Notes: The big 2-0!!! And it's doozy!

Chapter Twenty

Desperation and Need

Bella POV

I stared at the typed letter that was brightly lit on the monitor of my computer. All I could do for a long, drawn out moment, is stare at the first letter. I couldn't even will myself to start reading the letter. I couldn't get past the first freaking letter. It was strange though. I was scared. I was scared to start reading his letter to me. It was a nervous scared. I was feeling like the beginning again. The feeling of butterflies was overwhelming me. If my heart were'nt dead, it would be hammering loudly in my chest for all to hear. I knew I missed Edward, but how much I missed him, wasn't apparent to me until now. I missed his smell, his arms, his hair, his eyes. I missed the way he kissed me, I missed his arms around me, always protective. I missed how now that I wasn't breakable, he could be more forceful with me. I missed how he could never tell me no. I missed how we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. Suddenly a thought popped into my head. What if Edward was here? Somewhere close enough. I closed my eyes and concentrated. I pushed the elastic band of my shield to wash over the whole bedroom, pouring out of the window and along a small portion of trees outside. I opened my eyes slowly and let my mind think of everything that had been on my mind since I left. If my instincts were right, he was near. He would hear my thoughts. I returned my attention to the screen and willed myself to read the letter.

My Dearest Bella,

I felt that it would be necessary of me to let you know how I felt about things before we were face to face. I didn't want any uneasiness to come between us right now. I know about your...friend that has come with you. I wanted you to know that it's okay. I understand. Please don't feel that you felt the need to move on. I told you that from the moment I met you, I wanted nothing but your ultimate happiness. It would be blasphemy for me to say that I wasn't jealous, or that I was happy that you have found someone else. But you need to know that no matter what, I am here. For whatever it is you need for me to be. Friend, confidante, or just an old aquaintance. Either way, you have to know that not once did my love for you ever falter. I screwed up. I am not worthy of you, that is clear to me. It won't mean that I won't always wait for you. Even if all the waiting just led you a call here and there. I love you Isabella Marie Swan. You are still my wife, and I hold on to that more than you know. I miss you terribly. I ache for you. I've said to much. You may not want to hear any of this. But it's all I have.

For Eternity,

Edward

I had stopped breathing entirely. A lump had swelled in my throat, constricting any normal breathing. I needed him. God, I needed him. I shot up from the chair to my feet. I paced back and forth between the bed and the desk. I needed him. Oh god, Edward. I love you. I wanted him. I wanted his breath on me. I wanted his hands ravishing every inch of me. Keeping with my pacing, the need for Edward was building rapidly. And quite strong. I turned on my heels, pacing back towards the window again, when I was startled. There he was. Standing there just inside my window. He was so beautiful. I felt a pang deep below when I saw him. I sighed heavily.

"Edward..." I whispered roughly.

Without saying a word, his mouth crashed into mine. His hands holding my face to his. There was such a need to the way he kissed me. This was something new for us. We had never needed each other so much before like we did at this moment. I wrapped my arms around him, grasping at the back of his tight shirt. His tongue caressed every inch of my mouth, licking at my teeth. I bit him bottom lip lightly, yet still drawing blood. He hissed in pleasure as my vemon stung his lip. I felt one of his hands grasping hungrily at my hair while the other pulled my hips into him more. I had never heard Edward's breathing as heavy as it was right now. All it did was fuel my hunger for him more. Suddenly Connor flashed into my thoughts. Both of us pulled away from each other. I had forgotten that Edward could read my thoughts right now. We stood there staring at each other, our shoulders moving up and down with our heavy breathing. Edward's eyes were darker than ever with his lust and need, and I could see a flash of anger in them too. Anger, or jealously.

"Edward...we can't...he's downstairs." I breathed at him.

Edward's voice was dark, with calculated anger to it. "You tell me right now you don't want me. You let me in your head. Tell me right now you don't want this, that you don't love me. Say it!"

