Icy water drew at the shore and dragged across the pebbles. The pull ebbed and flowed, straining ever forward before sinking back into itself.

Remus started as water began to ease through the hole in his sneaker, and hurriedly hitched his leg onto the rock that he was sitting on. He groaned as he prodded the wetness with his fingers. It took so long to dry shoes, even in the heat of summer, and the only other pair he had was a set of mouldy old thongs he wore when his mother forced him to do the gardening.

It was an inescapable fact; his socks would be squelchy now. It would be dreadfully unpleasant to walk home in wet, holey sneakers, and equally unpleasant to face his mother's wrath. He had promised to take care of this pair, after all. The last couple of pairs of sneakers had become inexplicably unwearable after several volleys of mud and dog slobber and that particular episode with the badger in Transfiguration.

Remus sighed. There was nothing left to do, was there? His hunched shoulders were beaded with sweat, bare under the burn of a particularly fierce late July sun. His faded jeans were easy to slide off. He kicked off both shoes and peeled off his socks as he hopped along the shore, wincing as pebbles jabbed against the soles of his feet.

Ignoring the icy thrust of water slicing across his bare skin, Remus waded into the lake. He forced himself to breathe as he advanced, sinking lower and lower into the inky waters, grabbing earnestly at the pebbles beneath his feet, brushing against swirling weeds with a grimace. When the pebbles became too low to reach, and even the slimy fronds of lake weed had disappeared into the impenetrable depths below him, Remus stopped, and allowed his feet to float to the surface.

A small smile settled itself around the lines and bruising tiredness on his face. He hadn't been swimming in this lake for years. To tell the truth, he had been irked by the vision of grindylows lurking about in the weed beds, waiting to grab at his ankle and pull him under. It was interesting to Remus that he didn't find the thought of a waiting grindylow so terrifying anymore.

This was all part of growing up, he supposed – letting go of childhood fears and whatnot. It was rather nice to feel mature about something for once. After all, with the hindsight of adulthood and maturity and all that, most scary things could be reduced to diddlysquat when compared with the reality of the full moon.

Sweeping his arms through the icy water, feeling numbness settle into his skin, Remus briefly thought back to the full moon that had just passed. If he had opened his eyes and looked down at his pale chest, he would have been able to confirm the memories of the torturous pain that came flooding into his mind.

It had been hard. It had been incredibly hard to wake up the next morning and feel the old depths of nausea grip into his stomach relentlessly. It had felt like nothing had ever changed to make the transformation better.

James had sent him a letter, his handsome owl swooping down to Remus' bedroom window as the lycanthrope lay listlessly in bed. The letter had certainly been a distraction – Remus just wasn't sure if it had been welcome or not.

Moony-

Hope you've managed okay without us. You must be in shocking pain right now. I'm really sorry. I know there's nothing we could really do, what with your parents and all, but still – sorry. Just remember that the Marauders are with you at every full moon, even if we can't be there physically. Get better, okay?

And owl me. We haven't heard from you. I don't need to know why, we're just worried about you, that's all.

Prongs

We. The letter rung with the sense of 'we' that James had injected into those last two sentences. Remus' brain gnawed over that collective as he propelled himself defiantly about the lake, kicking his feet with vigour. Was Sirius staying with James? Remus had assumed that Sirius' parents would refuse to allow their son to spend further time with the Muggle-loving Potters. That was why James had been so worried about Sirius returning to his family this summer, wasn't it?

Enough, enough, enough, Remus instructed his traitorous mind, ripping his thoughts from the image of Sirius' face, dark with pain and betrayal.

It said enough that James had been the only person to contact Remus since the beginning of the summer holidays. It wasn't like Remus really minded. He had never expected much correspondence from Peter, who wasn't fond of picking up a quill when he had a chance to avoid it. There had certainly been no expectation of a letter from Si- anyone else – worrying at his mind.

It said enough that Remus was, at that very moment, trying very hard not to think of the second letter from James, the one that had just been delivered this morning. Remus couldn't deny that he was imbued with a certain relief and pleasure at this proof that one of his friends remembered who he was. He spent so much of his lonely hours thinking of them that he felt that his existence was almost given worth by this contact. However, the content of the letter was far from comforting.

