Chapter Twenty – Occlumency Lessons

The hours were ticking by and Severus found himself nervously glancing at his watch. He didn't know whether he should floo into Lyra's room and potentially disturb her or wait for her to extend the invitation. It was nearing 8pm and he hadn't heard a peep from her.

He tried to preoccupy himself, of course. First, he stopped by at the staff room and engaged in some idle chatter with his colleagues. Lyra's discovery was obviously the hot topic and most were intrigued to see how it all went at the hospital. He tolerated the conversations for as long as he could before retreating to his dungeons.

He had marked all of his assignments, his lessons for the week were all planned, he even pulled apart his storage room, reorganising every ingredient and still no word.

Maybe she was just busy. She had an entire report to write anyway.

Maybe she had simply forgotten about him or maybe she had gotten too caught up in conversation with Gustav. Was he the author of those letters written in Russian?

He knew the name was definitely european but the man's accent didn't seem slavic. Gustav was a handsome man with classic nordic features; blue eyes, blonde hair, pale skin and a sharp jaw. He was also obviously a pureblood as well, having attended Durmstrang.

Maybe Lyra was considering Gustav as a possible husband to satisfy her family's demands.

Severus felt unsettled and a little bit heartbroken as he considered it. The doubts began to take a hold of him and he began to admonish himself. Severus couldn't compare to a man like Gustav, not only that but there would be no way her family would tolerate her tainting them family name like that. It was stupid to think that this whole thing would work out.

It was probably for the best.

If the Dark Lord came back and caught any wind of their relationship he would be done for. He wouldn't be able to tolerate placing Lyra in such a vulnerable position. She'd be tortured, raped and killed if there was even a doubt of his loyalty. It didn't matter that she was a Lestrange, she'd be used against him.

He couldn't stomach the thought.

Severus slammed the book he had been trying to read shut and got up, walking over to his wine cabinet. He pulled out a cheap bottle and uncorked it, settling himself in his armchair. He drank and drank, wanting the ache in his chest to subside.

He was nearing the end of the bottle as the room was lit from the emerald flames that appeared in his fireplace. The dark haired witch clambered out, dusting herself off as she did so. She smiled at the sight of her love but her face dropped slightly as she saw his stone expression.

"Everything alright, Sev?" she asked as she walked towards him. Her eyes darted to the bottle that was empty next to him and it she realised it wasn't.

"Fine," he said casually, nursing his drink.

Lyra hoped Severus would continue the conversation but he didn't seem interested. She felt nervous but sat down and tried to engage with him normally. "I was hoping you were going to come by earlier," she said, "I've only just finished my paper. I've owled it off along with Silvanus' so we'll see how everything goes."

He didn't respond, he just continued to stare at the same spot as he was before.

Lyra's hand reached out and touched his arm lightly, "What's wrong Sev?"

"This whole thing is a mistake," he said.

She sighed deeply before saying, "We're back onto this, are we?"

"Lyra, I can't be with you."

"Then don't," she stood up from the chair and returned to the fireplace.

"Look how easy it is for you to walk away. Already have someone else in mind?"

She stopped and laughed, "So this is because you're insecure."

"It's obvious that you have a thing with someone else," he said, "Gustav maybe? A russian friend?"

"What possessed you to think like that?"

"Lucius and Narcissa will surely be proud that their niece has found a nice pure-blood man to settle down with. It'll be a shame your parents can't come to the wedding. I guess Lucius could pull some strings at the ministry as he usual does for his darling Lyra. Imagine how much fun it'd be with Dementors as attendees."

Lyra took his torment with a fire in her eyes but she restrained herself. She knew he was drunk and pulled out her wand, ' accio sobering potion' she cast non-verbally and a vial flew into her hand. She pried the wine out of his hands and shoved the potion in instead.

He threw it back and looked dead in her eyes, "My statement still stands."

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

"As do you."

"Do you honestly think I'm fucking someone else?"

He didn't respond.

She returned to her seat and rubbed her eyes for a moment before looking at him. With a exasperated sigh she pulled his hand into hers, interlacing her fingers and said, "Sev, if you have concerns about our relationship then just tell me. I'll answer you honestly, I'll even let you go through my head if it'll bring you any comfort. I wish you could just trust me but I understand why don't want to or can't but I assure you that I'm yours and I only have eyes for you."

"What's your relationship with Gustav?"

"Just a friend," she said, "And he's engaged to be married and he picked up that we might be in a relationship rather quickly."

"We need to be careful," he said, earning a nod from the girl. "I went through your stuff."

"I gathered as much," she said, "Reading material for the other night?"

He nodded, "Who were the letters to?"

"Most of my friends from Durmstrang spoke Russian so when we write we just communicate in Russian," she replied, "Keeps it away from prying eyes like Lucius and Cissy. It was mainly Ilya gossiping about a friend and speaking about work. There was also some letters to Anneli, she's a cursebreaker, thought I'd get her to come in to help out with a class one day. If you want I can translate it word for word."

