19. Profound Words to Die By

Precious seconds passed while I put my clothes back on, but I wasted no time in racing to the broken door, listening and sniffing for sounds or smells on the other side. I heard nothing, but now that the door had been busted out of the frame, I could smell the scent of vampire beyond it. It concerned me, in that they could be watching, waiting to strike as soon as we appeared.

But again, it was a risk we had agreed to take.

I put a finger to my lips as I glanced back at Cailin to indicate she should stay quiet and she nodded, then I motioned for her to follow. Careful to avoid the sharp metal spikes of the broken bottom hinge, I slipped myself through the narrow opening, my eyes darting left and right for any sign of our captors. I didn't see anyone, but given what Cailin had told me about the tall female's suspected ability, that didn't mean anything.

Cailin came through the opening, looking around as I was, and we slowly made our way forward. The room we'd been held in was at the end of a long L-shaped hallway, dimly lit by overhead lanterns whose bulbs had seen brighter days. There were pipes of varying thickness along the walls and ceiling, making me think we were in some kind of basement. Mirthless laughter bubbled into my throat as I wondered if they had been brazen enough to return to the factory the Cullen boys had discovered. I'd heard in a movie (I think it was a movie) the words, "You are either very brave or very stupid." In my experience, vampires without a conscience considered themselves the former, but were most often the latter. I would not put it past our captors to have hidden us in relatively plain sight in spite of the fact that the police had been notified about the building where Sierra had died, laughing among themselves at their cleverness.

It smelled like mold down there, the walls seemed coated with film, and I could hear water dripping. I tried to ignore these things and concentrate on scenting and listening, because even if we were being watched, I did not want the vampires to jump out and catch us unawares. I wanted the few precious seconds it would take to phase, that I might be able to hold the vampires at bay and allow Cailin the opportunity to escape.

We could go either straight or right. At the right end of the hall, there was another straightaway that paralleled the one we were facing, which meant our L was actually a U. At the straight end of the hallway was a set of stairs leading up to another door. I gestured toward the stairs before us and whispered to Cailin, "Do you remember this? I mean, have you always been in this building?"

In my peripheral vision, I saw her nod. "Aye," she said. "I was taken up them stairs to 'im. Not even the decency to use a bed to defile me-'twas on a ratty couch in one of the offices."

Her tone was unquestionably and understandably bitter. For a moment, I wished she could have been a wolf, that she might have the pleasure of exacting revenge on her tormentor herself. I know it's what I would want to do-kill him myself. Did that make me as bloodthirsty a monster as they were? Perhaps. But I didn't care.

Taking a breath, I muttered, "Here goes," and started down the hall.

Upon reaching the stairs we climbed up to the door. I slowly pressed the bar handle and felt it give-the door was not locked. My heart sped up it's already marathon pace, but still I continued my quest to get us out, pushing on the door and hoping it didn't have rusty hinges.

Wouldn't have surprised me if it did.

Though it groaned and squealed slightly, thankfully there was not much noise as I opened the heavy metal door further, peeking my head around it and checking for signs of the vampires. My nose burned with the strength of the smell, telling me that they were definitely up here somewhere. As quietly as I could, I pushed the door open only far enough to get through, then held it for Cailin, easing it back into place as she joined me.

Then I took a good look around. It was definitely a factory of some kind, and abandoned by the looks of the equipment, covered in dust and cobwebs, and the dank, stale smell of the air. "I don't suppose you recall where the door is?" I asked Cailin.

"That way," she pointed, indicating we should go left. "I think."

Well, it was as good a guess as any, I supposed, and began to make my way across the cavernous room. Skirting equipment the purpose of which I could not have guessed, Cailin and I walked as quickly and quietly as we could, and on the far wall I could finally see a door with an unlit Exit sign over it. After another few minutes we were but seconds from ending this nightmare, and as I reached for the handle, thanking our lucky stars that the vampires who held us had apparently not heard our escape, every light in the place blazed to life…

…and two of the three adult vampires appeared right behind us.

Cailin and I whirled, and my friend could not help emitting a squeal of fright. I took a deep breath and stepped in front of her, shielding her as I regarded them, the female of the two-the tall one I had seen before-wiggling her fingers and smiling at me as she had right after killing Collin.

