Disclaimer: Durarara! I don't own thee!

Shizuo watched as the informant froze for a moment before managing to compose himself. The old Izaya he was accustomed to seeing suddenly returned, all masks back on his face.

"Shiki, you came to visit," Izaya stated, his business smile gleaming. Shizuo didn't like it one bit.

The yakuza executive turned his attention to the bodyguard, his eyes expressionless. "Can you leave us for a few minutes?"

"Ugh…" Shizuo looked at Izaya, who gave him a slight nod of reassurance. Grimacing, he kept his glare fixated on Shiki, trying to keep his hands from clenching. What right did this man have to visit the one he shot? "I'll be right outside," he told Izaya before slowly walking out.

Shiki waited for the door to close before he finally moved from his spot against the wall to the bed, eying the laptop on the desk and the small mountain of files Namie had no doubt brought over. "You seem to be doing well."

"Yes, my fingers have been working pretty well these past few days, thank you for asking," Izaya replied coolly. He did try to get up once the second day after he woke up, but he decided to wait for Shinra's permission after unceremoniously collapsing onto the floor as soon as the tip of his foot touched the ground. As enthusiastic as he made himself out to be, it still annoyed him to think that he'd be going through rehab.

"Orihara…" Shiki began, his emotionless demeanor finally slightly giving way.

"I don't want to hear your excuses," the informant cut in.

"I heard everything from that clone of yours," he continued nevertheless.

Izaya's eyes widened, his hands clenching around the bedsheets. 'He knows? But I…' He looked away from the other's stare, his own thoughts wavering dangerously.

Shiki took the informant's shaking hand gently, making the other flinch and turn back to him. The yakuza's eyes were downcast, a sight Izaya thought he'd never see. "That night… I thought I'd lost you…"

Izaya trembled. Shiki's fingers felt cold on his skin, and the attempted affection threatened to topple him back into the abyss once again. He gulped, closing his eyes to calm his racing heart. He refused to fall again. He knew better now.

Izaya slid his hand out of Shiki's grasp. "Stop trying to use me to alleviate your own guilt." He watched as the yakuza's eyes widened.

Shiki composed himself quickly, all cracks that had appeared in his demeanor sealed as quickly as they had come. He walked over to the desk, studying its contents with his eyes. "I saw that you paid me back already with the bank transfer."

"Well I couldn't let you go bankrupt from all my assistant's expenditures," Izaya replied easily, trying to regain some of his usual edge in the conversation.

Shiki didn't seem to find the statement humorous. "You know you didn't have to pay me back. After all, I was the one who inconvenienced you."

Izaya bit his lip, wondering when the yakuza would just finish what he came to say and leave.

"Orihara, I believe I owe you payment for almost taking your life."

The informant smiled bitterly upon finally hearing the other's confession. "Oh, and what do you have to offer?" Izaya taunted. Money? He had enough of that for sure.

"Anything you want," Shiki answered.

Their eyes met, and Izaya felt the familiar feeling flicker softly in his stomach. He unconsciously grasped his chest, feeling his stomach clench. 'I don't want to feel this way… I…' He looked away. After all that had happened, how could he be drawn back in like this? Was he this obsessed with the man before him? The mere possibility of what Shiki was trying to offer him made him apprehensive.

Is this what he really wanted?

He tried to think of his conversation with Shizuo and the knife wound the bodyguard spared him from. Hadn't he told the bodyguard already that he had already sailed out of the dangerous waters of love? The chains around his heart had somehow formed again, dragging him back down to the bottom. Where had he put the key?

'Shizu-chan…' he mentally called out for help. He suddenly remembered the warmth that radiated from the other, so different from the man standing before him, different from anything he had ever felt before. What was this warmth called?

The locked clicked open. He was certain of one thing.

Izaya closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, before meeting Shiki's. "I'm not in love with you anymore," he said, his body trembling but his voice firm.

Without warning, Shiki leaned over and kissed the informant, placing a hand around the other's head to keep him from escaping. Izaya froze, finding himself trapped against cold lips, freezing waters. He finally managed to push the yakuza off, breathing heavily. It was like the cold had penetrated into his entire form, leaving him wanting for something to wash it all away.

