January 10th, 2017
Turning the letter over in my fingers I stared out the window at the snow that was falling, tucking my feet more securely beneath the blanket that was pulled around my body and wondered if Bass and Miles were ever going to return.
The Trenton Campaign had ended five days ago with complete and total surrender by the rebels, and apparently, with Miles being shot. They had remained for three more days to give the wounded time to heal, to negotiate with the rebel leaders on terms of annexation into the Republic, and to bury the dead.
Dee still hadn't returned; instead she had sent a man from the main body of the front, informing me that Commanding General Matheson had asked her for her assistance and her skills as a messenger.
Scoffing, I tossed the letter aside, smirking faintly. Knowing Miles, he had probably already charmed the southern girl half into his bed and was asking her to stay so he could finish the job on the road back home, using his injury as a tool.
I loved him, but Miles needed someone mature, and Dee didn't seem the type. Sighing, I shook my head, but what did I know? I had talked to the girl all of one time and most of it had been an argument.
If she made him happy, I supposed that was what was important.
Picking up the novel I had abandoned earlier, I attempted reading again, trying to let myself get lost in the story. Eventually the plot captured my attention and I was flipping pages intently, heart beating quickly, tension filling my body.
"Hey darlin, good book?"
Bass's voice broke the quiet of the room, his breath passing along my cheek from where he leaned over me, and I yelped, startled. His warm laughter sent shivers over my skin as he gently nudged my shoulder, pushing me forward on the window seat so he could sit behind me and pull me against his chest.
His muscular forearms were bare, his shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows, and his boots had been kicked off—probably before he entered the suite so he could sneak up on me. He pulled the blanket tighter around us and wrapped his arms around my torso, nuzzling his face into my neck.
We sat together in silence, my fingers twining together with his, eyes closed, just breathing in his scent and reveling in the feeling of our closeness. His breath on my neck felt like heaven and occasional his lips would brush across my skin, his nose running softly over where my muscles stood out, the sensations thrilling me.
"I missed you," he confessed, the words soft against my body. If anyone else had heard them, they probably would have been shocked. Bass was a stoic man in public, reserved and often only friendly with those he cared about. He held back with me to avoid accusations of favoritism, but rumors were there nonetheless.
I loved him for it.
I turned my head and waited for him to lift his face to mine, smiling at him sweetly, "I missed you too," I whispered before tilting my lips to meet his, sighing when his hand reached up to tangle in my hair, holding me close.
We parted slowly, lips meeting time and again in soft, tender kisses; his hand cupping my cheek. I could feel him smiling against my lips and pulled away, my eyes drifting open. Resting my forehead against his I smiled softly, "Why are you smiling?" I asked, barely whispering.
His smile grew wider and his hand at my hip tightened, "You moved in," he replied, his eyes sparkling with amusement.
Tilting my head slightly I chuckled and pressed a kiss to his lips again. "I did. Isn't that what you wanted?" I asked softly.
He nodded faintly and stroked my cheek, "I just can't believe we're here together, finally," he said, sighing on the last word, his eyes closing in exhaustion. I pulled back slightly and for the first time could see the dark circles beneath his eyes and the new lines on his face.
Frowning, I ran my fingers over his face, trying to smooth them away. "Why don't we relax," I suggested, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'll have the tub filled, and get you a meal, and for tonight, we'll just be together," I murmured.
Bass's eyes opened as a smile curled his mouth. "What about Miles?" he asked softly.
I lifted a teasing brow, "I'm not really about threesomes, but if you're into having him here…" I trailed off as he squeezed my hip and kissed me, a chuckle rumbling through his chest and against mine.
We broke apart smiling and he shook his head, "You should visit him. I mean, he's doing okay, but he'll want to see you," he murmured, and I could see something in his eyes that sent a dart of worry through me.
I nodded, smiling reassuringly at him, "Okay, I'll go see him while they heat water for the bath. Why don't you lay down for a little while?" I suggested, tugging on his hand as I stood. He frowned but allowed me to pull him to the bed and push him onto the mattress.
