Update for you guys! School has been getting crazy and I apologize that these aren't coming as fast as they used to be, but I will continue to update and write as fast as I can. I put a lot of time into this chapter and I hope that you guys like it!
Erin POV
Christmas and New Year's come and go, the weather getting colder and wind getting stronger as the days progress. The babies have gotten bigger, their due date coming closer and closer. I finally felt them kick a couple days ago, though I can never really tell which one is which yet. As my first trimester ended, the morning sickness succumbed and my energy began to return slightly at least.
And though we both know that Lucy will never be the exact child that she was when she walked into school the day of the shooting, she's been coming very close to returning to her old self. She's bubbly and happy, she smiles and giggles and we don't have very many quiet mornings anymore, something I could not be more grateful for.
Since I hit sixteen weeks two weeks ago, she's been urging me each and everyday to find out the genders, but I just don't think that it's something that I can do without Jay by my side. He's missed out on enough and that's something that I can control, so when I figure out what my babies are going to be, their daddy will be by my side and that enough has been enough to hold back my own curiosity and convince Lucy to keep hers at bay.
I sit with a smile on my face as I pour water over Lucy's head, careful to shield her eyes from the soapy water running down the back of her red curls, my growing stomach presses up against the cool porcelain bathtub through my thin cotton t-shirt, still donning that and a pair of maternity jeans as I haven't yet changed out of my work clothes. I watch as she gleefully plays with the obscene number of bath toys that the unit has spoiled her with, nearly oblivious to the mundane I'm completing behind her. I wash her hair quickly and sit aside as she finishes up, Percy just hanging out in the door frame.
"Tell Mama what's going through that little head of yours?" I ask her as I slide her nightgown over her still damp curls, searching those big hazel eyes for answers.
"Are you going to love the babies more than you love me?" She asks suddenly.
"Of course not babe," I say instantly. I'm a little taken aback by her question, but I don't even have to hesitate to answer her. "Why would you think that?"
"Well they're growing in your stomach and you get to meet them when they're babies, you didn't get to meet me until I was four," She tells me hesitantly.
"And that my darling," I tell her as I pull her into a hug, not missing a beat. "Is what makes you so, so special,"
"What does that mean?"
"Well," I say, trying to stall as I think of something to say, "Daddy and I got to pick you. When we found you in your closet, you remember?" She nods up at me. "Well we didn't have to bring you home with us, but we knew that you were special and that we were going to love you."
"But if the babies come and you decide that you like them better?"
"Sweetie that isn't going to happen, Dad and I have room in our hearts for all three of you, we always will," I assure her. I don't even want her even thinking about that. I want her to feel loved and wanted, always.
"But what if you don't? What if I get left behind?"
"Lucy, you are our first baby. You are the reason that Dad and I are married. You are the reason that we are a family and it wouldn't matter if we had twenty babies or a hundred babies or even a thousand babies, I promise you will never get left behind, you're my girl," I tell her as I pull her in for the tightest hug I can manage.
"Pinky swear?" She asks as she sticks out her tiny finger.
"Pinky swear." I confirm as I loop my finger through hers. "Now we have got to get you off the bed if you want to get enough sleep to go to school tomorrow right?"
She nods up at me before leaping off my lap to curl herself up in the white comforter on her bed.
"Read me a story Mama?" She asks, those big hazel eyes pleading with me.
"Of course,"
I can't sleep. I'm tossing and turning in my bed after my conversation with Lucy. I never, ever want my child thinking that. She's been left a lot in her life, both of her biological parents died and as much as I hate to admit it, in a way Jay left her too. I'm fully aware that none of these people wanted to leave her life, but she's five years old, there isn't a difference to her. They're aren't there and she misses them, that's all she sees. I glance over at the clock next to me. 12:14. I better go to bed if I plan on being able to run tomorrow without about a gallon of caffeine. I groan before rolling over onto my other side as having two babies in your uterus significantly reduces your options when it comes to sleeping positions. I'm going to will myself to sleep, or I know I'll be paying for it bright and early tomorrow morning.
I groan as I hear the alarm going off. It feels like I just fell asleep a few minutes ago. Wait that's not the sound of the alarm, that's my phone. I groan again as I peer at the clock, the number 1:58 lit up in red. Who in the hell is calling me at two in the morning?
I grab my phone, I'm up so I might as well answer it. I instantly wake up as I see the caller ID spanning across the top of the screen. US ARMY. I feel my heart swell. That's only going to be one person, although Jay's never called me this early in the morning.
