AN: Oh hi, it's me, Emma. Remember how I gave that whole spiel about how I was done writing this story and I was like "sorry it wasn't a satisfying ending buuuut thank you for reading?"

Yeah so I kind of changed my mind. I don't know if anyone will keep reading this but I was thinking about this story and I had this whole idea about how I could go so much deeper into exploring the relationship between Harry and Draco. I was thinking about it when I first was writing but was kind of scared to do it for multiple reasons, including that I don't want people to be mad at me for changing a kind of serious story into a romantic drama (which is not my intention by including the relationship between Harry and Draco). I was also nervous about the homosexuality, because I didn't want to mislead people with a story about friendship and then stick a gay relationship into it, but the other day I was just like… it's the 21st century, and it's my story so I can do what I want!

But no, seriously, if you don't like gay relationships then don't keep reading. I think the initial ending was enough to be somewhat satisfactory if you choose not to continue. I have a couple things to say before I go on:

1. I am not gay, so if I write a gay relationship completely incorrectly, I'm sorry. I think I did okay but I just want to put out a disclaimer.

2. I have not been raped. I have experienced a lot of trauma, mostly from three suicide attempts and spending months in a mental hospital, but I have never been raped, and I don't want to seem like I'm glorifying or romanticizing it. Rape is a horrible thing and it ruins lives. It does not always end in a happy relationship with someone you know will never hurt you. However, I know from personal experience that beautiful relationships can come out of the darkest places, and that's why I felt compelled to continue the story in this way.

3. I have dealt with trauma in a very different way from Harry and Draco in my story. My coping mechanism was humor, so I'd be like "hahaha so yeah I jumped over the counter in the cafeteria of the mental hospital, grabbed a knife and tried to slit my throat before getting tackled and restrained lol" and "lololol I had electroshock therapy like 40 times on both sides of my brain haha and now I don't remember anything from the past 5 years of my life hahaha" and laugh it off. They're not like that, so I'm writing from personal experience in some ways but not in other ways. I don't want anyone to think this is a 100% accurate representation of what PTSD is for everyone, because everyone is different and different situations and people warrant different reactions.

So basically that was a long winded way of saying that I'm going to post a couple more chapters. I have them pre-written so don't worry about waiting months between them (if anyone still cares about this story lol). So the same warnings apply: trigger warning for depression, anxiety, suicide, self harm, trauma, and rape. And then also a warning that there will be a gay relationship. Okay, thanks if you read all the way through this, and I hope you enjoy :)

...

Chapter 20

Draco

Draco woke gasping, his heart racing, as his eyes scanned the room around him. He was lying on the couch in the library which was dimly lit by a lamp on the desk, and Harry was on the floor, having made himself a nest of pillows and blankets on the rug. His breath was coming in short gasps, and he fought to quiet the wheezing so as not to wake the Gryffindor. Nonetheless, the raven-haired boy lifted his head and gazed at him with sleepy eyes.

"Breathe," he whispered. He gave an exaggerated breath in, then out. Draco copied him. They had begun doing this every time the other was on the verge of a panic attack. "Nightmare?" Harry asked softly.

He nodded, gulping down the fear and lying back down. It had been almost two weeks since Severus had asked to be their guardian, and many things had changed, but the nightmares had been a constant for both of them. They rarely slept in separate rooms anymore, always camping out on the floor of the other's room or the library. "Do you want to talk about it?" Harry prompted.

Draco glanced down at the other boy with his messy hair and green eyes concentrated on him. He had become somewhat of a rock for him over the past weeks, someone who understood him. Someone safe. Harry had begun talking again and more frequently, and Draco hoped his presence comforted Harry as much as his comforted Draco.

He sighed and rolled back onto his back, staring at the ceiling. "I just feel dirty. Like I don't deserve to be loved or cared about after what they did to me. Like I'll contaminate the people around me."

Harry grabbed his hand and Draco jumped, startled, but relaxed a moment later. Harry held their hands up in front of his face. "See? Not contaminated."

Draco smiled softly and squeezed Harry's hand, before the other boy let go. He mourned the loss of the contact for a moment before chastising himself. You're dirty. You shouldn't touch anyone, or else they'll know just how disgusting you are. He closed his eyes again, wishing that the voice in his head would go away, just for a while. He couldn't escape it.

"I can see your thoughts on your face," Harry said from his nest.

"Yeah, well I can practically hear you screaming at yourself internally every second, so shut up," Draco said, opening his eyes again and smirking at him.

Harry smiled, a smile that had been buried deep inside of him for so long. Draco was happy that he was finally starting to see it again.

...

Severus

Severus awoke slowly to Tiddles poking his face. He groaned and pushed himself up.

"Master told Tiddles to wake him up at 7 o'clock. He said-"

"Yes, Tiddles, I know what I said. Could you get me a cup of coffee?"

