Welcome back! Thanks for your awesome reviews, follows, and favourites. I love hearing from you, so I hope you'll continue to let me know what you think!
I'm really not satisfied with this chapter. I don't think a chapter has ever felt so wrong/off/just plain terrible... It was one thing, but by the time I "fixed" it up, it became something entirely different and I'm not so sure that was a good thing. Sooooo, sorry about that, but hang in there, I'll make it up to you in the next chapter (but in a different way).
Recap: After losing 4+ years of his memory, Sam struggles to figure out what Andy really is to him. He senses she is more than just his former rookie, but can't quite come to terms with what it all means. When Andy and Sam start to get a little too close again, Nick gets upset and gives Andy an ultimatum, which leads to their breakup. Sam confronts Andy about a dream he had, which he believes may hold some truth... Andy gets injured on the job, which causes more memories to surface for Sam. When he checks on her later that night, he ends up kissing her. The next day, Andy is assigned to work with the detectives and things are a little awkward/tense, especially when Sam kisses her again. Later at Oliver's BBQ, Sam gets jealous when he sees a man talking to Andy, so he bribes Leo into spilling his juice all over the guy. After learning that Leo revealed some personal things to Sam, Andy quickly leaves the BBQ in an attempt to avoid the ramifications. However, Sam goes to check on her again. Afraid she'll lose Sam if she doesn't act, Andy kisses him. Things heat up, and in and around talking, they end up sleeping together. Andy tells Traci, and later agrees to go on a date with Sam. Things seem to be going well, until he discovers she has his old phone and that all of 15 Division has been lying to him. That night, Sam is slammed with more memories, but it seems to be too late. Thinking the only way Sam will be happy is if she leaves, Andy asks to go U.C. Prior to being picked up, she goes to his house to talk to him and waits for two hours behind a closed door before she's forced to send him a final text and leave. Upon seeing the texts, Sam heads to the station, only to discover she's gone.The news causes his memories to resurface. As a result, he threatens to blow up Andy's op, unless Frank pulls her. Consequently, Andy finds herself back at 15 Division and fuming. After being called a liability, she goes to see Sam who, she learns, is the reason she was pulled. It doesn't take long for Andy to learn that Sam remembers everything. They talk for awhile and eventually fall asleep on the couch together. The decision to keep their relationship hidden is short-lived when Andy accidentally lets something slip to Oliver and Sam kisses her. Sam can't help but be worried when Andy and Oliver respond to a call near the alley where they had their first encounter.
A cry cut through the air.
"Backup to Pembroke and Gerrard. Shots fired, officer down," Oliver said into his radio. "Requesting a bus. I repeat, officer down."
Bang.
He ducked his head, flinging the driver's side door of the squad car open.
Bang.
Oliver threw himself out, hitting the pavement hard.
"Copy 1504, a bus is on the way," came the reply from dispatch.
Bang. Bang.
The windshield shattered. Glass was everywhere.
Grimacing, he turned back and reached for Andy's hand, pulling hard to help get her out on his side as well. She tumbled onto the pavement, scrambling to right herself and take cover behind the back end of the car.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
"All available units to the corner of Pembroke and Gerrard," dispatch said into the radio.
Sam's eyes flicked to Traci as he abruptly rose and grabbed his Kevlar vest and gun, thankful that he'd grabbed a spare radio from the equipment room to monitor the call. "Let's go." His heart was pounding heavily in his chest, his palms were getting sweaty, and fear was coursing through him. He'd heard Oliver's call: 'Shots fired, officer down'. Andy's face immediately flashed before his eyes, his mind warping the image into something so twisted and covered in blood that he could almost feel the bile rise in his throat. He shuddered. She had to be okay. She had to...
The radio disrupted his thoughts. A dispatcher's voice filled the room. "1519, what's your status?"
"Chris took two hits. One to the vest. The second grazed his shoulder," Gail replied. "Possibly three shooters. Black van. We blew the tires, and we're trying to hold them in position... 1504 is on scene, but we need additional backup ASAP."
Sam unconsciously let out a loud breath as relief flooded through him. She was okay. Not that he wanted Diaz or anyone else to be hurt, but it was impossible not to feel some of the weight lift off his shoulders upon finding out that Andy was fine. At least, for now. Diaz was down and with backup still at least five minutes out, there was no telling what could happen. With that in mind, he hastily grabbed his keys and headed to the detectives' car, thankful that Traci was just steps behind.
