A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews guys! I'm glad everyone is enjoying the direction I'm taking the story in. This is a longer chapter, consisting of Chuck and Sarah visiting the ancient Nazca lines, a couple important conversations, and Chuck coming to a realization. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.
6:46 am. Somewhere outside Nazca, Peru.
Sarah woke first, the sounds of the jungle bringing her back from sleep. She was laying practically on top of Chuck in the hammock, both of them surrounded by the mosquito net. She again silently thanked Chuck for the great idea of buying the protection against the annoying insects. She glanced at Chuck, who was still sound asleep and had a contented grin on his face. She smiled, thinking back to the night before and the time they had spent in the truck bed.
She didn't want to try and get out of the hammock just yet. Doing so would almost assuredly wake Chuck, not an easy task in and of itself. Sarah decided to let him have a few more minutes of sleep, blaming herself a little for tiring him out so much. He didn't seem very resistant to the idea at the time, but she still felt a pang of guilt nonetheless. She shifted in her position, squirming her way slowly so her face was next to Chuck's. Watching him take breaths, she marveled at how someone so energetic could seem so…..peaceful.
Chuck rustled, slowly traveling from the dream world back to reality. He had slept through most of the night, only waking up a couple times for a few seconds before falling right back asleep. He felt a warm presence pretty much over his entire body. His nose took in the scent, his skin registered the touch, and his ears heard the breaths. Without opening his eyes, he knew it was Sarah, he knew she was awake, and he knew she was looking straight at him.
"Watching me sleep again, Mrs. Bartowski? A little creepy, no?" He teased quietly. Sarah chuckled before answering.
"Really? How many times have I caught you staring at me sleeping?" She teased back. "Good morning, Chuck," she added in a cheerful tone.
"Good morning, angel. How did you sleep?" He had opened his eyes now, and was peering straight at her with adoration.
"Great. I love sleeping in this hammock with you. I feel safe," she said in a soft voice. He tightened his already tight grip on her and brought her as close to him as possible. She understood, and leaned over, giving him a searing good morning kiss. "I love you," she cooed after their lips parted.
"I love you," he affirmed, tucking a stray blonde curl behind her ear. She had originally cut her hair to shoulder length after they got married and let her curls run free. Chuck loved the look so much she had kept it ever since. "You look absolutely gorgeous this morning, baby," he whispered.
She started to blush at his glowing compliments, reaffirming what she had confessed to him the day before. He truly was the only man whose compliments she believed and cherished. Chuck smiled seeing the red tinge rising up her neck, knowing he was the cause of it.
They spent a few minutes lounging, just enjoying the quiet before they had to start their day in earnest. They were both silent, no words needed to be spoken between them. They had long since perfected the art of silent communication. It came in quite handy on missions, as well as being Sarah's original default for any conversation involving her personal life. Over time, however, she had learned from Chuck the benefits of open verbal communication, and they now were better at it than they'd ever been. Couple that with their ability to relate things to one another non-verbally, and they were becoming excellent communicators. That isn't to say they never had their problems, because they did, but they had an easier time working through them than before.
Chuck sighed blissfully, rubbing Sarah's back up and down. She was lying with her head on his shoulder, her eyes closed, a grin on her face.
"Can we stay here forever?" Sarah asked honestly.
"I wish," Chuck answered equally as honestly.
"Is it going to be this quiet at our new home?" She queried.
"Quieter," Chuck replied. "I told you, it's just going to be me and you. I made sure." He was still rubbing her back, his other hand linked with hers.
"I can't wait," she softly told him. "This is all I need - you and a quiet spot, and I'm happy for the rest of my life."
"Good," Chuck said with a smile, "because that's what you're going to get. Just give me a few more days. How would you feel about skipping the last couple safe houses? There's nothing important in them, they're just set up in case we needed some rest. I suggest we just head straight for home, and sleep in the hammock along the way. Thoughts?"
"You're the boss, Chuck," she said. "I told you, where you go, I go. Sounds like a plan. The sooner we get there the better in my opinion. I'm ready to start our new life."
"Me too, honey, me too," he said with conviction in his voice.
Their lips met again, less frantic this time. They both poured their current emotions into it - a little trepidation soaked in joy and anticipation. It was the agreement they had reached that had them both so excited - the deal to start trying to have kids when they made it. Chuck had really come around in the last few days, and now was questioning whether he could wait to get there or not. He knew if he brought it up to Sarah she wouldn't hesitate. They were close enough that it wouldn't be that big of a deal if she got pregnant. However, there was always the off chance something happened and they never made it. In that case, Sarah being pregnant would be a hinderance. Not to mention there was always the fear that their enemies, whoever they were, would use Sarah and their yet-to-be-born children as leverage against Chuck, something he was not willing to let happen no matter what. For those reasons, he decided to keep his thoughts to himself and stick to their plan.
