Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.
Rated M for several reasons.
Chpt 20 Arthur, And Other Things I Don't Like
BPOV
Dinner takes forever and I realise that Greg's aware that there's something wrong between Arthur and I.
Anyway immediately after dessert he excuses himself and asks me to walk him to the elevator.
"Everything okay?" He asks as we wait for it to descend.
"Yes."
"I'm very fond of Arthur but I'm a father to daughters." He says, inspecting the advertising board to our right. "So that doesn't mean I won't kick his butt if he's done something to upset you."
"Thanks Greg, but its okay, I think. I just need to talk to him."
"Okay." He says as the elevator dings and the doors open. "Well done today, I'm very proud of you."
"Thanks Greg. That means a lot to me."
"I'll see you for breakfast."
"Night."
"Goodnight Bella."
The doors close over him.
Right.
Arthur.
...
"Bellski. Looking determined. Have a seat and this enormous rum and coke. There's lime, just the way you like it."
I sit down opposite him and accept the drink, it is my favourite.
Silence. Awkward. Where to start?
I've had a couple of mental goes at this but first question isn't what I'd had planned.
"You knew Edward was on the roof, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"So you kissed me deliberately?"
"I did."
"Even though you knew perfectly well why I didn't want you to?"
"I'm not always a good boy Bellski."
Jesus.
"And what were you expecting to achieve?"
"Well, I wanted the gratification of kissing a woman I find extremely attractive for one. And for another I wanted to let my rival know I have 'game'."
"You and Edward are not rivals."
"Yes we are Bella."
Alright, abort line of questioning.
I take a slug of my drink.
"Do you know what he is?"
"Apart from stupid?"
"Arthur." I warn.
"He's a vampire Bella. And a mind reader."
"Have you always known?"
"Yes."
"And you didn't say anything to me?"
"Hey Bellski, see you're dating a dead dude, wanna talk about it?"
"He's not dead."
"That's a technical distinction at best, but okay, he walks, he talks. Deadish."
I give my rum some more attention and a totally pointless stir with the cocktail stick they always garnish it with.
"Are you a danger to him?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Silly question Bella."
"Why?"
"Why is the question silly or why am I danger to Edward?"
"Both."
"I'm a shape-shifter, vampires are my immortal enemies. That's why it's a silly question."
"Yet you haven't done anything to hurt him, or the rest of the Cullens."
"Oh I've hurt him Bella, trust me. And the rest of them? It's quite possible that I have already sealed their fates too."
"I don't understand."
"The world is not supposed to revolve around you Bella Swan."
"It doesn't."
Arthur shrugs and we fall into silence, so he summons the waiter to refill my drink.
"Can I ask you a question?" Arthur enquires once he's gone.
"I guess . . . ."
"Why do you love him?"
"Edward?"
"Duh, Bellski, yes, Edward, MDB."
"He's perfect . . . ."
Arthur erupts into laughter before I can continue and I scowl at him until he stops.
"I'm sorry Bellski, tell me about this perfection."
I try, I really do, but there's no way I can justify Edward as perfect. Because he isn't. He's beautiful, inside and out. And he's done more for me than anyone else ever has or will. He loves me and he wants only the best for me. And he goes out of his way to give that to me, whether I want it or not. He's my shelter in a storm, the place on earth, wherever we are, that I belong, am most comfortable.
Or was. Is. I don't know . . . .
Arthur however is not one to mince his words.
"Yet he won't change you, or 'make love' to you?"
"How much have you heard?" I demand, going cold all over.
"Enough."
"You're stalking me now?"
"Sitting in the tree outside your bedroom window. The same one I used to sit in." He mimics Edward's voice with eerie perfection.
Shit. How much has he heard, seen?
"Why are you doing this to me?" I groan.
"Lamttesep? Just who is doing exactly what to who Bella?"
"You know about that?" I gasp.
"I knew who owned it. I assumed it was nepotism, but it wasn't quite that simple, was it?"
"I'm not talking to you about that." I snap, not when I can't even talk to Edward about it.
Silence.
I down my drink.
I'm done with this weirdness I'm not good with.
"You're going back to Boston tomorrow, right? You're going to leave us alone?"
Silence.
He downs his drink. Scotch I think.
"Arthur?"
"Yes Bellski, I'm leaving in the morning."
"And you're going to leave us alone?"
"Good night Bellski."
I watch him stride out of the restaurant and Em sliding out from behind the table he's sharing with Alice to follow him.
I get up too, hustling to join Alice, we can see Arthur and Em talking by the elevator.
"What's he saying to him?"
"Em's making sure that Arthur understands that you're family and we will protect you."
"And what's Arthur saying?"
"That if we wanted to protect you we should have changed you a long time ago. Em's asking him what that's supposed to mean."
"And?" I ask as Arthur turns on his heels and strides out onto the street, his usually animated face a composed mask.
"Arthur's just told Em that if anything happens to you he'll be a wrestling a bear that fights back."
"What the fuck?"
"Come on." Alice urges me, taking my arm. "Let's get you up to your room out of harm's way."