Five more shots, all fired in rapid succession.
Andy dropped back down behind the squad car, just barely catching a glimpse of a perp clambering out of the van. "We've got a runner," she called out to her partner, casting a glance in Oliver's direction. After the fifth shot, she risked another look before quickly ducking again. "Heading for the alley."
"No," Oliver said sharply, seeing the look in her eyes. "We'll have a unit pick him up on—"
"Backup is still a few minutes out, Oliver," Andy argued. "He'll be long gone by then."
"McNally—"
"He's got a gun and he's not afraid to use it," Andy snapped, her heart racing. She'd been lucky enough to find the kid in the brick building on her first day at 15 Division. Chances were, she wouldn't be lucky enough to find someone again. Not with so many places to hide. "Just provide some cover, okay? I've got this."
Seeing the determination in her eyes, he finally conceded. "You get shot though, and moving to the other side of the world won't be far enough to keep Sam from strangling me."
Andy's lips twitched. "Not happening; not today," she said, her eyes landing on the squad car that pulled up next to Gail's. This was it. The gunmen were distracted. "Ready?" With a small nod from Oliver, she scrambled to her feet and took off down the alley.
"Get down," Sam hissed at Traci, as he pulled up close to Oliver's car to provide additional cover. Within seconds they were both crouched on the pavement on the driver's side. His eyes frantically searched the scene in an attempt to seek Andy out, but she was nowhere in sight. "Where's McNally?" he called out when his eyes returned to Oliver.
Oliver fired off another round, then ducked behind his squad car. "Took off after one of the perps."
"What?" Sam growled. "How could you let her—?"
"Sammy, you wanna help her? Then you've gotta make sure these guys don't follow," Oliver pleaded. "Dispatch is sending her backup." His eyes flicked to the two squad cars that were pulling up. "See, she's going to be fine." He hesitated. He could only hope that it was true. "First car was to go to her location," he clarified. If the squad cars were with them now, then surely Andy's backup had already arrived. Right?
Sam ground his teeth together. "I swear—"
The radio came to life, cutting off his threat. "Perp one is detained."
He fired a few times, his mind racing. That wasn't Andy's voice. He didn't even know where she was, just that she was nearby and alone with a perp, and that was enough to drive him crazy. Consequently, the next few minutes were among the quickest and slowest of his life, up until that point in time. The arrival of backup meant they were able to box the guys in and disarm them a lot faster, but the prospect of what condition he'd find Andy in had each second dragging as he itched to find her.
"Alley," Oliver said the second the remaining perps were cuffed.
It took a moment for it to register with Sam, by which point Oliver was already running toward a large opening between the houses. He took off after his friend, only slowing when they rounded the corner where the alley split off into an open area before it connected with the parallel road. It was only then that they saw Andy. Her knee was firmly pressed into the back of the cuffed perp. Two officers stood at her side.
Despite the relief that flooded through him, Sam didn't waste anymore time getting to her. His feet carried him forward, thankful when Oliver followed and took the perp from her, leaving her empty handed. Still unaware of his presence, he was able to watch as she finally allowed herself a moment to take in the familiar surroundings. He saw the way her lips twitched as she no doubt replayed the moment from all of those years ago in her mind. When a small laugh escaped her, he couldn't hold back any longer. "McNally," he said, an unusual tone in his voice. The second she was facing him, his hands were on her face and he was kissing her hard, desperate to feel her lips against his. To know she was okay. Alive. Even though he could see it.
"Sam," Andy breathed when they finally pulled apart. She blinked hard, her mouth agape as she stared at him. "How did you...? Why...?"
His lips curled upward at her inability to form a coherent sentence, but the makings of a smile immediately died as his eyes landed on her scuffed up cheek. His brows furrowed as the tips of his fingers brushed over the mark.
"It's fine," she said softly. "Really. Just a scratch. It was stupid... I just slipped up a little." She gave him a small smile, watching as his eyes slid from her head to her toe and back again before hesitantly reaching out and brushing some of the bits of glass from her uniform. "You okay?" she asked, the concern evident in her voice.
