Chapter 20

Left alone at the table downstairs, Sully was suddenly aware that the walls around him bore all the weight of the upper floor. The load seemed to compress the air in the room, stifling him. As cold sweat began to cover his brow the instinct to flee urged him to run out of the house. He only halted at the fence that separated the yard from the corral before the barn. There he paced back and forth running his hand through his hair.

He wasn't sure what Michaela expected him to say. He'd never been good with words; that was why he'd adopted a lot of the Cheyenne's sayings. They expressed his thoughts in perfect, because short, lines.

This time they wouldn't work though.

Looking up at the house he took in its structure, remembering the joyful feeling of anticipation he had on the day he finished it shortly before their wedding.

There had been no joy at the table tonight.

Suddenly he became aware that there was light in the master bedroom. A flicker of hope soothed his racing heart, and without thinking twice he rushed into the house, secured the doors, turned down the lamps and hurried upstairs.

The room was empty though; Michaela had only prepared the bed for him. The quilt on his side was pulled back, inviting him to lie down while her side was untouched. It was apparent that she had no intention of spending the night in it.

Of course he hadn't expected her to come back into his arms right away but he'd hoped at least for some talking. The disappointment he felt was all-consuming; how could he make amends when Michaela avoided him?

Still standing in the doorway Sully shifted and looked towards the stairs. Complete silence emanated from the other rooms along the dark hallway, and the panic he'd felt earlier threatened to return. It had been almost three months since he'd slept in a house, and he already desperately missed the spaciousness of the outdoors.

He would, however, stay inside, no matter what. His children needed to see that he belonged to this family as much as their mother. His heart had ached when his daughter acted at the Café as if he were a stranger. All afternoon he had done his best to elicit a smile from her, yet only after Brian helped him did he succeed.

It had taken some time for his son to warm up to him again, too. Only after several sincere apologies and the assurance that he had never intended to leave for good was the boy ready to talk to him. However, Sully could sense the still lingering anger and hurt in Brian, and that was why he was determined to spend the night in the family's home.

After quietly closing the bedroom door behind him Sully turned up the lamp on Michaela's nightstand, taking in the room. It seemed smaller than he remembered it yet lacked the coziness it had always provided. He didn't have to think about the reason for the latter. Michaela wasn't here. She didn't sit in front of the mirror brushing her hair and going through the events of the day with him before she would crawl under the covers next to him.

Sighing, Sully lifted the leather string with the beads over his head, hanging it over the bedpost. For a moment, he stared at the pattern he'd carved in there, recalling the argument he had with Michaela when he'd polished it in order to get the bed done in time for their wedding.

He'd been miffed because he thought she'd joined him for another attempt to convince him that he'd wear a wedding ring, and she usually got her way when she was so persistent.

She wanted to talk about Matthew and the old homestead though, and in his bad mood he'd set her straight that there were certain things a man had to decide on his own. She'd glared at him and retorted that it was the same for a woman and had ridden off.

He'd looked after her and now he remembered that he couldn't help but admire the strong posture she'd kept, even her back telling him that she had the same rights like he.

Thinking about it now he realized that over the time she'd lost this fierceness. Even when she disagreed with him and was angry about what he'd done, in the end she always supported him. Not only that, she also used to clear up the mess his actions left behind. It had been her who was put into jail because he had insisted on helping the Mexican Indian to flee from the reservation. After the incident because of the dam it was only thanks to her asking Matthew to investigate further that his punishment hadn't been much harder.

Sully admitted to himself that unconsciously, he'd expected Michaela to do the same this time.

Sighing again, he turned down the lamp before he pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the rocking chair. He could still smell the soap on his skin after the bath he'd taken in the creek. It was as unfamiliar as the fresh sheets that were waiting for him, and for a moment he considered sleeping on the floor. But if Michaela found him there in the morning it would give her the wrong impression, and he didn't want to add to her doubts about his intentions of staying at home.

After he'd opened the window wide, Sully slid under the cover. Even though he was sure he wouldn't be able to fall asleep in the bed, his body quickly proved him wrong. It instantly embraced the comfort of the soft mattress and relaxed completely. Without noticing Sully drifted off right after he'd rested his head on the pillow.

xxx

The next morning, Sully was up early. He walked around the property, taking stock of the things that had to be done. Fall was close and he wanted to make sure that the homestead was ready for the rain and storms to come.

He was surprised to find the pile of firewood already high; it would last for the first cold weeks. All fences were fine too, so only the house and the barn were left to look at.

He began with the latter, inspecting the walls and what he could see of the roof first because he didn't want to wake Daniel. Yet then he heard his friend's voice from inside and so he entered.

Tending to the horses Daniel didn't notice Sully and jumped when he heard the quiet, "Mornin'."

"Hey," he replied as he turned, still holding the brush in his hand.

There was an awkward silence before Sully said, "Uhm, I wanna thank ya for keepin' an eye on the property. Everythin' looks fine."

Daniel shrugged, "That's alright. And I can't take all the credit 'cause a big part of the work was done by Brian."

Reading in his friend's face the guilt about leaving his tasks to others, especially to his son, Daniel added quietly, "He's a good kid and he adores Michaela. He just wanted her to know that she don't have to worry 'bout anythin' out here. I had to slow him down quite often."

Sully nodded. Averting his eyes he shuffled his feet. "Yeah, that's him," he acknowledged.

No more words were exchanged but both finished the chores together. When they eventually returned to the house they found it full of life already.