I growled, feeling my body vibrate, but my attention was diverted by the male, who said with a heavy Hispanic accent, "Come now my dear, let us not resort to violence. This does not need to be unpleasant."

I looked at him, fire in my eyes and hatred in my blood. "Tell that to Sierra Bivens and Collin Littlesea, you murdering leech. Tell that to their families. Tell that to my friend here."

"The boy's death is on you," said the female. "You were told to come alone."

I would not let myself think about how much she was right-had I not stopped for him, Collin would still be alive.

On instinct I took a step toward her, a vision of my hands tearing out her throat flashing before my eyes. She hissed and stepped back, raising her hands like claws.

"Serena!" snapped the male.

"Leah, don't," pleaded Cailin.

I forced myself to stop my advance and turned to the male vampire. "You're Joham." It was not a question.

He smiled. "I am. You have heard of me? I am impressed."

"Your filthy reputation preceded you by almost three years, bloodsucker," I spat.

The one called Serena spun toward him. "This mangy dog insults you, Father! Let me kill her and rid us of her stench!"

"Aren't you the pot calling the kettle black, tick?" I snarled.

She raised her arm to strike me, but Joham moved almost too fast for me to follow, and snagged her arm before it could come close enough to cause any damage. She tried to pull her arm free of his grasp and he tightened it.

"I will not have you disobey me, child," he told her, his voice mild but his intent clearly not.

Serena's eyes blazed with her fury, but she nodded acquiescence and Joham let her go. When she looked at me I had no doubt that she was thinking of how many ways she wished to kill me. It almost made me smile to think of how her daddy had just put her in her place in front of the "mangy dog."

"Now, ladies, if you would please step away from the door," said Joham.

I did not want to step away from the door-I wanted to step through the door. I wanted to get Cailin out of here and back to Embry's side, where she belonged. I was weighing my chances against the two vampires when I felt Cailin's hand on my arm. I turned my head to look at her, finding her eyes wide with fear and her heart-shaped mouth pressed together in a thin line. She shook her head minutely, and I knew that, right then, it was time to surrender.

We were not going to escape after all.

Had they actually released Cailin as I'd been told they would, and I was there alone, I wouldn't have hesitated to shift even if it meant a fight to the death. But I wasn't alone, and I was not about to risk putting her in any more danger. Fighting them would surely get us both killed, but if I surrendered peacefully, I might at least get her out.

I looked back at Joham and Serena. "I want her released. I was told that if I came, you would let her go."

"If you came alone, as instructed, animal," Serena sneered. "Her continued presence as our guest is also your doing. Had you behaved like a good dog - "

"Enough, Serena," Joham said, actually looking exasperated with his daughter. Then he turned his attention to me. "The lovely Irish lass may be with child. I cannot release her if she will soon bear my offspring."

"Tired of all the girls yet? Still hoping for a son who actually acknowledges you?" I needled.

Joham's expression darkened. "I have no son. Yet," he replied stonily.

Interesting, I thought. He was actually disavowing his only son because Nahuel wanted nothing to do with him. I could almost forgive the hybrid vampire his human blood diet just for ticking this guy off.

"Too bad, though I could swear this guy I know looks just like you."

I probably should have kept my mouth shut. Joham's hand darted out and grabbed my arm in a painfully tight grasp. I sucked a breath through clenched teeth as he started to pull me away from the door. Serena smiled triumphantly as I passed her, and I saw her reach for Cailin.

"You hurt her, tick, and I swear I will kill you," I growled.

"Serena, take her to Jennifer," said Joham as he dragged me through the factory toward a set of metal stairs that led up to a second story office. "She can feed Sierra."

He stopped long enough to look over his shoulder. "But remember, my dear-not too much. She may yet bear you a new sibling. Perhaps I shall have her again after I have had this one."

I was stunned to hear him refer to Sierra's daughter by her mother's name, but more so to hear him talk of raping us so casually, that I almost missed Cailin's whimper of fear. Oh, how I wanted to fight-to phase into my wolf and tear him into tiny bits of marble, to grind him into dust because of that one, small, frightened sound. I'd wanted to fight and kill vampires before, when that red-headed leech had created her army, but until that moment, I don't think I'd really understood what bloodlust was. But I knew my veins were on fire with it.

