Downtown

The second half of their day off

Sara watched as Tegan excitedly looked at all the displays at the music museum. She had a huge smile on her face as Tegan pointed to something and excitedly explained what it was. Sara didn't really retain any of the things she learned at the museum, she was far too busy taking mental images of Tegan's excited state. Something about the way Tegan looked intently at the words with a mixed expression of awe and joy made Sara happy. Not a regular 'I'm happy today kind of happy' but more of along the lines of 'I'm so in love with her I never want to leave her' kind. She took mental notes of each of Tegan's different stages of joy she showed. How she let out a little squeal when she saw a display about Kurt Cobain. The way her mouth hung slightly open as she saw a guitar that once belonged to Jimi Hendrix. Sara couldn't help but smile to herself at the way Tegan marveled and the giant cone of guitars that went from the floor to the ceiling.

"Oh my god!" Tegan's jaw was hanging open, "That's so freaking awesome!"

"Yeah?" Sara smiled big as Tegan slowly walked around the art piece.

"It's such a cool idea," She continued to marvel at it, "I wish I could do stuff like this."

"I'd rather listen to you sing than stare at this for an hour." Sara smiled and got a small chuckle to escape Tegan.

"Thank you." Tegan hugged her, "And I'd rather listen to you sing as well."

"You're just saying that." Sara teased her and kissed her nose.

"Am not." Tegan smiled showing her gums, "There are a lot of things I'd rather do than look at this piece of art that involve you. Pretty much anything I do with you is better than looking at this. But I still think it's awesome." Tegan smiled and turned back to look at the guitars.

Sara smiled again, watching her girlfriend admire the artwork with the knowledge that Tegan care as much for her as she did for Tegan.

"Come on Sara look at this one." Jessie pointed excitedly at the picture of the kitten on her laptop.

"It's just a cat." Sara shrugged after seeing the photo.

"But it's so cute!" Jess had the biggest smile on her face, "It's a perfect little ball of fur."

Sara laughed at her friend's enthusiasm over the kitten. But she couldn't help but enjoy watching her looking at the pictures. She always looked so happy when she was looking at animals. She always talked about wanting to adopt several from shelters after college. Sara wished she had that kind of passion for something. But as of yet, she hadn't found anything to get too excited about.

"Yeah, it's cute." She smiled at her friend.

"Don't you just love little animals?" Jessie scrolled through, looking at more pictures.

"They're okay."

"They're more than okay." Jessie took mock offense at the statement, "They're fabulously awesome!"

"Whatever, Jess." Sara laughed.

"That's it." Jess looked over at her, "When we're done with college I'm getting you a cat. You'll learn to love it."

"No." Sara chuckled shaking her head, "No pets please."

"It's not your decision to make," Jess smiled, "You can't refuse a gift from me."

"Damn you." Sara laughed again, "That's just not fair. Fine, but only if it comes with a bow around its neck, otherwise it's not a real present and I'll just give it right back."

"Deal." Jessie grinned excitedly.

Even though Sara wasn't looking forward to owning a pet, she smiled anyway. She would do anything to keep Jessie happy.

"Sara are you okay?" Tegan turned from the art and saw a pained look on Sara's face.

"Yeah." Sara half smiled, "Just thinking about Jess."

"Yeah?" Tegan walked up and put her arm around Sara, "What about her? Good times, I hope?"

"Yes," Sara smiled, "It was just a conversation we had once. She said she would buy me a cat. She had always wanted to adopt pets, but she never did." A few tears ran down her cheeks.

"Hey," Tegan tried to calm her by rubbing her back, "Let's go back to the hotel just hang out for a while. Okay?"

"Okay." Sara didn't want to argue, but she felt bad about Tegan ending her day of fun in the city, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry Sara," Tegan planted a kiss on her cheek, "There's nothing to be sorry about. We'll be here for a while, I can come and look at this stuff some other time."

"Are you sure?" She felt less guilty after Tegan spoke.

