A/N - I don't own Glee or profit from these stories I write about the characters. Reviews, as always are greatly appreciated.
It's been awhile but this is a story I really wanted to finish. It's just a little filler stuff before Shelby's trial starts.
To catch you up:
Rachel is suffering from the effects of Katherine's death and fears of abandonment, Quinn is most likely suffering from PTSD from her own childhood abuse, Santana is stressing out about work and feeling like everyone she loves is suffering on her watch which makes her angry, and Brittany is…. well, Brittany LOL being her bad ass Zen self.
Now onto the next chapter, I hope you like it:
Chapter 20
Quinn sat in the living room just staring off into space as the rest of the family watched a movie. Ever since she shared the story of her childhood with Rachel, she had been having nightmares, and more worrisome; panic attacks. She had begun doing everything in her power to stay awake. If she didn't sleep, she didn't dream. If she didn't dream she didn't wake up terrified in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, a side effect of no sleep was a foul mood and serious lack of patience. So far, she'd been lucky; her panic attacks had been mild and she had been alone when they occurred. Still, she was on edge waiting for a more severe attack.
Rachel was sitting on Brittany's lap leaning her head against her mama's chest. She was struggling to keep her eyes open as her Mama twisted her long, thick, chestnut hair into ringlets. It was so relaxing. Brittany was humming along to the music and the vibrations were soothing Rachel into slumber.
Santana always grumbled about how schmaltzy Beauty and the Beast was, but she knew every song and sang along with them. It never failed to amuse her two blonde girlfriends. They would always exchange entertained glances when she got loud. She was lying back on the L shaped sofa with her legs stretched out in front of her.
Brittany smiled at San's singing and glanced towards Quinn but noticed she was not paying attention to the movie. She frowned and glanced down at her sleeping daughter before looking back at the television and sighing. Quinn seemed so distant lately and it worried the tall dancer. Quinn guarded her emotions and always had. She was always better about expressing her feelings with her girlfriends, but not lately. Brittany worried that Quinn was pulling away from them since Rachel's breakdown.
Brittany could tell Rachel was asleep, and her legs felt like needles and pins. She called out to her girlfriend, "Quinn, sweetie, can you pick up Rachel for me? I want to get her to bed, but my legs fell asleep."
Quinn was still staring off into space.
Brittany tried again, a bit louder, "Quinn, sweetie!"
Santana looked at Brittany and then at Quinn. She leaned over to get her girlfriend's attention, "Yo! Earth to Quinn!" She nudged her oblivious girlfriend with her foot, none too gently.
"What?" Quinn snapped at Santana.
"Don't snap at me; Britt's been trying to get your attention for five minutes," Santana rolled her eyes grumpily.
"Oh…sorry," she said in a distracted manner as she turned to look at Brittany, "I didn't hear you, B, what's up?"
"Can you help me get Rachie to bed; my legs are asleep."
Quinn got up immediately, "Of course. I didn't notice she'd fallen asleep already."
"Yeah, you don't notice shit lately," the Latina grumbled under her breath.
"What crawled up your ass?" Quinn turned and glared at Santana, her eyebrow raised and her hands on her hips.
"You started it," Santana snapped.
"What are you in kindergarten?"
"Knock it off, both of you," Brittany hissed as Rachel moaned and shifted in her sleep. "If you two wake her up you can both sleep on the couch!"
Quinn glared at Santana as she walked over and picked Rachel up from Brittany's lap.
Waiting until Quinn was out of sight, Brittany turned to Santana, "Please try to not fight with her, San, something is wrong."
"What are you talking about? She's just got her resting bitch face on tonight, she'll get over it."
Brittany was about to answer when Quinn walked back into the living room.
"She's out like a light," Quinn said shortly, "I have a headache, and I'm going to bed too. Good night." She left without kissing either of her girlfriends, leaving Santana and Brittany stunned.
"Maybe you're right about something bothering her, Britt," Santana acknowledged with a frown.
Brittany nodded with unshed tears in her cerulean eyes, "I can't remember the last time she didn't kiss us before going to bed." Turning slightly, she glared at her remaining girlfriend, "You weren't any help snapping at her all evening long."