I accept the call and pull the phone to my ear, expecting to hear the sweet sound of my husband's voice, but I'm greeted by something very different.
"This is Staff Sergeant Cole Jameson. Is this Erin Halstead? Wife of Sergeant Jay Halstead?" The voice asks, sounding almost robotic. I sit up immediately, I've had nightmares about receiving this call. It can't be what I think it is, there is just no way.
"Yes this is Erin Halstead" I say as I flick on the light next to me, hoping and praying that this isn't what I think it is.
"Mrs. Halstead we have some bad news," He states, the pitch and speed of his voice not wavering.
"What happened?" I ask, my voice starting to break. I'm half expecting them to tell me that my husband is dead, waiting in some army hospital for me to ID his body and bring him home in a casket.
"Is he okay? What happened? Where is he?" I say, the frequency of my words increasing with every second.
"He was shot twice, once in the shoulder once in the abdomen and because of fear of infection, he was sent to the army hospital in Germany. They've just sent him into surgery at the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center less than an hour ago, I'm sorry ma'am that's all we know,"
"I'm coming, I have to see him," I bark as I jump out of my bed, making a beeline for my closet to pull suitcases from the top shelf.
"Mrs. Halstead, I'm not sure that's the best idea," He responds cautiously.
"You know what's not the best idea? Pulling my damn husband back into the army, but you did that didn't you?" I snap, "So I plan on getting my ass on the next flight to Germany," I say, my voice starting to break. We've always known that Jay not coming home to us was a possibility, but it was always so far fetched, for the first time it seems real. Too real.
"Okay," He says, his voice softening for the first time, "Fly into Frankfurt, we will send a car to pick you up from the airport,"
"Okay," I say, taking deep breaths, trying to keep the tears at bay.
"We'll see you soon," He says before hanging up the phone. I keep the phone pressed to my ear, the dial tone ringing through my entire mind, the shock keeping my body from moving. My breath moves slowly through my body until I get it together enough to take my phone away from my ear and dial one of the few numbers I know by heart. It rings a few times before he answers. He needs to know about this.
"Dr. Halstead, how can I help you?" He asks. He's not groggy at all and I can tell by his tone that he didn't check his caller ID, he must be on shift at Med.
"Will it's Erin," I say into the phone, trying to keep myself together.
"Erin what happened? What's wrong?" He asks, his voice changes as he recognizes my demeanor.
"It's Jay," I say, tears starting to roll from my eyes eyes, "He's hurt,"
"What?" He yells, panic swimming in his voice.
"They just called," I choke out.
"Is he okay?" He exclaims.
"I don't know," I cry, "They won't tell me anything, I don't think they know anything they flew him to Germany that's where he is now, I'm going to book a flight for me and Lucy to Frankfurt,"
"Erin I'm coming with you," He says briskly as I hear him running through the hallways of Chicago Med, his breathing changing.
"Will you can't, you can't just get up and leave,"
"Like hell I can't," He growls back into the phone, "He's my brother Erin, I need to be there," He says. "And if he found out I let his pregnant wife and daughter fly alone to Germany, he would kill me,"
"Okay," I give in without much badgering, I'm finding that my usual barricades are gone. I can't fight right now.
"Okay Erin, I left Med and I'm almost home. I'm going to pack a bag and talk to Natalie and I'll meet you at the airport okay? We'll book the tickets, don't even worry about it." He assures me.
"Okay Will," I respond.
"It's going to be okay Erin," He reassures me.
"Are you sure?" I ask tearfully.
"No Erin, I'm not sure," He says softly, "but my brother's a fighter and he's got a lot to fight for,"
"Thank you Will, I'll see you soon,"
"Okay, I'll come as fast I can," I hear the phone beep on the other end of the line and I can almost see him slamming down the gas pedal. Will usually has the level head in the family, but when it comes to his family, he doesn't ever stop.
I take a deep breath, trying to get a handle on myself. I need a plan. This is going to be chaos. I need a plan.
I've got to pack, that'll be a good place to start. I can do that without thinking. I have to call Voight. Oh God Voight. I can leave it to him to tell the team, I just can't do that right now. I'm just doing all that I can right now not to fall apart, breaking into a million pieces and shattering all over the floor. I hit the second number on my speed dial and wait for it to ring, I know he'll answer, he always answers.
"Erin what's going on?" He answers. "Why in the hell are you calling me at 2 am?"