"Not going to have your other girl suck away my emotions?" I said then, testing him to see if he would confirm or deny what Cailin had suspected.

He shot me a surprised look as we reached the stairs, then smiled. "Jennifer's gift has its uses-"

"Jennifer is weak," I heard Serena mutter, even from where we stood, as she pulled Cailin through a door leading to what looked like another office, this one on the first floor.

Joham frowned, then looked at me and continued. "However, I have always preferred to enjoy a woman who has spirit. You, my dear, have it in spades."

He started dragging me up the rusty metal stairs, and I couldn't resist needling him some more, hoping that it would buy me some time. "Let me ask you something, bloodsucker. Are you losing your touch or something? I mean, the way I heard tell it, your usual M.O. was to woo a lady before you used her up and then threw her away like yesterday's take-out. Have you really lost so much of your mojo that you've had to resort to kidnapping young girls? Does fear turn you on?"

This time, I definitely should have kept my mouth shut. As soon as he'd pulled me up on the landing, Joham back-handed me across the mouth, and I tasted blood as a couple of my teeth came loose. I felt my body begin to vibrate, my muscles rippling in response to the violence. God, if one strike was enough to call the wolf, what would happen if he got far enough to violate me? Could I let him have me just for the sake of saving my life?

I knew I couldn't just to save my own life. But I would have to if it meant saving Cailin's.

Joham jerked on my arm and started toward the open door of the upstairs office. For the first time that night, real fear pierced me. I was afraid, afraid that I was going to have to do this, to let this … this thing … touch my body with his ice cube hands in ways that I dared not imagine. I was quite possibly going to have to let him take advantage of me, because it might be the only way to save Cailin.

But even if I could go through with it, he was going to hurt her again, and if she did conceive, he was going to stand back and do nothing as she died to give life to another of his demon children.

"It's not going to work, you know," I said somewhat desperately as I was pulled into the office, and my eyes fell on the same ratty couch on which he had tortured Cailin. "I've phased twice in the last day-it's how we got out of the room in the basement. Shapeshifting stops my biological clock. I'm not going to get pregnant."

Joham looked at me with narrowed eyes, then leaned close and inhaled deeply through his nose. His nearness made the stink pouring off him overwhelmingly potent, and my stomach gave a mighty heave. As I swallowed my revulsion down his lips curled in anger, but as he straightened he smiled.

"So you have," he said. "It only means that I shall get to play with you longer."

"I will phase every single day until my brothers track you down and tear you apart," I snarled.

The vampire's smile fell, and his mouth set in a firm line. "Become a wolf even once, and I will spend one hour with the pretty Irish girl for every minute you spend in that form."

I felt my eyes widen in horror, for I could see in his blood-red eyes that he meant every single word.

Reaching behind me, Joham slammed the door shut, then jerked me again and threw me toward the couch. I stumbled, tripping over a torn rug still covering part of the floor, but managed to stay on my feet. Just as I was spinning to face him, Joham was in front of me. He reached forward faster than I could move (and I'm pretty fast, don't forget) and pinned my arms to my sides, then pulled me roughly to him.

I squeezed my eyes shut as he pressed his chilly lips forcefully against mine, feeling bile rise in my throat. My stomach heaved again; I could feel my limbs trembling with the feverish desire to phase. And I knew the moment he tried to force my lips apart with his tongue that I was never going to be able to do this. I just couldn't. It went against every instinct I had to let this go any further.

It meant I was going to have to fight him. I was going to have to fight a vampire that was probably older than Carlisle and pray that I won, that I killed him before his daughters could come to his defense, that I was not too spent to take them on as well.

And pray that they did not kill Cailin before they came running.

I'd been wanting to phase since the vampires had discovered our attempt to escape yet had somehow maintained control, but with bodily harm imminent I had but to think of my wolf and suddenly she was there. Joham was thrown across the room as I phased, his body crashing into the wall and punching a man-sized hole in the peeling plaster. I stepped back, crouching low with my hackles raised, a snarl in my throat as he stood and shook chunks of sheetrock off of him. His expression was livid as he stared back at me.