Yep. Anger. I didn't know what to do. My brain and heart were telling me to think of Connor. This would hurt him. I looked up at Edward, pained. Torn. His face had not changed, except with more anger. I closed my eyes, reeling in my shield. This wasn't fair to Edward either.

"Don't. Don't you dare." He shot at me.

"Edward, it's not fair. You shouldn't have to go through this."

Edward's hard arms grabbed my waist, yanking me into him. His face was dark, sinister almost. "You can't tell me. You can't look at me and tell me you don't want this. That you don't love me."

"You know I love you. That never changed."

"You want this. I can smell it." His voice was low. Each of his words were being growled at me.

A pang of pleasure throbbed in my wet center. He was right. I needed him more than ever right now. Still not answering his question, I looked at Edward again. Pleading with him to go, to make it easier to say no. Edward's hand whipped up to the back of my head, yanking it back. His cool breath washed over my neck just below my ear. His lips lingered. And almost inaudibally, Edward growled again. "You are mine."

Next thing I knew, Edward had grabbed my hand, pulling me after him. We jumped out the window and ran into the night. He was fast, faster than usual. It was hard for me to keep up as he pulled me through the woods, whizzing past trees. I could see that we were fastly approaching our old house. I wasn't ready to be in that house again. "Edward stop." He wasn't listening though. "Stop!" Was he ignoring me? I used all the strength I had in me and yanked my arm back, breaking his hold on me. "I said stop!"

Edward abruptly stopped at the loss of my hand, slowly turning to face me. His eyes had not changed. He stood there, studying me. He was animalistic. Gorgeous. Raw. His dark blue jeans complimented all his best parts. His tight black shirt hugged his muscular frame perfectly. More waves of need made my thighs clench together. He saw this. His lips twitched, slightly bearing his teeth. If it were possible, my breathing got rougher. Almost strained. I barely bit my bottom lip. He was making this hard. "Edward, are you hungry? I mean, have you fed lately?" He was making me nervous.

"Yes." He started to slowly make his way towards me. I took a couple steps back.

"It's just, you've changed a little." I was trying to break the tension between us. I didn't want to hurt Connor.

"Yes, after you left, things changed a little bit." He took a few more steps towards me, and I followed with a few steps back.

"I think we should talk about this." I pleaded, slightly frantic. My need for him was stronger. I was wetter. My muscles were literally aching for this. It was getting hard to fight it. I had taken more steps backwards, before backing myself into a big, thick tree. One corner of Edward's mouth turned up slightly. He took the last few, slow steps towards me, planting himself directly in front of me.

"There's plenty of time to talk, love." His hand was at my throat, pinning me to the tree. I didn't fight him though. I did want this. I grabbed at his back, pulling him further into me. He was so strong. It was like a perfect upgrade that I never dreamed of. He was already perfect to me, but this was unimaginable. Our lips crashed into each other with equal force. His tongue was so sweet, it made my thighs clench tighter. I ran my hands through his hair, hissing in pleasure from his kisses. I ran my hand down his chest, down his perfect stomach, pulling up his shirt. He released me momentarilly to free himself of his shirt. He lunged at me again, picking me up. His arms were wrapped around me tightly. I felt it in the way he held me. He never wanted to let me go.

It was crazy. To me anyways. For some reason, in that moment, the way he held onto me, made me forgive everything that he had done. It all washed away in a split second. All I felt for him now was longing. I felt like I had missed out on precious moments with him, because I was stubborn and unforgiving. I kissed feverishly along his neck as he held me. Nipping at his ear. "I love you." I whispered lightly.

He leaned back to look at me. His eyes were still dark. His face was still sinister looking. I could still see the lust and the need. The anger however, was slowly subsiding. "Bella, I love you." He kissed me again, as we crashed to the ground, rolling around with each other. My pants flew off effortlessly. The only piece of clothing that had met a timely death, were my panties. I felt his hardness slide roughly into me.

I was a highly selfish person.

AN: Well! Edward is a little naughty now isn't he. So damn demanding....I like it! Poor Connor! But uh oh...what happens next?!? Reviews are air, give it to me! And you shall find out!