"Orihara…"

"Didn't I tell you already?" Izaya snapped, his vision clouding. The stress was starting to do a number on his tired mind, and he wished with all he had left that Shiki would just leave this instant. He didn't want to deal with these nonexistent feelings anymore. What Shiki had to offer… if he had asked 3 months ago, before the incident, he would've accepted, but not now. He recalled the warmth that had touched him. Not ever.

Shizuo knocked and entered without waiting for a reply, peeking into the room. "You done yet?" he asked Shiki, the impatience glowing in his eyes.

Shiki straightened up. "I was just leaving." He looked at Izaya one last time, his eyes back to their normal expressionless gaze. "I'd like you to reconsider your answer," he told the informant, glancing at Shizuo. Izaya stared after him blankly as the door closed.

'Why… Why did he look at Shizu-chan like that?' His heart dropped. Did Shiki see them earlier? That was…

"Izaya, are you okay?" Shizuo's voice brought him out of his turbulent thoughts.

"I'm fine…" He noticed that his own hands were still shaking and tried to calm himself by taking another deep breath, but the scenarios, all of them the worst possible his heightened mind could imagine, refused to leave.

'I… I love…' Shiki's kiss haunted him, refusing to let him finish that sentence. It was like a new set of chains had crawled up around him even when he fully admitted that he had no feelings for the yakuza.

"Are you sure?" The bodyguard seemed to have no idea what Izaya was feeling right now.

The informant nodded, trying to put a normal smile back on it his face. He failed. "Hey, Shizu-chan, I'm a little tired today, so…"

"Alright." Izaya looked at him, surprised that he would reply so easily. The bodyguard turned to leave. "I'll visit again tomorrow, so get some rest."

Izaya obeyed, lying back on his bed, his mind all but restful. He watched the door close behind the bodyguard and buried himself in the hospital sheets, trying to shut off his mind, to let go of some of these thoughts even for a moment. He tried to rationalize.

Shiki didn't really him, did he? And, even if he did, he had no say anymore in who Izaya chose to love.

'Love…' He turned that word over in his head, the word that had killed the him in the other time. 'I love…' It had also indirectly killed Shinra, Celty, and… Shizuo…

The chains crept back around him, reaching around his neck. He couldn't complete the sentence.

.

Shizuo sat down on a park bench, clasping a hand over his head. He owed Ikebukuro yet another new vending machine, and it wasn't even midday yet. The bodyguard thought he did very well back in the hospital, but his anger held out only past the front entrance.

He lit a cigarette, hoping that the nicotine would help him calm down a little. The brat that disturbed his peace a few minutes earlier deserved it, he told himself.

The bodyguard took a breath, letting the smoke dissipate into the air as he breathed in the fresh spring scent of blooming flowers. It irritated him to no end, how Shiki had managed to affect the informant so easily with just his appearance. What had the two of them talk about?

He wondered if the damned yakuza had confessed to the informant or something like that.

"Damn it!" he hissed, hitting the bench and narrowly avoiding a fistful of splinters when he restrained himself the last second. It still left a small dent and some chips in the painted wood. He leaned back on the bench, glaring at the passersby who decided to walk a little faster.

What if the two somehow got together, after all this? He grimaced. It was just wrong, after all Shiki had done to Izaya.

He suddenly remembered the informant trembling in his arms. Shizuo had felt so protective, something he had rarely felt before. All he had done with these hands was destroy and destroy, and now… Izaya… He didn't want to let go.

He grabbed his hair in frustration, sighing. "Why do I care so much?"

"About what?"

Shizuo looked up to see a woman staring back at him, going through faces in his mind until he realized it was Celty. The Dullahan had recently taken the privilege of wearing more so called "normal clothes" instead of her trademark black suit whenever she wasn't on a job. However, she had admittedly done it less often after the time someone bumped into her and knocked off her head. She had spent a good 15 minutes trying to explain how she was practicing magic tricks before Shizuo had found her and pulled her from the scene.

