to all my readers, especially those that review, and double especially to those that review faithfully! Love you all.
Many of you were curious about Sakura's medical status after last chapter. Never fear, for you will get answers in this very chapter. Still, I got the impression that some of you seemed to be surprised that something new was being introduced at this stage. This is still EARLY TIMES, guys. This story is LONG. I am currently working on chapter 38, and we're not done. End game, we're looking at somewhere between 40 and 50 chapters.
I hope the prospect excites you. Here's chapter 20.
Sakura waited patiently. Ryoji was apparently the stealthiest of the squad, so he got to take her glory. They were given an open-ended mission to compromise the stability of the Rock outpost in Stone Country. It was Sakura's idea to poison their supplies, and she procured the poison.
But of course she had to pretend she had "heard of" a poison that mimicked a native wheat mold that drove anyone who ate it into slow, painful insanity and death if untreated. Kakashi received the credit for getting their hands on it, and now Ryoji got to do the exciting part: sneaking into the supply train's camp during the middle of the night to plant the mold in the wheat stores.
Sakura, Kakashi, and Shiori were positioned strategically in the hilly woods around the camp, keeping watch. Kakashi was the closest to the camp and Sakura was the farthest away, but she was supposed to be the first to see Ryoji return. When Kakashi saw Ryoji leave, he would make his way to Shiori. Then they would meet up with Sakura, who should be with Ryoji.
So Sakura was waiting with her senses open as possible, hoping she saw Ryoji soon.
Snap.
A twig broke. Someone was approaching, and they didn't care if they were discovered. The footsteps shuffled carelessly through the undergrowth.
Sakura tensed. Whoever was approaching wasn't Ryoji. Ryoji could walk over dead leaves without rustling even one; his precise movement was one of the first things Sakura noticed about him.
They were a ninja's footsteps. Sakura could tell that much. The caravan was mostly civilian, but it had a few Stone ninja guarding it. One of them must be on patrol. Hopefully he would pass without detecting her.
She listened to the ninja come slowly closer. He should not be able to see her from her position in the brush, but what if he was a sensor? Finally, he came into view, strolling leisurely on his patrol. He had a scar bisecting his lips, and he kept flicking his tongue over the permanent split in his bottom left lip.
When he drew abreast of her, he stopped and looked around intently. Sakura held her breath; he had sensed something. But after a moment, he gave up and moved on.
Just when the Stone nin was almost safely out of range, Ryoji dropped down next to Sakura, not bothering to disguise his descent from the treetops. He obviously had not noticed the Stone nin. Ryoji stood in plain view, about to speak to Sakura, when the Stone nin stopped.
"Who's there?" he called.
In the split second before the nin turned around, Sakura and Ryoji stared at each other in sheer panic. Then, in a moment of inspiration, Sakura shoved Ryoji down into the bush, ripped her mask off, and used rapid hand seals to assist her in a speedy transformation.
"Is someone there?" she called, now the same young child she'd impersonated to lure in Kitagawa Mirei.
Sakura ran towards the Stone nin. "Mister, have you seen my dog?"
He stared down at her, the flickering light from his torch making him look even more sinister. "It's late for a child to be roaming the woods. What's your business?"
As he spoke, spit dribbled through his ruined lips.
Sakura backed away from him and stared at his face, pretending to be frightened. "I – I – l-lost my dog, mister."
The man knelt down next to her. "Are you from the village?"
Sakura nodded, hiding her face in her hands.
"Don't be scared, little girl," the man said kindly. "I won't hurt you. How about I help you look for your doggy? What's its name?"
"Suko," she said, looking at him again. "Will you really help?"
"Of course. Where is the last place you saw him?"
"Back there," Sakura said, pointing off to the side of the distant camp. "But I think he was running this way."
She pointed away from Ryoji's hiding place. The Stone nin shook his head.
"I just came from that way. I would have seen him. How about we look this way instead?"
He began looking, kicking shrubs and whistling. "Call for him," he said to Sakura.
"Suko!" she called. "Come here, Suko!"
When the ninja began getting dangerously close to Ryoji, Sakura stopped. "I think I heard something off that way. Did you hear it?"
"It was nothing," he said. "Keep calling."
He was almost to Ryoji's hiding place. Sakura tensed, prepared to fight him off when the inevitable happened, until she heard a familiar bark off to the left.
The nin stopped. "Call him. Go!" he urged her.
Sakura ran towards the bark. "Suko! Come on! You're in so much trouble!"
Pakkun came running out of the bush towards Sakura, thankfully stripped of all Konoha paraphernalia. She scooped him up in her arms while he wriggled and struggled to lick her face, acting the part.
"Suko, what a bad dog," she said, but hugged the little pug tightly.
The relief was not feigned. Her whole ruse had almost fallen apart, but Pakkun had saved it.
Sakura turned to the Stone nin. "Thanks for your help, mister. I should go home now."
"Let me walk you so you don't get lost."
Sakura shook her head. "If my mom knew I was talking to a strange ninja, I'd get the cane. Besides, I know the way. I play in these woods every day."
The Stone nin looked a little confused that a young girl didn't want an escort him in the dark, but he nodded. "Keep your dog on a leash next time."
Sakura smiled. "Thanks!"
She scampered off as quickly as she could manage without looking suspicious. As soon as she was a good distance away, she stopped, knowing the others would come to her. She released the jutsu quickly and reinforced her Chiyoko guise, just in case any of her true traits snuck through in the transition.
It didn't take the squad long to reach her. Once she saw Kakashi's silver hair shining in the moonlight, she set Pakkun down to return to his owner.
