Author Note: Thanks for keeping the faith! Once again, you guys had a lot to say about the last chapter!
Most readers came down pretty hard on Bella for thinking she can ever change Edward. And you all sense a train wreck on the way.
Congrats NKubie, kay0913, 2loveybunnies, foreverpeetaslove, krazi4TwiSaga, peachtreegirl, MIRosebud, LSU15, banned2010, katbarpar, Tay240 and shaz308, who all earned themselves a teaser by guessing this chapter's title by Guns 'N Roses.
Thanks to moosals and edwardisaputz for pre-reading! Stephenie Meyer owns all characters.
Chapter 20 – Patience
Over the next few weeks, my relationship with Edward — such as it is — evolves into a bit of a routine: he invites me to come over after his last appointment on Saturday afternoon, we have dinner together, then we go back to his place for mind-blowing sex. He's pretty much had me on every flat surface in his condo.
I've learned to pack an overnight bag so that we can then spend much of the day together on Sundays, as we take advantage of the late summer weather in Seattle. We visit Pike Place Market, walk along the marina, go up in the Space Needle…
It's almost like having a real boyfriend. Almost.
"So I was thinking, maybe we could go to the Washington State Fair next weekend?" Edward asks as we sit having dinner at a seafood place along the water. "It seems like a huge thing around here. Everyone is talking about it."
I'm a little shocked by the question, to be honest. I mean, despite not wanting to put a label on us, he's really starting to treat me like a girlfriend, at least in terms of wanting to do things with me. Or maybe he just doesn't have any other friends to do them with, that little devil over my shoulder says.
"Oh, um, I can't. I'm going back home to Forks next weekend. It-it's my birthday," I explain.
I only needed to ask once if Edward wanted to double date with Jake and Seth to realize that he has no interest in getting to know my friends. I know better than to ask if he wants to meet my family.
"Oh. OK."
"The fair is still going on the next two weekends though," I point out. "We could go later in the month."
"Sure," he agrees with a small smile. "You know, you hadn't told me your birthday was coming up."
"Neither did you, as I recall."
"Touché," he replies with a grin. "You know, your upcoming birthday is actually a good opportunity for something I wanted to talk to you about." I look at him questioningly. "My first six months of membership at the club are up at the end of this month. I need to go get tested in order to re-up for another six months."
"OK?" I reply in confusion.
"I was wondering if you'd like to sign up with me. I could pick up your membership dues as your birthday present," he smiles.
"Be-become a club member?" I choke out.
He nods. "I mean, I could always bring you as my guest again, but if you want to touch anyone else, you have to be a member."
"Do you want me to go have sex with other men?" I whisper, feeling my heartbeat speed up and my stomach drop to my feet. Just when I thought he was starting to act like a boyfriend, he pulls something like this.
"I figured you might want to see other people."
I swallow thickly. Without coming right out and saying it, he's hinting that since he sees other women, I can see other men. He doesn't care if I'm with other men. He doesn't care about me.
He's not my boyfriend. And maybe it's time for me to give up on the hope that he ever will be.
"It was just an idea, if you're not interested," he adds when I don't respond. "No pressure."
The following Tuesday is another Seattle Actuarial Club luncheon, at the Washington Athletic Club this time. I almost didn't sign up, since I'm not crazy about the food there, but the speaker's presentation sounds interesting.
And I might see Tanya there. For once, I'm not worried about running into her. I'm actually curious to hear how her new relationship is working out; plus, she might have some insights that can help me decide what to do about Edward.
Our group arrives during the networking period before lunch is served, and Tanya waves me over immediately, introducing me to her companions as her former grading partner, just as I had with Angela.
"Please excuse us, I need to talk to Bella about this year's exam committee."
She steers me away from the group into a quiet corner, then gives me a small smile. "So how's Edward doing?" she asks with little prelude, confirming my suspicion that her comment about the exam committee was just a ruse.
"You haven't talked to him at all?" I question. I mean, he had mentioned that her new boyfriend was the jealous type.
"No," she replies with a wry smile. "Edward and I didn't exactly leave things on a good note."
"You didn't?" I ask in confusion. "He acted like he was fine with you breaking up with him for another man and said you were still friends."
"That may be true, but… I made some suggestions that he wasn't happy about and he more or less went off on me."
My brow furrows as I stare at Tanya. "What did you say?" I ask.
