Phase 1

Monster Island

Moments Before the Battle

It was foggy. Foggy and dark. We knew something was gonna happen. I mean, it was in the air. That feeling of dread in our guts. The sense of not knowing the unknown. The sensation of excitement and terror. It hit us in waves. We were at the shore. We didn't want to hide. We had nothing to hide, anyhow. We were ready for whatever the rift would throw at us.

We waited.

And waited.

Nothing happened.

We literally waited all damn day, and nothing happened. Nobody came down and was all like, "lol u guise r gonna die XD"

Nobody shot lasers.

Nobody came at all.

We waited for nothing. Nothing at all. All this hype for nothing. Unless...

That was the tactic. They wanted us to let our guard down. They wanted us to be relaxed and softened up do they could come. We all stood there, still, just in case. Just in case they were gonna come later.

We waited some more.

And waited.

And nothing still happened.

"Well," Gorosaurus (I think) remarked. "Looks like we won. They didn't even show up. Let's go celebrate with cold ones."

"We're not gonna celebr-" I started, but Gorosaurus winked at me, in that kind of 'It's a ruse. Go with it' kind of way. "O-oh! Yes! Surely we won! Yes. Indeed. Winning. It is what we do. All the time."

I think the other monsters caught on at that point and they too went off to "celebrate" our "victory". And as soon as we started walking away, a couple alien ships came into view. They looked like your standard-average saucers. Nothing original. We, of course, expected this, so we turned around and acted surprised to see these ships. One of them, a big one, opened up a hatch on its bottom and a little laser thing came out. Ah, yes, the "mind control" ray all aliens seemed to have. They never learn, do they? Their space ships are more like space shits, because they are easy to destroy and it takes a while for the mind control ray to charge up. We blasted them. Threw rocks at them. Then more tiny ships came in. we crushed the bastards with our bare hands.

Can I just say that all aliens seem to think their ships are indestructible? They also think that we don't know what a mind control ray is and what it does. We learn, but they don't seem to. Back to the action, now.

So, yeah, we're whooping ass, right? They eventually stopped sending out ships after they realized that they're useless, and sent in a bigger ship, much bigger than the big ones mentioned before. It had a giant, goofy-looking speaker on it, like a megaphone. Millions of years in technological development, and the best they have is a speaker. Huh. A droning voice blared some shit out, but I don't speak human, so I don't have a single fucking clue what they said. Nobody did. Mothra's fairy ladies weren't there to translate, so we had to guess it was a death threat or a "your mother" joke. Joke's on them. I didn't have a mother to begin with. Wait, what? Then does that mean my dad was...No, no, no...And I know I'm a guy, because I don't have them there breasts. Then how did I lay an e-Actually, I don't wanna know.

So after this guy keeps flapping his asscheeks to make sounds conceived as words, the ship just flies back up and away, never to be seen again. The other aliens followed. I guess we won this battle, because nothing came back after a few hours. We celebrated a little bit, but not a whole lot. Whatever that alien said was probably a warning to something, but what? We dunno.

We may have won this fight, but I have a bad feeling that worse is to come.