Shizuo flicked his cigarette to the ground as Celty took a seat next to him. He stared at the smoking piece, remembering what Izaya had said about starting fires, and crushed it under his foot. "Izaya…" he answered a little embarrassedly. He wondered if Celty knew of the thoughts that ran through his mind these days. "That yakuza went to visit him today."

"Really? I'm surprised he did." Celty leaned back on the bench and adjusted her scarf. "He's been quite… different… nowadays."

"Yeah, well they talked for a little and Izaya got all flustered." He tapped his feet irritably. "So pissed…"

The Dullahan observed the other for a second before putting a hand to her chin. "Are you… jealous?"

"What? No way!" Shizuo immediately denied, but he felt his face turn red against his own words. He thought about it for a moment before violently shaking his head. "Just no," he repeated. "I mean, we're both guys."

"Does it matter?" the Dullahan asked.

Shizuo sighed. "Easy for you to say." Then again, a human and a Dullahan were no stranger than the two of them. He shook the thought from his head again before giving up, groaning. "It's nothing like that. I just want to protect him… that's all…" The explanation just didn't seem enough, so he decided to keep on going. "What's it called? Fatherly instinct?"

Celty snorted.

"What?"

"Motherly instinct," she corrected him, making Shizuo gape at her in horror.

"No! I mean… I mean…" He pulled at his hair slightly before taking a deep breath. "I think I like Izaya…" he muttered in the softest voice he could muster.

Celty blinked at him, not expecting him to admit it this easily. "Uh…"

"But that doesn't mean I want to do anything with… to… uh… him!" he quickly replied, his blush deepening. "So it's not like it's that kind of 'like,' right? Or… I haven't really thought about him that way… Wait… Uh…"

The Dullahan laughed knowingly. "I know. I know," she said reassuringly. Shinra would jump at this.

"And he probably has enough on his mind these days!" Shizuo added. "There's no way…"

'There's no way Izaya would ever love me back. I mean, we've been fighting since forever,' his thoughts finished for him. 'He probably still likes Shiki…'

"Uh… I shouldn't bother him with this…" he said instead, his face falling.

Celty sighed, trying to do a little thinking for him. She clapped her hands together when an idea hit her. "Shizuo, why don't you start with…"

.

Izaya took a shaky step forward, refusing to put his weight on the bars as he made his way across the given path. He had to walk again so that he could escape from this place where he was at the mercy of everyone who knew he was here. Forget Shiki and Shizuo, what if one of his many enemies decided to pay him a little visit? The attempt at driving his thoughts away from the two only brought them back into his mind, and he gritted his teeth, trying to concentrate on his current task.

The next step sent him to the ground, and he stayed where was, groaning. It was no good; his legs weren't going to get better overnight. He sighed, looking at the doorway to see if there happened to be any passing doctors that would help him back to his room, finding it impossible to make it back there now.

Deciding not to wait any longer, he tried to hoist himself up and gave up almost instantly when his legs refused to work anymore for the day. "Damn it…" he hissed, frustrated with his own helplessness. The feeling was all too familiar.

"Izaya?" the new voice made him freeze. "Why are you here alone?" He looked up to see Shizuo walking towards him, worry written all over his face.

Izaya frowned and looked back down, unwilling to meet the bodyguard's eyes. He didn't know what that would do to him in the state he was in. "Can you call a doctor over?" he muttered. "Or maybe just get a wheelchair, so I can… Hey wait!" he yelled when Shizuo lifted him effortlessly over the bars and began walking out of the room. "Wait! Put me down!" Izaya exclaimed, struggling, trying to get away from the warmth. He gave up when the other didn't budge and sighed, defeated by the heat that caressed his body where it made contact with the bodyguard.

They finally reached his room, and Izaya took the opportunity to glare at the other as Shizuo gently set him down on the bed.

To his dismay, Shizuo grinned. "You're finally looking at me."

Izaya turned his head away at this statement, not believing what the other was spouting. "You must be imagining it," he muttered.

"What's bothering you so much, anyway?" Shizuo asked, drawing up a chair. "I thought I've already made it clear that I'm not dying anytime soon."

"It's…" Izaya couldn't find the right words to finish that sentence. What could he say? 'I think I'm in… with you.' He threw that thought out immediately. Impossible. He's not allowed to say that. He's already decided not to say that.