She smiles softly. "You're different for him, Bella. I've seen it ever since I walked in on you two in our hotel room in Florida. And I know you're a large part of the reason he agreed to move to Seattle. You're not just sex to him. I… merely suggested that he should give a real relationship with you a chance."
My eyes widen. "And he didn't take that well?"
"No," she shakes her head. "He didn't. He told me to butt out, among other less kind things. For reasons he won't explain, Edward… well, I think he won't allow himself to connect with anyone on any sort of personal level. He resists it with everything he has."
"You guys were together for three years and he acted like your break-up was no big deal at all."
"Exactly," she nods.
"Do you know anything about his parents?" I ask, suddenly wondering if their deaths have anything to do with this. "Like how and when they died?"
"I didn't know they had died," Tanya comments, her eyes widening. "I know he's never appeared to be close with them, but he's never mentioned to me that they're dead."
"Oh," I frown. "When I suggested that he could go back to Portland to visit them, he told me they were dead." Now I wonder if he was telling the truth.
"Well, I agree there may be some sort of connection between his parents and his… issues. Let me just tell you this — Edward is a good man. He is. Be patient with him, Bella. I've seen him with a number of other women over the last three years and you are different to him. I believe you can break through his walls and reach his heart, but you absolutely cannot push him. Do you understand?"
I nod silently. I sort of figured that out for myself that first night he brought me to his condo.
"Good," she smiles. "I don't believe he's truly happy with this life of sex with random women. Some part of him wants to fall in love and settle down with one woman. It's just going to take time for that part to rise to the surface."
"So I need to be patient."
"If you want more with him one day, then yes."
"Thank you, Tanya," I tell her genuinely, "For the insights. I really appreciate it. Now, tell me about this new man of yours…"
After speaking with Tanya, I start to recognize Edward's suggestion that I join the club for what it likely is: a way to keep things between us casual, given the amount of time we spend together now. And so I decide to let him buy my membership as my birthday gift. There's no harm in it really, if he's paying. Having a membership doesn't mean I have to do anything with anyone else. It doesn't even mean I have to visit the club. It just means the option is there.
I have a great time celebrating my birthday with my parents and siblings — except for dodging all of their pesky questions about why I'm not dating anyone. Seriously, you'd think Mom didn't already have five grandchildren to spoil.
The following weekend, Edward and I spend a day and a half at the Washington State Fair and have a lot of fun together. We spend the day walking around, holding hands, and I feel like I'm in a normal relationship. I feel like… this is what I want — a guy who's just fun to be around, whatever we're doing together.
Only I can't tell him that without chasing him away.
Just a few days later, I receive my membership card to the "lifestyle club" in the mail. When I text Edward to let him know, he excitedly makes plans for us to visit on Saturday night. I remind myself that I don't have to do anything I don't want to do… but what will I do if he wants to go off and have sex with another woman?
On Saturday night, I stand staring into my closet for 10 minutes to find something to wear. I wore my best date outfit on Edward's birthday, so I can't wear that again. Eventually I decide on a sleeveless top with a draped neckline and a striped skirt. As I twirl around in the mirror, I think I look pretty hot.
"Pretty hot" doesn't even cover Edward when he comes to pick me up. His jeans make his ass look amazing, and his dark green polo shirt under a brown sports coat makes his green eyes pop.
After dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant, we drive to the club together in Edward's Volvo. He swipes his card to enter through the gates, and we park in a lot that's already quite full.
Following Edward, I show my new badge to the huge bouncer, and he motions for us to go on in. "Drinks first," Edward says, leading me to his left.
This time as we sit and drink, I do feel like the men are checking me out… or maybe it's just my imagination. I'm too afraid of actually making eye contact with any of them to even slyly check them out, though.
Once we've finished our drinks, Edward and I move into the nightclub area. He turns me around until my back is to him, then dirty dances with me while his fingers lightly trail up and down my sides until I feel like I might go insane.
And then a tall redhead walks over to us, asking Edward if he wants to dance. He glances at me and I give him a tentative smile before stepping to the side and then moving to stand by the wall. She seamlessly takes my place and he continues dancing as if we were interchangeable. I suppose to him we are.
"That your man?" a male voice asks, and I turn to look up at the tall, well-dressed man beside me. He nods toward Edward and the redhead, and I confirm that I'm here with him.
