Author's Notes: I was NOT happy writing this. This is one of the first fan fics that I've written with more than five chapters that I finished. I was so sad. My heart broke. And I listened to emo music. So this wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be. It's what it is. That's all.

Orochimaru begins to have doubts about Sasuke that have secretly haunted him for years.

Chapter 19

Going Sane

Orochimaru and Sasuke were sitting in an outdoors ice cream stand alone. He eyed his son who acted stranger than ever. He had hardly said a thing in the past three weeks, which concerned both Kabuto and Orochimaru.

They were without Kabuto that day because Kabuto, who had refused to drink alcohol because of an "incident" about six years ago, had found a stash of rum and had drunken himself into an alcohol-induced coma and was lying on the kitchen table at home. So both Sasuke and Orochimaru, who were both frightened by the strange noises he was making (that sounded like he was stroking) had decided to go out for ice cream.

Sasuke looked up at him suddenly. "What are you looking at?" he demanded.

Orochimaru jumped at the sound of his voice. "Nothing." he said quickly. The two began to walk home. Along the way they saw the Toy Store in ruins. A group of six-year-olds had come with bombs attached to their stomachs last week and…well, it wasn't good. The building was half missing. Only two crumbled walls lay on the parking lot. The other two along with half the roof had disengaged.

Sasuke looked at the ruins while Orochimaru thought again. This is sane, he thought. Why if all times am I thinking logically? He looked at his son for a moment and smiled.

"Sasuke, sweetie?" he said in his sugary mother voice. "Could you excuse me for a moment?"

Sasuke nodded and walked ahead of him. Meanwhile, as Sasuke turned the corner, Orochimaru began slamming his forehead into a metal pole. Hard.

"This…is…impossible!" he grunted, frustrated. "I can't be…sane…I just can't!" After he was done, he skipped pleasantly over to Sasuke with and excessive bleeding forehead. Sasuke hardly noticed this; he looked as if he was pondering something.

I don't get it, Orochimaru thought, frustrated. What am I thinking like this? I've never been sane; I was crazy from birth! I've never had a logical thought in my life! Why all of a sudden am I becoming reasonable?! He clutched his head, his eyes bulging.

They're gonna send me to…colleges or something…like Harvard! Or Michigan State! Or something like that! (Colleges are the asylums of smart people. FYI) He grunted. Why am I sane?

The two walked home together in silence. However, once they began to walk towards the house, Orochimaru had an epiphany. He knew it. These thoughts had occurred since the day Sasuke arrived. All along, he knew in the back of his head the truth. Sasuke was pretty big for a nine-year-old-to-be. He did seem smarter than the average child. He didn't want to believe it, nor did he was to accept it, but all these years Orochimaru knew the truth. And now he realized it, three long years later. As he began to realize this, he had another thought. I was never sane until he came along… he nearly choked. It was Sasuke's fault. HE was making him logical. He was making him sane. His mouth dropped in astonishment. He couldn't believe it, but he knew what had to be done.

He had no choice but to kill Sasuke.

As they walked into the lair, Orochimaru was silent. It wasn't possible…was it? Did he really have to kill Sasuke? But if he didn't…what would happen? He wanted to cry. His own adorable, chubby, cranky son had to be killed by his hand. And he didn't want to kill him at all. But he swallowed. It had to be done.

What will Kabuto think when he finds out I murdered him?! he suddenly thought. He began shaking. Will this ruin our relationship? Or perhaps…Kabuto was drunk beyond belief. He could always lie when he sobered up and say Sasuke never existed. But Orochimaru did WANT to kill him. He didn't want to pretend Sasuke was never there…because he WAS there.

"You coming?" Sasuke asked from further in the hall.

"Of course, my beloved boy!" Orochimaru sang in his sugar-lump-sprinkled voice. "I'm coming right now!" He danced to Sasuke in an odd fashion and the two entered the living room which was magically there.

"Kabuto, honey?" Orochimaru called. They looked around briefly to see Kabuto sitting at the table. His head and arm was resting on the table and in his hand was a bottle of vodka. He smiled in a drunken stupor at them.