In the blink of an eye, he lunged for me. I leapt and met him halfway, and we crashed together in the middle of the office. I'd aimed my claws for his face and missed, enabling him to get a good grip on the fur around my neck. He pulled hard enough to tear some out, and I felt blood trickle from the wounds. Howling, I turned my head and tried for his throat, hoping to get his head in my jaws so I could rip it off. Joham jerked away from me, taking more of my fur with him.

I turned around and leapt for him again. Unfortunately Joham was ready for me, and instead of grabbing my fur, he grabbed my ears. As I was wrapping my forelegs around him, intending to squeeze with all my might, he yanked my head back, exposing my throat. I snapped my jaws frantically as he moved in and bit down.

I howled again as an agonizing pain began to burn through my blood-I'd just been poisoned by his venom. I thought then that Joham intended to tear my throat out, but instead he reared his head back and bit down again. My howling became one long, wolfish scream.

My grip on his ribcage loosened; Joham released me and I began falling to the floor. Through the haze my vision had suddenly become, I vaguely registered Serena's entrance. My body felt numb, and in the fog that was crowding into my brain, I wondered how that was possible given the excruciating pain I was in. I found that I wasn't even screaming anymore-at least, not as a wolf. My wolf form had retreated, and I was left lying on the filthy floor in naught but my skin.

I looked up at the two vampires as I writhed in pain, then closed my eyes to shut out their gleeful expressions. Especially Joham's. I wasn't a wolf anymore and I couldn't put up a fight - and now there wasn't a stitch of clothing between us except for his own.

It doesn't matter anymore, I somehow managed to think. It won't matter if he forces himself on me all night - I'll be dead in a few hours. If it even takes that long.

I almost wished Jennifer was here to suck my emotions away. At least if I was apathetic, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything at all, let alone the searing agony wracking my body, or the fact that I had been rendered completely helpless by his bite. My heart felt like it would burst through my chest, it was beating so fast. Ironically, I knew that its frantic pace was only serving to help the poison along.

I continued screaming, as loud and as long as I could, until my voice was gone and my throat was raw. Why was he just standing there? Why didn't he go through with his disgusting plan and get it over with? Was he waiting for me to stop thrashing about? Did he want me as limp and compliant as a dead fish?

The dead part, at least, I knew he would get. I could feel myself fading from consciousness, and thought for sure I was dying. I expected my life to flash before my eyes any moment, as I had often heard would happen at the end, and I hoped fervently that the reel would skip my "evil twin" period. Who'd want to live through that again?

Suddenly I saw my father's face in my mind, and I remembered a line from the movie Little Women, which Beth spoke to Jo just before she passed away: "I am not afraid-I can be brave like you." Only I heard those words in my own voice, and I was speaking to my father, who smiled serenely and nodded. I guess that was true. I wasn't really afraid to die…

I just didn't want to.

My mother, Seth, and Leland flashed across my mind's eye next, and to them I heard my voice say the next line Beth March had spoken to her sister: "Though I know I will be homesick for you, even in Heaven." Yeah, that was definitely true. Sorry, God, but they mean so much to me I'm pretty sure I'm gonna miss them, even in Paradise.

I thought of Sam and Emily, and of Jacob and the boys in the packs. I saw their faces, and the words I said to them were Théoden's, from the third Lord of the Rings film: "My body is broken…you have to let me go. I go to my fathers, in whose mighty company I shall not now feel ashamed." I knew that was true, too-I had no reason to be ashamed of meeting my father and my ancestors in death, for at the last I had made peace with all of who and what I was, and I had fought bravely for my life.

I thought of Sierra Bivens and Collin Littlesea, two young kids who were dead now because they'd both been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Cailin came to me next, and I saw her face above me as though she were really there. I prayed with what I had left that Joham and his daughters did not harm her because I had fought back, and as I prayed, a Bible verse I had not heard since I was a child came to me. Somehow I managed to recall that it was from the Book of John, chapter 15, verse 13: "Greater love hath no one than this: that he lay down his life for his friends." I'd done that, too. I'd come to Seattle with the hope of saving Cailin even though I had known that most likely, we would both end up dying. I only hoped that I was wrong about it being both of us.

