Hell in a Hand Basket
"I can't stand this anymore. It's….despicable."
"Sticks and stones, my dear. Sticks and stones…"
"You really have sunk lower than I ever thought possible. Have fun with your experiment, Doctor. I will be helping with preparations for Gyumaou's revival, as we are expected to."
"My dear Miss Hwan, you do not wish to stay?"
"Hmph." With a great flip of her hair and turn of her heels, Hwan leaves Nii to his musings and to the machines currently connected to the Sanzo-ikkou.
Nii does not move to stop her retreat. "Pity. She's going to miss the finale. Isn't she…my little dolls? Hehehehe…"
-----
I couldn't save him…
Helplessness overcomes Koryuu as he runs, playing out a mantra of 'you'll never be able to save him' in his head. He wishes his pessimistic side would shut up. He needs to be calm right now, even while his legs are burning from running so far and so frantic. He has to be strong. He has to be strong for Goku. Deep down he truly believes Goku can beat the demon inside of him, but why then does Koryuu fear the worst as his and Goku's little house comes into view?
No lights are on, Koryuu can see that much, and yet he knows Goku is inside the house. He feels it. The sun is low already and hidden behind trees. Goku would have turned on as many lights as possible, hating darkness as he does. This knowledge slows Koryuu's steps as he approaches the front door. They have relatively close neighbors, but the trees block the other houses from view. Their own home is isolated, and Goku within it.
A strangled cry breaks the dismal silence. Koryuu tenses, his hand inches from the doorknob. The cry had been…bestial. Animalistic in its pain. Koryuu's other hand tightens its grip on the banishing gun he is still holding, though he swears to himself he will not use it. He opens the door.
The house is darker than he imagined, darker than it should be when some sunshine still exists outside. Koryuu closes the door behind him despite knowing the act will cut off the little light that exists. He peers hard into the darkness. The cushions of the couch are disturbed, the lamp overturned, the kitchen sink running, a few dishes broken, every door in the house ajar. Somewhere there is Goku, but the silence in the house chills him deeply.
Seiten Taisei knows he is here.
"Goku!" he calls, not caring if his cry brings out the monster. He needs to see Goku. If his lover really has transformed, too strong for his limiter, than Koryuu must see him, must speak to him, and somehow…find a way to bring his Goku back. "Goku! Where--!" Koryuu cuts off abruptly, some unseen force having passed in front of him like wind and throwing him hard against the closed front door.
The house falls into silence again, but Koryuu is not fooled. Already he is being toyed with. He has to make a connection with Goku. He has to get the creature to look him full in the face and listen, if only for a moment.
"Goku!" he calls again. "You want to play! Fine! Come out and play then! I want to see the monster that plans to kill me!"
As he speaks, Koryuu keeps his voice even despite its volume, his face impassive. Within he is raging with more fear than he ever imagined he could feel. But it is not fear of what Seiten Taisei might do to him. It is a deeper fear, a selfless fear.
No, Koryuu thinks, this is not a selfless fear. He fears having to use the gun in his hand not out of sympathy for Goku but because he could not bear living without the boy in his life. It is the most selfish of reasons, really. He wants to bring Goku back for his own sake. It has always been for his own sake.
Another rush of wind passes Koryuu and his gun is suddenly several feet away. His hand stings slightly and he can see the barest hint of claw marks on it. Koryuu looks at the gun and debates diving for it, knowing he is mostly defenseless now, but he wants nothing to do with the gun.
"Don't do this…" he says, his voice no longer raised. With Seiten Taisei's hearing, what reason does he have to raise his voice? "Please…Goku. We're not enemies. Even with you like this we…we're not. There have been times you listened to me, times you knew me, recognized me. Remember that. Remember who I am. I'm Koryuu. You don't want to hurt me, Goku. Please…" Don't make me hurt you.
Koryuu does not voice this final phrase, but his heart thinks it, mourns it, and still, even with the gun so far away, he fears it.
"Goku--"
Slam. Koryuu falls forward suddenly, striking the cold floor. There is a great weight on top of him but he is allowed to turn himself over. He would wonder about such an allowance if it weren't for the smug look of the creature atop him.
"Goku…" Koryuu tries again. His voice could never tire of saying the name if it in any way can help him reach the younger man. "Goku, listen to me, please…"
Seiten Taisei growls low in his throat. The light in the room is so dim, Koryuu can only make out his mouth, the glint of fangs, of claws, and the eerie glow of golden eyes, now slit. He feels panic swell within him. Yes, he is worried for Goku's sake, but he has no desire to be the beast's plaything either.