He took a few deep breaths to calm himself before moving the hair out of her eyes and leaning back in to kiss her, this time much softer than before. He would have kissed her whether they had an audience or not, but afterward he was silently thankful that the other officers had already left with Oliver. But, it was only a matter of time before someone would see them, and if it was a civilian, then they'd both get an earful from Frank and right now, he didn't want to have to deal with that too. So, he pressed another quick kiss to her lips and, despite wanting to pull her into his arms, released her altogether and took in their surroundings. Several changes had been made to some of the buildings and fences on both sides of the alley since he'd last seen it.
"It's changed a lot," Andy said, her eyes still on him.
Sam nodded. "It has," he agreed, his gaze settling back on her to find her body shaking with unshed laughter. He raised an eyebrow quizzically.
"Same alley, but a new look and a new perp," she said with a smirk. "But don't worry, I didn't try to kiss this one either."
He shook his head at her and rolled his eyes.
"I did tackle him though... was maybe a little rougher on him than I was on you."
Sam bit the inside of his cheek. "Trying to get him to fall for you too?" he teased.
Andy smacked his arm gently before a grin spread on her face. "Nah, see, they don't like it when I tackle them." She paused, biting down on her lower lip. Her thoughts went back to when Sam was kicking the locker door. "Actually, they seem to get pretty mad." She paused for a moment, her eyes lighting up a little as more memories came back to her. "But, maybe if I bug him enough, save his life, and shove him up against a wall and kiss him, then maybe he'll fall for me."
"Yeah? Is that how it works?" he asked, his hands already stretching out towards her hips in an effort to turn her back to him and keep her close. But, she sidestepped him, a small laugh escaping her as she headed back into the alley and toward the squad cars.
"Well, an allergy to silence helps get you under his skin," she said. "And then you just have to make a ton of rookie mistakes, get engaged to—" she added, glancing over her shoulder and jumping a little when he appeared by her side.
"Maybe you just have to tackle him and call him on his bullsh—" Sam whispered into her ear.
"Watch him beat up a locker and strip down," she interrupted, wiggling her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"You sure you don't want to reenact this?" Sam asked, hooking a finger into her belt loop and tugging to try to slow her down. "You could tackle me here, and then I could take you home and strip down... Skip the locker bashing."
Andy smacked his arm again. "Sam Swarek, who are you?" she breathed, her eyes wide. He'd always flirted with her, and they tended to have a constant banter going, but the man beside her right now was being unusually affectionate in public.
His eyes narrowed and he withdrew a little.
"No, no," she rushed out. "It's not bad. I'm just… It's… I like it, I do. I just don't know where it's coming from." In an attempt to reassure him, she swung around and kissed him hard.
His expression softened. "You forgot the tackling part."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, according to you I forgot the kissing part the first time."
"You did," he teased, slipping back into the lighthearted banter.
"Take it or leave it, Swarek," she said, hands on her hips.
He yanked her forward. "Take it," he replied, stepping closer to kiss her again.
"Nash is…" Oliver began as he stepped back into the alley, but as his eyes landed on them, he fell silent. "Uh…" He tried to come up with an excuse to leave them alone a little longer, but was drawing blanks.
"How's Chris?" Andy asked, a blush creeping into her cheeks.
"He's going to be fine and back to work before you know it," Oliver replied before starting to back away. "I'll umm… I'll just let Nash know you're wrapping up here."
The second Oliver was gone, Sam let his forehead fall against hers.
"If someone sees us…" she began, though she couldn't bring herself to step back. She didn't want to.
"I know," Sam said quietly, placing a quick kiss on her lips before putting some space between them, though he couldn't stop himself from moving a hand to the small of her back as they left the alley.
The second she stepped out of the changeroom, he knew she was exhausted. And, quite honestly, he was too. "We can reschedule," he said quietly, wrapping an arm around her waist as they walked toward the exit.
Andy shook her head and quickly kissed his cheek, knowing she looked just as tired as she felt. "I want to go," she assured him. "But, maybe just something quick tonight?"
Sam nodded, finding himself outside their favourite diner just ten minutes later. "This uh… this wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to take you out," he said, staring at the place she'd suggested they go. When he'd first mentioned about going out, he figured it would be for Italian or Mexican food, not sandwiches that could be made within five minutes.
"I know," she said, squeezing his hand. "But at least I didn't suggest beer and pizza in front of the TV." She paused, her forehead crinkling. "You know, that actually sounds really appealing right now."
"When isn't that appealing to you, McNally?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.
She gave him a playful shove as she yanked the diner door open. "Hey, you like it too."