As I felt the final darkness begin to close around me, something Paul had said as we charged into the battle with the newborn army popped into my head. I believe it was a Klingon saying from Star Trek, and I remembered that they were warriors, and as I had died fighting, the words were profoundly apropos:

"Today is a good day to die."

And then, strangely, I heard voices, voices that could not be real, as the visions I had just had were not real-because I was dead.

First, I heard my beloved. "Do something!"

"What would you have me do, Leland?" That was Dr. Fang.

"Something! Anything! Please, you have to save her - she's dying!"

Leland again. But he was wrong. I wasn't dying, I was already dead.

"Oh no! Carlisle, she's not breathing!" Cailin's voice, sounding strangely close. I sensed she was moving now, but I couldn't tell what she was doing.

"Leah, no! Baby, don't give up now! Don't leave me, please!" Leland sounded like he was crying now. He sounded desperate and hopeless. Well, that was understandable. I was dead. Only I hadn't given up, I'd been poisoned.

"Carlisle, what about drawing the venom out, as I did with Bella?" Whoa, nosy Edward was there, too?

"Hey, Wolf Girl, snap out of it! I haven't finished converting you into a leech-lover yet!"

Heh, now that was funny, Emmett. I wished I could tell him that. I suddenly wished very much that I could tell Emmett Cullen just how much I had come to like him.

"Even if we draw it out, she may still leave us." Carlisle once more, sounding grim.

"But she'll have a chance, won't she? If you can bite her and suck the poison out, without poisoning her yourselves, won't that give her a chance?" Leland, actually sounding hopeful this time.

I heard Carlisle sigh - did vampires really sigh? - and then he said, "It might. In truth, it is the only chance she has."

"Well you'd better do something quick," said Cailin's voice again, sounding more alarmed than she had a moment ago. "Her heart just stopped."

I was not really dead, of course, but I didn't know it at the time. The bits and pieces of conversation I heard over the next few days ranged from hopeful, to worried, to desperate, and back again. Most of the time, the voices were my mother's, Leland's, Seth's - I heard Carlisle a number of times. I remember thinking that it was an odd way to pass into the afterlife, to be hearing other people's conversations, because eavesdropping was just plain rude. Surely that wouldn't look good as St. Peter was reading the record of my life to God.

One conversation in particular still disturbs me a little, and just thinking about it makes me shudder. Jacob and Edward were the voices I heard, and though I know now that they were talking about me, I didn't quite understand what they meant at the time.

They'd been talking quietly for a while, and then suddenly Jacob chuckled.

"What amuses you, Jacob?" Edward asked him.

"She'd probably kill me if she heard me say this, but Leah has more in common with Bella than she realizes," Jacob replied.

"I agree - she probably would want to kill you if she heard you say such a thing. It is no secret that Leah does not care for Bella, however much this pains me. Even Bella wishes it were not so," his future father-in-law said. "But please, explain what you mean."

Jacob chuckled again. "Think about it, man. She left out of here late at night to save somebody, leaving only a note. Bella did that for you once. She also met up with a dangerous vampire believing she was saving somebody's life by giving up her own. Bella did that, too."

Edward was silent for a long moment, so long that I began to think he wasn't going to reply, and that I would be moving on to hearing someone else's conversation. When at last he responded, there was a touch of amusement in his voice.

"Yes, I see now. Those were very Bella moments."

A blindingly bright light had me squinting my eyes, and they weren't even open.

Wait, squinting? Did dead people squint?

Somebody chuckled. "She'll be coming around soon," said Edward's voice.

Who would be coming around? Was this my funeral? Possibly, I thought. It was still the first week of July, and the weather, though it might be overcast, would still be warm, but hopefully not too hot. I thought an outdoor funeral might actually be nice.

A full-blown laugh sounded, and I believe it was Edward again. What the hell was he laughing at? A funeral was no joking matter.

Whatever he thought was so bloody funny made him laugh a second time.

"What is so funny?" Ooh, that was Leland! I was glad to hear his voice again. It was nice to hear him even though I would never see him again.