"Well, instead of standing around like a wallflower, you need to get out there yourself," he grins down at me.
"Are you volunteering?" I flirt.
He holds out his hand and I take it, letting him lead me back onto the dance floor. "Tyler," he introduces himself.
"I'm Bella," I smile. He is actually quite cute, with blue eyes and a head full of dark curly hair. He looks like he might be about Edward's age.
"Are you new? I haven't seen you here before," he says, his hands on my hips.
"Oh, um, I came once before as Edward's guest, but I just got my own membership."
"Welcome then," he says with a wide, toothy grin.
"Thanks. Are-are you here with someone?"
Tyler nods. "My wife went upstairs with some guy about 10 minutes ago."
"Oh!" I exclaim, my eyes widening. "And that… doesn't bother you?" I ask curiously.
He shakes his head. "We've been married since college, and we use a night out like this every couple of months to keep the spice in our marriage. I know it's unconventional, but it works for us."
As the music changes, I hear Edward call my name, and then feel his arm wrap around my waist. I stop dancing with Tyler to look up at him. "Let's go check out the other room. Please excuse us," he says to Tyler before leading me away.
"What happened to your redheaded friend?" I ask as we step into what I've dubbed the Room of Sin.
He shrugs. "I danced with her to be polite but I wasn't into her."
Trying not to stare, I look around the room, my eyes falling on a woman lying spread-eagled on a table. One man is eating her out while she holds the cocks of two other men in each of her hands. By the huge smile on her face, she looks like she's having the time of her life.
I quickly look away, then spot another woman being fucked doggie style on a couch, while she gives a blowjob to a man standing at one end of it. The entire idea is just so… taboo, and yet I can't help the little stir I feel between my legs.
Edward suddenly nudges me and I tear my eyes away guiltily. "Is that what you want?" he asks. "A threesome with two men?"
"I—" I feel my face flush. I shouldn't want that. I mean, I was right there with all of my friends, calling Lauren Mallory a slut back in high school when rumor had it she took care of half the football team. The idea of being with two men shouldn't excite me, yet…
"Your friend is watching you," Edward whispers in my ear. I follow his line of sight to see Tyler standing along the wall, a beer bottle in his hand. "Do you want to fuck him, Bella? I bet he'd be happy to."
"I don't—" I swallow thickly, trying not to stare at Tyler. He really is pretty hot. "I know I've had one-night stands before, but… only after spending time getting to know them first. I'm not sure I could actually have sex with a total stranger."
"What do you want then? Be honest with yourself."
"I-I want… I want what she has," I confess quietly, nodding toward the woman on the table. I remember how much Edward enjoyed being doted on by two women. "I want to be worshipped. But… I mean, Tyler probably wants sex, right?"
"Presumably he's here to get off, yeah," Edward nods. "Could you do that?" He nods toward the woman again. She's turned her upper body now, sucking one man's cock, while another plays with her breasts and the third man still has his face between his legs.
Could I… go down on Tyler? He probably wouldn't be satisfied with just my hand. I try to tell myself that it's no big deal, it's just a part of his body. If I want him to go down on me, I need to be prepared to reciprocate, don't I?
I didn't come here with any intention of touching another man, but… I can feel myself getting turned on by the idea.
"You'd stay with me?" I verify.
"It's hardly a threesome if I'm not there," he chuckles. "Want me to go talk to — Tyler, was it? — for you?"
"You wouldn't think less of me if—"
"Bella!" he warns. "I've happily been with two women, as you well know, and I've also been with one woman and one man before. I am the last person on the planet who would judge you. It's just sex… a natural bodily function. But it's entirely up to you."
I swallow thickly, then nod my acceptance before I chicken out, biting my lip as I watch Edward walk across the room to approach Tyler. They start speaking and then Tyler looks over in my direction. I give him a small smile, my breathing speeding up as he and Edward continue to chat.
And then they both start walking in my direction.
A/N: So… one thing at a time. Bella and Edward have been spending a lot of time together, but just when she was starting to think her situation was hopeless, she got some good insights from Tanya and decided to be patient a while longer. Tanya had a lot of interesting things to tell Bella, in fact.
Bella eventually agreed to let Edward buy her membership at the swingers club, though she had no intention of giving other men the time of day, until a cute guy paid attention to her… Will she go through with her fantasy?
Next chapter's title: A late 80s party anthem by an iconic hair band.