"I do," he agreed, the arm around her waist tightening a little to stop her from going inside. "We don't have to be here."
Andy turned to look at him, one hand rising to land on his chest. "I need food, Sam. Food and sleep, and if I don't get one of them soon..."
"After you," he interrupted, throwing his hands up in defeat and giving her a small shove through the door. Hunger and exhaustion rarely boded well for her or for them.
She stuck her tongue out at him, before sliding her hand into his and leading him towards a booth at the back.
Five minutes of watching her look over the menu in silence and he couldn't keep quiet anymore. "What are you doing?"
A giggle escaped her. "What do you think I'm doing?"
"Reading a menu that you know off by heart," Sam replied. "And you already know what you want; you knew before we even stepped foot in this place. So, what are you doing?"
A small smile formed on her face. "One of these days it might change, and if I don't look or pay attention, I might miss out on something great."
Sam met her gaze and held it for a long moment, suspecting that she was no longer really talking about the menu. When her hand covered his and he felt the warmth spread through him, he was fairly certain that he was right. Before he could even consider a response, however, the waitress was at their table to take their orders. The next few minutes were spent in relative silence, enjoying the simple contact and exchanged looks. But the longer they remained silent, the more obvious it became that something was bothering her. "Spit it out."
She shot him a nervous smile. "So umm, I was thinking..." Andy said slowly.
His eyes narrowed with suspicion as the discomfort in her face turned to guilt. Running a hand over his own face, he forced himself to ask, "About?", despite knowing that it was unlikely that he'd like whatever was about to come out of her mouth.
"I was thinking we could maybe stop by The Penny quickly after this... for umm, a drink. Maybe just one... Just one quick drink." The look on his face had her rambling. But she wanted to help him, and she'd seen how tense things were with his friends, not that she blamed him. She couldn't possibly blame him, but he needed his friends too, and if she could get him out for a drink, then maybe he could start to repair those friendships.
"No." His voice was flat.
Andy took a deep breath and pressed her lips together before allowing herself to respond. "We all screwed up. But, I—"
He let out a dry laugh. "McNally, this… tonight," he said, gesturing to them. "Is supposed to be just us. Nobody else."
Another wave of guilt washed over her. "I know, but—"
"But nothing," he said sharply, trying to put an end to the conversation, but knowing she'd persist. She needed to let it go though. He really didn't want to harbour any resentment toward her or snap at her, but with how things had gone down, he wasn't so sure he could keep himself in check completely if she continued to push the subject. Sooner or later he was bound to let something slip, and while he didn't resent her, he wasn't so sure he could keep his anger at bay. And even if he bit his tongue, she'd know something wasn't right.
"Sam, you can't be mad at them forever. If you can't even have a drink with them, then how am I supposed to believe that you could possibly want an us?"
And there it was. The second she'd broached the topic, he knew it was coming, which was why he just wanted her to let it go. To him, it was like comparing apples to oranges, but to her, they were all just a bunch of apples. "This has nothing to do with you," he growled before running a hand over his face.
"Yes, it does," she argued. "I screwed up too, maybe worse than them. And you might say it's in the past, but what about them? You need them too... Whether you want to admit it or not, I know you do. And maybe you aren't ready, but I need to believe you are."
"McNally," he said, letting out a frustrated sigh. "It's different."
Andy shook her head. "Some of those people are your best friends. They've been there for you for years… They've—"
"I know who they are." He pinched the bridge of his nose. Why wouldn't she just stop?
"Then—"
"Not now," he said, cutting her off. His hand slid out from under hers and slammed against the table before he could stop himself.
Her face fell, but she continued anyway. "Then when?"
All he could do was shake his head. He didn't know when; he didn't even want to think about any of that right now. They were supposed to be getting back on track, not... this.
"Maybe I was wrong," Andy said, her voice quiet. "Maybe you haven't changed."
Sam stared at her for a long moment, grinding his teeth together before abruptly getting to his feet.
Thinking he was leaving, Andy scrambled to get up and stop him. In bringing up The Penny, she'd wanted to fix things, not make them worse. "Sam, I—" she began in a desperate attempt to backtrack and somehow make things right.
The fear in her wide eyes was evident. "You just don't get it, do you?" he asked, his voice suddenly much quieter than it had been. She didn't seem to understand that he needed more time before even attempting to repair those friendships, even if he was already trying to fix things with her. But, it was more than that. The look on her face told him that she thought he was leaving. And as much as he wanted to get away from the current conversation, he'd never intended to go anywhere, but she clearly thought otherwise. He wasn't going to leave her again though. He just needed to move. Do something, anything. Make sure she'd follow.