"Yes," Tegan smiled, "You're obviously going through an emotional time over your best friend. I can help some of the pain go away."

"I'd like that." Sara wiped a few tears away.

"I'll go find a cab." Tegan smiled and lead Sara outside. She flagged down a taxi driver and told him what hotel they were staying at. They sat in the cab and Sara rested her head on Tegan's shoulder, tears still brimming in her eyes and staining her cheeks.

They made it back to the hotel rather quickly. Tegan immediately had Sara sit down and went to the phone.

"Do you want coffee or tea or something?" She asked, ready to dial the front desk.

"Tea sounds nice."

Tegan ordered the tea and when it came she sat down on the bed with Sara.

"Do you want me to turn on the TV?" Tegan asked, trying to gauge the emotion level Sara was at.

"No thank you." Sara shook her head and took a sip of tea.

"Can I ask you something?" Tegan talked after several seconds of silence.

"Sure." Sara smiled through the obvious pain Tegan saw in her eyes.

"What was your relationship with Jess like?"

Sara paused to think before answering, "We were best friends. I would have died for her if I could have."

"Were you just friends?" Tegan needed to know the extent of the relationship before she could truly comfort and help Sara through the emotional pain.

"Yes." Sara said after a moment's hesitation.

Tegan could tell Sara was hiding something, "Did you like her? Did you want to be more than friends?"

Sara just nodded her head as the tears spilled out, "I loved her. I think I fell in love with her. And I didn't realize until the accident."

Tegan just sat there and hugged Sara, "I'm so sorry Sara. I know I will never fill the void she left. But I will try my best to make you happy again. And we will never forget about her and how much she means to you."

"I'd like that." Sara sent her a genuine smile, "I think I want to go to Montreal when we finish the album. I want to see her again."

"Can I come with?" Tegan rubbed her back slowly.

"I'll need you there." Sara wiped a few tears away, "I'll have a complete breakdown if I'm in Montreal alone."

"Then that's what we'll do," Tegan smiled, "The first thing we'll do when we finish the album is go to Montreal."

"Thank you." Sara's emotions were twisted in a ball, mixing her new joy with her old sadness, leaving her a complete wreck on the inside, "I'm sorry that I've been crying all day."

"It's nothing to be sorry about." Tegan assured her, "It's necessary to cry sometimes. And this is one of those times."

They sat together for several minutes, silent aside from the sobs escaping Sara's body. Tegan just sat there; rubbing Sara's back, thinking about the pain she was obviously going through.

"Tegan," Sara finally spoke, her tears were done coming, "No one can fill the void of losing a loved one, but you have come closer to filling it than I thought possible. I love you so much Tegan."

"I love you too." Tegan pulled her in for a kiss, "Don't you ever forget that."

"I won't." Sara smiled and lay down, resting her head on Tegan's lap.

It didn't take long for her to fall asleep. Tegan just smiled when she realized she had fallen asleep. She leaned back and lay down as well. As much as she didn't want to sleep in the middle of the day, she just couldn't wake up Sara to move her off of her lap. So, she fell asleep and she was comforted in every way by the physical reminder that Sara was with her. Her dreams were filled with reminders; reminders that let her know that Sara was really there.

Sara's sleep was confusing. She couldn't tell what was happening. But she saw Jessie over and over in different situations. But at the end of every dream Jessie turned into Tegan. It was like her dreams were accusing her of replacing her friend.

She woke up still resting on Tegan's lap.

"I'm not replacing you Jess." She spoke softly to the air around her, "No one can replace you. But I have to move on with my life. I know you understand that. I miss you Jess. I'm going to visit you as soon as I'm done recording. It's been too long. When I get there I'll tell you everything that's been going on since I left. But please, please never think that I'm trying to replace you. There will always be part of me that will ache for you. It's just the way things are. No one can come in and make that go away. No one can replace our bond. I can't wait to talk to you again." She fell back asleep as soon as she finished talking and this time peace did come.