"Stay and rest while I take care of things, okay?" I ordered gently, smiling when he complied with minimal manly grunting and objections. Slipping my boots back on I shut the door behind me and went to the water processing room and requested to have our bathwater heated before going to the kitchen and requesting a meal for us both.
Turning for Miles's quarters I wondered if I would find Dee within and then smirked, knocking on the door before pushing it open and glancing around, letting out a soft breath of relief when I didn't see the young messenger inside.
Miles was in bed, his arm in a sling and his face flushed. His eyes were glazed with pain and fever and he smiled weakly, "Becca," he called softly, breaking out into a coughing fit immediately.
Frowning I went to the side table and poured him a glass of water, hurrying to his side to help him drink. He swallowed half the glass, and then shoved it aside. Shaking his head, he took a few slow breaths and then spoke slowly, "Damn cold. Can't speak without coughing," he murmured, and then coughed again.
I nodded, "We've got meds though, are you taking anything?" I demanded.
He shook his head, "The doc said it's just a common cold. I'm not taking meds from people who will actually need them." At my stink eye he frowned, "I'm getting fluids and tea, and rest. I'm not allowed out of bed other than to use the bathroom, so trust me I'm resting," he muttered, shifting on the bed as though he was uncomfortable.
Knowing Miles, he probably was. The man was in constant motion, and being stuck in bed didn't help anything. Sighing I shook my head and smiled faintly, "Can I get you anything?" I asked.
"No, I already had some soup and tea. I'm probably gonna have some pain meds soon and go to sleep," he replied, smiling softly at me.
I nodded and gave him a knowing smile, "And will Dee be bringing you those meds?" I asked wryly.
To my surprise he flushed and then laughed softly, "Maybe," he murmured.
"You like her!" I exclaimed softly, shocked.
Miles nodded, "Apparently," he admitted.
"Well, just don't screw all my female messengers. I need them to want to stick around," I teased lightly.
He shot me a reproachful look and I laughed softly before leaning down to press a gentle kiss to his forehead, ignoring his objections. "Get some rest," I murmured, smiling worriedly at him. He nodded and waved a hand as I shut the door, though if he was saying goodbye or shooing me, I couldn't tell.
Miles was a grumpy bastard.
Shaking my head I smirked softly and walked back to Bass's and my suite and found the door open, a trio of people filing out, carrying empty buckets. Smiling gratefully at them I shut the door behind me and found Bass sitting up on the bed, giving me a sleepy look.
"Bath's ready," I murmured, unbuttoning my shirt as I walked towards the bathroom. His eyes lost their sleepy look and widened with interest as I dropped my shirt to the ground, smirking at him.
As I unbuttoned my jeans and wriggled out of them he followed me into the bathroom, rapidly undressing. Laughing softly I quickly removed the rest of my clothing and motioned for him to hurry up.
With a smirk he stripped off his jeans, revealing his commando status and stepped into the tub, hissing at the bite of the steaming water. When he had leaned back against the copper rim I swung a leg over and quickly slid in, leaning back against his chest.
His arms wrapped around my waist as his lips brushed against my shoulder, a soft sigh of contentment brushing against my skin.
"Better?" I murmured, turning to kiss him softly. He nodded and ran his fingers over my arm slowly, sending shivers over my skin. Closing my eyes I sank lower in the water and nestled my head into the crook of his shoulder, relaxing and enjoying the simplicity of the moment.
It had been months since we had been this close…since before the plague had broke out.
My eyes opened abruptly and I sighed in frustration, turning my head away to stare at the tiling on the floor surrounding us.
"What's wrong?" Bass murmured, his fingers tightening around my hip.
I didn't want to tell him. How could I tell him when he had just gotten back? Shouldn't I wait for a better time? Excuses…my mind taunted me and I mentally flipped myself off, grimacing.
"I-there's…ugh…" I trailed off, not knowing how to start. I could feel Bass's steady heartbeat against my back and took a deep breath, trying again, turning my head to rest my cheek against his shoulder again.