"Sam—" Andy tried again, her voice cracking as tears welled up in her eyes.
In one swift movement, he yanked her forward and wrapped her up in his arms. "One drink."
Andy's mouth fell open as her arms encircled his waist. Had he really just agreed?
As much as he hated the idea right now, he knew that if he didn't at least make an effort to forgive his friends, and actually show it, then she'd never believe he forgave her. And, if she didn't think he forgave her, there would always be something holding them back. At the same time though, he knew that one drink wouldn't convince her. She was stubborn, and it was going to take a lot more than that to get her to believe otherwise. "But you need to drop it."
She nodded into his chest, but couldn't stop herself from blurting out, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean it. I know you've changed a lot, I just—"
"McNally," he said sharply, pulling away a little so he could look at her face.
Andy nodded again, this time keeping quiet.
"One drink," Sam repeated quietly. "But you're having it with me."
"Okay," she breathed, holding him a little tighter. That was fair, more than fair.
"And then…" He paused and she could tell he was feeling uncertain about something.
She raised her head to search his face, frowning as his expression softened. "And then?" she asked a little nervously.
He placed a soft kiss on her lips. "And then I want you to come home with me." Regardless of what did or didn't happen, he wanted her there with him when he fell asleep, and when he woke up.
A small smile formed on her face. "Are you going to hold me?" she asked quietly, almost shyly. "And never let me go?"
"Never," he agreed, his lips meeting hers again as his grip tightened in response to her first question.
Someone clearing their throat a couple of feet away had them pulling apart. Andy immediately buried her head in his chest, but he simply nudged her towards his side of the bench and slid in afterward, ignoring the look the waitress gave them as she set their food on the table.
Their meals were mostly consumed in silence, but it had long since become a comfortable one. As he ate, Sam ran a hand over her closest leg in a soothing manner and, upon finishing her meal, Andy's head came to rest on his shoulder. They remained like this for a little while afterward, until he saw Andy's failed attempt at stifling a yawn. "Ready?" he asked quietly, dropping a kiss on top of her head.
She hesitated. "I know this is going to sound stupid, but can we maybe… can we umm…?"
With a hand under her chin, Sam gently turned her towards him. "Can we what?"
"Can we go to The Penny another night?" Andy asked quietly.
His eyes widened. After all that, she wanted to back out?
"I just… I just want to go home, with you. Finish our night like this," Andy said, feeling a little guilty for even suggesting it. But he was right. Tonight was supposed to be about them, but she'd made it into something else. And as much as she wanted to help him with his friends, she wasn't so sure she was prepared to risk what progress they'd already made.
Sam considered her for a moment before nodding, putting some money down, and pulling her from the booth. Relief was flooding through him. He was pretty sure he wasn't ready to face his friends again, not without really laying into them, and he certainly didn't want her to be around when that happened.
Within twenty minutes they were stepping inside his place.
"Sam?"
Something in her voice had his heart beating a little faster before he'd even turned to look at her. And the second he was facing her, her lips were on his and she was backing him towards the stairs.
"McNally, wait," he said between kisses, his voice soft but hesitant. "I know I asked you to come here, and I've said a lot of things recently, but..." Sam paused, wondering if he was being the biggest idiot in the world. "Are you sure you want to do this now?"
Her entire body froze. "W-w-what?" She stuttered, finally backing away. Was he reconsidering their relationship?
Again he hesitated. He wanted this, but this time they had to do things right, and maybe that meant taking things slow. Not allowing their relationship to be taken over by the physical like it had been, for the most part, in the past. They needed more of a balance. More talking, better communication. Pretty much everything he'd become a pro at avoiding. "Maybe rushing things isn't..." Sam fell silent at the look of dejection on her face. "I want to," he said quickly, sliding his hands upward until they cupped her face. "Believe me, I do. But, I don't want to screw anything up."
"And you think this would?" She asked, a little bit of the hurt vanishing as the meaning behind his words sunk in. He had a point.
"I don't know, McNally," he said quietly.
