Thank you so much for the reviews! I'm glad you all liked their wedding. This chapter is a little longer, I hope you like it! Please review and let me know!
Enjoy!
To the End of the Earth
Mortgages and Babies
Mary wasn't surprised that now Marshall had returned, Hannah wasn't interested in the cupcakes or anything else other than him. She knew that Marshall tried to get their daughter to interact with others but it just wasn't working. There were times when she felt a little jealous, normally when Hannah was upset and there was nothing she could to do console her other than hand her over to Marshall but mostly she loved their relationship. She couldn't explain or describe the feeling she got when she watched them together.
Her first pregnancy hadn't been planned and she had been far from happy with the news. Although Marshall had told her he would support her no matter what, she could tell he really wanted a child. She had agreed to it for him but as time went on she had come around to the idea herself. She could not imagine her life without Hannah and loved her more then she thought she was possible but what had made it so easy was she knew Marshall was going to be there every step of the way. She knew that he would never abandon his children and would always put their needs before his own. She also knew that if anything happened to her, her kids would be just fine with him….It wasn't really until today that she begun to wonder what she would do if something happened to Marshall…There was no way she could cope with being a single mother to one child, let alone to two.
She realized there was no way she could fill the hole that Marshall would leave as she watched Hannah insisting that Marshall sat at the table during dinner and was the one to help her with her food. She listened to Hannah's happy giggles as her husband somehow managed to get their daughter to eat the vegetables that she seemed to hate every time someone else tried to put them on her plate.
"Mare?"
Mary jumped when Marshall placed a hand on her shoulder, looking at her in concern. "You okay?"
She saw that everyone else was watching them curiously and tried to smile. "Sorry, just got lost in thought for a moment…I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah…" She picked up her cutlery and started to eat. "Your food is going cold…"
She knew Marshall didn't buy that there was nothing wrong but before he could probe any further Hannah shook his arm. Marshall hesitated but decided to drop it for now, knowing his wife wouldn't tell him anything while everyone else was there. He turned his attention back to Hannah and continued to cut up her food.
"So, do you have any plans for what you're going to do next?" Colleen asked.
"I don't know, we haven't had chance to discuss it yet." Marshall replied, glancing at Mary. "We should probably sit down with Nathan and Stan…Find out what they suggest."
Mary nodded her agreement. "Yeah, there are some things I want to ask them myself."
"Like what?" Marshall questioned in surprise.
"About this house." She told him. "The mortgage is still in my name and has been paid off."
"Ah."
"Ah?" Mary repeated. "What do you mean, ah?"
"Nothing…"
"Marshall, what do you know about it?"
"Look, it's no big deal." He sighed. "Not long after we left, I asked Nathan to sell my house."
"You did what?"
"Mare, I knew there was a big chance that we wouldn't be able to come back here so asked Nathan to handle the sale." He explained. "We were starting a new life…We needed money."
She stared at him, in total surprise. "And you didn't think to tell me any of this?"
"To be honest, you were too busy trying to ditch me and then I got injured…" He shrugged. "You knew that I asked Nathan to transfer my savings…that included the sale from the house."
"Well, what's that got to do with this house?"
He sighed, knowing she was not going to be happy with his answer. "I got more than I was expecting for my house and I also got Nathan to sell some of my stuff…After paying him back what we borrowed, I asked him to use the rest to pay off your mortgage."
"You did what?!"
"Mare, can we talk about this later?" He glanced down at Hannah and was happy to see she was too busy concentrating on using her fork.
"So, you own this house?" Brandi asked him.
"No, Mary does." He corrected. "It's all still in her name."
"But it was your money." Mary pointed out.
"Technically, it hasn't been just my money for four years now…" Marshall started to say but then stopped when he saw the look his wife was giving him.
"Daddy, I'm thirsty…."
"Oh, here you go, honey…" Brandi reached over and picked up a jug of water from the middle of the table and went to pour it into Hannah's plastic cup.
"No!" Hannah snatched the cup off the table. "Daddy does it."
Marshall sighed. "Hannah, come on, don't be rude."
"Dada!" She pushed her cup into his hands.
"Aunt Brandi can help you…"
"NO!" She protested. "You! Dada!"
