Previously on Dance Academy: Last Chapter: Christian's plan came to fruition. He got the keys for Tara and her mum to stay at the Boarding House, he even got to enjoy Tara's beaming smile as he shared the news but real life caught up with him, and it's all hard work and toil.

Under Pressure

There's music. They're in.

I sneak through the back to the changing room. I have no clue as to what I'm supposed to wear so I just packed the same gear I wore for the audition that got me back into third year, minus the knee pads, although they're in my bag, just in case.

I hover outside the rehearsal studio. How is one supposed to behave in situations like this? Certainly not like Ben, with a grand in-your-face entrance. But what about me? How should I come in? Can I muster confident yet retiring? Probably not. The only thing I can do is to try to curb my natural instinct to go with my usual I'm-way- above-all-this cockiness; it gained me no friends in first year.

I take a deep breath and step in.

Abigail is once again the one to clock me. She scans me from head to toe, eyebrows scrunching up as she takes in my dance gear, and then she strikes the pause: hand on hip, down pout, deep frown; she is not pleased. The rest of the dancers stare at each other.

Rebecca switches the music off and indicates to the right with her chin. 'At the back there. Warm up if you're not already.'

The staring increases. Somehow I am aware that Ollie is in there too but I just can't face seeing him. He was right back then, I keep on getting favours I do not deserve. He would be right to think so now too. Not that he knows I'm here on special conditions, yet again.

I walk as confidently as I can to the far corner but fail to ignore the hushed whispers.

'Christian Reed will be training with us from time to time,' Rebecca says in a commanding voice. 'Back to the beginning.' And the music starts again.

I grab the barre, pretend the many eyes behind me are not burning my back and try not to let it affect me. Instead I move to spread warmth from within. When all the noises in the room are those of instruments and feet in the floor, I turn around. Classical shapes. That I can join in without ruffling more feathery sensitivities.

I find my place at the back, not completely out of the Company, not completely in. I am well used to the weight of the looks and disgruntled huffs. Sadly it feels just right.

What I can't feel are my legs, and the muscles in my back shout threats at me that they will hurt like crazy come tomorrow, but then what else might I expect? I have been eating crap and had next to no sleep for the last three days. And this is The Company. Miss Raine was tough, but she is a kitten compared to the French guy taking us through our paces.

Abi smirked at me more than once. 'Don't let Mr Xavier's French accent fool you, he trained with the Russians,' she says.

I am not fooled at all, I'm not taking him on preconceived ideas, his ruthless pace is all I need to know.

I check the clock and thank my star, whatever it might be, that the class stopped just before twelve. I'll have to rush to get to Bondi beach on time and sneak some more to take a shower there.

I wipe the sweat off with my old towel and am about to throw it in my bag when two pairs of legs block my way.

'So you did get a contract or not?' Ollie asks with no love lost in his tone.

'Cause the rumour is that you did but threw it back at them..' Abi's fierce eyes are trained on me like a sniper to its target.

'Christian is not joining The Company, but he will be training with us so that he is up to scratch for our April production,' Rebecca says before I get to answer. Of course that gets the huffing and muttering up a notch. Couldn't she have let me deal with this? Do I really look so out of place that I need her to champion me in front of my own friends?

' What April production?' Abi asks, her hands placed firmly on her hips contradict the grin and jovial tone.

Rebecca pinches her lip into that tight crooked shape that passes for a smile. 'It is not officially announced yet. But I dare say that it is a very exciting new contemporary piece that will suit you really well.'

'And you have already decided the roles?'

'Yes, I have.' Rebecca still looks so calm, poised with her hands cross demurely in front of her, she could be even angelical were it not for the ice in her gaze. 'We have amazing dancers in this company, Abigail. I told you I only want the best.'

Rebecca glances at the dancers, now all assembled around me. If I wanted to escape quickly before, it is nothing to how badly I want out right now.

Her smile grows more genuine, a little glow warming in her eyes. 'And so I have, and over the year, the best dancers will all get a chance to really shine.' Rebecca directed her attention back to Abigail. 'I'll see to that.'

