"Again." Rey demanded sitting across from Kylo a few months later. She'd still been unsuccessful at convincing General Organa to allow them to train outside of his cell which had slowed her hand to hand combat practice but otherwise hadn't affected the rest of the training. Today she was the teacher: having him try to control his anger and rage once raised. It was the third time this session she was asking him to recall something horrible, something that made his skin crawl with anger and then have to calm himself.

Kylo was very unhappy that for some of the lessons he was now the student. He took a breath and thought about how much he hated Luke. How often he'd been made to feel insignificant and small besides his uncle. And then he thought about all of the people who were dead because of Luke, including his grandfather, and the rage that was always there, always simmering just under the controlled voice boiled to the surface.

"Good. Now think about your calming, inner space." She said quietly. The first few times they'd done this the guards had had to come in after Kylo had tried to attack Rey when he was blinded by his rage. She just blinked at the guards as the light streamed in and Kylo Ren hung in the air, held by the force after knocking the chairs and table over trying to get to her. The outburst had scared Rey and Kylo knew that he would have to learn to control it or she would be lost to him forever, he could see it in her eyes those first few times as she thought about running and never coming back.

Many nights over the last months Kylo had contemplated who was playing whom. He was beginning to believe that maybe she was better at the strategic planning than she let on, allowing him to believe that she didn't understand it all while maneuvering him into a place where he would actually care about her. And some nights he really began to wonder how much more light he could allow, how much more of Rey he could permit into himself before he wouldn't be able to find the Dark Side any more. He'd been tempted long before she came into his life and now that she was the only thing he interacted with he was afraid to loose himself every time they ended up in each other's arms.

Kylo pulled on the force, thinking about sunlight and clouds and any other number of calming things and willed his anger to subside. Sometimes he had to go through the entire catalog of images before he felt the anger subside but he'd managed it for weeks now and it was getting easier. If he was honest with himself the part that drove him was the thought of being able to touch Rey again without her feeling threatened. It was usually that thought that finally would do the trick that the reward was worth the price.

"Good. Very good." She pulled up one leg and tucking it under her. She leaned forward and felt as the force filled him instead of the anger. "And you said it wouldn't work." She chided as he opened his eyes and looked at the woman in front of him.

"It never has before."

"Maybe you just weren't patient enough with yourself?" She asked.

"Maybe." He scoffed as he reached across the table to take her hand. "Or maybe the thought of you running from this room and never returning was a better motivator to me than anything Master Luke could come up with as a viable reason to squash the hate and passion I feel sometimes."

"Maybe." She smiled at him.

"Come here." He insisted pulling on her hand.

"In a minute." She said taking her hand back. He frowned at her rebuff. "I've been given a new assignment." She started. "It's off world."

"What?" His features turned hard then and she watched as the anger rose in him a little again. Closing his eyes he breathed deeply before opening them again. "When?"

"Next week."

"What's the mission?"

"I can't tell you."

"See this right here is why I hate the Resistance. Why I hate attachment. You make me care for you and now you're going racing off towards your death."

"You don't know that."

"Well I don't know anything about the mission so I am going to assume that it is dangerous and horrible and completely unnecessary."

"It is necessary."

"Why can't they send someone else?"

"Because my particular set of skills are needed."

"Then take me with you." He offered.

"You're not part of the resistance and you know your mother won't go for that."

"Don't go then."

"I'm going to go. It's my first off world mission."

"And could be your last. If you think I am unstable now, what happens if you don't return? What happens if I have to feel you die?" He spat angrily trying to turn things around on her.

"Don't do that. Don't try to manipulate me into staying." She said as she got up and moved to stand in front of him, within touching distance. He looked up at her, felt her closeness and swore under his breath as he reached up and tugged her shirt towards him. Rey ended up in his lap, feeling ridiculous.

"Don't try to kiss your way into letting me let you go." He retorted locking his arms around her and pulling her close.

"Letting me go? Do you hear yourself?"

"Yes letting you go. I could go on a hunger strike until you return." He offered as she brushed her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and growled softly at the touch.

"You're insane."

"You're insane too." He said opening his eyes.