"It's fine," he said.

"Is that all you've been worrying about, Sev?"

"That and the Dark Lord's return," he said, "We wouldn't be able to stay together."

"Let's just pray it doesn't come to that," she replied.

"Lyra, if he ever found out about us-"

"He won't because you'll teach me occlumency and I will protect that information with my life," she interrupted.

"It's not that simple, Lyra," he said with a sense of urgency in his voice, "You may have shown an affinity to occlumency but that guard would need to be up constantly, no matter what your emotion, no matter what was happening to you. What if you're tortured, Lyra? What if you were being raped? Do you think you could hold that barrier up?"

Lyra remained silent, her jaw clenched as he spoke.

"You're not a child anymore, Lyra. You won't be able to depend on your family to bail you out of tough situations. You would be forced to join the Death Eaters, to torture and to kill. God forbid you rebel against him or fail on his orders. How would you be able to cope with seeing your Uncle tortured or your cousin? There's no telling what they would do to you. If they caught wind of any vulnerability you have they would expose it and use it to manipulate you."

Severus groaned at Lyra's stunned silence, "This is why I didn't want to have a relationship with you, Lyra. It is a weakness that will be manipulated against us. It was naive to indulge in this for so long."

"Then what do we do now?" she asked, her voice and chest felt so heavy. Lyra was surprised that the words even came out. "Are you going to obliviate me, Sev?"

Severus swallowed hard and look down into his hands. He knew he wouldn't be able to bring himself to do that, to erase all the happy memories he had with her. His stomach sunk and he felt ill considering what would happen to either of them if their relationship came out.

"Teach me," she urged. Her hand grabbed a hold of his upper arm and squeezed, tearing his vision from his hand and back up at her. "Sev, we need to try. Teach me occlumency. If it doesn't work then obliviate me."

"Lyra, I'd have to torture you."

She breathed in deeply, her breath stuttering on the intake slightly and breathed out loudly. Her hand pulled away and she sat up a little straighter in an attempt to feel more confident. "I know."

"Is it worth it?"

"Sev, it's either this or obliviate me now, isn't it?"

Lyra looked back over to the man whose eyes averted her gaze immediately. Both had a sickening churning in their stomachs and a sadness that overwhelmed them as they ticked over the possible outcomes for their future. Silence hung heavy between them for a few moments.

"I'll teach you," he said, "But Lyra, tell me, on the slightest possibility that the Dark Lord doesn't return would you go against your family to be with me?"

"Yes," she replied, "I don't want to deny myself a chance at happiness. I know, it's selfish but I haven't felt this way about anyone before." He looked over to her as she reached out once more, her hand settling for the arm of his chair this time. "Severus, I love you."

He gave her a sad smile and whispered, "I love you too, Lyra."

"We can make this work," she said, returning his smile.

Despite the fact that his head was telling him that she was much too young and naive to know what she was getting into he found himself trusting her and her sweet words.

Morning came, a dull green light pouring in from the windows in Severus' quarters. The wizard awoke with Lyra sleeping soundly in his arms. He glanced over to the clock on the wall and noticed that it was half past seven. He sighed slightly, knowing that the weekend was now over and he would have to spend his day teaching ungrateful children rather than spend the day with his love.

The sigh was enough to stir Lyra from her sleep. Her eyes remained closed and instead she wiggled back into his embrace.

"We should get up," he said, noticing that Lyra's pattern of breathing had changed.

"But you're so warm," she moaned.

He hummed slightly, "But it's time to get up, we've got classes in an hour."

"Can't we just call in sick?"

"That'd definitely keep our relationship under wraps."

She giggled slightly before yawning, "But I'm so tired."

"Should've thought that before keeping us up all night."

"You enjoyed it though," she said, rolling over and kissing him on the lips.

"Lyra."

"I fail to see you moving to leave the warmth of our bed."

"Our bed?"

"Your bed," she corrected herself.

"It is rather difficult to leave."

A tongue darted out between her lips and her eyes were ignited with desire.

"Now we certainly don't have time for that," Severus said, a smirk appearing on his lips.

"Oh really?" she asked, her hand trailing down his chest and feeling his half hard member. Her hands wrapped around it slightly, loosely playing with it in her hand. Severus' eyes had a menacing look, as if to say 'don't test me' but all that did was spur her on.

Lyra slid under the covers and soon enough, Severus could feel Lyra's tongue trailing the length of his member. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt the tip of his cock become engulfed by the warmth of her mouth. Her tongue swirled around before she took him deeper inside.

She worked slowly and sensually, her hand wrapped around the base of his cock, stroking upwards into her mouth as she sucked and teased the tip.