Brian was on all fours in front of the fireplace, pretending to be a horse for Katie. The little girl giggled happily as she rode on his back, patting his head wanting him to go faster.

Michaela on the other hand stood at the stove turning the sizzling ham while she instructed Matthew what to put on the table.

Hearing the door opening she glanced over her shoulder shouting, "Brain, Katie, get ready for breakfast!"

Not much later, when all were gathered around the table, Brian didn't even take a bite before he looked at Daniel who sat across from him.

"I saw your bags at the fence. You're gonna leave?" he asked, anguish clearly audible.

Daniel glanced at Michaela who had put down the spoon she was feeding Katie with because this was news to her, too.

Turning back to the boy he explained, "I ain't gonna leave town, only your barn. When Sully arrived yesterday I looked for a room and found one in the new boardin' house."

"So ya'll stay around?" Brian persisted not disguising his hope.

This time, Daniel glanced at Matthew, who gave him a small nod, before he replied, "Your brother asked me if I'll take his job as sheriff. Provided that the town council agrees, that is. If they hire me, I'll stay."

"Great," Brian beamed, beginning to eat with hearty appetite.

Michaela, however, looked back and forth between Matthew and Daniel, waiting for them to elaborate.

Taking the clue Matthew explained, "Mr. Bley said I got potential, that I could make a good lawyer. He recommended me to his friend in Denver." He paused before he continued, looking at Michaela imploring for her to understand, "I'd really like to give it a try."

Although this came out of the blue for her, and she couldn't even begin to imagine what this meant for the daily life of the family, she retorted immediately, "Of course you will go. This is a splendid chance."

She smiled at him, not able to prevent some tears from brimming in her eyes though. "I'm so proud of you, and your mother would be, too if she were here now. But we will miss you."

"Denver ain't so far." Matthew was relieved that everything was out in the open now and resumed eating.

Sully had followed the conversation quietly but now he chimed in asking Daniel, "Shouldn't there be an election?"

Matthew answered this question yet turned to Michaela, "We'd hoped you'd convince the town council that they'll do it like they did with Kid Cole some years ago 'cause otherwise we might get Hank as sheriff."

"Hank?" Michaela and Brian asked in unison, gazing at Matthew in disbelief.

"Yeah." Matthew couldn't help but grin. "He tells everywhere he'd proved he's the perfect sheriff 'cause he'd rescued ya."

Shocked, Sully jumped in again, "Rescued ya how?"

Michaela averted her eyes, picking at the scrambled eggs on her plate. Although Sully already knew that O'Connor had stomped on her hand she didn't want to tell him how it happened. It was too painful a memory.

Fortunately Brian came to her rescue. He put down the biscuit he was eating and shifted on his chair so he could directly look at Sully.

His voice was quiet and he didn't sound like a child when he reported, "O'Connor came to the clinic and threatened to shoot me and Katie if Ma wouldn't tell him where ya are."

Brian stopped as his Pa's eyes grew wide at hearing this. Fixed only on his son, Sully swallowed dryly before he asked hoarsely, "Threatened ya?"

Brain glanced at his Ma for reassurance. Knowing that it could help him to talk about it she gave him her permission with a sad smile. Daniel and Matthew, however, exchanged a concerned look. How would Sully react upon learning what had happened? They hadn't told him that the children had been included into O'Connor's wrath against him and his wife.

Turning back to his Pa Brian told what had happened, not able to hide the tremble in his tone when he relived the minutes of horror. "He put first his gun at Katie's head and asked Ma where ya are. When she said she didn't know he cocked the gun that was still on Katie. I yelled at him to leave her alone; and so he put the muzzle on my forehead…" His voice trailed off as Sully rose abruptly from his chair.

With his heart hammering a staccato against his ribs Sully paced back and forth, running his hand through his hair repeatedly. He'd never meant something like that to happen. It was already unbearable to know that Michaela had been hurt but it was worse learning what his children had to go through because of him. How could he ever make it up to them?

Suddenly changing his direction he stopped next to Brian's chair, crouching down so he was on the boy's eye level. "I'm sorry, son. I really am. I can't thank ya enough for looking after Katie."

"It's alright," Brian said blushing with pride. Yet then he remembered he wasn't done with the story yet. Picking up where he had left he continued as if there hadn't been a break, "Since Ma insisted she didn't know where ya are he took her to the army camp. He kept her really long and I was so worried. I didn't know what to do and when Mr. Bray and Hank asked me what's wrong I told them. Hank ran straight into the camp and came back with Ma a few minutes later."

Sully rose to his feet, turning towards his wife, requiring quietly, "Was that when O'Connor broke your hand?"

"Yes," was all Michaela retorted not willing to go into detail. She rather resumed feeding Katie who had started to babble and impatiently stretched for the spoon lying on the table.

Sully didn't speak again during breakfast, only when the others were about to get up did he look at Michaela asking quietly, "Can I talk to ya for a moment?"

After ten minutes Brian, Matthew and Daniel were on their way to town and Sully helped Michaela to clear the table. He wasn't quite sure how to start but he needed her to know that he was willing to do everything in his power to make amends for putting all of them in danger.

Once there was nothing left to put away he cleared his throat. When she looked at him he began, "I can't say it enough how sorry I am, Michaela. Ya know that my family means everythin' to me and…"

"I know," Michaela cut him off as she went to the highchair, lifting her baby daughter out of it. "But it's not this family that holds your heart," she added matter-of-factly.