"Leah's thoughts are beginning to surface from unconsciousness. First she wondered if the dead can squint. She is now wondering if she's at her own funeral, and thinks that an outdoor funeral would be nice. Also, that a funeral is no joking matter," said Edward, amusement still in his voice. Although, when next I heard it, it was more serious. "She is also glad to hear your voice, though she believes she will never see you again."

"Does that mean she can hear you-that she can hear us?" Leland sounded excited, hopeful - a far cry from the desperation and hopelessness I had heard before. It made me feel so much better that he was not in so much pain anymore.

How I wished I was the reason he was feeling better.

"You are the reason he is feeling better."

Whoa, wait a minute… Was the nosy tick hearing the dead now?

Edward chuckled yet again. "Hardly, Leah. Though if that does happen, I've no doubt they'll probably think I'm just as nosy as you do."

"Leah! Leah, honey, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me?"

I'm sorry, Leland. I want to, but I can't. I'm dead.

"Leah Clearwater, you are not dead," Edward said. Rather sternly, in fact. "You just have to wake up."

"Come on, baby, please… open your eyes," Leland's voice pleaded. "Come back to me, Leah. Open your eyes."

"Be patient, son," said Carlisle. "If Edward is hearing her thoughts, she will come to soon."

Son? Leland was letting Carlisle Cullen, bloodsucker patriarch, call him son?

Then again, Carlisle called every young man he came into contact with 'son.' I think I'd even heard him say that to Sam.

Someone moaned. Who was that?

"That was you, Leah." Edward-again.

Leland gave a small cry. "Come on, honey. You can do it. Come back to me."

"I'll go get Sue and Seth," said Carlisle softly, and I heard him leave.

Leave? How could I hear him leave? Why was I hearing anyone - or anything - at all? I thought I was dead?

"Once again, Leah, you are not dead. You were poisoned with vampire venom, but we managed to draw it all out and get your heart beating again. You've been unconscious for nearly a week."

I'd survived? Joham hadn't killed me after all? I really wasn't dead?

"Talk to her some more, Leland. She's obviously not listening to me," Edward went on, once again sounding amused.

"Leah Faith Clearwater, you open your eyes right this minute," said Leland. "You and I have an appointment on First Beach exactly ten months and twenty-four days from now. Time to start planning the party."

"What's happening next June?" asked Edward.

"We're…get…getting…married."

That was me! I was alive!

Slowly, squinting against the painfully blinding light, I opened my eyes. The first person I saw, thankfully, was not Edward Cullen.

It was an angel with dark copper skin, ebony hair, and obsidian eyes.

"Dark have been…my dreams of late," I said, my throat feeling hoarse and dry. "Really thought…I died."

"You just quoted Tolkien," Edward mused. "Interesting - though I'm certain appropriate - choice of words."

I guess I had, hadn't I? In fact, I'd quoted Tolkien once before, during those dark dreams. But I didn't want to think about that. All I cared about right then was that the most beautiful man in the world had just given me the most feather-light kiss, and that I saw tears in his eyes when he sat back, holding my hand to his cheek.

"Don't."

"Don't what, baby?"

"Cry."

That, of course, made him cry more. "I thought I had lost you-even thought I might have to die, too. I just couldn't imagine living one day without you."

A pale white hand, which glistened like the ocean at midday when it passed through a stream of sunlight, came to rest on Leland's shoulder.

Just then, my mother came bursting into the room-I'd noticed I was at home, safe and warm, tucked under a blanket in my very own bed. I offered her the best smile I could muster.

"Leah! Thank God you're awake!"

She rushed over to me and knelt on the floor by my bed, taking my other hand in hers and holding it to her cheek much as Leland had done. She was also crying, like he was. Relief such as I had never seen before was written all over her face.

"Okay now…Mama," I said weakly. "Where's…Seth?"

My mother's face sobered quickly, and she glanced at Leland and Edward across the bed. I felt myself frown.

"What's…going on? What hap…happened?" Turing my head slightly, I tried to encompass all three of them in my gaze. "Where is Seth?"

Mom looked at me, her expression very serious. "Don't worry, honey. He's okay," she said slowly.

"What happened?" I asked again.

She glanced at Leland again, then back to me. "I think we'd better let him tell you."