She bit down on her lower lip until he brushed his thumb over it and forced her teeth to release it. As he did so, her right hand came up to rest on his chest. "Sam, we're going to get it right this time. We will," she said, confidence now oozing from her voice. "And after today, I have no doubts about that. Not that it will be easy or anything, but things are different now. We're different. And I know what I want..." She met his gaze. "I want you. And I was so stupid before—"
He silenced her with a tender kiss.
When their lips parted a soft smile was on her face. "But right now, I just want to feel this," she mumbled into his lips as her fingers gently tapped against his chest, just over his heart. She could feel it beating heavily, its rhythm picking up a little at her touch and again at her words. "But if you don't—"
Once again, he found himself silencing her with a kiss, before scooping her up and carrying her towards the stairs. He was hesitant to proceed, but not opposed to it, and if this was what she wanted or needed, he wasn't going to hold back because as worried as he was about screwing up, he wanted this too.
"Uh, Sam?" Andy said, a giggle escaping her. "You nearly killed us on the way to the couch last night, are you sure you can handle the stairs?"
"Just keep your head down and your arms and legs tucked in—" he growled.
"What, am I on an amusement park ride now?" she asked with a grin.
He rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop the smirk from appearing, thankful when they made it to the top of the stairs without incident. Upon entering his room, he gently set her down instead of carrying her to the bed, giving her a little more time in case she decided to back out. What he wasn't expecting though was her next move.
She immediately walked towards the window, each step slow but direct.
He followed, slowly running his hands up and down her arms as he placed soft kisses along her neck and jawline. When she swept her hair to the side and tilted her head to give him better access to her neck, he left another trail of kisses there, then slowly turned her to him.
A smile graced her lips as she looked up at him, her hands coming to rest on his triceps before finally sliding up behind his neck in an attempt to pull him closer. His breath was now fanning across her face, making her thoughts a little hazy. And then his lips were on hers again. Slow, gentle, and sweet. Her heart rate quickened as warmth spread throughout her body, the sheer amount of heat making her feel like she was on fire. Albeit, it was far more pleasant, making her body tingle with an excitement that she hadn't felt in a long time. The kiss deepened as her hands shifted to the hem of his shirt. When he raised his arms, she tugged it over his head, then pulled him back in for another searing kiss. But, as his fingers slowly unbuttoned her shirt, she pulled back a little and took a moment to really look at him. They'd obviously slept together recently, so it wasn't like it had been a long time since she'd seen him like this, but this time it was different. Her eyes traveled from his head to his toes.
Black hair, thick but soft. She'd run her hand through it numerous times in the past, both playfully and in moments of passion. And the thought of how he'd gotten so lucky as to have a full head of hair at his age had crossed her mind more than once. After all, a lot of other guys his age were starting to get bald spots. Not that she'd really care if he had one, she was just so used to what he had now. The prospect of an 80 year old balding Sam almost had her breaking out into a fit of giggles, but his lips on her jaw had her attention snapping back.
Eyes, warm but intriguing. There had always been an unusual depth to his brown orbs, one that she'd found herself lost in on multiple occasions. But, that was Sam for you. Whether he'd ever admit to being complex or not, he was deep and complicated, and if you really wanted to know him, you had to dig deep and look beyond the surface. She caught a glimpse of his eyes before he placed another kiss on her lips. They were dark with desire. The thought caused a shiver to run through her as thoughts of those same dark eyes surfaced. When she'd seen them. What he'd been doing. A moan escaped her. A split second later, she could feel Sam smirking into her lips before his lips vanished altogether. She attempted to pull him back in, but he seemed to be on a mission. Letting out a breath, her eyes continued their downward journey.
Lips, so soft and inviting. The eyes always got her first, but she'd developed a habit of watching the way his mouth moved to form certain words and every time she did, she found herself thinking about kissing him. And she had been suckered into it numerous times because the longer she looked, the more she wanted to lean in just a little closer and press her lips to his. She was pretty sure he knew that too, and had made a point of getting in her space a few times, even when they weren't together. Somehow though, something had pretty much always interrupted them, kept them from completely closing the gap. But not now. As these thoughts crossed her mind, his lips were skillfully maneuvering across her exposed skin, causing goosebumps to pop up in their wake. Her eyes shifted again.
His arms, strong and safe. She couldn't even count how many times she'd walked away from a dangerous situation and just wanted to feel those arms around her, because in those moments, no matter what happened, she knew she was safe.