"Marshall, just pour the damn drink!" Mary cut in sharply, causing Marshall to turn to look at her again, in surprise.
"Daddy." Hannah said tearfully, climbing off her chair and onto his lap.
"Maybe we should change the subject." Colleen suggested, looking between the two of them. "Honey, you haven't told us what kind of work you've been doing since leaving the Marshal Service."
"He hasn't left." Mary claimed with her eyes on her dinner but all she was doing was pushing the food around on the plate. "Not officially."
Marshall frowned a little. "What's a matter with you tonight?"
"Maybe I'm just sick of all this…"
"Of what?"
"Of this double life…" She answered. "Of not being me anymore."
Marshall wasn't sure how to reply to that. He knew a lot of things had changed over the last four years but he thought she was happy.
Mary looked away when she caught his eye and focused on Hannah who was still crying quietly, clinging on to Marshall tightly.
"It's past her bedtime…You should put her to bed." Mary sighed, dropping her cutlery and running her hands over her face.
"I've set up the spare room for it." Brandi told them. "Peter's nephew sleeps in there when they visit…I hope its okay."
"I'm sure it'll be fine." Marshall assured, managing to give her a small smile. "Thank you."
"If you want, I could always put her to bed." Brandi hesitated to ask.
Marshall was about to decline but changed his mind. He needed to talk to Mary and find out what was going through her head. He wondered whether it was the trouble they had been having with Hannah and her attachment to him.
"Princess, why don't you go with Aunt Brandi?" Marshall suggested, pulling back a little to look down at her.
"No!" She clung tighter to him, burying her face in his chest.
He ran a hand up and down her back, comfortingly "Come on, Little Miss…where's my big, brave girl?"
"No big girl…Daddy's girl." She protested. "Daddy's baby."
Marshall sighed, glancing at Mary but she was still avoiding his eye. Despite how much he wanted to talk to Mary and how concerned he was becoming about Hannah's behavior, he knew he could never hand her over to someone else when she was in this kind of state.
"It's Mom's old room." Brandi told him, knowing that there was no way Hannah would let go of him. "Everything should be ready."
"Thanks, Brandi." He said again as he stood up.
"I'm sure Hannah will grow out of this…" Colleen commented after a few minutes of awkward silence.
"Yeah, sure…" Mary replied as she started to clear hers, Marshall's and Hannah's plates away.
"Mare, leave that." Brandi told her. "We'll clean up later."
"It's fine…I want to do it." Mary carried the plates over to the sink.
"Maybe you should just leave her…" Seth suggested quietly, placing a hand on Brandi's arm when she went to follower her sister.
"I'm sure they're both just tired and worried about what's going to happen next." Peter squeezed her hand. "I bet they'll feel better after a goodnights sleep."
"I guess, you're right." Brandi settled back down in her seat but kept a close eye on Mary.
Marshall didn't return until an hour later; Hannah had insisted on him staying with her and screamed every time he left. So, he had sat with her until he was sure she was asleep and did consider crawling into the bed with her, finding it hard to keep his own eyes open but he knew he had to talk to Mary even if she didn't want to have the conversation.
When he entered the kitchen, he saw that the table had been cleared but his parents, Brandi and Peter were still sat there while Mary was stood at the sink, washing dishes.
"Marshall, we're going to head back to the hotel." Seth stood up when he saw his son.
"Okay," Marshall nodded, forcing himself to tear his eyes away from his wife to look at his parents.
"We did offer to help but I think she wanted some space." Seth told him quietly, not wanting his son to believe they let his pregnant wife do all the work. "We'll come over in the morning, okay?"
"Yeah, I need to meet with Nathan at some point but maybe we could go out for lunch." He suggested. "There are some nice parks around here; we could put together a picnic…"
He trailed off when he heard Mary slamming some plates down on the counter so hard he was surprised they didn't break.
"What?" He asked.
"Nothing…" She continued to do the dishes, not turning to look at him.
"It's obviously something…" He walked over to her. "I don't know what I've done to piss you off…"
"Just leave it, Marshall." She sighed.
"No." He took hold of her arm gently and forced her to face him. "Why am I the bad guy all of the sudden?"
"No, not the bad guy…Just the hero."
"What does that mean?!"
"Just forget it…" She went to move back to the sink but he wouldn't let her.