Nobody spoke. It was too risky. Ryoji handed her the mouse mask, which she replaced, and they set off at top speed, eager to put distance between the caravan and themselves.
Ibiki stared at her intently as she recounted her part of the mission – at least, her public part.
She hadn't been expecting to speak, but after Kakashi give his summary, Ibiki had turned to her and said, "Why did you choose to take such a risk? Tell me how it happened."
She started to sweat. She did so anytime Ibiki disapproved of her, but she obeyed. When she was done, he nodded.
Sakura waited on tenterhooks for the rebuke she knew was coming: she had been out of line, acted without permission, put the operation in danger, but got lucky.
"I'm impressed," he said instead. "This squad is coming along. Excellent teamwork. You performed well under pressure, all of you, but especially Chiyoko."
He looked at her directly in the eyes. "That was a gutsy move. Well done."
Praise from Ibiki was rare and fleeting; Sakura couldn't contain a smile.
"File full reports within a week," Ibiki said. "You're dismissed."
After they were out of the building, Sakura nodded politely at the others and took off over the rooftops. She went into the business sector and then doubled back to Kakashi's apartment.
He was waiting inside when she entered. He was lying on his bed, arms propping his head up – seemingly relaxed, and yet the smoldering in his eyes as he stared at her said differently. Sakura guessed he was angry at her, but just at this moment, she didn't care. She wouldn't let anyone bring her down right now.
"What, do you think I shouldn't have done it?" she snapped. "I should have let him discover us and what then? His death would cause suspicion, and they could have inspected the supplies, and then –"
"I think it was brilliant," Kakashi said, sitting up. "You saved the mission, Sakura."
"You should remember to call me Chiyoko when I'm like this," Sakura corrected, but she was barely paying attention to what she said.
Something was surging up inside her; it felt like she was back in the forest, adrenaline propelling her to blurt out, "I can't sit still. Let's go spar."
Kakashi stood up and crossed over to her. "I have a better idea, Chiyoko," he said, emphasizing the name.
Before Sakura knew what was happening, he was kissing her, a deep, fiery kiss that shocked her out of tensing up.
"Let's get it right this time, Chiyoko," he said, scrutinizing her face for a response.
Sakura knew what he was doing, and it was a good idea – the best yet, really. As scared as she was to try again, to make an already awkward situation much worse, if she had a shot to get over her fear of intimacy, it was this.
And she had to be stronger, this time. She couldn't do what she'd done to him before. So she stood on her tiptoes, grabbed his head and yanked his lips onto hers, kissing him with as much fierceness as she could muster.
"I'm Chiyoko," she said, reminding herself.
"Yes," he breathed and kissed her again.
Lips still locked, they backed toward the bed until his knees hit the edge and buckled. They fell together, a tangle of limbs, adrenaline giving them the extra boost of pretense necessary to tear each other's clothes off without the shroud of the past getting in the way.
Once their uniforms were shed, jumbled together on the floor, Chiyoko felt Kakashi falter. She feared he was starting to remember what they were doing, so she extended the genjutsu to cover her scar and any other traces that might remind him – and herself – of what was happening. She pulled him into another long kiss, guiding his hands between her legs, and felt him relax. She was too sensitive for his fingers, but she tried to ignore it.
"You're not ready," Kakashi said. "Let me help you enjoy this."
She hesitated. She had never done what she thought he was implying – not even with him, Hiro – and she was scared she would ruin it, shatter the illusion for good.
"I can't hurt you," Kakashi pleaded, and she nodded, trying to quash the panic fluttering inside her as he moved down her body.
She gasped when he buried his head between her legs. His tongue was soft, unlike his fingers. His movements started gently and increased in fervor. Her legs began shaking and she clutched them in embarrassment, biting her lip to keep from crying out. The panic welled in her again, and she resisted the urge to flee.
"I think I'm ready," she said, surprised at how unsteady her voice was.
Kakashi sat up. "Are you sure? I could keep going –"
"No, I'm ready."
He reached over her to fumble in the drawer for a condom. She watched him slide it on and waited for him to enter her, but he hesitated.
"Do you want to get on top?" he asked.
Her eyes widened. "I've never – I don't think I can –"
"Isn't that better? No memories. You can be in control."
Sakura squeezed her eyes shut.
"Call me Chiyoko," she whispered.
"Chiyoko, why don't you get on top?" he said promptly.
She nodded and scooted over, giving him room to lie down. She swung a leg over him and tentatively lowered herself. On the first attempt, he slid to the side. She grabbed his shaft, surprised at its warmth, and guided it inside of her. She just sat there, not sure how to move until he twitched his hips to encourage her.
She slid forward, surprised at the sensation. With him, she had sex that felt good – but never at first. It always hurt at first, even if only a little. She began moving in earnest, trying to forget that there was ever anyone else, trying to forget who she was with now. She was Chiyoko, someone without a past, a blank canvas. She gasped with that thought, arching her back.
Kakashi pushed into her and her breath hitched. She began moving faster and he grabbed her hips, pushing back to meet her pace.
"Slow down," he groaned.
She ignored him.
He didn't stop her. His hands gripped her hips tighter and he pushed deeper into her.
"Slow down," he said again, his hands shaking now, moving up and down her torso.
She sped up.
He thrust into her from below, unable to help himself. The moment seemed to stretch for on, but she did not slow. She felt his erection pulsing inside her. Shortly afterward, he stopped moving, letting his hands fall on the bed.
She slid off of him.