"Just shut up and kiss me then." She said as she pressed her lips to his.

A week later…

Rey shoved her bag in the compartment under the x-wing as she prepared for her mission. She was heading to Boz Pity as an Ambassador to a group of outsiders who Leia wanted to bring into the Resistance. It was supposed to be a diplomatic mission. Rey tried to contain her excitement at finally being of use to the Resistance. She double checked that her new robes were safely secured before she went to find R2-D2. She seemed to have inherited him once Luke had been put to rest.

After telling R2 that she would be ready to leave within the next two hours she set off to see Kylo. They'd spent the better part of the week fighting about her mission and how dangerous it would be. She never mentioned what the mission was and to her relief he didn't search her mind to find out.

"I don't like this Rey." He started as soon as she set foot in the door.

"Well I do." She said. "Look I came to say good-bye. I'll be back before you know it."

"You have no idea what you're walking into." He said trying to get her to admit her mission.

"Maybe not to the same level you would but I've been reviewing the history with you and General Organa now for months. And I know my mission. And besides it's not like I'm going anywhere near the Core planets." He raised his eyebrows at that. It was the first clue she'd given.

"Please reconsider letting me go with you. Or take that Finn traitor you're so fond of." He gestured wildly at the door.

"He's on his own mission. I'll have R2 with me, don't worry."

"But I am worried." He paused. "And I hate it."

"You can feel me." She said walking up to him and putting her hands on his biceps feeling the heat of his skin through the thin shirt they'd given him. "You'll know I'm ok."

"And I'll know when you're in trouble and not be able to do anything about it. And that thought terrifies me."

"Kylo, I'll be fine. I'm not going anywhere near the fleet."

"They're not the only ones you have to worry about." He ground out.

"I know that."

"Do you though? Really? You lived on a planet by yourself for 18 years, isolated. You are open and vulnerable and it radiates from you."

"I am not going to change who I am because the Galaxy is a hard place. I will survive. Have no doubt about that."

Kylo nodded, understanding that she was going to do this with or without a proper goodbye. He moved his arms to pull her to him then, to hug her, to feel her solid against him before she left. He'd watched so many leave and never come back.

"I don't doubt you'll do your best to survive." He said sadly. He caught her chin with his hand and tilted her face upwards. "Come back in one piece will you?"

"Of course." She said looking up at him before he lowered his lips to hers. Kylo's hands roamed over her shoulders and down her back. Rey made a small sound of pleasure as his fingers reached the bottom of her shirt and snaked his hands up her shirt as he bent down to lift her against him. He sat on the hard bunk as he continued kissing her and roaming his hands around the soft skin of her back. Rey pulled back briefly to pull her shirt over her head before trying to return to kissing him.

"Wait, stop." He said grabbing her hands as she tried to unbutton his shirt. "We've never done this before and you want to do it now?"

"Yes."

"Why?" His brow furrowed. He'd enjoyed the slowness of everything they'd been doing, even if it frustrated him immensely. She could go weeks without even letting him touch her because she had control over her emotions and her needs. And he'd given her space, knowing that the emotions between them were confusing at best and harmful at worst.

"Because I want to know you're mine." She blushed as she said it but he felt the honesty behind what she said.

"You already know that." He said rubbing his fingers across the backs of her hands. "You have nothing to prove here."

"You don't want this?" She asked, confused and feeling the sting of embarrassment. Kylo smiled a little, biting his lower lip before snaking on arm completely around her waist and grinding himself against her.

"Does that feel like I don't want this?" He asked. She shook her head before he pulled her lips to his again. The kiss was slow and exploring as he rubbed against her. He pulled away again, "I just don't want you to think you have to do this because you're leaving. If you're going to come back we can continue whenever you're ready. Do you want this now?" He asked, feeling her hesitation through their connection.

"No." She sighed out in relief. "You're too sad and angry with me for this to be enjoyable for both of us."

"Then kiss me again and go." He moved his arm around her to trace circles on her back as she frowned and leaned down to do as he instructed.

AN: Is he really hers? Or is he still playing a game? J Thanks lovelies!

TBC...