DISCLAIMER: Characters of Veronica Mars, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline belong to Rob Thomas.

A/N:

Chapter 18 and 19 were posted last week. If you haven't read those, click back now.

This chapter contains bits of #2.21 "Happy Go Lucky."

Events occur between mid-May and early June 2006 of the Season 2 timeline.

Chapter 20

Eli had left without the CD and player. I sat down on a chair and picked up the jewel case to see what he had played. I read the lyrics in the booklet, tears running down my face as the meaning hit my heart. I pressed the button to replay the song. Leaning back in the chair, I looked up at the sky wondering yet again how we had ended up here.

He still loved me, but wouldn't let me choose to be with him. Utterly ridiculous! One might even say, "Inconceivable!"

Priority number one: figuring out a way to get through to him.

[

[

Over the weekend, I came up with a plan, which I shared with Mac. On Monday, I set the plan in motion.

When Eli arrived in the school office for his daily tutoring session, he was surprised to see me in the chair where Mac usually sat.

"Did someone forget to send me the memo?" Eli asked Miss James.

"Mac had another obligation. She arranged for Veronica to fill in for her today."

He cautiously made his way down to my end of the conference table and sat down in the chair next to me.

In a soft voice, I said teasingly, "You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?"

He raised one eyebrow. I wasn't sure how to interpret that.

"What do we need to work on today, Eli?"

"I'm caught up in everything. But I need to start to review for the Algebra II final. My grade is higher than it was but still lower than my other classes."

About halfway through the class period, the tension had left his shoulders, and we had fallen back into the rhythm of tutoring sessions past. Much had changed since we were merely "trading favors," but I was determined to press through any awkwardness and find a way to be in his life. Whether he liked it or not.

When the bell rang, I wrote down a few page numbers that he should look at on his own later. As he was picking up his book and notebook, he kept his eye on Miss James until she had left the room.

Then, he turned to me. "Is this a permanent change?" His tone was difficult to read.

"Do you want it to be?"

"Not sure."

Putting my bag on my shoulder, I said, "Let me know what you decide."

[

[

I did not hear from him the next day. In absence of any communication, Mac resumed her tutoring duties.

At the beginning of lunch on Thursday, he walked over to my table and sat down next me before anyone else had gotten there.

"What can I do for you today, Eli?"

"Been thinking about the tutoring arrangement. I think I'd like to continue with Mac … as long as it still works for her. But … I was wondering if I could get together with you outside of school. Not so much tutoring, just somewhere to study. And if I had a question …"

"I'd be there to answer it."

"Yeah." He watched me, waiting for me to respond. "I make my own work hours, so you could just let me know when you'd be at the office … or at home … whatever you'd be more comfortable with."

"I think that could be arranged."

He smiled and sighed in relief, revealing that he had been nervous about asking me. "Thanks, M—" Looking away, he cleared his throat and said, "Thank you, Veronica."

Just then, everyone else arrived at the table. Jackie and Wallace. Mac and Casey.

They all said hello to Eli. Mac gave him a genuine smile. Wallace eyed him wearily. Jackie and Casey seemed to be oblivious to the momentous occurrence that had just transpired.

A few minutes after Eli got up from the table, he sent me a text: send me your schedule when you get a chance.

Seemed like old times. And yet not.

Baby steps. Spending time with him was the only way I had any hope to change his mind. I would gladly take the opportunity I'd been given.

[

[

One day at school, I had an oddly random moment in the girls' bathroom. Some girl was complaining about Caz. Apparently, he had given her chlamydia.

Recently, I had been diagnosed with chlamydia during my annual physical. I had asked Duncan if I could have gotten it from him. He said no.

Before Eli and I had sex for the first time, we had talked about our sexual histories – since I didn't have much of a sexual history, that meant him uncomfortably explaining the number of sexual partners he'd had and that he had gotten tested at the clinic after we started dating. I trusted that he had been truthful when he told me that the test had come back clean.

I began to wonder if I didn't interrogate enough students last year about what had happened at the party I could not remember.

Caz had been at Shelly's that night. Could he have come into the guest room after Duncan left me there?

[

[

Eli and I had been spending time together at least three times a week. I would let him know when I was at the office or at home studying, and he would drop by with his books. We would occasionally take breaks – for snacks or dinner or to take Backup for a walk.

Our "relationship" – if you could call it that – was in this strange limbo-like state. We had not completely reverted back to our "trading favors" phase, but we weren't "back together." This possibly-more-than-friends-but-less-than-a-couple status was difficult on my heart.

We were both still in love with each other, and we spent lots of time together. The difference was that we were no longer sleeping together. In fact, there was no kissing and very little physical contact.

Confused doesn't begin to explain the jumbled feelings inside me.

But the bottom line was that I was happy just to be spending time with him again.

[

[

During the Aaron Echolls trial, it was difficult to sit there and listen to all the testimony, to see all the evidence again. But if it meant that justice would be done, it was worth reliving the circumstances surrounding the murder of my best friend.

Throughout the proceedings, Logan was there – not so much as the dutiful son, but rather the ex-boyfriend of the murdered girl. Duncan and Leo were there for most of it. And Eli was there as often as he could be.

