Apprentice and Pregnant 2

Chapter 20: Lost Memories

Can't remember what I did last night

Maybe I shouldn't have given in,

But I just couldn't fight

Hope I didn't what I think I might have

Everything, everything is still a blur

Laurelpaw stared at Firepaw, feeling as though her heart was being shredded in her body. The feeling was indescribable, as if her heart had melted and was trickling blood through her bones. He laid there, his body moving with the feeblest shallow breaths. His face was slick with blood, and his throat was badly cut open. His paws looked as though they were stuck to the ground; the glue that held them down was drying blood. He was missing claws and a lot of his fur was shredded, the worst gashes at his throat. Laurelpaw knew that he found it hard to breathe, but to her it almost felt like it was her own neck that was sliced open.

I am the cause of this

This is my fault and my fault alone

"Firepaw," Laurelpaw whispered, forcing herself to move closer to him. She waited for him to respond, and was both unsurprised and horrified that he didn't.

"He's unconscious," Featherwing said gently, looking up from his body. Laurelpaw stiffened, the words hurting her even though she already knew that.

"Can't he wake up, even for a little while?" Laurelpaw asked desperately, wishing there was something she could do to help. "He needs to go back to the camp."

"His lungs are damaged," Featherwing replied. "If we move him, there's a risk the movement could jolt him. We don't want any more internal bleeding than we already got."

"So we're just going to stay here?" Laurelpaw choked, her voice growing very high pitched. She stood shaking, knowing she was on the verge of breaking down.

"Laurelpaw," Featherwing sighed and looked up at her again, her eyes cool and sad. "I know you're worried. We all are. But please try to calm down."

"Okay," Laurelpaw replied, knowing very well that calming down was the last thing she could do. She watched as Featherwing licked the apprentices face, cleaning off the blood. Laurelpaw felt sick as she wondered if it was his own or Old Gray's. As the blood started to vanish, Laurelpaw could see the scratches on his face. There was a giant gash going from his right ear down to the left corner of his mouth, forever scarring him. His eyelids were cut too, and Laurelpaw prayed to Starclan that he wouldn't open his eyes to be blind.

Suddenly he moved, jerking his head quickly to the side. Laurelpaw jumped, widening her eyes. Firepaw shuffled around a bit more, and Laurelpaw was just starting to wonder if he was dreaming when he opened his eyes.

"He's awake!" Grayclaw cried from beside her. Laurelpaw opened her mouth to say his name but it felt like her voice had been shut off. She shut her mouth and watched, feeling helpless.

"Firepaw," Featherwing said calmly. "Can you hear me?"

"Where the hell are we?" Firepaw demanded, narrowing his eyes as he glanced around. "And holy shit, I feel like I died and woke up again."

"You're okay!" Laurelpaws words bubbled from her mouth, and she ran towards Firepaw. She pressed her face into his sticky fur, purring loudly. "I was so scared!"

"What-" to Laurelpaws surprise, he jerked away, staring at her in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"I thought you were dead," Laurelpaw whispered, feeling her heart drop suddenly. Why is he acting like he doesn't know who I am?

"Laurelpaw, I don't know why you're getting so close to me, but cut it out," Firepaw rolled his eyes and looked away from her. "What the freaking hell happened to me? Why am I covered in blood and shit?"
"You were badly injured in the fight with Old Gray," Featherwing said gently after a long pause. "You must have blocked out the memory when you passed out."

"What?" Firepaw snapped, looking frustrated. "Finish your sentence."
"Pardon?" Featherwing said, confusion clouding over her face.

"I was fighting with old gray?" Firepaw sighed dramatically. "That doesn't make sense. An old gray what? And that's terrible grammar if I may add."
An odd feeling quickly replaced Laurelpaws fear, and she stood rigid as her mind struggled to piece together what was going on.

"Old Gray," Featherwing repeated. "The cat you went out to attack."

"What the hell kinda name is Old Gray?" Firepaw laughed sharply, looking amused. "What are you talking about?"