"When we were on the way to the Plains Nation, something happened. I got sick. Pretty badly actually," I murmured. His hands on my waist tightened and I felt his head tilt down to try and look at me.
"What do you mean?" he asked softly, the worry clear in his voice.
I took another deep breath and continued, "I thought it was just the flu, but the doctor ran some tests and determined I was pregnant," I whispered. At this his fingers on my body jolted, flattening out to press against my stomach as though they were searching for a hidden baby.
"Wha-I don't…" he murmured, shock making his voice faint.
I laid my fingers between his and swallowed hard, "It wasn't viable. It was an ectopic pregnancy, so it was probably in my fallopian tubes, but either way, in today's world, it wouldn't have survived," I whispered.
A lump the size of Nebraska was in my throat as I struggled to finish speaking, "I-I wanted you to know earlier, but you got so sick and I was scared you were going to die, and I didn't want that to be on your mind, and I wanted to be the one to tell you. Only Natasha and the doctor know, but other people might have guessed, I'm not sure," I told him rushing the words, frankly terrified he would have some sort of meltdown.
The silence after I stopped speaking ate at me, worrying me into almost speaking three times, but I bit my tongue, waiting for him to say something.
When he nudged my shoulder and pushed me forward I turned to face him, scared he was going to step out of the tub and walk away from me forever. Instead I found a face lined with shock and sorrow, his eyes a deeper blue than I had ever seen them.
His hand lifted from my hip to my cheek, beads of water rolling down my cheek from where his fingers rested against my face and his lips parted as his head shook softly, "You went through that alone baby?" he whispered.
Baby
He hadn't ever called me that before. Something inside me snapped at the gentle, worried tone he used and as I nodded, I began to cry, silent mournful tears streaming down my face for the child we had lost.
His arms were around me in a moment, pressing my face into his neck, his fingers curling into my hair as he made soft reassuring noises. "Shh baby, it's okay, you're okay, I promise," he whispered, his other hand stroking my back.
I could hear the grief in his voice and it broke my heart, knowing he had lost another child. I pulled away from his shoulder and wiped at my eyes, my chin trembling. "I-I'm sorry Sebastian. There wasn't anything I could do, but I know how much you want to have a family," I whispered.
A shadow passed over his face and he sighed heavily, shaking his head, "You thought I would be mad at you for telling me this?" he murmured, deep lines between his brows as he studied my face.
I bit my lip and tried to look away, fear making my heart skip, my stomach twisting nastily. Bass stroked my cheek and put pressure on my chin, silently asking me to look at him. Sighing I turned back to look at him and nodded, my eyes filling again.
"I-I thought you would blame me. After Shelley…" I trailed off at the pained look on his face and his heavy sigh.
Bass shook his head and a ghostly smile tugged at his lips, "Baby, I have a family with you and Miles. If we never have kids, it'll be okay," he promised, stroking my cheek gently.
I smiled weakly and leaned in to kiss him, "Liar," I murmured against his lips.
A chuckle rumbled in his chest and he smirked at me as I pulled away. "Honestly Becca, if we can't have kids, that's ok. I love you and we will be happy no matter what happens," he assured me.
I lifted a brow but didn't challenge him again, deciding I would take him at his word. If kids were in our future, they would happen. For now, we would be happy with just each other.
Bass wound his fingers through my hair again and pulled me in for another kiss, a soft noise coming from his chest as I ran my fingers through his hair. His hand at my hips pulled until I had shifted and sat on his lap, my knees spread over his hips.
Winding my arm around his neck I toyed with his hair as he kissed me, enjoying the slow build of heat within my body. His fingers crept slowly over my back, pressing me into him, arching my hips against his.
"Hello? I have your dinner President Monroe, Ambassador Flynn," a voice called from the other room.
We broke apart, panting softly and Bass laughed against my neck, pressing his lips to my throat as I cleared my throat and called back, "T-thank you, we're bathing, can you please leave it on the writing table?"