"Mary?"
"You just rush in and fix everything…" She snapped. "Is this really my life now? That I have to rely on you for everything?"
"What are you talking about?" He asked. "You don't rely on me for everything…"
"Oh no? I can't even look after my own daughter…"
"You know that is not true!"
"She is just two years old and she knows exactly what to do to push your buttons…She says a few words and you go running." She threw the dish cloth she had been holding onto the counter. "She doesn't need me because she gets everything she wants from you!"
Marshall stayed silent for a few seconds, thinking over the right words before speaking. "That's not fair and you're wrong."
"What happens if something happens to you?" She asked. "What happens if one day you don't come home? She will never ever get over it and I will never get over it….What happens then?"
"I'm not going anywhere." He assured her, his voice softening a little.
"You don't know that." She shook her head and then moved to push past him.
"Wait a minute…." Marshall tried to stop her again but she pulled her arm away.
"I knew this was a bad idea…" She muttered. "This was why I didn't want kids..."
Marshall could do nothing but stare after her in surprise. He had no idea if she meant what she said and if she did, how he was meant to fix it. He knew she had doubts about having a baby when they first found out she was pregnant but he thought they were past that...
Marshall glanced at the closed bathroom door curiously, wondering what was taking Mary so long. She had been acting strange for the last couple of days and he wondered whether she was unhappy in Maine.
After their impromptu one week 'honeymoon' in Vermont, they had travelled to Bath, Maine and settled down. They spent a week living in a hotel before finding a three bedroom cottage that they both fell in love with. It was in a nice secluded area but was closer to the town then the house they had in New Hampshire. Although they couldn't be certain that they were completely safe, they knew that since the people after them were either dead or locked up, the chance of danger was a lot lower.
He had found a job at the local a center for troubled teens and although it wasn't the marshal service he found enough similarities that he loved it even if the kids could be more trouble than some of his more difficult witnesses. Mary wasn't sure what kind of career she wanted now that they had found the right place to settle down and decided that while she worked out what she wanted to do, she was happy to get job in another local coffee shop.
Now he was wondering whether she was having second thoughts about everything now they knew for sure that couldn't go back to their old lives. He sighed, unsure if he should try and talk to her about it. He had no idea what he would do if she told him she wasn't happy.
When he heard the shower starting, he decided that he should probably get started on dinner. Even in their new lives, he knew one way to Mary's heart was through food. He was just finishing up when he heard her leave the bathroom and walk across to their bedroom. After five minutes, he headed upstairs to let her know dinner was ready but when he pushed open their bedroom door, he found her sat on the edge of the bed.
"Mare?" He said softly. "Everything okay?"
He saw her wipe her eyes with the sleeve of his hooded jumper that she was wearing. "Yeah, I'll be down in the minute…"
"You're crying." He said in concern, moving across the room to her quickly. "Mary?"
She took a deep shaky breath and tried to smile. "It's nothing."
"Hey, talk to me." He stopped her from standing up and crouched down in front of her. "Has something happened?"
She stared down at him for a few seconds, not speaking in fear that she would lose complete control.
Marshall reached up and pushed some loose hair behind her ear. "What is it? You know you can tell me anything..."
"I've messed up." She whispered.
"What does that mean?" He probed gently. "I'm sure whatever it is, it can't be that bad…"
"I'm….I'm pregnant." She said quickly before she changed her mind.
"Pregnant?" He repeated, his mouth fall open and his hand dropping from her face. "A baby?"
"I'm sorry…"
"Sorry? Sorry for what? Mare, this is…" He was about to tell it was great but trailed off. "You don't think this is a good thing?"
"We've been running for our lives…We have no family and no friends...You know I love you but we've only been together five minutes." She stated. "So, no I don't think this is a good thing."
He stayed still crouched on the floor even when she stood up and crossed over to the dressing table to pick up her brush. After running it through her wet hair a couple of time, she glanced at him in the reflection on the mirror.
"Marshall…" She sighed and turned around, unable to take the silence any longer. "We can't do this…We can't bring a child into this situation."
He put one hand on the bed to push himself back up and his other hand ran through his hair. She heard him take a deep breath before facing her. "Okay."
"Okay?" She questioned.
