-1Aahh 200 reviews!! You guys rock, don't ever change! Thank you all so much for sticking with me through all of my wicked and awkwardness. I'm smiling again. I know this is maybe slow updating but my hand is still outta control so I'm really sorry. Thank you all so much (again)! I'll try and make this chapter good for y'all….

Chapter 20

Buzz. Buzz.

Scream. Yell. Shout.

Cry. Helpless.

Still. Nothing.

"Wake her up! Wake her up now! If you don't I'll hurt you!" Angell bounced up and down on her bed, trying to see over the surgeons and doctors heads that were surrounding Lindsay's bed.

So far three nurses had tried to get her to sit down and shut up, but she wanted, needed to see her friend. She wasn't allowed to die.

--

Earlier in the night………..

Lindsay sat hugging her pillow, slightly decapitating it. She kept looking toward Angell then back at the floor. She had to talk to her at some point, now, later, in a minute, she was just putting it off. Why had Angell gone off on one? Flack was trying to say something they had all wanted him to say to her a long time ago.

She looked at the woman who was rocking forwards and backwards. Now was her time.

"Why?" Simple and short.

"Why what?" Angell replied almost straight away, as if she'd been waiting for it.

"Why are you afraid?" Lindsay asked, still staring at the floor in front of her, squeezing the pillow tight.

"Afraid of what?" Angell asked slightly confused.

"Love?" Lindsay almost whispered. Angell broke her gaze from the blank wall and stared at the small woman who was still hugging the pillow but now she was looking back.

"I'm not." Angell tried to hide the tone in her voice. But Lindsay noticed she was hiding something.

"You may be smart, daring, careful and even hot but you're a terrible liar." Lindsay didn't change the facial expression she wore, which was dull and plain. Angell store at the woman she was right but Jess never told anyone of her past. Not usually. She had told Stella, since she had been through things that Stella had also been through.

"I'm not, okay?" She repeated.

"I know there's something wrong Jess, I can read you inside out. You, you and Stella are my best friends I would tell you anything. I would also have to tell my home girl as well though." Lindsay tilted her head to the side.

"Home girl?" Angell raised an eyebrow. A smile grew on Lindsay's face, the first Angell had seen in a short while.

"Danny. Stop trying to change the subject" Lindsay smirked. Angell didn't but she did feel amused.

"I….I just don't wanna talk about it okay?" Angell returned her gaze back to the plain white wall across from her.

"You can trust me you know, I won't tell anyone." Lindsay tried.

"Stella knows, Don forced it outta me, Mac had to talk to me about it before I came to join the team and Danny was with him. They all know." Angell said.

That was it Lindsay stopped then and there. Thoughts and demon predictions ran through her mind. But one line always seemed to pop up, one line that made her feel more alone in the world than she ever did before.

Useless. Nobody wants you. I hate you. You should've died years ago. They aren't your friends, they pity you.

All those things, they all came from different people. Her family, her 'friends', her kidnappers, herself.

That's why she never gets told anything, that's why she gets bullied by her fellow CSI's, that's why her life was so screwed. She was supposed to die a long time ago. The world just didn't want her anymore.

--

"Stella knows, Don forced it outta me, Mac had to talk to me about it before I came to join the team and Danny was with him. They all know." Angell said.

Angell watched Lindsay out of the corner of her eye. It was like she just drifted off, like she went to a world of her own. She was silent.

"Lindsay?" Angell released the grip she had on her knees, and let the swing over the side of the bed.

"Lindsay, are you okay?" She tried again. No response, what was she doing? Maybe she was just getting tired, the morphine was probably kicking in.

Angell shuddered at the thought of morphine. She stared at the girl across from her something wasn't right.

Lindsay fell forward, hitting her head on the hard floor. She wasn't moving. Was she breathing?

"Lindsay?!" Angell shouted at her after a moments shock held her back. She slid of the bed then noticed a pain in her arm. She was still receiving a type of drug. Not morphine. The needle that they had stuck in her was holding her back.

She ripped it out, she didn't care if it hurt, or if it caused her to die a little more. Right now Lindsay needed help.

She rushed toward her and bent down picking her up while shouting for help. Lindsay's monitor was going off the scale, she was failing. Like Angell had done once before.

Jess turned Lindsay over. The needle that was pumping her full of morphine had been ripped out as she fell.

"Hey! Get the hell in here! You do know that she's dying right?!" Angell yelled toward the door that two doctors had just entered.

Angell was forced back to her bed and the needle was placed back in her arm, while Lindsay was placed back on her bed and the paddles were brought out.

"They really hurt you know! Can you not just try tickling her or something?" Angell cringed. A nurse that had just entered looked at her like she was a freak.

"I'll go find some duck tape." Angell sighed trying to get up. The nurse stood in front of her tapping her foot.

"Can I not at least call the rest of my team?" Angell pleaded. The nurse shook her head.

"Not while we've got the paddles out." The nurse presumed her original position at Lindsay's bed. Jess sighed and shook her head. After a moment of silence. It happened, the thing that had happened to her.

BEEP.

The long beeping sound sounded she was dying. Not on Angell's watch. She stood up on her bed and started jumping trying to see what was happening.

"Kill her and I swear I will sue you. Yeah all of you. Even you Betty!" Angell pointed to the nurse who had spoken to her earlier.

"Wake her up! Wake her up now! If you don't I'll hurt you!" Angell bounced up and down on her bed, trying to see over the surgeons and doctors heads that were surrounding Lindsay's bed.

Buzz. Buzz.

Scream. Yell. Shout.

Cry. Helpless

Still. Nothing.

So what do ya think? I know I'm crazy, insane even. But please review me happy. Right I'm so sorry about this but I have to have another short rant about Hollyoaks. Tina, dead. I know I said I wanted her dead but, it was so sad, I never cried, I never do. But Mercedes bless her, Carmel crying her little eyes out and Michaela she was so sweet. Right now Jacqui is in my bad books, being mean to Mercy and leaving Myra her mum to die! Grrr. Sorry about that I know I bore you to death with all my rants please just ignore me. PLEASE REVIEW ME! LETS SEE IF WE CAN GET TO THREE HUNDRED BEFORE I FINISH THE STORY WHICH SHOULD BE LIKE 30 OR 40 CHAPTERS ALTOGETHER!

U ROCK
Melx