"Hank I can't talk for long, but Jay's been shot. I'm flying to Germany with Lucy and Will, put me on furlough I don't know when I'll be back. And sorry one more thing, can you come by in the morning to walk Percy? I would bring him to a dog daycare or whatever, but there's no time. Oh Lucy's schools, I have to call them and let them know she'll be out," I ramble. I find myself talking faster, my subconscious theory being that if I talk fast, there won't be any time for tears in between.
"Okay, I got it," He says, taking my words and processing without a beat. This is Hank Voight we're talking about, he doesn't get shaken. "Do what you need to do kid, we'll take care of everything, Intelligence will be waiting for you when you get back, both of you."
"Thank you Hank, I'll call you when we land in Frankfurt,"
"Okay, I'll see you guys when you get home, I love you kid,"
"I love you too Hank," I hang up quickly, tossing my phone on the bed and pulling two carry on suitcases, I don't want to have to deal with checking bags, especially not today. I toss as much of my stuff that I can fit in one and luckily there is a full basket of Lucy's folded laundry sitting in the corner of my bedroom and all of that get tossed into the other suitcase. I grab as many toiletries as I can remember and throw them in there too, anything we forget can be bought over there, the most important thing right now is speed. I strip off my pajamas and replace them with a pair of leggings and a soft red sweatshirt, pulling on a pair of running shoes and tying my messy hair into a knot on top of my head. I'm running on pure adrenaline and fear with almost no sleep.
As much as I'm panicking and freaking out about Jay, I am so anxious about flying over eight hours with my tired and cranky five year old. The longest flight we've ever done with her was five hours max with both of us by her side and weeks of planning. Tonight I'm flying by the seat of my pants. And I'm doing it without Jay.
I run through the house, gathering everything that I could think of needing into a backpack as well as packing it as I normally pack my purse and set everything together near the front door, remembering to bring a blanket with me in the hope that I'll be able to get Lucy to sleep on the plane. All that's left to do is wake up Lucy. That's going to be hard. I have to tell her that her dad might be dying and that I can't tell her anything else.
I tiptoe into her room, listening to her little snores and not really knowing why I'm trying to be quiet because she's going to have to wake up anyway.
"Lucy baby," I say softly as I rub her back. She begins to stir and I hear a little groan as she rolls over towards me. "Wake up, we've got to get dressed,"
"Why?" She groans as she rolls over towards me.
"Babe we've got to go to the airport,"
"Where are we going?" She says, the word airport peeking her interest as she sits up. Here it is. I've got to tell her.
" Lucy baby you know what Daddy does right?" I ask her, trying to figure out a way to explain it to her.
"He's in the army," She says groggily, but with that pride in her voice, "he fights the bad guys."
"That's right Lucy," I say, "and you know sometimes fighting the bad guys can be dangerous right?" She nods back at me confused.
"And sometimes people get hurt," I continue.
"Did Daddy get hurt?" She interrupts, very quickly coming out of her sleepy haze.
"Yeah baby he did, he was trying to fight a bad guy and they hurt him," I tell her, trying desperately to keep it together. I cannot start crying in front of her. "And they took him to a doctor in Germany who can help him, so we have to go see him okay? Uncle Will is going to meet us here and then we're going to get on a big airplane and it's going to fly us over the ocean and then we'll be by Daddy okay,"
"Like when we went to Disneyland?"
"Yeah baby, kind of like when we went to Disneyland," I tell her as I continue to rub my hand up and down her back. "So we've got to get ready okay, we gotta be fast,"
"Okay," She says as she slips out of the bed. I pull her nightgown off her head and quickly redress her in a pair of leggings and one of her favorite sweaters, comfort and warmth being the two main worries. I throw a quick braid into her hair and slip her boots over her feet, knowing that I've thrown her Converse somewhere in the suitcase. I feel a buzz in my pocket and pull it out, knowing that it'll only be a text from one of two people. It's Will.
Tickets booked on Flight 781, Lufthansa flying out of O'Hare at 4:31. I'll meet you in the terminal with the tickets. Thank God.
"Okay c'mon Lucy," I urge her as I usher her down the staircase, only stopping at the front door to put our huge jackets on and grab our suitcases, dragging everything into the Chicago snowfall. I throw everything into the back of the Pilot before strapping her into her booster seat.
"Mama?" She asks as I pull out from the driveway.
"Yeah baby?" I respond, trying to push all of my emotions back for now. I am on a mission, my goal is to get to Germany. When that's done I can cry.
"Is Daddy going to be okay?"
"I really hope so baby," God I hope he's okay. I just want him to live. I need him to live, I need him to be okay. We all need him to be okay.
Please review!
Much Love,
Addie