"I guess you're right." He shrugged, managing to give her a small smile but she could tell it was forced. "I just…"
"Just what?" She asked when he stopped.
"I just wish things were different." He said softly. "But it's not the right time or place…I get that."
"Yeah." She agreed, quietly.
He took her hand in one of his and squeezed it gently before kissing her cheek. "Dinner is ready…I'll go plate it up."
"Okay." She nodded, watching him leave their bedroom.
The rest of the evening passed without either of them discussing the pregnancy any more. Marshall had insisted of cleaning up after dinner and Mary jumped at the chance to escape. She grabbed the laptop and started to do a little research on what she would need to do to fix the problem. It seemed like such a simple procedure and she decided she would go on her own. She had no doubts that Marshall would want to be there with her every step of the way but she didn't think she could handle him being there while she got rid of his child.
Not his child…
She couldn't think of it that way…She had never planned on having children so this should be an easy decision but she couldn't get the look of Marshall's face when she had told him about the pregnancy. There had been a flash of excitement and love in his eyes before realization sunk in and it was replaced with heartbreak.
By the time Marshall was finished in the kitchen, she was even more confused than before. They both agreed that it wasn't a good time to have children and they had a good reason for that. Also, Mary wasn't even sure she wanted kids and doubted she could even be a Mom. So, why was she suddenly thinking of the possibility to go through with this?
"Mare?" Marshall touched her arm to get attention.
She jumped and looked at him. "Sorry, what was that?"
"The movie has finished." He gestured to the TV before picking up the remote and turning it off. "You okay?"
She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Yeah, guess I'm just tired."
Marshall glanced at his watch. "I've got a few things to get ready for work tomorrow but I could with an early night."
"Yeah, I think I'm going to head up now." She nodded, stretching her arms out in front of her.
"I won't be long." He promised, guilt washing over him. Both of them had seemed lost in thought all evening and he was wondering whether she was worried about his feelings. "It'll be okay, you know."
She looked at him in surprise before giving him a small smile but he saw a flash of disbelief in her eyes. "I know."
He caught hold of her hand as she stood up, squeezing it gently. "I won't be long."
"Okay." She nodded and quietly made her way out of the room.
Once she had disappeared from his sight, he sat forward and ran his hands over his eyes, letting out a loud sigh. For the last few months, he had been so busy concentrating on keeping them both safe and building a new life where they could be happy that he forgot about the future. He had always planned on having children at some point in his life but if he was honest, he hadn't thought about it at all since Mary and he had gotten together. It was going to be a hard dream to let go but he was willing to so he could stay with Mary. She was all he needed…He just hoped he was able to convince her of that.
It had taken him longer than planned to finish up his work and was surprised that Mary was still awake when he climbed into bed, even though she was pretending to sleep. Deciding that it would do no good talking about it this late at night, he led down and moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist.
"I don't know if I can do it." She whispered after a few seconds.
"Do what?" He questioned, just as quietly.
She turned so she was facing him. "I never wanted kids…I'm a selfish person in a lot of ways…I loved my job and could only see a baby getting in the way of that and I liked having my own independence."
"That doesn't make you selfish, Mare."
"No?" She asked doubtfully.
He sighed. "It would be selfish to have a kid but not change your lifestyle so that they come first...It's not a crime to not want to have children."
"Yeah but there's a difference between deciding not to have children and aborting a baby…" She claimed, pausing briefly before continuing. "Aborting your baby."
"Mare…" He felt his heart break a little at those words.
"I just…I thought I was the happiest I could get in Albuquerque…A job I was good at, my family finally getting their act together, a boyfriend I didn't completely hate…I never considered…" She trailed off.
"Never considered what?" He prompted.
"I could be happier." She whispered. "When we first left…after I stopped trying to ditch you, I thought we were just making the best out of a bad situation and that was okay because that's what I've done by whole life… But this is different…We're different…We're more than that."
He reached out and cupped her cheek gently. "I love you…Nothing is going to change that."
She swallowed nervously, her eyes flicking downwards before back up at him. "I feel like we could still be more."
"More?"
"It feels wrong to just dismissive this." She told him.
Marshall stared at her for a few seconds before turning a little so he could turn on the lamp on again. When he looked back to her, she was pushing herself up to lean against the headboard, knowing that going to sleep wouldn't be anytime soon.
