I remember that it hurt. I remember the pain of the heel colliding with my stomach, I remember wishing that I was dead. It hurt, so much.

This hurt worse.

Knowing that someone, whom you thought cared for you, lied. And what they lied about was unforgivable. Knowing that I was possibly in love with Zachary Goode, and that he had a bleach blonde bimbo waiting for him in Nebraska.

There was always going to be someone prettier.

Someone funnier.

Someone smarter.

Someone skinnier.

I was a dumbass for thinking that Zach didn't care about those types of things. Thinking that he actually cared for me was a rookie mistake that I've made twice in my life.

I pulled into their driveway, got out and slammed in behind me.

I was sad, no doubt. But anger was masking the sadness for now.

The numbness was subsiding leaving a mixture of pain and anger.

I swung the door open, and Remi stood there.

"Where is he?" I asked.

She looked worried, "Kitchen."

I walked past her and into the kitchen were Zach sat on the counter typing on his phone.

I slammed the papers down next to him, making him jump. He looked over his shoulder and at me.

"Cam? Whats the matter?"

I slapped the pictures on the counter, "Care to explain?"

He looked down and sighed. He looked back up at me and guilt washed over his features.

"Gallagher Girl, please -" he started.

"No!" I screamed. "You don't get to call me that!"

"Babies please I'm so sorry," he pleaded.

"So its true?" I asked.

He looked down at the floor. Call me crazy, but I was hoping that it wasn't true. That Nick somehow made these pictures.

"How could you?" I cried.

I felt like a complete idiot.

"Was this a game to you?" I screamed. He looked at the floor.

"Did you think that I wouldn't find out! Or if I did that I wouldn't care?" I screamed even louder.

"Cammie, lower your voice," Zach pleaded.

"No! I have the right to be fucking pissed! Don't I?"

I sighed, the anger was gone. The pain was the only remainder, I found my self wishing for the numbness. Feeling nothing is better than this.

"I trusted you," my voice shook. "Damn it, I told you everything."

"I'm so stupid for thinking that you cared," I whispered.

"I do care Gallagher Girl," he said.

"Then why did you do it?" I screamed. "I don't care about the drugs or the drinking Zach. I don't. I care that you had someone else."

"I couldn't let go," he shrugged.

I laughed, " I have lost so many people Zach, and you're the one with the separation anxiety?"

"Gallagher Girl, you don't understand," he said.

"No," I shook my head, "You don't understand," tears fell down my cheeks.

"Do you even realize how bad you hurt me? I thought you were different." I shook my head and turned around heading back to the front door.

"Gallagher Girl," he called after me.

"Stop!" I screamed. "Just go back to Nebraska, go smoke Crack with the original Gallagher Girl," I said.

Winston barked at me, I walked to the front door.

"Winston let's go," I opened the door. I turned back to see Winston standing by Zach's side.

"Winston!" I cried, tears fell and Winston barked louder at me. Like I was a stranger. "Lets go!"

Winston barked three more times, each one louder than the other. Leaving me standing there like an idiot. I broken-hearted idiot.

I look one look back at Zach and saw tears in his eyes. Catherine and Remi were standing on the steps looking down at this mess.

I shook my head and walked out. Slamming the door behind me.

I ran back too my house, and opened the door.

Run up the stairs. I through my jacket into the floor and clasped into my bed.

I am such a dumbass.

I knew it was too good to be true.

I knew I didn't have it that good.

I should have expected this.

There was always going to be someone better.

So why would he chose me? Why would Zach Goode like me?

He didn't. It was all a lie.

All of it.

I cried more, cursing myself for being an idiot.

Nick was right, love does destroy you. Love hurts.

Hell, love killed.

Zach wanted some one who was prettier, and skinnier. I wasn't what he wanted.

I would never be what he wanted. I could never be what he wanted.

What I did next, is something I haven't done in years. And Im not proud of.

I remember stumbling into my bathroom and throughing up.

I clasped on the floor and cried. I felt so ashamed. I hadn't gone that since I was 15, but now I was suddenly doing it for a guy. A guy who wanted someone skinnier.

I threw up again.

I hate myself, I really do.

I hate how weak I am. I hate how I trusted him. I hate how I love him. I hate how I love that family. I hate how I felt. I hate myself.

I stripped out of my clothes and took a scolding hot shower. Letting the water bead down my face relaxed me. Some what.

I hate how I need people I feel loved. I hate that I hate myself. I hate that I wish I wasn't alive. I hate that Im going off the deep end over a guy.

But, this wasn't just a guy. It was a guy that I love. A guy that I thought loved me. A guy that didn't. I guy that didn't even care.

I sighed and turned off the water and slipped into my comfiest pants and an over sized tee-shirt and flopped on my bed.

I laughed at my stupidity. I looked out my window and saw Zach talking on the phone in his room. He looked mad and suddenly he through the phone at the wall. It smashed into a million sharp pieces.

Then I saw something I thought I would never see.

I saw Zachary Goode crying and smashing random things about his room. He gave up trying to smash a book into a lamp and clasped on his bed.

Then Zachary Goode, lit a cigarette and took a drag.

I got up and closed my curtains.

I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to think about him.

But I couldn't help it. All my thoughts were directed back too him and it was hell. Blissful hell.

sorry for the short chapter but I'm so tired.

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