She forced a little smile and whispered, "Finally, we –"
"You know, you could have – I wanted you to –"
"It's okay," she said. "I'm just glad I didn't cry."
He tried to feign cheerfulness, but she could tell it was no use for either of them. The illusion was shattered.
Sakura let the genjutsu go; there was no point anymore. In that moment, both of them remembered who she was anyway.
She slid off the bed, separated her uniform pieces from his, and rewrapped her breasts. She opened her drawer, withdrew a set of civilian clothes, and tried in vain to keep from bending over as she slid them on.
"You can stay, if you want," Kakashi said, though his face told her he wished she would go.
"No, my mother will be worried."
Kakashi winced and Sakura regretted mentioning her mother, all of a sudden feeling more childish.
Eager to change the subject, Sakura said, "Thanks for having my uniform laundered last time. I forgot."
She hadn't forgotten. She'd been avoiding him.
He smiled wryly. He knew she was lying.
"I just dropped it off at the headquarters' launder along with mine. I can do it again if you like."
"Thanks. I appreciate it."
Sakura straightened her top and ran her hands over her hair, which had stayed mostly neat due to her tight braids.
She grabbed her pack on the way out. As her hand touched the door, she paused.
"See you around."
"Yeah. See you around," Kakashi said.
The minute Sakura was out of his apartment building, she took off towards home at top speed. She burst into her room, stripping off her clothes as she made her way toward her bathroom. She couldn't get in the shower quick enough. As she waited for the spray to warm, it occurred to Sakura that she should have accepted his offer to stay the night. She could have extracted his memory in his sleep.
But secretly, she was glad. Even worse than their first attempt at sex was Sakura's realization of what she had done to him by succumbing to her fears. Extracting that memory, feeling the pain she caused him, was more horrible than actually trying to have sex with him. Sakura wasn't sure she could face that again.
She would have to go down that road again, but not tonight, she thought with relief as she stepped under the shower spray.
She turned her face up into the water, glad that she could pretend she wasn't crying. It took a full minute for reality to truly sink in. Sakura began to scrub herself furiously.
Sakura waited in Dr. Akiyama's office. His assistant had already asked a litany of questions and then subjected Sakura to her least favorite ultrasound to undergo, which involved a cold piece of plastic inside of her, the pain taking her breath away.
Sakura wasn't able to see the images herself from the stirrups, so she was unusually nervous. She normally knew what any doctor that might treat her would say. Not so this time. Dr. Akiyama unquestionably knew more about the reproductive system than her. Even medical nin, largely ignored it and were given only cursory training in the area.
Sakura always accepted her increasingly painful periods as normal. Her mother was much the same.
And then one day, Ino noticed and asked her about it. Sakura was surprised to realize that Ino's periods didn't slow her down at all. Ino's were quick, light, and only mildly painful.
Not long after that, Sakura had an incident while training with Tsunade: she twisted quickly to avoid a flying boulder and her entire abdomen erupted in pain. Tsunade examined her and told her she had a ruptured ovarian cyst, but she was angry with Sakura for keeping her painful periods from her teacher. Rarely had she seen Tsunade so furious – and for something Sakura understood so little.
Tsunade made her an appointment with Dr. Akiyama, who told her she might have endometriosis. Tsunade put her on standard birth control for kunoichi, a shot that stopped her cycle for a year. She'd been on it until the destruction of Konoha.
Under Tsunade, all kunoichi could get the shot for free, but Danzou cited rebuilding Konoha as more important and took that privilege away. Birth control of any sort was no longer free and Sakura could not afford it.
Sakura had been expecting a period for almost six months now, and when it finally came, it was even worse than she remembered. Sex with Kakashi hurt more than she remembered as well, but she assumed it was because she hadn't been ready. Then, the next day, the pain got worse, a constant ache deep inside her.
It had been so long since she'd had a period that she almost forgot what it was like. The first time she noticed blood in her underwear, she felt a flutter of panic. After a run to the pharmacy, she settled back into bed. She hoped to escape the pain with sleep, but it woke her up only a few hours later, and her mother ran into her room after she cried out.
Her mother, of course, understood, and prepared a hot compress for her right away. Eventually, with her mother petting her hair, Sakura fell asleep. The next day, it was no better. She couldn't eat; the smell of any sort of food turned her stomach. That night, Kakashi paid her a visit.
She knew she was a liability on a mission in that state, but what choice did she have? If even Kakashi wouldn't take her seriously, then who would?
Even worse than having to tell her teammates that she was having trouble with her period was the scene she was forced to make at the hospital. Once again, she had no choice if she wanted to avoid discovery, and manipulated the medics with belligerence until she was allowed into the lab by herself so she could order the tests in care of Haruno Sakura so no one else would see them.
The next day, Dr. Akiyama had done all the tests she really needed and confirmed what Sakura suspected: she'd had a cyst rupture, but this time, it was hemorrhaging.
Finally, Dr. Akiyama entered the room. He was a wizened old man of at least seventy years, but he was the most competent gynecological doctor in Konoha. Originally from the capital, his training was civilian, so he went by the civilian term of "doctor." Despite not being a ninja, Sakura trusted him.
"There's still fluid in your abdomen and cul de sac region surrounding a mass. It was less than before, but there was too much for your body to absorb. How is your pain?"
"Better. The pain pills help, though I avoid them. It's more of a dull ache now. I –" Sakura hesitated. "It was worse yesterday after sexual intercourse."
Sakura blushed furiously, wishing she had just left it out, but the medic in her would not allow her to leave out diagnostic information. Dr. Akiyama could not be less interested in her personal life, which was one of his more attractive qualities, but still, saying it out loud was embarrassing.