"So, what does this mean?" He asked. "You want to keep the baby?"
"No…I mean, I don't know." She said in frustration. "This should be an easy decision…I never wanted kids…I would be a terrible mother and we're currently on the run…"
"Okay, let's forget about you being a terrible mother and being on the run." He turned to fully face her and grabbed her hands. "You never wanted kids so what has made you have doubts? Is it because you think it's what I want?"
"Forget about being a terrible mother and being on the run?" She repeated with an eye roll. "They're pretty good reasons not to go through with this."
"We're technically not on the run anymore and you being a bad mother is just ridicules…"
"Ridicules?"
"Mare, if it's something you want then you won't let yourself fail." He stated. "Is this something you want?"
She knew she didn't want to get rid of Marshall's child but did that mean she wanted it?
"I don't know…"
"That's okay." He assured her. "We don't have to decide tonight or even tomorrow."
"But…"
He placed a finger on her lips to stop her talking any more. "We'll get a good night sleep and talk about it again tomorrow."
"Okay…" She gave a small nod.
"I'll give Nathan a call…See if there's been any change regarding our safety." He added, switching the lamp off again and laying back down; pulling on her arm gently until she rested her head on his chest.
"I guess that's a good idea…" She agreed.
"It'll be okay, Mare." He whispered. "And just remember, I'm here…No matter what we decide…You'll always have me."
She looked up at him and this time he saw no doubt or disbelief in her eyes. "I know."
XxXxX
Marshall stopped to check on Hannah and was relieved to see her sound asleep before walking down the hall towards what used to be Mary's old bedroom. His parents had gone to the hotel for the night and Marshall had to promise his mother three times that they would still be there in the morning when they came over for breakfast. Brandi and Peter had made a quick escape to their room and Marshall knew they did it give him and Mary as much space as possible.
"What was all that about?" He questioned as he walked into the room, seeing his wife sat on the bed.
"Just forget it." She sighed tiredly.
"You just scared the hell out of me, Mare." He walked around the bed so he was stood in front of her but made no move to get close enough to touch her.
"I scared you?!" Her head snapped up.
"You just basically told me and our families that you regret our kids!" He pointed out.
"You're twisting my words…"
"If I had said those words, you would be thinking the exact same thing as me." He claimed. "And you would probably never forgive me for it."
Her mouth opened to argue but after few seconds she looked away. "I didn't mean that."
"I know."
"Then why are we talking about this?"
"Just because I know you didn't mean it, doesn't mean it didn't freak me out to hear you say it." He told her. "Mare, you said that knowing it would hurt me and did it in an attempt to push me away…"
"Thank you, Dr. Freud…" She said sarcastically.
"We're married and we have children together." He replied. "You can't pull this crap anymore."
"And what about the crap you do?" She shot back as she got to her feet. "Always having to fix everything."
Marshall threw his hands up in the air. "This is about you thinking you rely on me for everything? You really don't believe that, do you?"
"You gave up your job and everything you knew, you dismiss the fact that you were shot and you were just hauled off to jail for the murder of your friend…" She listed. "And you're really telling me that I haven't been relying you on pretty heavily?!"
"I'm not going to apologize for helping and take care of you." He answered, calmly. "And I did nothing I didn't want to do or would do again."
"That doesn't make me feel any better!"
Marshall sighed tiredly and sat down on the bed. "Mare, after everything we've been through…After everything that has happened, why are you questioning me now?"
"It's not about questioning you…"
"You need to trust me when I say I'm not going anywhere willingly." He continued. "And I know that I cannot promise that something won't happen and I'll end up leaving but you have to know that I will go down fighting."
"I do know that…" She whispered. "But your feelings are not what scare me."
He stood again and this time he did reach out for her, taking hold of both of her hands. "Mare, for almost a year we were living our lives looking over our shoulders and staring into shadows wondering who or what hiding in there…I know that there will always be a part of us that feels that way but since moving to Maine, it's been good, hasn't it?"
She reluctantly nodded, knowing he was right but the more he talked the more stupid she felt for starting this argument.