On the day that I was scheduled to give my testimony, all of the men in my life were there. Dad stood at my side as each of them – Wallace, Duncan, Leo, and Logan – came up to me to offer words of encouragement. Eli watched from about 30 feet away. I could see the jealousy in his eyes.

Glancing at him occasionally as they spoke to me, I tried to make my feelings clear. And I intentionally kept the other guys just outside my personal space.

Although testifying in court will not top my list of fantastic senior memories, it was no worse than the practice session the district attorney had put me through. As everyone was leaving court that day, the others approached me to talk briefly. All the while, Eli kept his distance. That is until Dad and I reached our cars.

"Veronica. Do you have a minute?"

Telling Dad that I'd meet him at home, I stood next to my car, waiting to hear what Eli had to say.

"I … I'm not even sure … what I want to say. Just that … hearing everything in court … and thinking about Lilly and everything that's happened …" His voice trailed off. He looked down and rubbed the back of his head. "I'm not sure there's anything to say. But I'd like to give you a hug … if that's okay. I sure as hell could use one right now."

A small laugh escaped my throat as I stepped toward him. Wrapping my arms around him felt foreign and natural at the same time. But when his arms enveloped me, it felt like home.

In that moment, I knew that if we were anywhere else – somewhere private – it wouldn't take much convincing for me to get more physical with him. My body was craving comfort sex. And I knew exactly how good it would be with him.

But we were standing in a parking lot in broad daylight.

He began to cry on my shoulder. I'm not sure who he was crying for, but it made me cry too. Tears for Lilly, tears for us, tears for Felix and every other victim of the tragedy that is the town of Neptune.

We held each other tighter as sobs racked our bodies, clinging to the only other person who truly knew all that the other had been through the past few years.

[

[

After that day, Eli and I had some awkward conversations, but we were finding our way back to being friends. As finals approached, we were spending even more time together. The only time we talked was when we took breaks. Usually, it was just small talk or complaining about whichever class was currently kicking our ass. Sometimes, he talked about his business plans. One night during our dinner break, he decided to get personal.

"Guess with all the time we're together studying … that doesn't leave much time for you to go out on dates."

"No. Not really. But that's not a high priority at the moment." I wasn't sure what he was leading up to.

"It doesn't bother Leo … that you're not making time to see him … but you're with me almost every day?"

"No. I mean, I don't know … if it bothers him. He doesn't know."

"You haven't told him? I would certainly want to know if my girlfriend was hanging out with her ex."

"Well, since he and I aren't dating, I didn't think it was any of his business."

"You're not—"

"We did go out. A few times. Haven't been out on a date for a while now. And we were never a couple."

"Oh. I just assumed …"

When he didn't finish his thought, I said, "I know you did."

We finished our dinner in silence.

As we were cleaning up, I told him, "Prom night … when you dropped by … and said … what you said …" I swallowed before continuing, "I didn't like that you said 'goodbye' instead of 'goodnight.' I didn't – I still don't – want it to be goodbye."

"Veronica—"

Cutting him off, I said, "My life is better with you in it. Period. End of discussion. You will not change my mind on this."

It was clear that he didn't know how to respond to what I had said.

[

[

After Eli took his Algebra II final – which was his last one – I waited with him while his teacher graded it. He was so happy when he saw the grade that he almost kissed her. Instead, he turned around and picked me up in a bear hug, spinning me around as he exclaimed: "B+, baby! Fuck yeah!" After he put me back on the ground, he sheepishly looked at his teacher and apologized for the profanity.

"Don't worry about it, Eli. Your grade was worth getting excited over. You've done really good work this year. You should be incredibly proud. I look forward to seeing you walk across that stage at graduation."

He seemed embarrassed by her comments as he said, "Thanks."

When we walked out into the hallway, he was still staring at the paper in disbelief. He turned it around to show it to me.

I had this overwhelming feeling of déjà vu. Last spring, he had left a test paper in my locker so I could see his grade. After I ran down the hallway to hug him that day, we had shared our first public kiss.

"Eli, I've said it so many times, but it bears repeating … I am so proud of you."

He deflected the compliment, giving credit elsewhere, "I couldn't have done it without your help and encouragement. Plus my grandma, Mac, your dad, Miss James—"

"I gotta stop you right there. They did not do this. We may have convinced you that you were capable of more, that you deserved more. But you did this. You. Nobody else. And I'm not gonna let you forget that."

"V …"

"Don't 'V' me. You have worked so hard, achieved so much. You deserve everything that you have earned and everything that is about to come your way. You have grown into a man that your grandmother has every reason to be proud of. A man that I am proud to know." I paused to let my words sink in. "Maybe you can't see it right now. I hope that you're able to see it someday soon."

He looked uncomfortable – every nervous habit he had was out on display.

I decided to let him off the hook. "I've gotta get to my last final. Wish me luck."

"You don't need it, but good luck …" It looked like he was trying to decide what to call me: V, Veronica, or Mia. Instead, he moved onto another topic, "Any news on the deliberations?"