Finally they clambered out of the hammock, Chuck packing it and the mosquito net away. While he was busy with that, Sarah prepared 'breakfast', consisting of a couple Nature Valley bars and bottled water. Once they finished eating, which didn't take long, they packed the truck up. Sarah offered to drive, and Chuck politely declined, wanting to drive to the Nazca lines and let Sarah have the opportunity to be a tourist for once in her life.
8:24 am. Nazca Lines, Outside Nazca, Peru.
The Nazca Lines are thought to have been made sometime between 400 and 650 AD. Located in the aptly named Nazca desert in southern Peru, the 'lines' consist of hundreds of geoglyphs, with images ranging from hummingbirds to monkeys to llamas to lizards. They are thought to be of some kind of religious significance, but we will never know for sure, as no written history of the lines exist. They are fairly simple to construct - the process involves removing the red-colored top layer of pebbles to uncover the white ground beneath. However, the designs that exist are anything but simple. The largest one is over 660 feet (200 meters) across. The best way to see them is from above, a bird's eye view. Because of the relative stability of the weather, and the dryness of the air, the desert around the lines rarely change and they have for the most part been preserved in their original forms.
Sarah was awestruck. She had heard of the famous Nazca lines, but never really knew anything about them. From the way Chuck had described them, she expected to see small simple designs in the ground. She was blown away, however, by the sheer size of some of the images. They only had time to look at a few, but both of them made the most of that time. They were debating how both of them thought they were made, Sarah firm in her belief that it was impossible without some form of manned flight to check progress. Chuck took a moment and stepped back, amazed at his wife and how easily they were carrying on such a silly conversation about ancient aliens and Incan culture.
"Chuck?" Her voice brought him back from his revelry.
"Hmm?" He asked.
"Did you hear what I said?"
"Yeah," he lied.
"No you didn't," she retorted with a smirk.
He stayed silent, which was enough of a confession for Sarah.
"I said, this is absolutely mind blowing. Thanks for taking me to see this. It's truly spectacular."
In true Chuck fashion, his gaze shifted from the desert to the goddess standing next to him.
"It really is spectacular," he repeated, staring right at her.
Of course, she felt his eyes on her and slapped him on the chest.
"Chuck! I was talking about the geoglyphs. It's baffling how something so beautiful exists."
"You're telling me," he deadpanned, still looking directly at Sarah. She blushed, unable to stop his compliments from affecting her.
Sarah leaned into Chuck's side, prompting him to wrap his arms around her and tuck her close. She leaned her head on his chest, one of the only places on earth she felt truly safe. She would always be his protector, it was just in her nature, but he also protected her, more than he knew. She had happily gave him the keys to her heart, knowing that he would safeguard it at all costs. He had returned the favor in kind, both of them finding out how fulfilling it can be to give your heart to someone so completely.
Chuck bent his head down, kissing the top of Sarah's head. He loved her blonde curls more than anything. He looked forward every morning to waking up with them right in his face, sometimes a stray curl had even made his way inside his mouth. He didn't care. She was perfect, and everything about her, inside and out, was perfect. He had told her as much on many different occasions, his words usually falling on deaf ears. She was adamant she was far from perfect, no matter how much Chuck pleaded with her. It was a point of contention between them, but if their biggest issue was whether or not Sarah was perfect, they were far better off than most couples.
"Sarah?" He said softly, his cheek resting on the crown of her head, her blonde locks serving as the most comfortable pillow he could think of.
"Hrmm?" She mumbled into his chest.
"You know that I love you with all of my heart, right?"
Her eyes shot up, their gazes locking. The look on her face was one of disbelief, asking him how he could ever question that.
"Of course, Chuck. What's this about?" She knew there was a deeper issue just from the way Chuck had worded his question.
"Are you going to miss it?"
It was the question they'd glanced over a a couple times since Burbank, but neither of them had been too willing to go in depth about just yet. The wounds were still too fresh, the memory of them leaving too new. He wanted to know if she was going to miss the spy life, the life they'd been building in Burbank. He had agreed to staying in the spy game, even though they never went in the field anymore, because he thought it was what Sarah wanted. He didn't understand all she wanted was to be with him, the rest was immaterial. She wondered if it was residual distrust from the whole Quinn incident, or whether he was genuinely that insecure. Had she not proved her love time and again? What else did she need to do?