Santana felt stung by Brittany's criticism, and started to feel defensive. She wasn't acting any differently than she always did. She was tired; physically from work and emotionally at home. What the hell did everyone want from her? She was only one human being, she couldn't solve everyone's issues and be happy all the time. Feeling the sharp prick of tears, she fiercely blinked them back, "I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight. I need some space from you two PMS'ing blondes."
The brunette abruptly shut off the television and tossed the remote onto the coffee table. Turning over, she pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and covered herself up, effectively shutting down any form of communication with the tall dancer currently staring at her incredulously.
"Very mature, Santana," Brittany hissed angrily, "I thought we were past blaming and snapping at each other since Quinn got hurt?" She waited a second for Santana to roll over and talk to her, "Forget it, I'm going to bed."
Quinn was lying in bed on her back, staring at the ceiling when she heard Brittany coming down the hallway. She hurriedly turned over onto her side putting her back to the door and pretended to be asleep.
Brittany quietly entered the room and noticed immediately Quinn was faking being asleep. She sighed softly as she sat down on the far side of the bed, her back to the other blonde's back, "I'm getting sick and tired of dealing with three 8-year old's. Especially since only one of them is actually 8 years old and allowed to act that way," she leaned over and pulled her socks off and then resumed her whispering, "Both Sannie and I know something is wrong with you; you aren't writing, you have nightmares every night, you barely eat, you are constantly staring off into space, you snap at all of us all the time, and you broke a big rule tonight by going to bed without a kiss or saying you love us. We NEVER go to bed angry, that's the rule."
She got up and walked to the large dresser and removed a pair of soft, warm, comfy pajamas. She slipped off her clothes and slowly put her night clothes on. She gathered up her dirty clothes and tossed them into the hamper. She wanted to give Quinn a chance to say something, anything. Shaking her head, feeling disappointed with both of her girlfriends, she stopped at the bathroom door and leaned against it, "Being the stay at home mom was your choice, Q. If it's not working for you anymore than you need to say something. Telling Rachie about your past was also your choice. If you need to talk to a counselor then make an appointment. You need to tell us what's going on so we can help you. Maybe we need a marriage counselor, I don't know what the answer is, but the two of you are breaking my heart, and I won't allow you to break Rachel's," she turned and went quickly into the bathroom to do her bedtime routine, shutting the door quickly behind her and turning on the warm water so Quinn couldn't see or hear her crying. She had no idea that in their own solitary spaces, both Quinn and Santana were dealing with their own tears and regrets.
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Santana had the feeling that someone was staring at her. She opened her eyes and jumped, a surprised squeak popping out of her mouth when she saw Rachel kneeling down next the couch staring at her, nearly nose to nose.
"Morning, mama," Rachel said sweetly, "Whatcha doing on the couch?"
Santana grumbled a barely discernible, "Morning," and then stretched and moaned as she tried to sit up. She had hardly slept a wink all night and was not emotionally prepared to play 50 questions with her young daughter. Maybe she could distract her, "Have you seen my phone, pequeña?"
Rachel grinned mischievously and pulled the phone from her side, "Here it is, mama. I got it for you."
The older brunette gave her a side eye and hid a smirk knowing full well her daughter had been playing games on the phone while she slept, "Thanks, Rach."
"So whatcha doing sleeping out here on the couch anyways," the precocious little girl turned her head to the side and gazed inquisitively at her mama.
Santana sighed and put her phone down, turning her attention to her curious child, "I was in a time-out."
Rachel's chocolate orbs opened wide in shock and her mouth formed a perfect little circle, "Mama's can be in time-out too?"
Santana pursed her lips together and sadly shook her head, "Yep."
"What'd you do?" the little girl whispered regardfully. If her mama could be old and go in a time out, then there was no hope for her.
"I was rude and disrespectful to your mommy and your mama B."
"That's not good, not good at all," Rachel whispered sadly shaking her head, "I always get time out for being rude and disrespectful," she scooted up onto the couch closer to her mama and put an arm around her in camaraderie, "don't worry, mama. Once your punishment is over, you get a clean slate and you are forgiven."