The lamp is nearby, it should be nearby, and so Koryuu gropes back, trying to be discrete and quick at the same time. The lamp would make a poor weapon, but it would be something. Something hard he could use to fend the creature away. Even while he is blindly groping, he speaks on, hoping Goku will hear him and understand.
"You are strong, Goku. You are stronger than this." He says.
Clawed hands reach down to him and grip his shoulders, moments from reaching for his neck.
"You are powerful enough to break your limiter. You're that strong. And I think it's wonderful." He goes on quickly, not wanting to show his fear. "You shouldn't have to be chained, ever. But now you have to prove you aren't something that needs to be chained. You're still Goku. I know you…are…" the last word chokes out. Those clawed hands have reached for Koryuu's neck after all, and they are not forgiving.
Koryuu hates that the darkness veils the creatures face. He wishes he could see him. He wishes he could see Goku. He wishes he could see Goku.
Still groping behind him, Koryuu makes a great effort to turn his body as much as Seiten Taisei's weight on him will allow, and finally his hand grips something. He clutches it tightly and pulls as hard as he can, expecting the lamp to be heavier, harder to shift than this, but it moves easily. He imagines it must be adrenaline pumping through him, but thinks little of it. He whips around, swings the object in his hand, and—
BANG.
The air catches in Koryuu's throat. For a moment Seiten Taisei's grip on his neck is so crushing, he thinks for certain he will die, but then, a moment later, the grip grows slack and falls away. Koryuu can smell the smoke. He can smell the blood. But no, he had reached for the lamp, he had swung the lamp. He couldn't have found…the gun.
But when Koryuu looks at his trembling hand he sees the impossible as proof. He had whipped it around so effortlessly, the gun went off without him even realizing. He had barely heard the sound of it firing, more focused on the feel of hands tight on his throat, and those same hands falling away.
"Goku…"
The weight on top of him is heavier now, all over him. In the dark, it is more difficult to lift himself and clutch at the body of his attacker. He can feel moisture soaking into his shirt. With a great groan of effort, he rolls Seiten Taisei off of him and onto his back on the floor. The light is still dim, but enough to illuminate the pain-ridden face, the wide eyes, and the perfectly aimed gunshot through the creature's heart.
Koryuu's body grows numb. His focus is not on the wound but on gold eyes. On the golden eyes, slit yes, but wide with wonder and…questioning. Seiten Taisei is asking him 'why' and he has no answer. He had not meant to fire. And looking at the beast like this Koryuu knows Seiten Taisei would not have hurt him either. He doesn't know how he knows it, but somehow it clicks. Goku had been trying to win, trying to beat the beast, and at the last moment before the gun fired, he…won.
Goku is in those eyes now. Goku is in the eyes…that are slowly dimming like the meager light.
"You…you're okay. Of course you are. You're in your true form. You're…stronger than anything. One…bullet…one shot…it…it's not enough to take you away. It can't be…"
A soft, muted cry escapes Seiten Taisei's throat. It can be, he seems to say. It is…
"Not by me. Not because of me…" Koryuu whispers, his hand shaking so hard the gun finally falls from it and loudly strikes the ground. Koryuu's eyes are distant, looking down at his dear love and lover and seeing only red, streaks and streaks of red. "Not because I was too weak…to save you…"
A clawed hand reaches up and grips Koryuu's forearm in agony, the creature's back arching off the ground. His claws dig into Koryuu's skin, drawing blood, but Koryuu is dulled to such pain. His pain runs much deeper.
"Goku…?"
Seiten Taisei's eyes start to fade, more and more, and soon begin to close. There are a few shudders, a few convulsions and further arches up from the floor, but when golden eyes fall shut, the creature ceases to move. His hand falls limp to his side, releasing Koryuu's now bloody arm, and he is still.
If ever time had slowed before, it becomes a crawl now. Koryuu cannot believe it. It hasn't happened. It isn't possible. In a moment, Goku will open his eyes and be…Goku. Even with all the extra hair, the fangs and claws, all of it, he will be Goku and he will be fine. A small voice in Koryuu's head assures him of that.
But there is a louder voice, a more sensible voice that tells him to wake up, to look at what lies in front of him, and realize…Goku is gone.
Because he couldn't save him.