Dr. Akiyama frowned. "Let's avoid that until you're all healed up, shall we? If possible, of course," he added, always careful to avoid asking about her ninja duties and what they might entail.
Sakura nodded, still blushing.
"I'm recommending cystectomy to excise the remains," Dr. Akiyama said, matter-of-fact. "I'd also like to expand that to exploratory laparotomy. This is at least your second rupture. It's time to see what we're really dealing with."
Sakura nodded. "When?"
"When it's not bleeding anymore and the fluid is gone. I want to schedule another ultrasound for two weeks from now."
"I can't guarantee my schedule. You know that."
Dr. Akiyama shook his head. "There's no way I can convince you to keep physical activity to an absolute minimum until this is resolved?"
"It is at a minimum, but I don't always control what level 'minimum' is."
"As a medical professional, you know how important it is to –"
Sakura cut him off. "I know."
How could she explain that she'd rather be in pain on a mission than tell Kakashi again and have him look at her like that – or anyone, really? And if their superiors would send him on a mission before he was recovered from his near death poisoning, the chance they would want Sakura off duty was just about nothing.
Dr. Akiyama pursed his thin lips. "As you say. The risk is minimal, but the more you do, the more pain you will have."
Sakura nodded.
"If you will miss the appointment, have a message sent and we'll reschedule."
Sakura stood. "Thanks. I appreciate your understanding, Dr. Akiyama."
"Take care of yourself," he said as she left.
Dr. Akiyama's assistant stopped her on the way out to sign some forms. She signed them and then exited the office, strolling along, presumably looking into shop windows but lost in thought.
Sakura almost always forgot this part. Her hospital was run by the state, so medical nin did not need consent for approved treatment related to other ninja, and billing for them was nonexistent. There were only bills to be paid and paperwork to sign when civilians, like Sakura's mother, came in for treatment. On the other hand, nin had to sign paperwork for treatment at private clinics just as civilians did. But this was for the private clinics to file compensation claims with the state – even private facilities were required to provide state-approved treatment to nin free of charge. However, their compensation from the state was minimal, and private clinics knew their primary compensation for treating nin was the state turning a blind eye to their civilian billing practices.
Civilians living within city limits paid much higher taxes than ninja, who paid almost none. Sakura used to take such benefits for granted before the invasion. Her father had paid the house off when he left to return to his family, so Sakura's mother only had to cover the more basic expenses. Sakura's salary was mostly her own, though she always helped her mother with end of the year taxes.
But then the banks were destroyed and anything recovered was claimed for the restoration. Of course, some people were lucky enough to have bank accounts elsewhere. Sakura had never seen the need.
Those who had enough trustworthy people to vouch that they were landholders, or could produce a deed, were granted land, but assumed all construction costs for themselves. Sakura, who knew that the construction itself cost Konoha almost nothing due to Yamato's ability, resented the inflated costs. At least Sakura's father had the deed and successfully mailed it in. Sakura knew some people had lost their land rights as well.
Many of Konoha's vendors packed up and left, assuming the city would take so long to rebuild, if it ever did, that they would never see a profit again. Others lost everything in the invasion like anyone else. Most lacked capital to start over from scratch.
Shipments stopped coming in to Konoha; the few vendors that were left jacked up the prices of everything. For the first few months, food shipped in from the capital was rationed out to each citizen, but then everyone was left to their own devices and the prices of food skyrocketed as well.
Without businesses, the majority of civilians were left without jobs. Even some of those employed by the state for menial jobs were laid off until full function was restored. As businesses re-opened, civilians scrambled for jobs. Many civilians left Konoha altogether, if they could afford to, like the owners of the soba restaurant Riko cooked for before the invasion.
Though Sakura's mother was still unemployed, she was lucky. Sakura knew that even now, there were some civilians still camping out in the woods, waiting for better times. Even some ninja were struggling. Their active duty stipends had been slashed, but they were assured that mission bonuses would be doubled as compensation.
At least now, missions were fairly steady. After Pain destroyed the city, the casual missions for pay that comprised most of Konoha's income stopped coming in. No one had faith that a Konoha in its current state could complete the missions as they used to. Sakura had been fortunate during this time. Working at the hospital was steady, even though its salary had been lowered as well.
Sakura stopped to look at a tailor's shop advertising the sturdiest uniforms in all of Konoha. A pretty armored combat shirt was on a mannequin with a price tag that made her wince. The lightly armored qipao she'd worn for only the second time in Rain country had been a lucky save from the destruction; she'd never be able to afford such a thing now.
The dress had been a gift from Tsunade for Sakura's sixteenth birthday. She'd worn it once at a hobnobbing party with rich people in Otafaku Gai, to please Tsunade, and then packed it away in a garment bag for safekeeping. The slit was high and it was tight, hugging her curves so much that it made them seem more substantial than they were.
The brazenness of it made Sakura squirm while she wore it, which, of course, had been Tsunade's intention all along. A civilian Sakura hadn't even known found the bag and found her to return it, recognizing her name stitched into the bag. Sakura had cried for a full day at the tiny miracle of its survival.
Sakura froze. How long had it been since she'd visited Tsunade? Months. Sakura had almost forgotten. Trying to ignore the guilt eating at her gut even more than usual, she made her way to the hospital, suddenly eager to see what was left of her mentor.