Ollie opens his mouth to speak, but it is his turn to face the hand. 'You promised me two seasons at the back of corps, Oliver, I am holding you up to it.' Then Rebecca swivels on her toes to exit. 'Christian, we train in the morning, there's no point you attending the afternoon rehearsals. We have two weeks holiday break after the Christmas special, but the studio and gym suite are always open, make good use of them.'

As she leaves the room, the group disperse, all chattering and deliberating what this new production might be about. Ollie throws me dark looks but at least Abigail has been pacified and is quietly gloating. I shove all my stuff in my holdall, slip my trainers on and rush out.

Still

I can't sit still. Strictly speaking that's great because we are not supposed to stay in the same spot for more than twenty minutes lest our attention wanes, but to be honest my head is everywhere but on the swimmers in front of me. All I want to do is be on the phone to Tara to see how she's doing, to be the one telling her that the room is set up, that her parents are moving her stuff. But I can't. She isn't allowed to use her phone in her room, and she's never really out of it. How the doctors are thinking about letting her out of their care when she is still not completely mobile is beyond me.

'No diving!' I shout and let some of my frustration out on the kids having too much fun.

Crushed

When I get home, I can barely walk. I'm about to crash out on the sofa when I realised it has been moved to the side, the TV stand now in the corner alongside it, the coffee table out of the way.

'Hi there,' Neil clamps my shoulders, I nearly swear at the pain of the impact. 'I don't know whether we were allowed to, but we moved things here too, to clear the path, you know.'

I nod. Yes, I know, and I should have thought of it.

'Jan made some dinner for us, are you ready to tuck in?' He opens the oven where a chicken is roasting with some potatoes. The smell makes my tummy rumble. Then I remember that I didn't even buy that chicken. After all that effort, even my shopping isn't up to par? Tara is stuck in an hospital bed with yucky food and here we are, going to have a roast dinner? My whole body tenses up again, my muscles screaming at me. I can't trust myself to speak, I just clench my teeth. I'm about to turn away when Jan puts her hands gently over the top of my arms.

'Christian, you look exhausted.'

And all I want to do is burrow myself against her and be held, and cry, like a little kid, with no reason what-so-ever other than it's just all too much, and life is so unfair, and I don't want to be a part of it anymore. When her arms wound around me, I do just that.

Refined

I don't remember getting into the shower. I don't remember leaving Jan's embrace. I just remember that she advised me to have a rest and go to bed straight after dinner. Neil was nowhere to be seen. He must be so ashamed of me. I sure am. Weeping, like a baby. Now how could he ever see me as anything else?

I slug my way back to the living room to find Masuyo in quiet conversation with Jan and Neil. He nods at me as I approach. I don't know what to make of his presence. Of course the Websters would have invited anyone in the house to join them, that is how generous they are, and I think that's great, but I am a bit torn. There's jealousy stirring in my stomach, but relief in my chest. I don't want him to be here, but I welcome the distraction after the spectacle I made of myself.

Jan fills the plates the second I sit down. Then Neil rattles his throat. 'We're not a specially religious family, but right now there's so much good going on, I just feel like giving thanks.'

Jan nods and closes her eyes. Masuyo and I check each other as if we are brothers facing a weird new custom and not daring to join in unless the other one does. I guess it must be completely weird for him anyway, so I take the lead and lower my gaze.

'What a ride this has been. I am so thankful for my daughter, that she is doing so well, that she is so brave and strong and good-'

I nod, my heart swelling from all the love I have for this girl who, like all of us, is not perfect, but she's so wonderful all the same.

'- I am so glad for Christian here,' Neil reaches over to tap my arm, 'who has sorted all this out for Tara, for his thoughtfulness, and for how much he cares for her.'

That completely constricts my chest.

Neil laughs a little. I look up to make sense of it, but his eyes are still closed and his smile is so warm. 'And I'm thankful for my wife, for the delicious home cooked food and for our guest.' He pauses. 'Erm, Amen, I guess.'

We all laugh at that, well, Neil, Jan and me do. Masuyo cautiously copies our every moves, from the way we cut our meat to what we actually put on our forks. At first his stance is laid back, as much as can be done on those high stools, just like Neil sits. Then his hold on his cutlery becomes lighter, just the way Jan does. And then his back straightens, there's resolve in his eyes, determination in his smile. I wonder why till I realise he is copying me.

Sometimes pressure crushes me flat, sometimes it just brings out the best in me.