"Goku…" he says again. And again. And again. Soon, he is screaming it. Screaming at a corpse that will not answer. "Goku!" And tears are flooding to his eyes and streaming without sobs, silent tears amidst his screaming.
Has he not felt this pain before, these exact tears? He feels the pain of Goku's loss like a memory relived, and it hurts all the more because he cannot remember why this feels so disgustingly familiar.
Gathering the cooling body of his lover into his arms, Koryuu screams on. He screams Goku's name. Soon the name gives way to a wordless lamentation of loss, keening out of him. He screams until his voice is gone and Goku's body is too cold to hold onto.
Barely a thought crosses his mind when he finally picks the gun up from the floor and brings it to his temple.
-----
Maybe it would be better if I never existed…
"What…the hell…?"
"You weren't due until seven, I thought, or did we miscommunicate somewhere down the line…Gojyo?" Gonou's voice is perfectly even despite his position. One might say he even sounds smug, like he wanted to get caught. Like he doesn't care. "We're not quite finished here, Gojyo, but if you'd like to join us--"
"Gonou, stop it." Koryuu cuts in, at least having the decency to look put out and embarrassed, not to mention ashamed. The blonde does his best to push Gonou off of him, but is met with stubborn resistance until finally he gets Gonou to move. Sitting up in a way that best hides his nakedness, Koryuu looks to the still stunned Gojyo with a pained expression. "Damn it, Gojyo…I never wanted it to turn out like this." He says.
Koryuu seems genuinely apologetic, but Gonou, sitting next to Koryuu with no regards to hiding his own naked body, almost scoffs at the sentiment. "Don't play innocent now, Kory dearest, I doubt Gojyo cares if you're sorry."
For a few tense moments more, Gojyo doesn't know how he feels. Is it possible that while he was thinking nothing but thoughts of his lover, his lover was thinking of someone else, sleeping with someone else? He knows Gonou's reputation isn't much better than his own, but how many times did the brunette swear he and Koryuu were never together? Had it all been lies? Nothing but lies…?
What hurts most, much as it truly does pain him to admit it, is that his mother…had not been entirely wrong.
Blues eyes sparkling with intense anger, Gojyo's fists clench. Shock gives way to fury so easily, just as fury had taken over when he was with his mother. He wants to rip something apart, something fleshy and breakable. He wants to kick something until his toes are bruised, punch until his knuckles bleed. He wants to know how Gonou, the man who vowed love for him forever, could do this to him.
"Get out."
"What?" At first, Koryuu is not sure he heard Gojyo correctly since the youkai spoke so softly.
Gojyo's eyes burn like azure fire. "Get out." He says again, looking straight at Koryuu, though his glare moves easily to send some of its fury towards Gonou as well. "Get the fuck out of my house!" he yells finally.
He doesn't give Koryuu time to dress, but seizes the blonde's arm before he has even gathered all of his clothing, and physically hauls him out the door and into the yard. He slams the door shut, uncaring to the curses and yells that filter in from outside. As far as Gojyo is concerned, Koryuu can just as well walk home naked, for all he cares.
The fire is still in his eyes when he whirls around on Gonou. The brunette is casually putting on his own clothes, already zipping up his slacks. An aggravating smirk still lingers at the corner of Gonou's mouth.
Gojyo grabs Gonou by the arm, stopping the brunette from putting on his shirt. "I want…an explanation. Now."
Uncaring, Gonou pulls his arm free. Without speaking, he slips his white, fitted T-shirt over his head, taking his time as if taunting his companion purposely. "An explanation." Gonou restates, his voice crisp and cold. "Do you really need one? How did we meet again? Do you remember? A few random fucks and suddenly someone's toothbrush in the bathroom became every damn thing they own. I never said this would be forever."
"Like hell you didn't." Gojyo growls, holding his ground in front of Gonou like an immovable wall. "Forever." he says. "Exact words, ya damn bastard."
"And here I thought you knew me." Gonou replies, the cruelest smile hanging on his words. He crosses his arms, leaning his weight casually onto one leg. "You're the one who always said I was a swindler. Maybe you should have taken your own words to heart…koi."
Just as he had felt with his mother, Gojyo has the sudden desire to strike, to slap Gonou hard across his arrogant face. It is truly a feat of will that he does not. "Lies then? Is that what you're saying? All of it…was just…lies?" There is still anger in Gojyo's voice but sadness too, the kind of solemn pain that reaches so deep it becomes more akin to blind hatred. "Why?" Gojyo asks, his voice softer now. "I can't believe…that it really meant nothing."