I go with her, of course I do, because that's what I do. They're strong supernatural beings and they love me enough to want to take care of me. But as we approach Em my steps get slower and slower until Alice lets me go and looks gives me a quizzical look.
"Are you alright?" She asks and I shake my head.
"Is there something you need?"
I shake my head again, fighting back tears.
I don't belong with them, I never did, not like this. And they must have all realised it, why else the Lamttesep thing? Even Alice, my absolute best friend in the whole wide world, my sister . . . .
I know it's churlish, childish even, but I just want to be on my own, truly on my own.
The pain my chest rolls over and settles again, stealing my breath and holding back the tears welling in my eyes so I have to blink to clear my vision.
Jesus but I'm getting melodramatic in my old age.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alice asks gently, apparently understanding at least part of what's happening.
"No." I choke out.
"Bells?" Em asks with brotherly concern.
"I need to get away, I need to go . . . ."
"You can't just wander around Seattle with Arthur out there." Em objects.
I shake my head again, pushing past them into the elevator, that's not what I meant.
...
Not sleeping is exhausting.
And the pain in my chest, that's exhausting too, it drags at me, sapping all my strength and I'm a silent withdrawn shadow of me as the valet pulls up in my truck.
Alice touches my arm briefly as I move to climb into it and I manage to give her a wan smile.
My eyes keep darting back to her and Em shadowing me in the traffic until we eventually part ways when they stop to drop off their rental. They're running the rest of the way.
...
"Swan."
"You alone?"
"As I ever am these days. Jasper has taken Edwin hunting, he was wearing a groove in my floor."
I close my eyes for a moment and then open them again when I remember I'm driving in city traffic.
"I, um."
"What's up Bells? Arthur isn't causing you trouble is he?"
"Um, no Dad, I just um. I could do with a little time, Edward and I, you know."
"Take what you need, Mini Dracula told me about Lamttesep. Sue's off work for a couple of days and I can almost fend for myself now I'm on the crutches."
"Dad, are you sure?"
"I'm sure. But Bells, you should talk to him, tell him what you're doing, he's very worried."
"Okay, I'll call him."
"You text me, so I know where you are."
"Okay."
"You keep that gun close."
"Okay."
...
I turn away from the ferry approach and double back into the city, heading south.
Edward's cell goes straight to voicemail, the network wasn't designed for vampires hunting in the backwoods.
"Edward, it's me. I, um, just need a bit of time, don't worry about me, I'm fine. Um, sorry."
I throw my cell down on the seat and then retrieve it so I can turn it off.
...
I drive for hours, my thoughts scrolling through a loop, until my stomach demands my attention. I might be wallowing in my perceived misery but my body isn't cutting me any slack for it.
Unwilling to stop I detour through a drive-through.
I have no idea where I'm going. I'm just going 'away'.
I don't know how this works, but I'm kind of hoping that I'll have some kind of epiphany and everything will become clear.
Edward knew that Esme and Rose were encouraging me to cling to my human life and yet he did nothing to stop it.
I know he loves me, I know he does, but it just . . . .
It just doesn't feel like it.
It feels like he couldn't leave me honestly, well if we're talking about honesty, semi-honestly, and so he was happy to let someone else find a way to split us apart. I know why. I know him.
But.
He promised me.
He promised me he wouldn't do that.
What can I do though?
I can't break up with him, send him away, I love him.
But I can't see how I can forgive him either.
Or carry on the way we have been. That horse has run its race. Something has to change.
I feel bad about ditching Alice and Em.
But . . . .
It's kind of nice to be 'off the grid'.
God my life's strange . . . .
...
A full day's driving, and a couple of coffee stops, eventually gets me to Boise, Idaho.
It's nice and I book myself into a modest hotel.
Another day's driving will get me to Phoenix and for a moment I'm tempted, but then my childhood memories are overtaken by the memories of my last visit. Escaping the Cullens once before I almost got myself killed there trying to save my Mom. And I almost became a vampire. No, not a place I want to go at the moment.
Instead I eat a modest dinner in the hotel dining room and retire to bed to read the Idaho Statesman from cover to cover.
And then I try to sleep because I've just remembered that I have to be at work tomorrow night and I'll have to be up at the ass crack of dawn to get there in time.
...
The hotel very kindly sends me off into the breaking dawn with a carry out 'continental' breakfast and a huge draught of coffee.
Grimly determined I get all the way to Portland before I stop for lunch and a break.
This morning I've mostly been wondering what my life would be like if I went back to Boston to work for the Foundation. I liked Boston and my job. I don't know if I could be 'happy' there without Edward, but I could be 'okay', I think. Lots of people make it through life on 'okay' don't they? Look at Dad . . . . he coped without Mom, in a place he loved, doing something he loved. Of course Charlie's got friends but I could have friends, couldn't I?
Just thinking about it makes my chest constrict.
I am, I think, a bit of an emotional car wreck right now.
And unwilling to cry in front of the nice diner patrons I high tail it to the restroom, staring at my grim reflection in the mirror while tears slide down my cheeks.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
"Oh sorry." A deeply accented voice apologies as the door swings open. "I didn't realise this was the Ladies, I'll just . . . ."
I smile at him in the mirror and then go cold all over . . . .