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Chapter 20

Permanent Halloween

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Jason~

My mouth drops open, I can't even manage a 'Huh' because I'm too shocked, I was nice to her, wasn't I?

"She just got into the elevator crying and told me she was late for a meeting with Alan, so I'm asking you once more before this ashtray gets thrown at your head." She raises some orangey black object in her hand.

I look at the 'alleged' ashtray with more than a bit of confusion and I think about what I said to Robin "I told her I forgave her or maybe I didn't say that exactly."

She lowers her hand and her eyes grow softer "You forgave her?"

"I don't know when I stopped being angry, but I'm not anymore."

She looks away and then back before hesitantly asks "Do you still love her?"

I almost laugh at her words; they're the most hope I've ever had that she might or that she might one day really have feelings for me. I shake my head "Not like that. I'll love her for everything she was for me, but what is it people say something about the sunrise and sunset, it's not that anymore."

She looks away and starts to walk a bit, just shy of pacing "You know maybe if you gave yourself a chance again, you could love her like that again."

"No"

"Jason right now I can be standing in the way of your happiness. You want kids and…"

By now she has started pacing, I grab her by the shoulders and hold her forcing her to look into my eyes "We've had this discussion, you and I are husband and wife, that is not changing and the kids subject, we've done that too. Now we are moving into our house in two and a half days, so stop trying to back out."

She laughs at me and blinks out the tears that had formed in her eyes "I just want you to be happy" she places a hand on my cheek.

"I am happy, trust me"

The air between us is still and Brenda like usual breaks it, she saves us from me. "I'm sorry I overreacted again."

"If it makes you feel better, you do it a lot let frequently now."

She smiles looking up at me "I just want her to be happy."

I envelope her in my arms "Bren, you want everyone to be happy. Everyone that is except for you."

"Don't make me sound like a masochist Jase."

"I'm not, but I want you to remember that while you want all of us to be happy we want the same for you."

She pulls away and nods "I know." She shakes her head suddenly "I almost forgot. Michael's ashtray."

She raises the orange with black spots mound in her hand "Do I smoke?"

She laughs "Leticia said something about the teacher offering a list of idea and Michael went with this one, which leads me to seriously wonder what exactly kindergarten teachers are teaching innocent young minds. However Michael was very proud so I'm thinking it can be a very shallow candy dish, our first new piece of décor for our home."

"Promise me we don't have to match the living room to it."

"What you don't like the thought of permanent Halloween?"

I just laugh and she joins in.