"I don't know about you but I don't miss our old life…I don't miss working all day and most of the night and never having a life…I don't miss being terrified that something was going to happen to you or to me…I don't miss pretending I don't love you and I don't miss watching you with other men." He tugged on her hands so her body collided with his. "I love you whether you're Mary Shannon, Watkins or Hunter…You're my wife…the mother of my children and I'm always going to love you even if you drive completely insane…Which is actually a big possibility."
"Shut up." She rolled her eyes and shoved him lightly.
He barely stumbled back but his hands let go of hers and before she could say or do anymore, he framed her face and kissed her deeply. When he pulled back a few moments later, she moaned disappointedly. He rested his forehead against hers, his thumbs tracing small circles on her cheeks.
"This is real, Mare…What we have is real." He whispered, dropping one hand down to her pregnant stomach when he felt their unborn child moving against his own stomach. "I know things are a little crazy right now but we'll work out, I promise."
She stared into his eyes for what seemed like hours, wondering what she could say. Despite how much she had changed over the last few years, she still wasn't very good at this kind of conversations, where she needed to express her feelings but one thing that she loved about Marshall and what made their relationship so great was that she didn't always need to say the words. He already knew.
She was saved from speaking by the sound of Hannah crying.
"You should get her." Mary took a step back but caught hold of his hand, squeezing it lightly. "She'll want you."
"You're here Mother."
"Come on, Marshall…" She let out a small laugh. "Honestly, I know I acted a little crazy tonight but I understand…You're her Daddy…She absolutely adores and I love the relationship the two of you have."
"She's probably just got scared about waking up alone." He guessed. "Maybe she should sleep with us tonight?"
"You'll be the one that's pushed out when we take over the bed…"
"It's true, you both do like to stretch out while you sleep but I can put up with it for tonight for my three girls." He replied teasingly. "Go get her before she wakes up the whole street."
"She won't want me…"
"Mare, you're forgetting that you spend all day with her while I'm at work…She only acts up when the baby is mention and yes, I know we need to deal with it but it's not going to help matters if you take a step back."
"I guess you're right…" She sighed and turned towards the door. "But I'm blaming you if she starts screaming louder when she sees me."
"Yes dear…"
She glanced back him from the doorway. "Oh and by the way, it's for your two girls and your boy."
"If you say so…" He grinned at her.
He saw her roll her eyes before disappearing from sight and once he was alone, he let out a long sigh. As much as he loved seeing his family and friends again, he wished they were back in Maine where Mary very rarely had any moments of insecurity when it came to their lives and family.
As he changed into something to sleep in, he couldn't help but smile when he heard Hannah fall silent; knowing that Mary would be able to calm their daughter despite what she thought. He turned off the lights, except for the one of the bedside table and climbed into bed just a few seconds before he heard them.
"You have to be really quiet because people are sleeping…" Mary whispered as she carried Hannah into the room.
"Is Daddy sleeping?" She peered down at her father who was led on his side facing them with his eyes closed.
"Why don't you check?" Mary placed her on the bed and watched as she crawled across to Marshall.
Just as the little girl reached out to touch him, he grabbed her and started tickling her. "What are you doing in my bed?"
Hannah screamed with delight and laughed as she tried to squirm away from him. "Daddy! Mama said!"
"Mama said you can sleep here?"
"Uh-huh." She nodded.
"Oh well, I guess if Mama said then its okay with me."
"Are you two just going to hog the whole bed?" Mary asked with her hands on her hip.
Marshall wrapped one arm around Hannah, pulling her to his side of bed, causing her to giggle and then held his other hand out to help Mary climb onto the bed.
"Get in here, we're waiting for you." He said teasingly.
She slowly lowered herself to the bed, remembering how much easier it had been just a few weeks ago. She turned on her side to so she was facing them and saw Hannah yawning and blinking, trying to keep her eyes open but was failing. When she glanced up, she smiled when she saw Marshall was watching her too and she reached over their daughter to take his hand. When he felt her fingers thread through his and looked at her, giving her a small smile.
"Goodnight, Mare…" He brought their joined hands to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles.
"Night." She whispered back and took one last look at Hannah before closing her eyes, the long day finally catching up with her as she fell in deep, peaceful sleep.
TBC
Bit of a roller-coaster of a chapter. As perfect as I think Mary and Marshall are together, I can't imagine them not arguing (to be honest, when don't they argue). Not many chapters left now!