There was a moment of silence and then the sound of a tray setting down. "It's covered so it stays warm ma'am," the female voice replied and a moment later the door opened and closed, leaving us to our selves.
I turned my attention back to Bass who was busy kissing his way down my chest, doing a fine job of distracting me. Laughing softly I pushed him away and grinned at his disappointed look, "You have to be hungry after that long ride back," I murmured, tracing a finger over his shoulder, noting how thin he had gotten again.
He smirked, "It wasn't that bad," he replied, leaning back in kiss my neck, his tongue lapping against my skin for a heady moment, "Besides, I like the ride" he whispered, rolling his hips against mine at the word ride.
I gasped softly at the sensation and dug my fingers into his shoulder. "Point taken," I whispered, laughing weakly. "But I'm hungry, even if you aren't. And you smell," I breathed into his ear before standing and stepping out of the tub, smirking at him as he gawked at my abrupt exit.
As I toweled off Bass laughed and began to scrub himself off quickly, eager to join me as I wrapped the towel around me and sauntered out to our bedroom. Shivering in the cool air, I knelt and lit the kindling in the fireplace, watching as the flames grew large enough to sustain themselves around larger logs.
Tossing a few on, I stood and dropped my towel on a drying rack near the fireplace, letting my hair down to air dry while dressing in a pair of shorts and one of Bass's thick sweaters. Carrying the tray of food from the table to our bed I shoved the blankets down with one hand and crawled beneath them, resting the tray beside me.
A moment later Bass emerged from the bathroom, towel draped loosely around his well formed hips, a grin on his lips as he sauntered over to the bed, his blue eyes mischievous. Leaning over he braced his hands on the bed and invaded my space until I could feel the heat radiating off his skin and the scent of him, warm and delicious.
"Hey baby," he whispered, grinning at me for a moment before leaning further in to kiss me firmly, his wet hair brushing against my face.
A soft moan of pleasure slipped from my throat and I tilted my chin up for more, letting out a surprised noise when he pulled away and laughed, stepping away to tug his towel off and rub it over his head, presenting me with his deliciously firm ass.
Eyeing him over I smirked and lifted the cover on the food, inhaling gratefully at the scent of our venison steaks, roasted potatoes and leeks, and braised carrots.
Bass tossed his towel onto the rack near mine and sauntered over to the bed, sliding beneath the covers with a shiver, "It's cold," he complained, giving me an exaggerated puppy dog face as he snuggled into me, pulling me into his lap.
Laughing, I pulled the tray of food into my lap and waved a hand, "How are you supposed to eat now?" I demanded as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
He grinned down at me, "Feed me?" he suggested, laughing when I punched him in the shoulder and shook my head vehemently no.
"I did that once when you were dying, that's the only way I'm doing it," I told him, a note of seriousness sliding into my voice.
He sighed and kissed my neck softly, "I know baby, I'm sorry," he murmured. Lifting a hand from my waist he reached for the fork with his plate and began eating, little grunts of pleasure coming from him with every couple of bites.
I smirked and took my bites slower; I was hungry, but not I just fought in a weeks long war and rode back with a half dead best friend- kind of hungry. I also knew he was tired, but that he was going to fight it until the last moment, asking questions about the Republic and how things were going in his absence, and making love to me(not that I had any objections to that one).
The clatter of his fork against the china drew me out of my thoughts and a moment later I felt him relax back against the pillows with a contented sigh. "Damn that was good," he muttered.
I looked down at my half empty plate and then over my shoulder at his weary face, dark circles under his eyes, and new lines creasing his mouth. "Have the rest of mine," I murmured, shifting my plate towards him.
He shook his head, "No, I'm full, promise," he replied, giving me a heartfelt look and lifting his hand in an I swear motion.
"Mmmhm," I hummed and ate a few more bites before lifting the fork and holding it out to him, arching a brow, "Eat," I ordered softly.
A tired smirk crossed his lips and he opened his lips, taking the bite without complaint. As he chewed he watched me take a bite and chuckled softly, "I like it when you boss me around," he murmured.