Gojyo expects Gonou to look sympathetic, or at the very least to look as if he is in the wrong. After all, Gonou is the one who has been caught. Shouldn't he be trying to defend himself instead of acting so uncaring?
The frozen green of Gonou's eyes chill Gojyo more deeply than his mother's words. This is the man that is supposed to love him, more than any mother or brother or friend. If Gonou broke down right now and begged forgiveness Gojyo would give it to him. He would gladly start again if it meant he could still wake up to Gonou in his arms every morning.
He loves Gonou too much to live without him.
"Just listen to me for a sec," Gojyo starts, his demeanor shifting as he clings to the small bit of hope he is trying capture. He tentatively takes Gonou's hands and sits them both down on the couch. Gonou is somewhat unwilling but allows the act anyway. They sit there for a moment, hands released now, while Gojyo thinks and Gonou sits silently. "I'm mad as all hell at you right now," Gojyo admits, "But the fact I still wanna be with you even after seeing you and Kory…well…it's gotta mean I really wanna stay with you, huh?"
Gonou does not reply.
Staring intently down at his own wringing hands, Gojyo speaks on. "It's not like we were saints before we got together, right? One mess up, I can forgive that. We can just…forget today happened and keep going, can't we? Maybe I'm a fool, but I don't want this to mean we're through."
Gojyo's eyes lift to take in Gonou's reaction. The expression he finds is unreadable at first, hard and well-masked, so much so that even Gojyo cannot understand it. He was always able to read Gonou in the past, but today has presented a world of differences.
When the blankness on Gonou's face fades into something recognizable, Gojyo almost wishes he couldn't read it.
"That you are a fool doesn't even begin to explain it, Gojyo." Gonou says. His words are harsh, almost condescending, and though Gojyo has heard similar tones from Gonou before they have never been directed at him. "Here's the plain truth of it, since you don't seem to understand. This wasn't one mess up. Koryuu and I have been seeing each other for months."
"…what?"
"You've noticed it, I know you have. You've even commented, teased. We didn't try to hide that much. I suppose I'm the stupid one in the end. I assumed you'd get the picture, that you'd realize it was a lost cause and leave first. Well, the jokes on me then, but I am not sorry for what I have done. It was inevitable, Gojyo. I don't do forever."
These words, this even tempered truth can't possibly be how Gonou really feels. Can it? Gojyo looks down a moment, collecting his thoughts. When he whips his head to Gonou again, his face has rediscovered anger. "And what about Goku?" he bites. "How does he figure into your fucking around? Or don't you care about him either?"
"Come now, Gojyo." Gonou practically sneers. Everything about his demeanor is darker. Nastier. "Did you really think Goku and Koryuu would stay together? That you and I would? Koryuu had a good time with Goku for years. I've had a good time too. But the fact of the matter is Koryuu is human. I'm human. The rest of the equation isn't that hard to figure out."
The words Gojyo's mother spoke to him come back into his mind, playing over and over again like a requiem. He had scoffed, he had sneered, he had disagreed with his mother contemptuously. It hurts more than he can stand right now that Gonou is treating him the same way. Gojyo's mother was right. She predicted it. She knew all along…that Gojyo would never be enough.
If only he had been born different.
But anger continues to surge in Gojyo as well, fierce anger. Many times Gonou swore up and down that race, gender, none of it mattered. Gonou would give sermons on the importance of open-mindedness. Did a few months of fucking Koryuu change his mind, or was he swindling Gojyo from day one? Neither possibility eases any of Gojyo's pain.
"This is such bullshit."
"Yes, I thought you'd say that."
"You did promise forever. And it never mattered what blood ran in my veins or how I looked. A few rounds with Kory and you're turning tail and running?"
Gonou sighs at length, seemingly bored with the conversation. "I'm not trying to be brutal here, Gojyo, but you may leave me no choice." Dark emeralds turn their full force onto Gojyo, boring into the deepest blue. "This isn't running. This is surviving. You were fun. I don't regret a single day. But I don't regret a stolen hour or two with Koryuu either. I said 'forever' because it was what you wanted to hear. But we can't have forever. In the end, Gojyo…the fun, the sex, the sweet sentiments…it's just not enough."
It's never enough.