Oh my god

He doesn't remember anything…

But how far has it gone?

Laurelpaw stared at Firepaw, feeling very frightened. He gave her another look, a disgusted one that Laurelpaw knew all too well. It was the look they used to give each other, so many moons ago. The look of annoyance and dislike, back when they hated each other.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Laurelpaw asked, feeling as though her mouth had turned desert dry. Her heart was hammering against her chest, and she struggled to breathe once again.

"Are you retarded?" Firepaw snapped, glaring at her. "How could you have honestly forgotten what we were doing already? Wow you're an idiot."

"Firepaw, enough," Featherwing hissed. Firepaw rolled his eyes. "Sorry. I just don't know why you complain how dumb you think I am all the time, Laurelpaw. You're the one with the memory of a rock."

"Right, it's me with the bad memory," Laurelpaw hissed, unable to stop herself from retorting rudely out of old habit. We're talking to each other like we hate each other! Ugh, it's like we're back to square one all over again.

"We're in the middle of the hunting challenge," Firepaw said slowly, abbreviating each word like one would do when talking to a kit. "To see who gets to go to the gathering. Does that ring any bells?"

Laurelpaw realized with a jolt that Firepaw had lost more of his memory than she had thought. Her mind shot back through memories moons and moons ago, back when Swallow Star had organized the hunting competition.

"Can someone please explain to me why I'm so freaking beat up?" Firepaw demanded, sitting up slowly. He winced with pain, slumping back again. "I feel like I fell out of a goddamn tree and scratched myself on every frikin branch on the way down."

"You were trying to hunt a squirrel," Grayclaws voice startled Laurelpaw, and she whipped around to stare at him.

"What are you doing?" Laurelpaw asked in alarm, wondering why Grayclaw was lying about what had happened to him. Grayclaw gave her a look of warning so stony that all Laurelpaw could do was keep quiet.

"You chased it up really high," Grayclaw continued, his expression grim. "You slipped, fell, and scratched yourself up really badly."

"Well, shit," Firepaw swore and tried to get up again. Laurelpaw felt very cold, and she fidgeted awkwardly. I can't believe this… he doesn't remember anything.

What am I going to do now?

"Don't just stand there like a lump," Firepaw broke her thoughts, his hostile voice loud as he snapped at her. "Help me up."

Laurelpaw padded over slowly and nudged him up, Featherwing on his other side. He could barely walk, and he slumped lamely into her.

"Let's get you back to the camp," Featherwing said.

"I'll help him," Grayclaw said, moving closer to Laurelpaw. Laurelpaw didn't say a word and backed away, letting her father support the wounded cat. She stared, emotionless as they made their way slowly through the forest.

"So what happened?" Laurelpaw could hear Firepaw asking as they walked away. "My team won, right?"

Thornpaw didn't know what to expect as he approached the Thunderclan border. By now all the noises he had heard before were gone, replaced with a terrible silence that made him feel like something was very wrong. Behind him Berrypaw and Redpaw were lagging behind, getting annoyed at the detour.

"Thornpaw," Berrypaw sighed. "I can't hear anything anymore. It was probably just a Thunderclan patrol."

"Yeah, can we just go home?" Redpaw pleaded. "I'm so tired."

"And hungry!" Berrypaw put in loudly.

"We're almost there, we might as well check it out," Thornpaw sighed, wishing his friends would stop being so lazy. They're acting like we've been traveling for a moon with no food. Get over it.

He pushed his way through the last of the Shadowclan forest, coming out into the open where Shadowclan met with Thunderclan. He looked around, smelling blood at once. And by the way Berrypaw and Redpaws ears pricked up, Thornpaw knew they could smell it too.

"It looks like there was a battle here," Berrypaw whispered, staring out at the bloodstained ground with wide eyes. "What happened-?"

"I don't know," Thornpaw whispered, wondering just what on earth caused all the bloodshed. Who was Thunderclan fighting with, themselves? They didn't meet up with any of our patrols so I don't understand why-

Thornpaws thoughts vanished as he noticed one cat sitting in the middle of the mess, hiding behind a big rock.