Santana had to swallow her smile at the well-meaning, innocent, little girl currently giving her sage advice, "Thanks, Rach. I appreciate that. Want to go out and get pancakes and go to the park? That should give your moms' more time to think about forgiving me."
Rachel nodded seriously, "That might be a good idea, mama."
Shaking her head in amusement, Santana stood up picking up Rachel with her, "Go get dressed as quickly and as quietly as you can, pequeña. I'll write mommy and mama B a note." She hugged the little girl close before setting her down; giving her a few maternal pats on the backside to get her moving towards her bedroom.
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Quinn woke up slowly, her eyes felt like there was sand in them, her throat burned, and her heart felt heavy. She had basically silently cried all night, letting her foolish pride keep her from turning to Brittany or Santana for comfort. She sniffled softly and went to the bathroom to try to make herself more presentable but gave up and padded softly into the kitchen to face her girlfriends.
Brittany was alone and leaning against the sink with a coffee mug in her hand waiting for the acrid brew to finish. Quinn watched her straighten slightly and tense up in a nervous gesture and Quinn knew B had heard her come into the kitchen behind her. More importantly, Quinn instantly knew B was still upset with her. Suddenly she felt exhausted, like her legs just wouldn't hold her upright anymore, so she slid into a kitchen chair and put her head down on her arms and started sobbing. Not even sure why she was sobbing, and feeling like a complete idiot, Quinn couldn't stop the tears.
Brittany peeked around her shoulder, surprised at the sound. Quinn barely ever cried out loud or in public. The dancer could count on one hand the number of times she's seen her partner cry out loud, either partner really, except when Santana was drunk then all bets were off. She hesitated at approaching Quinn, not wanting to make it worse or embarrass Quinn, but she couldn't leave her sobbing all alone at the kitchen table. Pouring them each a cup of coffee and doctoring it just right, Britt carried it over and set it down in front of her girlfriend with a loud clunk.
Quinn lifted her head and looked at the coffee and then at Brittany.
"Go ahead, Q, cry or drink the coffee. Whatever you want to do; just know I will always love and support you and I'm here for you."
That set Quinn off on a new tangent as loud, gasping sobs filled the room. Brittany reached over to console her girlfriend but Quinn waved her off with both hands. Wanting, as always, to handle everything herself.
"Fine," Brittany said coldly as she leaned back in her chair, crossed one arm over her chest, lifted her legs up onto the chair and crossing them, and sipped her hot coffee, "I'll still be here when you feel like talking." Britt wasn't feeling as cold as she was acting. Hearing one of the two loves of her life sobbing uncontrollably was breaking her heart, but she knew in order to really help the situation she had to let Quinn control when and if she felt like talking. She was willing to wait all day if that's what it took. She knew her girlfriend would seek solace eventually; eventually being the key word with both of her stubborn ladies.
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Santana was sitting on a park bench near the duck pond watching her daughter run around chasing butterflies and dragonflies, as carefree as could be. Rachel had already fed the ducks and was now just expelling all her pent-up energy of which she always had an abundance. It always amazed Santana, and warmed her heart when Rachel overcame her past and acted like the child she was. The brunette mom watched affectionately as Rachel would run and jump, pretending to catch the flying insects as she laughed and talked to them.
She was deep in thought and nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand being laid on her shoulder. Looking around she saw Britt and Quinn, her two blonde loves.
"Sorry, San," Britt murmured, "I didn't mean to scare you."
Santana smiled softly, "That's ok, Britt. I was deep in thought watching Rachel. She a little Tasmanian Devil today." Uncomfortable and unsure how to address things she cleared her throat, "Hey Q. Sleep ok?"
"No, not really," Quinn said regretfully, "You?"
"No, not really," Santana admitted.
Brittany was watching Rachel prance around, and she rolled her eyes and shook her head at her two girlfriends. They were worse than little children.
She turned to Quinn, "Please go sit next to Sannie, I want to talk to you both," she said sternly. She was fed up with both of their nonsense.
Quinn timidly did as she was told. A pissed-off Brittany was not something they saw often, and it was to be avoided at all costs.