Chest, sculpted but not excessively. Ever since she'd seen him undressing in the men's changeroom during her first shift, she'd thought he was easy on the eyes, but since then, she'd probably spent just as much time staring at it as she had using it as a pillow.
Her eyes shifted downward to just below his belt, her back arching when he found her pulse point again. His... A giggle escaped her, despite her best efforts to subdue it. Sam temporarily pulled back and quirked an eyebrow, but she merely shook her head, silently cursing the blush that was spreading across her cheeks. If he had any idea what she was thinking, he'd get that cocky grin back on his face, the same one he had when he'd been teasing her about her use of the phrase "holy moly". She forced her eyes lower, going way down to his feet. The same feet she'd used countless times in the middle of the night to warm up her own.
Sam slid her shirt off her shoulders and down her arms, his fingers simultaneously gliding along her freshly exposed skin in a caressing manner.
Another shiver ran through her, anticipation at an all-time high. Yet, in a matter of seconds, it all just seemed to come crashing down. Her thoughts strayed, her entire body stiffened, and her arms unconsciously shifted to cross over her body.
Sensing the change in her the second her shirt hit the floor, Sam immediately pulled away, worried he'd done something wrong, but the blush on her cheeks and the way her eyes were shut and lips were pressed together left him puzzled. "We don't have to do this," he gently reminded her, willing her to look at him.
Andy's eyes slowly opened and her blush deepened. "I... I want to," she said quietly, and she really did. Yet, there was something holding her back.
"But...?"
She shook her head, silently scolding her body for betraying her. She wanted this. Wanted him. To be close to him. To feel every emotion and every thought. "Nothing," she said, trying to bury her head in his chest. "Don't... Don't stop."
"McNally?" Sam pressed, trying to coax her head away from his body so that he could see her face again.
Silence. She couldn't help but fidget a little under the intensity of his gaze. Even with her eyes cast downward, she could feel it.
"Are you being shy?" he asked, eyes wide with disbelief. It seemed like a ridiculous question, but with the way she was covering herself, she seemed uncomfortable or uncertain about something.
"It's just... It's been a long time."
"What?" he asked, unable to hold back a small laugh. That didn't make any sense. "Uh, McNally, we did this recently."
"Yeah, but that wasn't really you." She shook her head, knowing how stupid it sounded. "I mean, it was you, but not you." A frustrated sigh escaped her. It barely even made sense in her head, so how could she possibly get him to understand?
He mulled her words over for a moment before sliding his hands into hers and gently tugging her towards the bed. Her hesitance was obvious, yet she followed, sitting down beside him. Seconds later though, she was falling backward on the bed, her back pressed against the sheets as her hands flew upward to cover her face. Her embarrassment turned into obvious frustration. Slowly easing himself down beside her, he turned on his side and propped himself up with one elbow so that he could see her fully. "McNally?" he said softly, gently pulling her hands away from her face.
She immediately flipped over onto her stomach and shoved her face in the sheets, leaving him feeling a little lost. Nevertheless, he found his hand moving to her back, tracing familiar patterns on her skin until she turned her head to face him.
"I can't just forget about it. I want to, but… I screwed up," Andy said. "I panicked. I didn't think. I just… I did what I was told. I tried to keep my distance, but I couldn't. Even your sister knew it. Everyone did. Except you."
"Knew you couldn't keep your distance?" Sam asked, his forehead creasing in confusion.
Andy shook her head. "That I never stopped loving you," she replied, her voice barely audible.
His lips twitched, but he remained silent, knowing she had a lot more to say.
"And when you kissed me…" She shook her head and let out a loud breath. "I couldn't…" She struggled to find the words. "If you hadn't left that first night…" Her eyes met his and she silently pleaded for him to understand what she couldn't seem to say. As hard as she'd tried to just be friends with him, the second he'd kissed her, she'd found herself unable to resist him. When his eyes widened a fraction, she knew he got it. "I just… I didn't know how to separate the past from the present," Andy continued. "I couldn't. It just kept mixing and I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't push you away, but I didn't know how to just move forward and start again. I loved you…" Seeing him stiffen, she quickly corrected herself with an explanation. "And as different as things were, I was falling for you again. And I know how weird that sounds because if I never stopped, then how does it happen again? But it did. And now you're back and… and I'm glad, but it's just different. It's like I've been cheating on you with you." She cringed a little as she thought about Nick too.
Sam couldn't help but chuckle, though he quickly sobered at her expression. "You know me," he said softly, linking his fingers with hers. "The old me. The other one. And this one. But it's all me. Always has been."