"The truth is…I don't love you the way I made you think. Could a human really ever love a demon?"
This question is left open to the air, a question for no one to answer. Several minutes pass, Gojyo feeling…numb. Wholly numb. When Gonou finally gets up from the couch and leaves him, Gojyo barely notices. He hears the shuffling inside the bedroom that tells of Gonou packing a bag. He vaguely hears Gonou say he will come back later for the rest of his things, that he will stay with Kanan for a while. But Gojyo only lifts his head at the sound of the door slamming shut.
Numb does not do justice to how Gojyo feels. Empty. Hollow. Carved out and left for dead. Whatever light there was in him, it is now gone. It walked out the door and left him alone.
The only thought Gojyo has before heading into the kitchen to find…something…anything…sharp, is that he deserves this. It is better like this. If he cannot be enough for those he loves most, then what reason does he have to go on living.
-----
Someone kill me…
Gonou cannot run fast enough. His legs will not obey him, will not carry him as he wishes to be carried. He should be flying, soaring over the paths towards the little house he shares with Gojyo, but his legs move like they are knee-deep in mud. He trudges on regardless, panicked, feeling bile in his throat and dearly hoping that the ominous feeling in his chest is not a prophecy.
There are several figures moving about the yard, a few even coming out the front door when Gonou gets close enough to the house to really see it. He shouts at the many figures, and despite their greater number, they scatter. He saw not a single face, or recognizable form, but he could tell that most were men and that all of them were human.
A few of them…were covered in blood.
Gonou reaches the front door and throws it open. The strangest pain envelopes him at the sight he sees. There is no Gojyo, not in his direct line of sight, but the furniture is turned over, clothing strewn over the living room, and the lights are all broken. He feels an ache in his stomach and clutches at a spot just above his navel. It is peculiar, but he ignores the odd pain. He must find Gojyo. He must find him quickly.
He calls out his lover's name, searching frantically through the house. He looks through every corner of the living room and kitchen. But when his hand reaches for the bathroom door he immediately abandons the idea. His eyes have caught sight of the bedroom, its door slightly slid open. He knows then, without clear reason at all, that Gojyo is in there.
"Gojyo…" He says, not calling, not needing to.
Even in the dark he can see the blood, the mutilated limbs, the ugly remnants of chest and stomach. Gonou's first though is to retch, but his second overcomes the first and he dives forward, falling to his knees beside his wounded friend. He could not possibly describe what those men did to Gojyo, but torture does not do it justice for how the youkai is torn and bleeding. Gonou is shocked that Gojyo is still alive or that he can even open his eyes, but when Gonou crouches, reaching out to take his lover into his arms, the youkai stirs.
"Gojyo! You're alive!" he cries, his somber smile wide with disbelief. He wants to hug Gojyo close but fears aggravating the already angry wounds. "Please, please hang in there…"
"G-Gonou…"
"Yes. Yes, Gojyo, I'm here. Right here…"
Gojyo tries to speak again, but a fit of coughing rising up in him and he has to turn away from Gonou, spitting blood onto the floor. When he recovers, he doesn't even have the strength to wipe the remnants of blood from his mouth. "What an…idiot I am…" he says, dulled eyes looking up, but not seeing. "They were just a…buncha…stupid kids. It shoulda been…easy."
"It's okay, Gojyo. It doesn't matter." Gonou says. He wants to hear Gojyo's voice and yet he fears letting his companion speak too much. It seems so painful to him, so taxing. Gonou wants Gojyo to conserve as much of his strength as he can. "Listen, Gojyo, I need to call for help, oka--"
A trembling hand grips Gonou's arm with the strength only a dying man has, ceasing Gonou's words. Gojyo's eyes are glazed, but he looks up into Gonou's face as intensely as he can. "No…" he says, his voice shaking and softer now, growing softer and softer so quickly. "Don't…don't leave."
"Gojyo, please." Gonou tries. "I have to call for help. I don't have the knowledge to help you myself. Even if I did, it would take more than a single man. You've lost too much blood. Please, let me call--"
"No!" The word is too strangled to be a true cry, but it stops Gonou's words again. Gojyo clings more desperately, trying to curl his body as tight against Gonou as he can, as if trying to fuse himself to his lover's body, seeking warmth. Seeking comfort. "Gonou…don't…don't…leave me…"
The tears that have already welled within Gonou's eyes fall harder, streaming like a downpour. He has never been a man that cried easily, but the tears erupt like a dam giving way under too much weight. What tears he has held back over the years seem to spill out of him all at once now.