No one questioned her presence at the hospital, but still, she rushed to Tsunade's room. Out of habit, she took Tsunade's vitals. They were as expected, but she entered them into the chart anyway. She looked at the chart for trends in fluctuation, but what stuck out at her wasn't medical. It was Shizune's handwriting, pages and pages of it, of taking Tsunade's vitals at least ten times a day.
Sakura frowned. This was excessive. It's true that only Shizune, Sakura, and Naruto were allowed to come and go as they pleased, but a core set of nurses, long-tested by time and experience, were allowed in at set times to monitor Tsunade and take care of her. If any of her vitals dipped significantly, a buzzer would sound.
Sakura shook her head. It wasn't her place to interfere with what Shizune needed to do. Sakura sat down next to Tsunade, holding her hand.
"Oh, Tsunade-shishou. What have I done?" Sakura whispered. "I'm screwing everything up."
Tsunade didn't answer, of course. Sakura clasped her mentor's hand, willing it to squeeze back. She needed nothing more than Tsunade's advice right now. Shizune would be scandalized; as much as Sakura loved Shizune, the advice Shizune gave was always what she would do, not necessarily what Sakura should do. And if Shizune had a fault it was that she was a bit of a prude. It didn't matter because Sakura was too embarrassed to tell Shizune, or anyone else for that matter.
But Tsunade would know just the thing to say to make Sakura look at things in a new way.
"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing," Sakura said. "Things were so much simpler when I was just working at the hospital."
And yet, Sakura knew Tsunade would have scolded her for wishing she could rest on her laurels, doing simple rounds at the hospital for the rest of her life. Tsunade never meant for her to be a hospital medic. Sakura was supposed to be a field medic and hiding in the hospital was a waste of her training.
This reminder of her purpose and realization that she was doing at least one thing Tsunade would be proud of bolstered her confidence to whisper into Tsunade's ear.
"I've slept with Kakashi. Twice." She hesitated before adding, "The worst part is he doesn't even know how much I'm using him."
Sakura waited for telling Tsunade to relieve her, to absolve her of some of the guilt that had been weighing her down for as long as she could remember. When it didn't, Sakura tried to fight back tears, but a single tear escaped and dropped onto Tsunade's withered hand.
All of a sudden, Sakura dropped Tsunade's hand. She couldn't do it – couldn't pretend like this anymore. She'd been avoiding this room for a reason.
Sakura left the room, longing for something to occupy her mind. Dr. Akiyama's wrinkled, disapproving face appeared in her mind's eye. If only she could train in earnest…
On her way out of the hospital, Sakura absentmindedly bumped into Kumatori.
"Sorry about that," she said, and then an idea occurred to her. "Hey, you don't know of any interesting cases I could help with, do you?"
Kumatori smiled. "For you? I think I can find something."
Though Sakura was momentarily appeased by assisting Kumatori in a simple surgery on a civilian's pinched nerve – and it was really nice of Kumatori to let her, since he didn't need her help – the next day, she was back to being restless. For the first half of the day, she engaged in a light workout. She also furthered her research on the poison she was planning to pair with the genjutsu, which she had started during her stay with Kakashi.
Not even medical research could keep Sakura occupied for long. The bookwork was mostly done. What Sakura needed now was an excuse to work in the lab, but she hadn't thought of anything to convince Shizune yet.
However, after spending an hour trying to "relax" as the doctor ordered, Sakura realized she had an excuse to visit Shizune anyway. Sakura still hadn't given Shizune her birthday present, and it was now embarrassingly late, considering Sakura had been back in town for almost three days.
Sakura dug out the glass globes from her mission pack and wrapped it in the same wrapping paper she'd used for Naruto's birthday present, shoving down a bit of annoyance at having had to ruin the vendor's pretty wrapping to appease Kakashi.
Shizune usually worked the day shift at the hospital, and so should be off by now – but Sakura knew exactly how often Shizune worked overtime. Still, it was nearly dinner time, so Sakura decided to try Shizune's apartment first. After a quick shout to her mother that she was going out, Sakura left.
Sakura was in luck; Shizune answered the door promptly.
"Sakura," she said. "I didn't expect to see you here. Won't I see you at the party?"
Sakura was drawing a blank. "What party?"
"Lee's birthday," Shizune said, frowning. "I saw you had a present, so I thought –-"
Sakura tried to smile but it came out more like a grimace. "I'm probably not invited to Lee's party. This present is for you. I'm sorry I missed your dinner. I was –"
"On a mission," Shizune finished. "I figured. Don't worry about it. Thanks for thinking of me, but will you set that inside somewhere? We're running late."
"But I told you, I'm not invited," insisted Sakura, blushing.
"Of course you're invited. Don't be silly. It was last minute, and you must have been on that mission so no one could reach you. It's just casual, so you won't have to change."
Sakura winced. "You don't understand. The last I saw Lee, he wasn't happy to see me. He -"
"What did you do?" Shizune sighed.
"He asked me on a date, and –"
"You said no?" Shizune pouted. "But he's perfect for you!"
"I said yes." Sakura stared at her feet.
"What happened?" Shizune said warily. "If he was rude, I'll take his gift back."
"He was a perfect gentleman. Don't blame him. I hurt his feelings and I don't want to rub it in by showing up uninvited to his party, that's all."
"You shouldn't have gone on a date with him if you didn't like him, Sakura."
"You think I don't know that already? I thought maybe, if I tried, I could –" Sakura broke off, unable to complete the lie.
She hadn't been trying to return Lee's feelings; she'd been trying to use him, which seemed par for the course these days.
Shizune mistook Sakura's lie for embarrassment. "Oh, don't feel bad. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure Lee has forgiven you. It will only be more awkward if you don't go and he finds out you were in the village."