"I can't stand up." he grinned. Sasuke groaned and walked down the hallway, annoyed.

"It's okay, sweetie." Orochimaru sighed. "Why don't you take a nap?"

"Great idea!" Kabuto shouted almost too loudly. He lifted his head off the table and gave his wife a thumbs-up. He then fell back onto the table with a loud THUNK and passed out happily.

Now's my only chance, thought Orochimaru. He quietly slipped out the room and ran to go find Sasuke.

When he finally found him, he saw an interesting sight. He found him outside in an outdoor training pit. At least a hundred fallen ninja were scattered on the ground beside Sasuke. He was looking rather please with himself.

"If you don't stop acting so tough you're never gonna beat Itachi." Orochimaru shouted down.

"Heh," Sasuke sneered. "I won't give him mercy."

Orochimaru sniffed. My boy is so strong! he thought happily. He's become so much more of a jerk these past years! He's even getting stronger than I was at his age…How old is he anyways?

Sasuke turned away and began to walk back into the lair. Sorry son, but I've gotta do this. He watched Sasuke walk into the hut then began to follow.

Meanwhile, far, far away, Naruto was eating ramen. And he asked Sakura to feed him. But our stupid little faggot Sai did it instead. And it was VERY awkward. So awkward that even Orochimaru, miles away, suddenly got the chills. Then Kakashi fed him…okay moving on…

As he began to follow him, suddenly the awkwardness of the previous scene overcame Orochimaru. Crap! he thought. My old body's wearing down. What am I to do? Where will I find another body at this hour? He stopped.

"Oh!" he suddenly cried, feeling rather stupid. Sasuke! Of course! Why haven't I thought of that?!

He found his bedroom and went to lie down. Maybe he would just sit for a moment and then go get Sasuke.

It was already getting too late. He coughed painfully and felt blood drip from his mouth. Why did this body get so sickly? he wondered. "I must be picking the wrong ones. But it'll be okay once I get Sasuke's. Oh yes. Of course." (NOT)

A strange sound stopped him. The wall suddenly cracked and a long blade stuck out. He put his hands up to block it and it stabbed painfully into his arms.

"Who's there?" he called angrily. The wall was silent. Then…just then…the wall was sliced like cheese by another blade. Standing there in the hole was none other than Sasuke looking sexah!

"So you were planning this all along." Orochimaru gasped.

"There is nothing left for you to teach me." Sasuke said.

"Not true!" Orochimaru snapped. "I still have SOOOOOO much to tell you about…"

"Give it up." Sasuke snapped back. His cursed mark (or as we say adoption signature) began to flare. "Orochimaru! You are weaker than me!"

"That's mother to you, young man!" he snapped back. "Have you no manners?"

"Guess not." Sasuke sniffed. "You only adopted me because you couldn't adopt Itachi. Is that right?"

Orochimaru blinked. How did he know? What…no…he never wanted to adopt Itachi…wait…what?!

"Stop confusing me, son!" he cried.

"I'm not your son!" Sasuke snapped. He dashed forward towards Orochimaru with his other sword at ready.

And then…something really freaking weird happened. Orochimaru jumped out of his own body…and he looked like a freaky snake! Oh yes, it's very true. Every family has its dark and spooky secrets. And in Orochimaru's case, he was a snake.

Orochimaru lunged at Sasuke in fury. He bit down into nothing; Sasuke had jumped up.

"HISSSSSSSSSSSS!" said Orochimaru.

"ARRRRGH!" said Sasuke.

"Get that piece of meat away from me!" cried Naruto, far, far away.

"Pennies!" Kabuto cried in his sleep.

Sasuke knew what to do. Because when all else fails…rip off your shirt. So he did. And he sprouted wings! And he was suddenly wearing lipstick. Again Orochimaru admired his parenting skills in bliss. But the fight wasn't over yet.

"Though the snake dreams of soaring through the sky, it is forever doomed to crawl in its belly."

"What?" Orochimaru said, totally lost.