"Of course, sir. Would you like it up here or downstairs?" the elf squeaked eagerly.

"Downstairs, if you don't mind," he grunted as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood. The elf popped out of sight. He was more grateful to her than he often admitted. Tiddles had been with him for what felt like forever, and did everything he asked without question. That was what house elves were meant to do, he supposed, but he tried to treat her better than most other wizards treated their elves. She was allowed real clothes of course, but never wanted to be freed from his service. She was allowed to take breaks whenever she wanted, and he never asked for anything on Saturdays, which he had deemed a "day of rest" of sorts.

He dragged himself through his routine of getting dressed before lumbering toward the stairs. The boys had learned that he was crabby in the mornings and had stopped questioning his lack of grace before 9 o'clock. He checked both of their rooms before trudging down the stairs, having realized that they were probably in the library- they spent most of their nights there now. Grabbing his coffee from the dining room table, he wandered towards the library and peeked in. Harry was on the ground tonight, and appeared to be sleeping, but Draco stirred as Severus opened the door. He ducked back out, not wanting to disturb the boy, but as he walked towards his lab he heard the door creak open and saw him tiptoe out of the room.

"Hey, Sev," Draco said, hurrying to walk with him. He had reverted back to his old nickname for Severus over the past few weeks, but he didn't mind.

"Morning, Draco," Severus replied, opening the door to the lab so they could both walk through. "I've been meaning to talk to you," he said, gesturing for the boy to sit. A look of nervousness immediately crossed over Draco's face as he sat stiffly in the chair across from Severus's desk. "Don't look so concerned," he reassured him, and a bit of the tension melted from his shoulders. He considered the boy for a moment. His hair had grown shaggy enough to cover his eyes and a baggy t-shirt draped over his pajama pants. The clothes hid what Severus knew was a still malnourished body. "Is that your t-shirt?" he asked.

"Oh, um, no. Harry gave it to me. I… well, I just don't have many clothes. At Hogwarts I mostly just wore robes, so I didn't have much else in the dormitory. And Malfoy manor is still… well, neither of us wants to go there, and frankly, I don't want anything else from that house touching me," he finished sheepishly.

Severus nodded, but frowned. "Why didn't you tell me you needed clothes?"

Draco looked away. "I just… didn't want to be a bother."

"You're not a bother, Draco. I'll keep saying that as long as I have to." He paused. "That actually brings me to what I wanted to talk about. I was thinking that we all haven't been out much over the past few weeks. You two have barely left the grounds of the manor." Draco visibly tensed. "I was wondering if you would be willing to go to Diagon Alley with me. I'll ask Harry, too, of course. I just wanted to ask you first so that you two wouldn't… sway each other's opinions," he said. Draco was staring at his hands, which were shaking. Severus couldn't remember a time in the past month when he had looked at Draco's hands and they hadn't been shaking. He waited patiently for a response.

"I don't know," Draco murmured. "People will stare."

"And if they do, we'll ignore them. I think it would be good for you and Harry to get some fresh air outside of the manor. We can get some clothes for the both of you- Harry could use some shirts that aren't falling off of him, and you two could both use a haircut. I know a place that would be perfect."

Draco was still looking at his hands, but he nodded. "I'll do it." Severus smiled, and stood to lay a hand on Draco's head. He ran his fingers through the tangled locks before tilting his chin up so their eyes met.

"This is a step forward. We've been stagnant here, and there's nothing wrong with that, but you can't stay cooped up in here forever."

The boy nodded. "I should go back to the library. Harry might wake up soon," he said. Severus patted his head once more before turning back to his desk, allowing the boy to leave. He sorted his materials for the nutrient potion he was making. Both of his wards needed to gain weight, and neither of them ate as much as he wished they would. They had improved so much over the past few weeks, however, something that he attributed to the friendship they had forged between them. They were nearly inseparable now, rarely found in separate rooms. They reassured each other when one was caught up in a nightmare or flashback, and they had built their relationship from the darkest place, which made it even stronger. Severus hoped that the progress the boys seemed to be making wasn't temporary. He felt like he was constantly waiting for an explosion.

...

Harry

He was sprinting through the dungeons, surrounded by darkness. He looked over his shoulder and there was nobody following him, but he could hear laughter echoing off the stone walls. He covered his ears as an ear splitting shriek rang out, but continued running until he came upon an open cell. He slammed the barred door behind him and curled up in the corner. If he was small and quiet, maybe they wouldn't catch him. He shivered in his curled-up position for only a few seconds before the door was forced open. Macnair strode in first, grabbing Harry by the hair and forcing him up to his knees. Dolohov followed, dragging Draco, who was bloody and bruised. "Draco," Harry whispered. They made eye contact.

"Help me, Harry," he cried out as Dolohov dropped him on the ground and pulled out his wand. "Help me!"