"No," she said, her voice confident. He looked at her with questioning in her eyes, not believing her. "Chuck, listen. We've gone over this. My life is with you, wherever you are. You need to stop thinking that you somehow took the life I wanted away from me. The only way you could do that would be to leave me, which, trust me, you're not going to do. The life I want is whatever you and I end up doing for the next fifty years. It doesn't matter to me where we are, who we are, or what we are, as long as we're together. Now, that's not to say I don't have some….expectations…..for the future, which I do. I'm going to give you the family you always deserved, Chuck, and I can't wait. I know it's going to be hard, but we never said it wasn't gonna be. We knew when we got married that the lives we lead are tough, unpredictable, and dangerous. In reality, I'm actually coming to be grateful for the opportunity we have now. We have the chance to start over. To build a life, together, with no strings attached. Are you still in?"
"Of course," he said quickly, trying to assuage any fears she might be harboring. "I wasn't saying that, Sarah. I just….look, you're the best spy in the world. I'm not just saying that because I'm hopelessly in love with you. Okay, maybe that's part of it. But I worked with you for years. You were born to be an operative, Sarah, and I just feel like I took you away from that. I can't help it. I'm so sorry. Now you'll probably never get to work in intelligence ever again, and of course it's all my fault. Sarah, I kno-"
She'd had enough and cut him off mid sentence.
"CHUCK!" She got him to quiet down. "Please, sweetheart, stop. I'm starting to feel like a broken record. How many times do I have to say this? I. Am. Your. Wife. I chose to marry you. I said yes. I said I do. I knew what that meant, Chuck. I married you not so we could spend our lives on missions, never knowing if we'd make it home. I married you so we could live a peaceful, happy, semi-normal life. And you're absolutely wrong. I wasn't born to be an operative. I was born to be your other half, to be the love of your life. Me being an agent was just the means to get us there. The way I met you. Nothing more. It was my life before I met you, but no longer. You seem to be forgetting one thing in your whole self-incriminating speech."
"What's that?" He asked timidly.
"You never took the time to ask me what I wanted. You just assumed." She wasn't angry, she was trying to make him see his folly.
"Okay," he said, unsure. "Sarah, do you still want to be a spy?"
"NO! See, wasn't that easy?" Chuck nodded solemnly. "What I want, Chuck, is to be your wife and everything that entails. I want to wake up every morning in your arms. I want to make fun of you when you start going gray. I want to grow old with you, Chuck. And your promised we would, remember?"
"I remember, baby. You're forgetting one thing, though."
"What's that?" She asked, curious.
"You said you're going to give me the family I deserve."
"Yeah, I meant that." She was now more curious.
"Sarah, it's the family you deserve too. If anything, you deserve it more than I do. Nobody in this world deserves to be happy more than you."
She beamed at his words, and if she could fall any deeper in love with him, she did at that moment.
He took the opportunity and leaned down, their lips meeting halfway. She was fiery, forcefully grabbing the back of Chuck's head so he stayed in place, locked to her lips. She moaned into his mouth, her tongue forcing its way in. Suddenly Chuck wished they weren't in the middle of a damn desert.
She parted their lips, satisfied she had expressed her feelings to him sufficiently. He stood there, his mouths slightly agape, his eyes glazed over. After over a year of marriage, and six years knowing each other, she still had a catatonic effect on him. She giggled at his facial expression, one of shock and pure bliss.
"I love you," he mumbled, still recovering.
"I love you too," she said perkily, diving back in for a quick peck. "Now let's get back in the truck. I don't know how far we're going to get until I demand you pull over and ravage me, but we should still get going."
"That is so not fair," Chuck scoffed.
"What?" She asked innocently, standing on her tippy toes, her pinky finger between her teeth. He took one look at her and all his defenses crumbled. She could tell him to make love to her on the fifty yard line at the Super Bowl and he'd do it, no questions asked.
"You," he said, as if it explained everything. "You can't kiss me like that, then say something like that, and expect me to function."
She laughed and hugged him close, their proximity only adding to his torture. He sighed, knowing this was a battle he was never destined to win. He took Sarah by the hand and led her back to the truck, taking one last glance over his shoulder at the geoglyphs.
5:34 pm. Outside Ilo, Peru.
Sarah had followed through on her threats, once demanding that Chuck pull the truck over and find a quiet spot, then proceeding to make him forget his name. The second time, she was driving, so she simply pulled over and started taking off his shirt, whispering 'you know the drill'. Chuck was more than happy to comply.
Tonight was to be their last night in Peru. They found a desolate site, set up the hammock and mosquito net, and sat on the tailgate, watching the sunset. Their hands found one another and intertwined, the silence between them one of comfort.
Sarah looked over at Chuck, who was watching the sunset intently. She was still wondering about their conversation earlier. It hurt her to think that Chuck felt guilty about her being there. She knew it was most likely her fault - her betrayal of him had been recent, and they were still working through it. Although her memories had returned, she still vividly remembered everything that happened with Quinn. She remembered fighting Chuck. Not believing him about them and belittling him. Most of all, she remembered him taking a bullet for her. This man, who had not asked for any of this, for a wife as screwed up as her, took it in stride and actually blamed himself.