"I don't have a gift," Sakura said, as one last feeble protest.
"Mine doesn't have a card on it. We'll say it's from both of us."
Sakura sighed. "Shizune..."
"Oh, come on! I feel awkward going myself. I barely know Lee! But Gai invited me and I didn't have a reason to say no. And he said I could bring a friend."
"I'm sure he meant a date," Sakura said, rolling her eyes.
"Who cares? You missed my birthday dinner. You owe me," Shizune said, that mischievous look on her face that meant she knew she was about to get her way.
"Fine," Sakura groaned, knowing she was defeated.
Shizune took the wrapped gift from Sakura's hands. "I'll have to open this later. Just let me grab Lee's –"
Shizune opened the closet and a pile of precariously balanced wrapped presents came tumbling out.
"How much did you get him?" Sakura asked incredulously, grabbing one of the gifts.
It had Tsunade's name on it and it was from the Fire Daimyo. Like him, some other officials had sent gifts for Tsunade's last birthday, unsure of the proper protocols in such a situation.
"Shizune, is this one of Tsunade-shishou's birthday presents? I thought we agreed to send them back."
Shizune hurriedly stuffed the packages back into the closet, refusing to look at Sakura. "What if she wakes up? She'll want them. You know how she loves her birthday."
Tsunade loved any excuse to get drunk and receive gifts, it was true, even though she always refused to say how old she was turning. Sakura's stomach ached at the memory. This year, she'd been in Nenzo over Tsunade's birthday, but she knew Shizune and Naruto had a little celebration in Taunade's room.
But Tsunade would never open these presents. Sakura didn't have the heart to tell Shizune that, so she said nothing.
Finally, Shizune was ready to go.
"Where is the party? And what's with all these big birthdays lately? I think Ino started a trend," Sakura asked as they walked.
"Yakiniku Q," Shizune said. "Gai planned it. I think he's trying to compete with Naruto's party."
Sakura chuckled. "Who would want to do that? Naruto's party was boring up until the very end."
"Maybe Lee's will win, then," Shizune said with a shrug.
"I doubt it. At least Naruto's party had alcohol."
Shizune stopped dead, a look of dawning horror on her face. "Wait, you mean there won't be any alcohol?"
Sakura laughed and refused to explain until they got there, driving Shizune crazy.
To Sakura's chagrin, a beaming Gai enthusiastically greeted her at the door. "Sakura-san, what a delight to see you. I inquired about your status and was sad to find you were away on assignment. Lee will be pleased. He asked me to invite you especially."
Shizune elbowed her painfully in the ribs. Sakura smiled weakly.
"Glad I could make it."
Thankfully, this party was much more casual than Naruto's had been. The food was served buffet-style and people milled about, eating and laughing. All of the Rookie Nine except for Shikamaru were here for this one, as well as a few of Sakura's other Academy classmates, like Ami on Kiba's arm.
There were some adults Sakura knew, probably friends of Gai's, and others she didn't recognize, presumably an assortment of Lee's classmates, colleagues, and acquaintances.
Sakura and Shizune grabbed some food and sat down to relax.
"I don't know why these big parties are so popular all of a sudden," Sakura said. "I couldn't afford one even if I wanted one, which I don't. It looks exhausting."
"I was surprised myself," said Shizune. "Lee doesn't have a clan's deep pockets to draw from. Gai must be helping. Jounin of his stature are fairly well off now, with the mission bonuses."
"Your dinner wasn't this crowded, was it?"
"Mine?" Shizune chuckled. "Of course not. It was only Naruto-kun, Oyone, and Kumatori. And you were invited, of course."
"Which one of them was your date?" Sakura teased. "Was it Oyone?"
Shizune blushed. "N-no."
"Oh, come on, Shizune. I know you like him. Why not go out with him?"
"I can't," Shizune said, looking down at her plate. "He was my protégé."
Sakura scoffed. "Oh, come off it. Kumatori is your protégé, not Oyone. You and Tsunade-shishou recognized his potential and gave him some special instruction, but he's your age, Shizune. Isn't he a couple of years older, in fact? Plus, he has a totally unique specialty that you didn't have anything to do with. He invented the bone-knitting jutsu before you even came to the village."
Shizune was still blushing furiously. "I don't agree, but even so, we work so closely together. If it went sour, what then? I don't think it's right and that's all there is to it."
Sensing Shizune clamming up, Sakura changed the subject. "I've been meaning to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Can I get into the poison lab this week? I'm working on something new."
Shizune hesitated. "Well, you know I'm not your direct superior so I can't approve the creation of a new poison."
"I know. I'll pay for the supplies. That's standard for personal usage, isn't it?"
"Yes. That's fine, then. So what do you have in mind?" Shizune leaned forward in interest, all embarrassment forgotten.
"Something fairly safe," Sakura said. "I want something that incapacitates but doesn't do lasting harm. It should make the mind malleable for manipulation, but leave no trace."
"Is toxicology a concern?" Shizune asked.
"Not really, since the idea is that the target won't detect anything amiss once he wakes up."
Sakura and Shizune talked details until Gai made the announcement that Lee would be opening presents now.
"So what did we get him?" Sakura asked.
"Some new soldier pills Akamichi Kunio's been working on that have gentler side effects. Do you think Lee will like them? I just guessed." Shizune's brow furrowed in worry.
"No, that's good," assured Sakura. "He loves training hard and besides, everyone needs soldier pills in case of an emergency."
Shizune nodded. "Kuniko is still a junior medic, you know, but I think she has potential in poison and medicine crafting. Do you remember her?"