"I said I'm gonna eat you!" Sasuke said savagely. Orochimaru lunged at Sasuke again, but a flashback occurred.

………………………………………………………………………………………

"Look!" a young Orochimaru cried to his sensei. "I found a white snake skin by my parents' graves!" He held up the molted skin for his sensei to see.

"Holy SHIT!" Sarotobi shrieked. "Good god, Orochimaru! Get that away! It's freaky!"

"I've never seen a white snake skin before." Orochimaru said quietly. "Why is it white?"

"How the hell should I know?" Sarutobi shrugged. "But I heard those are a symbol of good fortune and rebirth."

"Wow…" the young boy/girl said. As he looked at it, Sarutobi grinned with a "I'm-gonna-mess-with-him" look on his face.

"Maybe because you found that on their graves mean they've been reborn in new bodies. Maybe someday you can see them again."

Orochimaru looked up, shocked. "How long will that be?!" he gasped, amazed.

"I dunno…" Sarutobi sighed and turned around.

Orochimaru smiled. But little did the future-third-Hokage realize, he had just messed with an already mentally unstable boy who looked like a girl. And we all know that's a no-no.

...

Orochimaru was so busy flashbacking he forgot to fight and was now in pieces on the floor. Yes, pieces. Sasuke stood over him, looking bored.

"Good lord was that easy…" he sighed, his adoption signature losing power. But suddenly, he fell. "What's going on?" he gasped and looked back at his mother.

"Feeling the effect of my venom?" he asked. "I can poison the air I'm so snake-ah."

Sasuke blinked, rubbing his numb legs. This was stupid. He had to get out of here now. He looked back at Orochimaru and glared. I'm not staying here any longer! he thought, frustrated.

"I am undying, my son." Orochimaru bellowed. "You are the weak one!" he lunged at him, mouth opened.

Suddenly, the room was black. Sasuke stood in a large area he had never seen before. "Where am I?"

He saw a cardboard cutout of Light Yagami from Death Note and groaned. He knew where he was.

"This is an alternate dimension inside of…" Orochimaru's voice began.

"I know." he sighed. "I'm inside your head, right?"

"Yes!" Orochimaru cried, most evilly if I might add. "And this is where I have my body-transfer rituals."

Sasuke suddenly notice strange noodle-things coming towards him. He was suddenly covered in bubbles. It was…awkward. Orochimaru giggled, watching him glare at him. His sharingan stared at him.

"What awesome eyeballs!" Orochimaru giggled girlishly. "I will have the magic eyeballs! And then I'll make everyone give me stuff!" He became excited in thoughts of his threatening shopping sprees.

………………………………………………………………………………………

Kabuto had awoken from his drunken nap and now he had a headache. In a daze, he stumbled down the hall, wondering where his wife and child had gone.

"Sasuke!" he called. "Honey?" He continued to walk with his rum bottle in his hand.

Suddenly, as he turned the corner, he saw Orochimaru's room open. A large splash of blood covered the floor. Quickly, he got all ninja-like and hit the wall.

"Goodness!" Kabuto whispered. "Orochimaru said he wasn't having friends over today!" He peered inside.

Standing in the room was Sasuke. "What is he doing here?" Kabuto wondered but gasped. Orochimaru's snake form was lying in pieces on the ground. The ritual was over.

The person walked past him out the doorway and began walking down the hallway. Kabuto turned pale.

"Which one are you?" he asked, fearfully. The person stopped.

Was this really Sasuke? Or had Orochimaru taken his body? Why can't Kabuto remember anniversaries? What's up with those geeky glasses!? Why is there a Pokemon named after him?! Stay tuned for the last chapter EVER!

Author's Notes: One left to go. What will happen? You already know if you've read the manga, so don't worry about it. I SAID DON'T WORRY, GODDAMN YOU!

As for the references of Naruto eating ramen, I was reading the manga to get the events in order so the story wasn't a complete flop. But as I was reading, a random scene with Naruto and company was just put there in the middle of the epic-ness. Totally not cool.