"No!" Harry cried, as Dolohov shouted, "Crucio!"

Draco's screams filled the room, and Harry struggled against his captor, trying to crawl towards him. "No, Draco! Please stop, please!"

"Harry!" A voice echoed in his head. It wasn't coming from the Draco in the nightmare. He felt a hand grip his and a soft shaking of his shoulders. He gasped, his eyes flying open and the scene in the dungeons disappearing. His chest was heaving, trying to pull in more air, and he scrambled to sit up. Draco's concerned eyes met his as he looked around desperately. He was in the library of Snape manor, safe. Draco's hand was still clutching his, and as he glanced down at them Draco pulled away quickly. "Sorry," he said quietly.

"No, it's good," Harry said, grabbing his hand back. Draco needed reassurance that he wasn't dirty, and Harry wanted to give it to him. And he appreciated the comfort- a reminder that Draco was here, safe, not being tortured in front of him in the dungeons. He took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders a bit. "Was I screaming?"

"Not really," he said, " just moaning a bit. Wanna talk about it?"

Harry rubbed his face with his sleeve. It was covered in sweat. "Just… you know. Stuff that didn't actually happen. My brain still thinks it's in the dungeons. That we're still being tortured, that I'm not safe. My nightmares, they're just horrible fantasies that my fucked-up brain makes up." He hit his forehead with his fist a couple times. It wasn't hard, and he wasn't really trying to hurt himself, but Draco grabbed his other hand and held it tightly.

"What did your brain make up this time?" he asked, not acknowledging the punching.

Harry closed his eyes, reminding himself that he could talk to Draco. That he understood what he was going through. That it was more harmful to hold everything inside of him than it was to share it. "I already don't remember much. Just that they were hurting you, and making me watch. You were screaming, and I can still hear it. All the time. In my dreams and when I'm awake. I always hear the screaming, and I feel like we're still there, and I can't help you," he whispered.

"We're safe now, okay? You don't have to worry about me being hurt." He squeezed Harry's hands.

"But you are still hurting. Every day, and I hate seeing it. I hate not being able to help, and I feel like we'll both be haunted by it for the rest of our lives."

"Harry, just the fact that you're with me and haven't given up on me is helping me."

Harry gave a small smile. "You're helping me, too," he said softly.

Draco stood and pulled Harry up with him. "Let's get breakfast," he said, letting go of his hands. Harry almost wished they were still touching, but didn't know why. He had hated touching people when he had first gotten back, but now he sometimes even sought it out. Severus and Draco were the only people he felt comfortable with. They were the only people that he knew wouldn't hurt him.

He and Draco both ate cereal for breakfast most days, but they had oatmeal today, with raspberries. It was rare that they finished all of their food, but today they both ate their whole bowl. Harry felt somewhat proud of himself. He never had much of an appetite, even with the stomach-settling potions Severus gave them at each meal. He knew he needed to gain weight- Severus never ceased to tell him that- and he wanted to erase the memories of starvation that lived in the ribs that jutted out from his body. Maybe if his ribs were less prominent, some of the memories would be less prominent too. He dismissed the thoughts as he plugged his nose and drank the nutrient potion they took every morning with their medication.

Severus walked into the room as they washed the potion down with water, grimacing at the taste. "Good morning, Harry," he said. Harry's only response was a tight-lipped smile, but Severus gave him a look and he murmured a good morning. Sometimes he needed to be prompted to talk. "Well, Harry, I already talked to Draco about this, but I was wondering if you would like to go to Diagon Alley with us today."

"Wait, today?" Draco asked, a panicked look crossing his face.

"Well, yes, unless you have other plans." Draco shuddered, but shook his head. Harry was also panicking internally. Thoughts were racing through his head like lightning, and he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, fighting with himself on how to respond. People would stare and whisper about his scars- the one on his forehead felt insignificant when compared to the others. "Your hair is long enough that people might not see your scar and recognize you," Severus said.

"I think my face has been in enough newspapers that people might just recognize me without the scar," he said softly. He told himself that Draco was going, and it would be cruel to force him to face Diagon Alley alone. Before he could change his mind, he nodded. "I'll go."

Draco looked at him gratefully and Severus seemed ecstatic. Harry didn't know how he could possibly think that this would go well, but he steeled himself anyway. He would have to face the public at some point. "Okay," Severus said. "We'll leave in an hour. You both have time to shower and get ready."

The two boys rose from the table and walked up the stairs, shoulders brushing. "This won't go well," Harry said.

"I know," Draco muttered. "We have to do it, though. We're going back to school in 6 weeks, and if we can't even face Diagon Alley we won't stand a chance at Hogwarts." Harry nodded in agreement as they went into their separate rooms. He had to do this. He wouldn't be weak anymore.