Lifting another bite for him I waited till his mouth was full to reply. "I'll remind you of that the next time you're annoyed with me for making a decision you don't like," I said softly, smirking.
We shared a quiet laugh as I continued to feed him; taking bites myself until the plate was empty. Sliding from his arms, I carried the tray to the table and bent to add another log to the fire, standing in front of it to watch the flames and warm my legs.
I was relieved that Bass had taken the news of my miscarriage well, though I was shocked by my own depth of feeling over the revelation of the information to him. I had thought I had dealt with the issue after it had happened, but looking back, I realized that I hadn't really had the time to think about it or process what had happened to me.
Staring into the flames I wondered if we ever would have children together, and if that was something I even wanted. Shifting before the flames so my legs weren't so close I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.
I was only 26, I still had plenty of time to have kids, there wasn't a rush. Hell, it's not like Bass and I were married. My fingers curled into Bass's sweater and I glanced down at my ring finger, wondering what it would be like to see an engagement ring there.
"You coming back to bed?"
My shoulders jerked at Bass's sleepy voice and I turned to find him reclining on the pillows, watching me through hooded eyes, a faint smile curling his mouth. Nodding, I padded over softly and blew out the candles beside the bed before slipping under the covers, curling into him with a soft sigh.
"Mmm, you're warm," he whispered, turning towards me and pulling me closer, his fingers sliding under my sweater to brush softly against my back.
"Mmmhmm," I murmured, running my fingers over his cheekbones. Christ, I loved his cheekbones. I loved his jaw line too. I loved every part of him. I loved touching him.
But I could see how tired he was and I held back from caressing him any further, instead running my fingers through his hair gently, enjoying his gentle moan of pleasure. "Go to sleep baby," I whispered, using his term of endearment on him, smiling softly.
He made a sleepy noise of protest, but I could feel his breathing slowing, growing more even as I ran my thumb over his temple, soothing him. Eventually he fell asleep, his arms wrapped around my waist and back, his face nestled in my throat.
I watched him sleep, the lines of exhaustion slipping away and the tension in his body drained. I sighed and closed my eyes, my fingers still carding through his hair gently, slowly. "I love you Sebastian," I whispered.
"I got shot, I'm not an invalid!" Miles gripped as I pulled out a chair for him at the table where we held our meetings with the internal heads of government and militia. Smirking I waited till he had sat and then slapped him roughly on the back of the head, bursting out laughing when he yelped and glared at me.
Giving him as innocent a look as I could as I walked to my chair, I bit back laughter, my shoulders shaking, "What? You're not an invalid; that means I can treat you like the asshole you are!" I retorted.
I could see the glint of humor in his eye even as he shook his head and cursed softly, rolling his eyes.
"Playing nicely?" Bass asked, striding into the room just soon enough to see the tail end of our interaction.
I smiled sweetly at both men, "Always," I said, my voice like saccharine.
Bass smirked and shook his head, glancing around the room as men and women filtered in. His face straightened into his formal Presidential look, and his shoulders stiffened as his hands rested on the back of his chair, his eyes icy as he watched people take their seats.
After a long moment the room went silent, all eyes on him. His gaze moved slowly around the table, his eyes meeting mine for a breath longer than the rest before he nodded sharply and cleared his throat, "I'm pleased to see you all have made it through the New Year and are ready to work. Let's proceed."
With that the meeting began and we set about discussing the new border tariffs, militia training protocols, tax incentives, monetary values, trade routes, crops to be planted and how rebels would be dealt with.
As usual the militia wanted to deal with militia and battle issues first, but I along with Jennifer and our new Secretary of Agriculture, James Hudson, successfully negotiated the conversation towards topics of finance and growth—things that would mean the continued success of the Republic even while battles with rebels were fought.
Tom Neville leaned forward, frowning, "I simply feel that it's more vital to be discussing our strategy on the rebels, given that we've only recently retaken Trenton from their grasp. Things such as crop growth and taxes can surely wait till the next meeting," he said, giving Bass and Miles obsequious looks.