The words Gojyo is speaking, the look on Gojyo's face, it is a plea for pity. The plea of someone who does not want to die alone.
"I should have been here. I should have been here…to protect you."
"Hey…now…who says I need…protecting?" Gojyo grins, as much as he can muster a grin. The twinkle in his eyes is not as brilliant as it once was, but it lingers still. Gojyo is trying to be his usual self, even in his current state. When a new wave of pain sweeps through him, however, he loses that grin. "Go…Gonou…!"
"I'm here!" Gonou shouts, afraid he is losing Gojyo too much for the youkai to understand. Holding Gojyo as close and as fully as he dares, Gonou tries to keep Gojyo's head raised, to keep Gojyo's attention on him. "Please, Gojyo, you must hang on. If I could just call someone…"
But Gojyo shakes his head. He does not want help. He knows it would mean nothing. "Gonou…" he says, no longer able to raise his head on his own. He looks into his lover's face, and though his eyes are even more glazed now, Gonou knows Gojyo can see him. "It's okay. I know my…number's up."
"Don't say that."
"Sorry, gorgeous…but I could never bring myself…to lie to you."
Gonou's eyes clench shut. No, this can't be happening. Gojyo is not trying to say goodbye. This is not the end. The life they have built together is not going up in flames.
"Even if…you got a doctor here…what could he do?" Gojyo says, knowing that nothing could be done just as Gonou knows too. He may not be able to see his body or the full extent of the wounds on it, but he can feel the damage. He can feel that he has lost too much blood. Maybe…even if he could be saved…it wouldn't be worth it. "Gonou, I…don't wanna leave…but I don't think I get to argue my side…this time."
"Gojyo…"
Gojyo tries to say more but cringes as another wave of pain rips through him. "Damn…those bastards…it…hurts…"
Pulling Gojyo closer, Gonou lifts his lover's head as close to his own as he is capable. "Gojyo…tell me, please. What can I do? Anything. I'll do anything. Whatever you want from me to help the pain, whatever you want from me for anything. Please…"
The youkai is shaking in such utter anguish now, Gonou is unsure whether or not Gojyo has heard or understood. But when blue eyes lift to regard him, dim but thoughtful, and Gojyo finally speaks, the two words that are spoken hurt more than having to hold Gojyo's broken body.
Surely, Gonou has not heard correctly. Surely, Gojyo would never ask this of him. But even as Gonou shakes his head in wonder, the same two words leave Gojyo's lips again.
"Kill me…"
All the blood drains from Gonou's face, and for a moment he thinks he might swoon. "Gojyo…please…do not ask this of me."
"You have to…Gonou. I…I can't…take it."
"Please, please don't ask this of me."
Gojyo's grip is becoming looser as he clings to Gonou, not because he is fading but because he is trembling in pain so fiercely. He could live for hours in this awful state, even if nothing would be enough to save him. But Gojyo does not want to live through this pain if it means death still waits at the end of it. He just wants release.
He wants Gonou to release him.
"Gonou…please…kill me…"
The tears falling from Gonou's eyes do not still their descent.
There are several weapons in the bedroom that have been left behind by Gojyo's attackers. Finally conscious of them enough to notice their presence, Gonou looks to each of them. Within reach is a very simple…dagger.
No. He couldn't. Gojyo is asking him to do this, but how can he…?
"Kill me. Gonou, please…it's…too much. Please…just…let me…go. Please…"
Part of Gonou wants to scream, to yell at Gojyo to shut up, to stop pleading for something so horrible. But another part begs for Gonou to see reason, to understand why Gojyo is asking this, and why…he has no choice but to do as he has been requested. If it were him he would want the same thing. He would not want to pointlessly suffer if death could be offered by a loving hand.
Gonou nods once, very slowly, and without really looking at it, reaches for the nearby knife. How should he do this? Through the heart? The head? The throat, Gonou finally decides. It would be easiest in his current state, and hopefully the quickest.
Lifting Gojyo in his arms a bit better, Gonou looks down into glazed blue and leans forward to kiss blood-tinged lips. Gojyo is in too much pain to respond, but the youkai's mouth twitches, trying to smile, trying to say…thank you.