"She's around nineteen or twenty, right? A little skinny for an Akamichi? Chouji's cousin or something."
Shizune nodded. "Once removed, I believe. She helps with her clan's signature pills and has started branching off. I think I'm going to recommend her to be a lab assistant. She's no big loss to the hospital, except we'll be even more short-staffed without her."
"I really hope some of this next batch of Academy graduates are interested in being career medic nin. I was hoping the new curriculum would get us more recruits than it has."
"Iruka requested me as a substitute a while back. I never even heard about it from you know who," Sakura said, suddenly remembering.
"You know," Shizune said pensively, "I bet if you were to make an appearance and encourage the students, we might get a recruit or two. I'll talk to Iruka and see what I can do."
Shizune stood up abruptly and walked away.
"Now? Okay then," Sakura said, rolling her eyes.
Once Shizune got something in her mind, she was unstoppable.
Sakura got up as well, hoping to find Naruto, but he was in the crowd watching Lee open presents, so instead she sat down next to Sai, who was by himself.
"Good evening, Sakura," he said politely.
Sakura frowned slightly. That was stiff even for Sai.
"Are you all right? You've been acting weird lately."
"I am fine," he said, but it wasn't very convincing.
"You're not. Is it D—" Sakura broke off, remembering she had to be careful with what she said. "Is it living in the Root compound after the invasion? The group is now operational again, right?"
"The compound is cheap lodging, and the program is no longer recruiting, and so is only partly operational."
Sakura was relieved. Now no one could stop Danzou from brainwashing more orphans if he wanted. Perhaps he was scared of another public backlash if the activity were discovered.
"What is it, then? I know it's something. Is it Naruto? You've been avoiding him lately, right?"
Sai pursed his thin lips.
"What did he do? You know he's a doofus, right? He didn't mean it," Sakura said.
"He surpassed me," Sai said, looking beyond Sakura.
Sakura's blood ran cold.
"What?" she whispered. "He's surpassed everyone else in Konoha too, maybe even everyone else in the world. You know that. Why do you care?"
Sai's brow furrowed. "I've done something wrong."
"You sound like Sasuke. He thought Naruto might be surpassing him and hated him for it. Sasuke went crazy – left the village – said he –" Sakura broke off.
Sai's eyes widened. "I don't hate Naruto."
"Then what is it?" Sakura said, trying to calm her racing heart.
Sai wasn't Sasuke; she should have known better.
"How can two people be friends when one is superior to the other?" Sai said, looking away.
"How are you friends with Kakashi, then? Or Yamato-taichou?"
Sai's brows knit in confusion. "Friends? They are my superiors."
Sakura sighed. "You can be friends with your superiors too. You outrank me. Are we still friends?"
Sai hesitated. "You are a highly rated medic. You would best me in close range combat, but not in a distance battle. We are equals in a different way."
It finally dawned on Sakura. "This is about that sparring match, isn't it?"
Sai didn't answer.
"Sai, in Root, how do two people interact if one is of stronger ability than the other?"
"The weaker party defers to the stronger," he said matter-of-factly.
"What about outside of duty?" Sakura asked.
Sai stated at her blankly.
"Sai, there's a difference between how you act on official business, like a mission, and how you act in social situations. For example, if Yamato-taichou asked you to jump on one foot and you were on a mission, you'd have to do it. If he asked you to do it right now, at this party, you could tell him to go stuff himself."
"Yamato-taichou is not here tonight," Sai said.
Sakura suppressed the urge to throttle Sai. "It was just an example."
"You still call him captain even though we're not on a mission."
"It's just a habit. I don't have to if I don't want to."
"You don't call Kakashi sensei anymore," Sai pointed out.
Sakura fought a blush.
"Naruto doesn't care about all that," Sakura said, averting the subject. "You've hurt his feelings, avoiding him all this time. He misses you."
Sai didn't respond, but Sakura could tell he was thinking about what she said. She hoped he got over it soon, but pushing him to make up with Naruto wasn't going to do any good. She patted Sai's hand and got up, leaving him to his thoughts.
Sakura joined the present opening crowd, presumably to admire the new uniform that Gai had given Lee. Even though it looked exactly the same as his current uniform just with better armor, it looked it was worth a fortune.
Really, though, Sakura didn't care about Lee's presents, though she was glad he seemed to be enjoying his party. Sakura squeezed in next to Ino and Chouji.
"Hi, Sakura," Ino said, smiling brightly.
Chouji nodded in greeting, but wouldn't meet Sakura's eyes. Sakura frowned. There was another friendship she'd ruined…
"Hi," Sakura replied. "So where's Shika? He's the only one of us missing tonight."
"He's in Suna," Ino said, rolling her eyes. "They sent some other envoy, early on, but then Suna requested Shikamaru to be an ongoing diplomat throughout the war. He's Konoha's official representative in Suna. He got promoted to jounin and everything."
"Good for him. I'm surprised he's not working on tactics here, though," Sakura said.
"I guess he was, but now he's doing it from Suna or something," Ino said. "But you know why they requested him, don't you? I'd be surprised if he's doing much else besides being Temari's plaything."
Chouji frowned. "That's not nice, Ino. They're in love, and having such a strong bond with Suna can only help us now."
"I know," Ino sighed. "But you know this means we'll never go out as a team for the whole war, right?"
Sakura winced. That meant Ino was likely to continue with the seduction missions.
"We should all go where we're most needed," Chouji said stoically.
Sakura shook her head. She knew no one missed Shikamaru more than Chouji.