Biting the inside of my cheek for a moment I cut my eyes to Bass who barely lowered his chin, but I saw it for the permission it was. Exhaling slowly I smiled sharply at Neville, "Tom, I understand why you might think it's important to focus on our militia right now, and I'm sure that most of the men and women at the table would agree with you that the Republic's situation has been dire this year."
Heads around the table bobbed in agreement. "But let me remind you all of something. If we don't put seeds in the ground and grow crops, our people will die. We will die. This Republic you are all so desperate to fight for, will die."
I looked around the table at each person, my eyes steely. "If you want this venture to succeed, you will listen when I and my colleagues tell you that what is needed is planning, and your attention."
I turned my gaze back to Tom and my voice turned honeyed, "I would hardly think you, of all people, would want their family to starve, let alone the good people of the Republic, would you Tom?" I murmured.
I could feel the tension around the table at my pointed words and I watched as his gaze narrowed on me before he visibly forced himself to relax, falling back in his chair with a genial smile. "Of course not! I see your point, please, let's hear these plans for crop growth!" he encouraged.
I nodded and sat back, turning my attention to James as he cleared his throat and began his presentation.
"You shouldn't have needled Tom like that in front of everyone," Miles murmured, leaning against the wall of my office as I searched through a stack of papers for an almanac. Frowning I pulled open my drawers and rooted through, knowing it was here somewhere.
"Well, he shouldn't be such a toadying numbnuts and I wouldn't have to," I replied sharply, shutting my desk drawer harder than I meant to, rattling the desk. Sighing, I braced my hands on the desk and jerked my chin towards the cabinet beside Miles, "Can you look in there for an almanac?" I asked softly.
He studied me for a moment and then sighed, nodding. I turned to my other drawers and continued searching, "You and Bass shouldn't trust him. He's slimy and he's ambitious. He'll turn on you the second he gets the chance," I muttered.
A soft thud pulled my head up to see the almanac resting on my desk, Miles standing over it. He shook his head slowly, "I know. But that's what I'm here for. I watch his back, and yours. You just don't shoot off your mouth whenever you want, you know," he scolded.
I frowned at him, "I don't. Not anymore. But that man needed taken down a peg!" I insisted.
Miles sighed and smiled faintly, "Fine. Just try not to piss him off too badly, huh?" he replied gruffly, "I'd hate to have to find another pain in the ass kid to watch out for," he grumbled.
Laughing softly I stepped around the desk and leaned up to kiss his cheek softly, "Love you too Miles," I murmured.
He grumbled softly but his good arm wrapped around my shoulder and squeezed me quickly before he stepped back, a flush across his cheeks. I grinned, it was cute how affection averse Miles was, but how loving he was deep down. I knew without a doubt he would step in front of a bullet for Bass or me, without hesitation.
Clearing his throat he pulled the door open and stepped out, "Gotta go, I have work, papers or some shit," he muttered, rolling his eyes.
I smirked, "You should get Dee to help you with that," I teased, snickering when he flushed and stammered before turning and walking rapidly away.
Snatching the almanac off my desk I shut the blinds against the bright light from the snow outside and wrapped my scarf around my neck, grabbing my keys to lock the door. The creak of the floorboards behind me was the only warning I had before blinding pain erupted behind my ear.
Slumping to the ground I cried out in shock and agony as another blow fell on my upraised arm—trying to stave off my attacker—followed by a swift kick to the ribs that crackled sharply and left me retching and gasping for air.
I lay flat against the ground, eyes blurring as tears streamed out, but I was just able to make out a pair of black boots, inches from my nose. Air rippled in and out of my chest brutally, and a as I struggled to turn my face up to try and identify my attacker, one of the boots swung back.
"Choke on this bitch," a snarling voice rasped before the boot slammed into my face and everything when painfully, blissfully black.
AN: Well, not exactly the Merry Christmas or Happy New Year I think Becca was looking for! But things will be looking up for our heroine soon, so don't fret! I hope you enjoy the story, please review! Thank you as always for reading, following, favoriting and reviewing!