"Hey, I was thinking…" Shizuo continued, obviously trying to keep the mood light for his sake.

'Great, now he's thinking too much for his own good,' Izaya lamented. 'I hope he won't say anything stupid.'

"Let's start over," Shizuo suggested.

Izaya looked at him blankly. He didn't expect this. "Huh?" he answered intelligently.

The bodyguard scratched his head. "Uh… I mean… I did attack you that first day… and I thought about some things and realized that I really didn't know that much about you. I mean… I didn't know that you…" He paused, trying to straighten out his sentences. How did Celty tell him to say it again? Screw that. He tried to improvise, wincing at how poorly he was expressing himself. What was brilliant plan again? "I know you must know a lot about me, being an informant, but let's just start this as…" This was definitely not working.

"Hello. Nice to meet you. I'm Izaya Orihara. What's your name?" Izaya interrupted fluidly. "There."

Shizuo blinked at him before breaking into a fit of laughter. "What the hell?"

Izaya smirked. "That's not the proper answer, Shizu-chan."

"Yeah… but…" He snorted. "That didn't suit you at all." He held out a hand nevertheless. "I'm Shizuo Heiwajima."

Izaya eyed the hand suspiciously before cautiously taking it, wondering if he should tell Shizuo that hand-shaking wasn't that common in Japan in greetings. The idea evaporated when the bodyguard's fingers wrapped around his, swallowing them.

'Ah… they are warm…' Izaya thought as he looked up at the bodyguard, finding yet another new expression on the bodyguard's face, unobstructed by the usual sunglasses. 'That face…'

Shizuo let go of his hand, his face starting to turn red.

'Oh…' Realization hit him. 'So he also… me…' The chains loosened, and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. 'No… even if he does, I can't let us…' His thoughts trailed back to Shiki again. The yakuza would kill the two of them, he was sure of it. Shiki had the power to. Izaya had to make it clear to the Awakusu-kai executive before he could take a step forward, a step away from his past, away from the so called "business" he had played with these past years.

Yet, his legs wouldn't move.

.

Shizuo continued to visit throughout the rehab, offering snippets of the life outside in Ikebukuro every time he came. To the informant's relief, the other stayed clear of any more obvious signs of affection, although the bodyguard did go through the trouble of bringing him fatty tuna on more than one occasion, obviously lying when he said it was a gift from Simon.

Also to his peace of mind, Shiki didn't visit again after the first time, curtailing their means of contact to emails and texts. It was as the two of them were waiting for him to recover before making any moves. Unfortunately, as steadily as he was regaining the use of legs, Izaya thoughts on the matter was anything but clear, and the lack of action made him even more jumpy than usual.

It was a simple sentence, really, just three words. The problem was that he's never said those words to an individual before. Humanity, plenty. But a human, never. If he did, he had lied, he admitted it. He's only said the opposite to Shizuo and had kept it hidden for many years from Shiki.

And frankly, he was scared. It was all such a blur to him, what could happen after those words were uttered. Would the world as he embraced it end? Would he turn into some disgusting pile of melted chocolate, prone for the hungry jaws of those who wanted his life? Would the other become the same? Even without the possibility of Shiki coming after the two of them, there were still many others. He had been so accustomed to knowing. The uncertainty scared him.

So it continued for another month, until the day he finally stepped out of the hospital into the streets of Ikebukuro. He couldn't run yet, but his feet carried him to where he wanted to be: away, hidden back in his apartment in Shinjuku with all the doors locked, locked until he finally managed to resume some normality in his daily schedule again, not that it took someone like him very long, to his dismay. He found that work kept him sane, just like before.

It was then, one day as Namie was typing away at the sofa, he finally admitted to himself the truth when he "accidentally" pulled up the bodyguard's profile on his computer, layered above all the other folders he had opened that were actually needed for his current job.

Izaya Orihara was in love, and he was too cowardly to say it, just like before.

His phone finally rang, and he looked at the caller's with bated breath.

Fear was a powerful enemy.

Hello! Yay faster update this week! Virtual hugs to all who reviewed XD!

Thanks for reading!