"I know," Andy said quietly. "But it was all different. Not wrong, just different. And I just… I don't know how to do this anymore. How to be us again."
"There isn't a rule book, McNally," he said, releasing her hand so he could brush the hair out of her face. "We've both changed, and we're going to keep changing. But we're… we're in this together. We'll figure it out. Just you," Sam said, raising her hand to his lips. "And me," he added, placing her hand over his heart so she could feel it beating.
"Yeah, and when did you become such an expert?" she asked, a small smile gracing her face. She was teasing him a little, but mostly just to cover up the shock she felt. The man in front of her really had changed. His effort at being more open was obvious, and it warmed her heart. But, she still couldn't quite figure out what to attribute it to.
"I didn't," he argued. Seeing her confusion, he added, "I just know what I want now, and I know enough not to let it go."
"And what's that?" she asked a little shyly.
"You."
Andy rolled onto her side, her hand sliding to his neck before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on his lips. When she finally pulled away, she tugged on his arm and guided him on top of her.
Sam's eyes searched hers. What she wanted was clear, yet he hesitated at seeing a tear escape her right eye. "Why are you crying?" he asked softly, wiping the tear away with the pad of his thumb.
She pulled his forehead down to hers so that they were touching. "I missed you," she breathed. "So much." And she had, more than she thought was possible.
"I missed you too," he replied, tilting his head a little so he could kiss her nose.
"I thought I lost you. That we'd never find our way back." Another tear escaped. Her voice shook as she continued. "I don't know what I would have done without you. I don't know if I could have—"
His heart broke for her. "I love you."
Andy blinked hard. "W-w-what?" She was positive she'd misheard him. She had to have. The only other time he'd said that was when she was holding a grenade, or so she thought. She hadn't heard him whisper it the night before while she slept.
"I love you," Sam repeated, watching her eyes widen just a little as a big smile spread across her face. "And umm…" He took a deep breath. "And one day I'm going to officially make you mine."
It took her a moment to fully process the last part. "You're going to…" she began and then it clicked. Sure, he'd promised in the past to not give up without a fight and then he'd done the opposite, but this seemed different. It felt different. The look in his eyes told her that he was serious, and the words themselves were ones she knew he wouldn't say if he wasn't certain. Her heart swelled. She pulled him close and kissed him softly, each movement gentle but full of meaning. "I love you too," she mumbled against his lips when they broke away for air.
Once again, he found himself pulling back a little more so that he could see her entire face.
"What?" she asked quietly when he continued to stare in silence.
His lips twitched. "You're beautiful."
Another blush crept into her cheeks.
Sam leaned down and placed another kiss on her lips before trailing kisses along her jaw. "And smart." He moved down to her neck.
"And yours," Andy supplied, tilting her head to the side to give him better access to her neck.
"And mine," Sam agreed, unable to keep the grin off his face as his lips moved back up to hers. After brushing his nose up against hers, he kissed her tenderly again. "And I'm never letting you go."
Andy smiled up at him before drawing him back in.
His insides squirmed as she deepened the kiss, allowing her to shift beneath him and use her hands to guide him. She was back. He was back. And he'd told her he wanted a future with her, that he loved her. Now, he needed to focus on reinforcing it from here on out. Make sure she never doubted it. Force himself to tell her again and again. And show her. Make her feel it. Somehow get her to stop feeling guilty and understand how much he needed her in his life. And he did. She was engrained in every fibre of his being, and she always would be.
Thanks for reading! Hope you'll let me know what you think.
Now, for those of you who wanted Andy to come back safely, I think that was achieved (just a scuffed up cheek), but for those of you wanting to see Sam really worry… Well, you'll get your wish. It just might be more than you're anticipating…
And sorry, their date was supposed to be fluffy, but it turned into something completely different. I'm just going to blame still not feeling 100% for that... I mean, I was pretty out of it. Lost my phone in a linen closet, lol. Who does that? But hey, at least my addled brain didn't throw Marlo/Smarlo into the story, hahaha. Anyway, to those of you following some of my other stories, my apologies for the lack of updates last week and this week – I haven't forgotten about them and am really hoping to update some more soon.
Up next, we have a bit of a time jump, where Andy finds her life changing both professionally and personally. But, how will it affect things with Sam?
Twitter – RB_ADI2DE