"There's someone over there!" Thornpaw whispered in alarm, running over at once. Berrypaw and Redpaw followed after a brief hesitation, clearly worried about stepping over the border.

"You there!" Thornpaw called out, feeling scared. "Are you alright?" The cat didn't respond, and Thornpaw picked up the pace. He turned around the rock and stared at the cat with worried eyes.

Then he realized who it was.

He felt his worry turn to confusion, then to terror and then back to worry in the course of a heartbeat.

"Laurelpaw?" he whispered. "What are you doing?"

Laurelpaw sat slumped against the rock, sitting on blood splattered dirt. She stared dully at nothing, as if she was lost in another world. This made Thornpaw feel so upset that his mind blanked completely, forgetting anything that would be considered helpful. He just stared at her, wondering what had happened to cause such despair.

"I'm okay," Laurelpaw said quietly, still staring off at nothing. "Don't worry about me."

"What's wrong?" Thornpaw demanded, feeling even more worried despite what she had said. "Where did all this blood come from? And why are you just sitting there by yourself?"

"Terrible things happened to me," Laurelpaw said in a voice so quiet that Thornpaw had to strain his ears to listen. "And that made terrible things happen to other cats. Does that make me terrible too?"
"What?" Thornpaw shook his head, wondering just what the heck she was talking about. "No, you're not terrible at all, Laurelpaw."

"I feel terrible," Laurelpaw said simply, glancing up at him for half a second. That glance seemed to break Thornpaws heart. He remembered how her eyes used to sparkle with life and wonder.

Now they were flat, and dull. Almost as if Laurelpaw was actually dead, with her eyes still open.

"Do you need any help?" Berrypaw asked awkwardly, shifting his paws. "Should we walk you home, or do you need us to go get your clanmates-"

"No," Laurelpaw said simply. "I'm fine."

"You're clearly not fine," Thornpaw sighed. "Laurelpaw, please tell me what's going on."

"There was a fight," Laurelpaw said at last, her voice cracking. "And now Firepaw doesn't remember me. He got hurt, and lost his memory. And it was my entire fault!"

"Why was it your fault?" Thornpaw asked gently. "I'm sure it wasn't-"

"It was," Laurelpaw cut him off angrily. "And I'm never going to forgive myself."

"But-" Thornpaw didn't know what else to say. It felt as though he wasn't talking to Laurelpaw, but a shell of her. He didn't know what to feel.

"I should go," Laurelpaw said miserably, dragging herself to her paws. "Thank you for coming to see that I'm alright."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Thornpaw couldn't help asking again, feeling very rattled and worried. She looks horrible… I wish I knew how to help her.

"I'll be okay, really," Laurelpaws tone softened and she looked up at Thornpaw. This time she held the eye contact, and relief washed over Thornpaw as he saw a glimmer of the old Laurelpaw in them.

"I'll see you soon," Laurelpaw said as she padded away. "The gatherings coming up, isn't it?"

"Yes," Thornpaw felt sad as he thought about how excited he used to get, waiting for the gathering to see her. He stared at her, wondering painfully if she was thinking the same thing.

"I'll look for you," Laurelpaw whispered. "I'll explain everything then… I just can't right now. It's too hard."

"Okay," Thornpaw nodded. "See you then."

"Bye-" Laurelpaw started to say. She broke off suddenly, gasping with pain. Thornpaw stared in alarm as she fell to the ground.

"What's wrong?" Thornpaw cried.

"I just got the most painful cramp," Laurelpaw said through clenched teeth, squeezing her eyes shut in pain. "Holy shit… that came out of nowhere."

"Why?" Thornpaw asked, feeling stressed out all over again. For Starclans sake, what's wrong now?

"I'll be fine," Laurelpaw said, sounding like she was forcing out the words. She got up and hobbled away, looking very bloated for some reason. It looked like her skin was too tight for her body. Thornpaw watched her until her felt a gentle paw touch his side.

"Come on," Redpaw said quietly. "We need to go home."