All thought of words, of actually saying goodbye, or even that he loves Gojyo seem…irrelevant. Carefully laying Gojyo on the floor, Gonou does not once turn his eyes from Gojyo's face as he raises the dagger, releasing a resonant scream that lingers on long past the blow, and brings the weapon down.
-----
He gave me a world far brighter than the sun…
"Koryuu!" Goku calls, absently rubbing the bit of skin and hair along the edge of his diadem. He doesn't know why it feels funny, nor does he care. His thoughts are on something entirely different. "Koryuu!" he calls again.
After a few moments, a very startled and flustered Koryuu comes out of the bedroom, leaving the door ajar. Inside Goku can see the bags, see Koryuu's things scattered over the room that proves Koryuu had been packing. He does not, however, see any extra bags, or any of his own things being packed along with the blonde's.
"No…it's not…true."
"Goku--"
"It's not true, it's not!" Goku yells. His fists are tight at his sides, his eyes wide, his body trembling. And his limiter…slowly cracking. "Koumyou said so, Kami said so, but…but it's not true. It's not…" The hysterics in Goku's face fade into sobs. Goku cannot move. Goku cannot think. This is all…too horrible to be real.
Holding his hands out as if in defense, as if staying a wild animal, Koryuu approaches, though he does not get any closer to Goku than a few feet. "Goku, listen. I don't know what happened, or what Koumyou and Kami told you, but just…stay calm, okay?"
"Calm?" Goku repeats, feeling anything but. "How…how can I be calm? You're…leaving. You're going to the temple and leaving me behind. You…want to leave me."
"Goku, please--"
"Don't you love me anymore!" Goku cries, his voice cracking in likeness to the small cracks on his limiter.
Koryuu sees this, sees the fissures, and knows now unstable the ground he is treading on has become. "Goku, you have to be calm. Just…listen to me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want to have to do things like this, but…there was no other way. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe I was…afraid, but if you want the truth I'll tell you. I am leaving for the temple. And no…you can't come with me."
Further tears fill Goku's eyes. He is severely shaking now, barely standing, and more fissures break out over his coronet in the wake of it.
"But it's not because I don't…love you. It's just…how things are."
Goku shakes his head. No, Koryuu is lying. He always knows when Koryuu is lying. Or…he thought he did. Maybe he missed a thousand other lies, but right now he is certain Koryuu is not speaking the truth. Never before has Koryuu hesitated when saying he loves him. Never before has Koryuu ever looked so…frightened.
Of him.
"They said…you were afraid I'd freak out. You were afraid…my limiter would break." Goku's voice quivers, but he speaks in the eeriest semblance of calm. "You lied…you kept secrets and lied about loving me just so I wouldn't get out of control. Did you ever…love me? Or was it just…convenient until you were ready to leave?"
Koryuu is not fooled by Goku's 'calm'. He holds up his hands higher, more defensive now. "Goku…I know I should have been up front with you, but it wasn't all lies. I just…I…" Suddenly, Koryuu shakes his head and stomps his foot on the floor, his hands lowering. It looks as though some shield Goku never knew existed has just dropped, and when Koryuu speaks again, Goku knows…he is speaking the truth. "I just can't take it. You want the truth? The real truth? Maybe it was convenient. Maybe I did lie. But the real reason I'm leaving for the temple…is I can't stand the thought of that thing touching me."
Several of the cracks on Goku's coronet join with others, becoming larger. Menacing.
"Your crown keeps him away, but for how long? Are those practices of your really doing anything? It's been years, Goku, and nothing. He's still inside you. And even if you don't want to believe it…he's the real you. I really am sorry this is how things had to end. I wanted to make this easier on you. I tried. But no, you couldn't allow that. So I'm sorry, but I don't want to be with a monster anymore."
The sorrow that fills Goku is washed away quickly by an overwhelming sense of…anger. Pure, burning anger. All of it had been lies. All of it pointless. All of it…gone now…because Goku is a monster.
Nothing but a monster.
And as much as it hurts, when Koryuu turns away from him to turn back towards the bedroom, Goku knows the words he has just heard are the full and honest truth. How Koryuu really feels. How things really are. The reality is what finally makes it more than he can stand.
Goku screams, the cracks running together more and more until so little of the limiter is intact, there is nothing for it to do but break apart.
Koryuu turns back at the sound of Goku's scream. He knew this would happen. He expected it, and yet he had still spoken the truth and turned his back on the beast. Sooner than he could ever hope to escape, it is not Goku that stands before him, but…Seiten Taisei.