"Sweetheart?"
"Yeah, Sarah?" He turned to look at her.
"When you asked me if I still wanted to be a spy today, you did that because of what happened when I lost my memories, right?"
He swallowed, and she could see him starting to freak out.
"Chuck, it's okay."
He nodded slowly.
"Mostly, yeah," he admitted. "Look, Sarah, I know we've been over this, but I still feel like we need to talk about it."
"Okay," she replied in a soft tone.
"When you lost your memories of me, you reverted back to the Sarah Walker you were when we met. You did things that I never would have even fathomed you were capable of, and to be honest, you scared me. It was hard for me, because as much as you weren't my wife, you still were. Sarah Walker is a big part of who Sarah Bartowski is. When those five years of growth were taken away from you, you went back to being the spy. And it took you five years to want to quit, and I'm fine with that. I just…it's just…."
"It's okay, Chuck, really. Go on, please."
"I feel like in some way you still feel like it's your obligation to want this life." He cringed at his wording, but when he looked at Sarah, her expression was only encouraging. "I just don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. Because you don't. What happened, happened. It wasn't your fault, and you got your memories back. And please don't feel like you need forgiveness for what happened. You don't. Sometimes it just feels like we're not talking like Chuck and Sarah, that there's still that little bit of Agent in you that examines all the angles."
Sarah was quiet, processing Chuck's speech. He had touched on a lot of the issues she'd been working out in her own mind.
"I'm sorry, Chuck." It wasn't what she'd planned to say, but it was what she blurted out. "I'm so, so sorry." She was breaking down, tears streaming down her face, framed in the fading sunlight. Chuck wrapped his arms around her and brought her close. His warmth calmed her, and he could feel her quietly sobbing against his chest. After a few minutes, she was calm enough to speak again.
"Sweetheart, this is the way I've come to look at it. What I did when my memories were gone is almost unforgivable. I threatened you and our family, I treated you like a mark and a target, and I lost the trust of everyone I care about. I'll never forgive myself for what I did. I can't help it, it's just how I feel. You didn't deserve any of that, Chuck. The fact that you decided to try and work it out with me just makes me fall in love with you all over again. After everything I did, you still love me. You still are proud to call me your wife. I don't think I'll ever even come close to thanking you for that, Chuck. You welcomed me home with open arms after everything I did, without a second thought. How many people would have made the same choice? I'm not even sure how I'd feel if our roles had been reversed. It's truly a testament to the kind of man that you are that after all this, you feel guilty."
"I - I - I…"
"And I can see how you would feel the way you do about all this. It's a big change. It happened so fast, one minute were asleep in bed at home the next we're running for our lives. Look, Chuck, I'm going to say this one more time then if you ever bring it up again, you will find yourself on the couch or whatever representation of the couch is available. Got it?" He nodded. "I am legally your spouse. I stood and pledged vows of love, signed a marriage license, and said 'I do'. Please don't question my commitment to this marriage. I understand that I lost a great deal of trust when I betrayed you. I'm asking for you to let the past be the past, and let us move on with our life. We have such an amazing opportunity here, baby. We can be together, with the love of our life, forever. It's what I always wanted."
They were still holding hands, both of them having tightened their grips considerably. Chuck looked down at their linked hands, Sarah's engagement and wedding rings glinting off of the last remnants of sunlight. He suddenly was overcome with remorse, embarrassed at how horribly he'd treated his wife.
"Sarah, I'm so sorry," he pleaded through the beginning of tears. "I can't believe I said those things to you. Oh, baby, I'm sorry."
"Chuck, look at me." She used her free hand to grasp his face and force him to look at her. "Everything's okay. We're okay. We're going to get through this, Chuck. In the grand scheme, we've faced much tougher obstacles."
"Thank you, Sarah," he gasped, collapsing into her open arms. She held him against her, reversing their roles from a few minutes before, and let him get his emotions out. "I'm sorry," he kept repeating. She shushed him and stroked his hair.
After a few minutes, Chuck had composed himself and they were enjoying dinner. The heated conversation of barely a half hour before was a distant memory, both of them joking, laughing, and looking at each other with adoration.
"Sweetie," Sarah asked. "What are we doing tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow we make our very last border crossing for the foreseeable future," he explained.
"Care to elaborate?" She asked lightheartedly.
"No. I'm good," he said.
Sarah knew a challenge when she saw one, and, just like the night before, Chuck got a face full of his wife's lacy lingerie, a silent invitation to try and resist her seduction.
"One of these days, I'm going to seduce you," Chuck said confidently as he took his shirt off.
"Fat chance," Sarah deadpanned before grabbing the back of his head and crashing her lips into his.