"Nothing yet."

"Text me if you hear something."

"Will do."

[

Having drilled the ascendency rules of Babylon into my brain, I walked out of my last final confident that I had done well. I just wasn't sure if it was well enough. Even if I aced it, that still wouldn't guarantee me the Kane Scholarship. We couldn't afford four years at Standford without that money. Hearst was my backup option, particularly because they were offering me a full ride. That professor I met on jury duty had meant it when she said she would fight for me. I still felt drawn to Stanford – it had long been my goal, my dream. But I could live with Hearst.

Walking to my car, I turned my phone back on. Just as I climbed behind the wheel, a text came through from my dad. Sent five minutes ago: Verdict is in.

I forwarded the message to Eli and headed straight to the courthouse.

His Mustang pulled into the parking spot next to mine as I was getting out of my car.

Walking up the steps of the courthouse, he asked casually, "How'd your final go?"

"Well. I think. We'll see." I shrugged. I had bigger things on my mind right now.

Dad waved me over to the space he had saved on the bench next to him. There was enough room for Eli to squeeze in with us. He held my left hand and Dad held my right. All three of us were emotionally invested in the outcome of this trial.

We held our breath as the foreman read the verdict. Then, we collectively sighed as we heard the word "guilty."

Tears of joy and relief fell from our eyes. We were stunned that justice had actually been done in Neptune.

Dad decided that a celebratory dinner was in order. He even invited Eli along. Afterward, as we left the restaurant, Dad said he needed to stop at the office for a while and asked if I could head home to walk Backup. The look in his eyes told me that he was giving me time alone with Eli – if I wanted it. I did. I just wasn't sure what Eli wanted at this point.

For a long time, we walked along Dog Beach in silence. Then, we sat, watching the waves roll in. Just like old times, I was between his legs with my back leaning against his chest. Eventually, we walked back to the parking lot.

There was nobody around as he placed a kiss at my temple and then leaned his forehead against mine. Just like he used to. When he and I were an "us." I wondered if he missed us as much as I did.

I knew I couldn't press him on it. But I needed him to know what I was feeling.

Moving my head just enough that my lips could reach his, I kissed him tenderly for just a couple seconds. Then, I very intentionally said, "Goodnight, Eli."

This was definitely not goodbye. I wouldn't let it be.

[

[

During the last days of the school year, underclassmen still had exams to take, but seniors were just down to graduation rehearsals and yearbook signing.

We were all hanging out at a lunch table. Wallace and Jackie. Mac and Casey. Eli. And me.

Everyone was talking, but not about anything important or serious. Everything serious was behind us. Nothing to worry about until fall.

I missed the beginning of the exchange, but Mac was apparently teasing Casey. I was still unclear about the status of their relationship. According to both of them, they weren't really dating, but they went out on dates. They were "keeping it casual" since he was going to college "back East" and Mac would be attending Hearst. But by all appearances, they were a couple.

The teasing (or rather, flirting) had reached its high point when he asked, "Are you saying that you're smarter than me?"

Mac replied, "I'm not saying you're dumb. Saying it would be cruel."

"So, you are saying you're smarter than me."

"No, I'm not. Here's what that would sound like: I'm smarter than you."

As I sat watching my closest friends laughing, talking, and scribbling heart-felt words in each other's yearbooks, I realized for the hundredth time how lucky I was. Two and a half years ago, my life was wrecked – Duncan's sudden breakup, Lilly's murder, all my "friends" turning their backs on me. During Junior and Senior years, I had been fortunate enough to find a new circle of friends. People who have had my back in good times and bad.

It had taken a while to develop these friendships – the truest friends I'd ever known or could imagine knowing. I didn't want to give that up and start over somewhere else.

Spending four years at Hearst would not be so bad. In fact, with my friends there, I'm guessing it would be awesome.

Angie had edged me out for the Kane Scholarship. Somewhere in the midst of our finals, she must have gotten one question right when I got it wrong. Or she had gotten a bonus point I didn't. Or she got more credit for an essay question.

Whatever it was, I had done everything I could possibly have done, and she still won.

Just as I was thinking about that, Wallace asked, "So what's the verdict?"

"On what?" I asked, confused by his non-specific question.

"About college. Are you gonna find a way to pay for Stanford? Or are you joining Mac and me at Hearst?"

Everyone at the table waited for my answer. I felt Eli shift in his seat next to me. My answer affected him as much as (if not more than) anyone else sitting here.

I moved my hands from the table in front of me and placed them next to my legs on the bench, bracing for the reaction that would come. After taking a deep breath, I looked at Wallace and said, "I just recently decided. Haven't even told my dad yet. But …"

"Mars! The suspense is killing me. Is my BFF gonna be on campus with me next year or what?"

"Yes."

Eli's hand drifted over toward mine on the bench, his pinky just barely touching mine. I took that as a good sign.

A/N:

I borrowed a line from another tv show and gave it to Mac: "I'm not saying you're dumb. Saying it would be cruel." – David Addison says this to his brother in the middle of a fight [Moonlighting #2.01]

Thanks for reading! Until next time …

~Jen

21 February 2019