The tall, blonde dancer nodded her head in satisfaction, "Thank you," she cleared her throat and straightened her spine. She hated using tough love, but enough was enough with these two, "Alright first of all, last night is not going to happen again. WE don't go to bed angry. WE have a deal. It has never happened before and it won't happen again. Secondly, Santana Lopez, you have been angry because you can't fix everyone you love. Well that is too darned bad. You can't fix everything, it's impossible. We all know you love us, but you keep taking your frustration and anger out on us. The last time that happened Quinn wound up in the hospital and we all swore it was never going to happen again," her heart ached a bit as Santana looked down in shame. Quinn reached over and gripped the brunette's hand in solidarity.
"Quinn," Brittany began, "no more of this lone wolf nonsense. You are not alone, you're not even part of a couple. There are three of us, and Rachel. It is selfish and immature, and frankly hurtful to all of us when you disappear inside of yourself when you're obviously hurting." Her heart shattered a little bit more when she watched Quinn wipe a stray tear from her cheek, "you are going to start counseling, no discussion," she quickly asserted when she saw the other blonde open her mouth to object.
"Now, we all have a lot coming up that is going to require us all to work together. I start rehearsals for Cinderella, Rachel has counseling and school, Shelby's trial is starting, San has a very busy work schedule, and Quinn you have been watching Rachie, being the full time stay at home mom, working on your writing, and now counseling. I think it is too much for you to handle alone. I called Yolanda to discuss her watching Rachel on a more full-time basis. We can afford it with the pay raise I will be getting from the show. Yes, I will be paying her. The streets aren't safe. I don't won't her on them anymore or her friend who just got beat up."
She stopped and took a deep breath and let everything she said sink in for a minute, "Now, I am taking Rachel to lunch. You two figure your shit out, because if this continues I will be taking Rachel and moving to a new apartment and leave you two to kill each other."
The tall blonde walked over to her daughter, "Come on Rachie, let's go get some lunch. I'm starving." Her two girlfriends stated at her with a mixture of shock and awe. She grabbed Rachel and swung her up and around putting her on her shoulders as the tiny girl squealed in delight.
"Mama B, are you crying?"
Brittany sniffled, "Nope baby girl, I just got dirt in my eyes from the wind blowing," she lied easily. There was no need to upset Rachel. Everything had been dealt with.
"I hate when that happens, it burns," Rachel said sagely, completely oblivious to her Mama's mood.
"It sure does, sweetie," she headed to the parking lot but leaned over as she passed her girlfriends, "sorry for saying the "S" word, it was uncalled for," she whispered for only the two of them, "but you two just made me so mad!"
Five minutes passed before Quinn or Santana said a word. "Wow!" Quinn exhaled.
"No shit," Santana exclaimed, "she's fucking hot when she's pissed off."
Quinn barked out a laugh at the crude observation, but nodded her agreement, "Yes, she is." She put her head gently on Santana's shoulder and laced their fingers together sweetly, "I really am sorry, babe. B is right. I was out of order last night, and I've been totally disconnected emotionally lately."
Santana put her arm around Quinn and kissed her on the temple, "I'm sorry too. I was a complete asshole last night. I'll try not to let it happen again."
There was complete silence except for the birds singing merrily, the ducks quacking loudly, and the breeze whispering through the leaves of the tree when Santana leaned over, "Wanna grab the blanket out of the car and mess around under the trees?"
Quinn gasped in shock, "Santana, we're in a public park!" she said as she slapped her girlfriend's thigh.
"An empty public park, unless you think we might offend the ducks?" Santana snarked, "C'mon quit being such a prude and live a little, Quinnie," she added using the hated nickname. She knew that would get a rise out of her girlfriend if nothing else did.
Quinn narrowed her eyes and glared at an unapologetic Santana. She quickly looked around and realized they were very much alone.
"Is that a yes then, blondie?" Santana smirked.
"Hell, yeah it's a yes," Quinn got up and started sprinting towards the car, "race you to the blanket." She yelled back over her shoulder, laughing loudly.
Santana shook her head, "Sneaky blondes," she laughed and took off after Quinn, "Mama's gonna get some," she thought to herself, "bout time!"
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Well, that's it for this installment. I hope you liked it. Let me know what you think. I will try to get another chapter up ASAP. I'm already half way done with it. Shelby's trial starts soon.