Once he was fully erect, Lyra pushed his hips back causing him to lie flat on his back and position herself between his legs. Severus pushed the covers back, wanting to watch the witch as she sucked his dick.

She had a playful look in her eyes as she continued her blowjob. Every so often she would look up at him and catch his eyes, smiling at him as she rubbed the length of his cock before taking him back into her mouth.

It was truly a sight to behold.

Her eyes drifted shut as she focused on his cock and his pleasure. Her hand wrapped around the base of his cock tightly and she began to bob her head up and down the shaft of his cock. He groaned as she looked up at him with his whole length of his cock was in her mouth, the end hitting her throat.

She continued to move her mouth up and down, her pace quickening to a point before becoming more steady. Severus could feel his orgasm coming, his hips beginning to strain off the bed and into her mouth. Her hands held him down firmly as she continued to suck him off and he came soon after.

Lyra swallowed and crawled back up to lie next to her lover, pulling the sheets back up over them. She snuggled into him and Severus' hand drew circles on her back. His eyes glanced up at the clock and he closed his eyes, wishing it would slow down.

"Neither of us will have time for breakfast," he said.

"I just had breakfast," she said, smiling cheekily at the man.

"Merlin," he breathed.

She lay kisses on his chest, then on his cheek. With a final peck on his lips, Lyra sat up in bed and began to get dressed.

"We'll start our lessons tonight," he said as Lyra finished pulling on her robe. "After dinner."

She nodded, "Ok, I'll see you then."

Lyra left his quarters through his fireplace with an unnerving feeling in the pit of her stomach. She showered quickly before her classes started, hoping that the water would wash her nerves away but they seemed to stick.

She looked at herself in the mirror and breathed slowly, employing the occlumency techniques she had learnt all those years ago.

Breathe.

Let your mind go blank.

Imagine your mind is a stream and your thoughts are debris that gently passes by.

Do not dwell on these thoughts.

Let go of your emotions.

Do not allow yourself to be consumed by your feelings.

With each breath let go of your feelings until there is nothing.

Lyra felt an overwhelming sense of calm fill her as she recalled Severus' words. Her heart and mind were still but that calm and quiet was fleeting. She felt it leave as she heard the bustle of footsteps entering her classroom.

Quickly, she used her wand to make herself presentable before rushing down the stairs to address the second years.

Through the day, Lyra practiced her occlumency techniques, separating herself from any emotion she felt. Whether or not it would be effective would be difficult to determine, she'd have to depend on Severus to be a witness to that.

Lyra knew she was no longer the girl she once was. As a teenager she was cunning and ambitious, motivated to pursue the Dark Arts and manipulate those around her but now as an adult she had become sensitive and vulnerable with the need to help others. She had broken down all the walls she had put up to allow herself to connect better with people and now she would have to put it all back up again. It was possible but it would be difficult, particularly when the person testing her resolve would be Severus.

That time came quickly. Her day had slipped away and after dinner Lyra found herself returning to Severus' quarters. She made sure that before she even entered her own fireplace that her mind was ready and on guard.

"Legilimens," she heard from a far corner of the room.

Lyra blocked the intrusion with ease, confidently walking towards Severus' shadowy figure. Her heart leapt slightly as she felt herself being drawn to him and Severus flicked through memories of them together. From her blow job that morning, to their shared night at his old home. He kept digging deeper and deeper, revealing her feelings towards him, the way her heart ached for him. Lyra tried to quell her thoughts and emotions but it was relentless.

"Shit," she said, closing her eyes and shutting their connection.

"Not good enough, Lyra," he taunted.

"I know," she opened her eyes looking into his once more. His black orbs seeming to gaze deep into her soul.

"How do you expect to defend yourself after being tortured, Lyra?" his voice was threatening, attempting to stir up emotions, trying to get her to fail.

"Go again."

"Legilimens."

His spell bounced off instantly, Lyra maintaining her nerve. She stared him down, empty of emotion, empty of her thoughts.

"Good," he said, "Now let's have a conversation and see how you fair. Sit."

Lyra took a seat in the armchair, angling it to face the other. She remained calm and composed as Severus did the same. He began to question her, asking her about her family and her relationship with them. Emotions came as quickly as the left, Lyra didn't dwell on what he was stirring, merely acknowledging each feeling as it passed. Her defense did not falter under the interrogation.

They spoke for an hour with Severus testing her intermittently through the conversation. Occasionally, Lyra would throw in a casual lie to see if it gathered any attention. They seemed to slip through unnoticed.

"Let's stop here," he said, "You've done well."

She sighed, exhausted from keeping it up for so long, slumping into her chair and her eyes drifting shut.

"It's not going to be easy, you know?"

"I know."

"Eventually it'll be second nature to you and you'll want to keep it up all the time."

Her eyes were kept tightly shut and she nodded.

"Come Lyra," he said. When she opened her eyes he was standing over her, his arm outstretched. "Let's get you to bed."