"Another one of us is a jounin now, though," Sakura said to change the subject. "First Naruto, now Shikamaru. Who's next, do you think?"
"Don't forget Neji," said Ino. "And Kiba is a special jounin now, didn't you hear? He got promoted last week. He's leading some special scouting squad. They're based in Konoha now, but with the war and all, they might move. Who knows?"
"Wow, Kiba too?" Sakura said, incredulous. "And, of course, Neji and Sai."
"Chouji should be a jounin already," Ino said, making Chouji blush. "He's really strong. You should see him fight."
Chouji waved her off.
"I'm sure Chouji will be promoted soon. My bet is Lee and Tenten aren't too far behind, probably."
Suddenly remember what she'd come over for, Sakura said, "Speaking of Tenten, we should go catch up with her, don't you think, Ino?"
Ino looked puzzled for a minute and then caught on. "Yeah. Let's see what she's been up to lately."
Ino and Sakura threaded their way out of the crowd, which was slowly dissipating after the last of the presents had been opened.
"I'm making progress on the physiological effects for the genjutsu," Sakura whispered. "It will be a poison. It should be easier to administer if you're immune, just like anything else, but –"
"Injectable?" Ino asked.
"Maybe, but I want it to trigger the release of dopamine and oxytocin, so we'll have to test it to make sure it doesn't cloud your judgment, you know?"
"Dopamine and oxytocin… Those are hormones, right? Why those?"
"They're neurotransmitters, actually. Its release is associated with orgasm," Sakura explained. "They're relaxing. They increase arousal and bonding instincts, so it might make the target more trusting. But it could make you more trusting as well, and that's not ideal. In theory, I think the response would be reduced over time, but I need to test it in the lab. If not, I can maybe introduce a subverting agent, but we'll have to see. I got lab time this week, so it's now or never – and it's just about time for our six month increase as well."
"We need to set up a time with Tenten, then. I see. What about Hinata?"
"We can fill her in later after I secure the supplies. It might take a little while. It's going to have to come out of pocket this time."
Sakura looked for Tenten; she was with Gai, Neji, Lee and didn't look like she planned to part with them anytime soon. The same thought seemed to have occurred to Ino.
"You know what? I'll find her later and let her know. You just get started and we'll make sure you're compensated, okay?"
Sakura nodded. "I don't need anything from you. I owe you already. I wouldn't ask for anything from Tenten if I didn't need to, you know. I feel so bad begging like this –"
Ino rolled her eyes. "Begging? You're doing something for us that we could never do for ourselves, you idiot. You're making us things. Why shouldn't we pay for the ingredients? You should get paid for your time as well. Don't look at me like that. I won't try to pay you a wage, but I will pay for my share of the expenses. You don't owe me anything, no matter what you say."
Sakura opened her mouth to protest, but Ino just smiled. "Do you want to argue over money or hear about the latest news about Neji and Tenten?"
Sakura sighed, giving up. "Tell me."
"She says he rejected a date from a waitress at that place by the Academy."
"The one with the good tempura?"
"Yeah, that one. Tenten says the girl is really pretty, too. She didn't expect to be turned down, that's for sure, because she kicked them out of the restaurant!"
Sakura giggled. "But why did he say no? I thought he wanted a civilian!"
"He says he could tell she had a bad attitude, but that's pretty rich coming from Neji, and Tenten says the girl was nice before he rejected her."
"Why don't they just get together?" Sakura said. "It's painfully obvious."
"I know," Ino said, "but you can't tell them that. Tenten is still convinced he doesn't like her, and he's still convinced … well, who knows with him. He's an idiot, obviously."
"What do you think about Ami and Kiba?" Sakura asked, smiling mischievously.
"I know! Whoever thought he'd settle down anytime soon?"
"So you think so too? That he's settled down, you mean?" Sakura thought of what Kakashi said.
"Yeah, I do. I mean, look at them together. It's pretty funny, actually."
Sakura remembered Ino's reaction to Naruto and Hinata compared to this and smiled. Ino was definitely happier these days, in spite of everything. Sakura continued chatting and gossiping with Ino while dessert was served. Then she spotted Kakashi and Lee together, chatting not five feet away from Sakura. Her stomach clenched. What were they saying to each other? What if they mentioned her?
Sakura made a lame excuse to Ino, saying she was tired, and she slipped out of the restaurant. As she walked home, she began to calm down. Of course Lee and Kakashi weren't talking about her. Why would they be? She chose carefully to avoid that sort of thing. What a silly overreaction. Lee had just made the rounds to thank everyone for coming and it had been rude to leave without talking to him. Still, she couldn't bring herself to regret her decision.
Once home, Sakura sank back into her poison research. Now that she had gone back and forth with Shizune, Sakura had some tweaks to make.
The rest of the week and beyond was spent in kind with long hours at the lab, creating the poison and then administering it to a number of rats to observe the effects. It was actually much quicker and easier than creating a poison for official Konoha usage, which required extensive documentation and had an official protocol that Sakura wasn't forced to follow on her own time. It also left less of a paper trail; Sakura had told Shizune only that she was looking for an incapacitating agent. This allowed Sakura to experiment with neurotransmitters without anyone else knowing, the ideal situation.
When creating something new, Sakura became consumed by it. She spent very little time on anything else. The first time she gave any thought to the predicament she got herself into with Kakashi was when he showed up on her balcony in the middle of the night with a mission scroll in his hand.
"Shit," she muttered under her breath, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Is this for real?"
He nodded, saying nothing.
They were going to assassinate the Earth Daimyo.