He plunged his head backwards into the water, squeezing his eyes shut and holding his breath fiercely, feeling the burn of cold on his cheeks with savage pleasure. Bursting back up for air, he relaxed once more on the lake's surface, rippling his fingers along the water by his sides.

His lungs expanded with air. He scowled bitterly, eyes closed against the glare of the sun. His mind remained fixed on thoughts of the letter that was currently stuffed in the back pocket of his faded jeans on the shore.

Moony-

Reply already, alright? Don't make me come down there and get you. Actually, that's exactly why I'm writing this letter, to tell the truth. Get your paws on some floo powder and come to my house straight away. I don't want to explain this in a letter, but something's up with Sirius, and he needs his friends. All of them. Especially you.

Get here now.

Prongs

Sirius needed him.

With that one, simple line of thought surfacing behind his closed eyes, his mind was suddenly inundated with all the fears and doubts and shame and embarrassment that he thought he had managed to quash beneath pure self-resolve.

Sirius. Needed him.

Needed him like fire needs oxygen. Flaring and burning in a train compartment, pressed against the cold glass of a window, hot and cold.

Despite the numbing chill of the water, Remus was bitterly cold. His limbs trembled there on the surface of the lake like the flicker of a flame in the breeze.

Where were the grindylows now? Why did maturity bring infinitely worse fears to a head?

And how did he feel beneath the fear? Beneath the hot and cold of his darting thoughts, the burning memories that rose above his frozen resolve, Remus couldn't feel the timbre deep within his chest.

He wanted to see Sirius. Desperately. He wanted to see James too, but that was a less complicated need. He needed to see James as a friend. He needed to see Sirius because that was what his mind had been screaming for the last month of stultifying holiday nothingness.

He wanted to comply with the urgent demands of James' letter. The floo powder was sitting in a small jar on the cluttered mantelpiece in his house. That morning, even as James' owl had flown from the kitchen window with one final warning hoot, Remus had lit a hasty fire in the soot-lined fireplace and grabbed for the jar without a thought.

Sirius needs his friends. Especially you.

Sirius needed him. Remus needed to see Sirius. But why, and that was the question that had set the jar of floo powder firmly back on the mantelpiece, chasing Remus down through the unkempt garden and out to the pebbled shore of the lake.

What was he going to do when he saw Sirius? Grab him and press him against a wall and go at him with the complete absence of self-restraint that had been seen in the Hogwarts Express? Remus didn't even understand himself anymore. Sirius was his friend.

As he shuddered violently, his legs began to drift inexorably downwards into dark water, his balance completely thrown out. Remus forced himself to lie still, clenching his fists by his sides and holding his shoulders rigidly at his side. It wouldn't do to sink down to the bottom of the lake. Despite himself, he had a momentary vision of a grindylow, and the brief stabbing fear brought a wan smile to his face.

Maturity. Who needed it, anyway?

Back on the train, tracing the scars beneath Sirius' shirt, pulling into a kiss that broke so many boundaries that Remus hadn't even thought of – it had been like losing control. He had felt utterly out of control, and when his brain had finally caught up, and he had been able to register what his body was doing, he had frozen.

His body hadn't been under the rigid mental control that it always had to be under. His hands had grabbed Sirius' shirt without Remus' consent. It was almost like the full moon. It was almost like being ripped from his soul and his mind, his body reaching wildly towards something beyond tangible control.

Fear was the full moon.

Fear was a loss of control.

Fear was the glint of wild exhilaration in Sirius' eyes, and the meshing of lips, and the hard chill of glass behind his back.

Fear was stuffed into the back pocket of Remus' jeans back on the shore, and the letter was tangible. Ultimately, there was no real choice, was there? Remus had never really had control when it came to his friends. He needed to get to James' house as soon as possible, and this knowledge caused his chest to flutter with panic.

He kicked himself around, wincing as the cold water gushed about his stomach once more, and began swimming to the shore. He tried to ignore the small twinges of dread as weed brushed about his bare legs, and then gave up.

Fear was a childhood image of a slimy grindylow hovering about the weed beds.

Remus swam faster, kicking his legs with renewed vigour.

Maturity was darting from one fear to the next. Or, at least, that's what it felt like.

A/N: Sorry for the delay, guys. Hope you enjoyed this one. Hopefully less introspection in the next chapter, eh? ;)

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xx Froody