Those are the thoughts of Koryuu, but Goku's are far more interesting. His limiter has broken, yes, but his thoughts are…clearer. He understands what is happening. He is aware. He is Seiten Taisei…but he is Goku also. Never before has he known this feeling and it is so strange, so…liberating.
One thing that does remain, however, is that Goku is still very, very angry…with Koryuu.
Slit eyes look up at Koryuu and glare. Goku hisses, Goku growls, and he loves the feel of those sounds in his throat. He flexes his claws. He licks his lips. He has never felt so powerful and alive, and his anger fuels that feeling. His anger fuels every intention in him.
But something isn't right. Goku's anger is so great, and part of him really does want to lunge forward and show Koryuu that anger, but there is a part of him that does not. He tries to focus on how different this feels. Yes, he is aware, but it is more than that. He feels powerful, strong, free, but it is still…wrong. Almost…fabricated. Goku remembers little from the times he is Seiten Taisei, but he still remembers feelings. Sometimes he can even vaguely remember thoughts. But this is not how Seiten Taisei thinks and feels. This is…this is wrong.
Goku roars.
Koryuu flinches.
But Goku does not care about Koryuu anymore. Even as Goku looks to the terror-ridden blonde, he only assures himself more that this is wrong. His anger increases, his lust for something greater, for something more increases with it and he roars again.
If this is wrong, if this is not Koryuu and he is not Seiten Taisei, than where is Koryuu? Where is…Goku?
His anger heightened to such an impossible degree, Goku continues to cry out, growling and howling at the ceiling and ignoring the fearful Koryuu. He is so angry, so panicked with wonder, that he feels his limiter begin to crack. Again.
Goku knows this is wrong, that this is impossible. His limiter has already broken…hasn't it?
Fueled further yet, Goku's anger grows, and with it Goku feels his limiter breaking more and more. He cannot explain it. He reaches up to touch his head and finds nothing, nothing but his wild, longer hair. And yet he knows, somehow he can feel it, that his limiter still exists, that Seiten Taisei is still at bay.
Or was at bay…until the limiter Goku knew beyond a doubt was still atop his head, shatters into countless, tiny pieces.
-----
"Isn't that fascinating…" Nii says, more interested than concerned.
He rises from his chair and looks on curiously as the last of the bits of gold fall to the laboratory floor. The boy it once belonged to easily breaks free of the bonds holding him to the machines and hops down to join the remnants of his limiter.
Nii studies this new figure. He knew of its existence but has never had the pleasure of a private, personal audience. The creature is quite magnificent really. Long, flowing hair, slit gold eyes with an impossible radiance, sharp fangs, claws to rival any youkai's, and a truly amazing grin that would send chills down any normal human's spine.
"I commend you. Perhaps I didn't give you enough credit. The beast seems to have its own rules, hmm?"
Seiten Taisei does not respond in words. He growls, readying his footing in front of Nii. He is confused, but still angry. Something had been wrong, hadn't it? Something had been wrong about Konzen. Did this…man…have something to do with that? Seiten Taisei hardly cares either way, but hesitates in striking this strange…person before him. After all, it does not give off any familiar scent. It is…without recognition.
"How flattering. It seems you're as fascinated by me as I am by you. But you know what you should really be concentrating on?" A steady arm stretches out and Nii points past Seiten Taisei at the machines beyond.
Rarely fearful of anything, Seiten Taisei does not think it foolish to look, and turns his head as prompted. When his bright, golden eyes take in the sight before him, his grin returns in full force. Turning back around to address the strange creature again, he is disturbed to find the man gone. Seiten Taisei had not sensed anything that would indicate movement. How had the creature escaped?
Deciding it is far less important than other things at the moment, Seiten Taisei gladly turns back to the machines, and to the bond and dormant figure of his glorious, blonde sun. Seiten Taisei runs his tongue over his chapped lips, grinning more wildly now. When he speaks, his voice is rough from disuse, as always.
"Konzen…"
tbc...
A/N: Yes, I know I'm evil. Isn't it wonderful. I'll try to be prompt with the next part. But then again...I do have all these ideas for one shots. Maybe I'll take a break... ;-) Don't ya just love me? Hee. You certainly seem to, because the reviews for last chapter were awesome. Thanks, everyone. One reviewer did say I was losing them, and if you could elaborate, I would appreciate that. Otherwise, thanks all, and I'll keep 'em coming. :-)
Crim