A guest posted this "You have a good story idea. But your writing is choppy and hard to follow. You devote chapters on end to "fillers" but when the action happens you give it a sentence or two. I have no idea how Katniss progressed so quickly in herpregnancyor why she had the "connection" with Peeta in the first chapter. You need to take the time to pull this out and write a whole story instead of fragmented ideas and blurbs. Details can be your friend if used properly. Try to make your reader feel involved in what is happening. There is a good idea here, but you need to put the work in to pull it together."
In response I would just like to say "Yes it has a lot of fillers, yes it can be a bit choppy, and yes I really didn't devote myself so much to this but I am trying. I am trying to make my readers feel involved but I don't really have all that much time that I can totally devote to this. For the record I was just sort of trying out the whole 'connection thing' and that was in chapter 3 not one." I am not targeting you I just want to explain myself. I'm in school so I write when I can where I can. I do have an ending planned out but I changed the story half way through so I'm working on it.
I will respond to any and all of your questions and complaints. I really like constructive criticism so if you don't think something is right tell me if not in a comment then just PM me okay!
I am so sorry for not updating this like I know I should have! I just got sort of wrapped up in my other story Taken Away and in the book I am currently working on. It's more of just for the hell of it but I do feel like I'm not a total loser and have no time because of the book and stuff... Okay well I actually had to read the end of the last chapter just to figure out what the heck I was doing but now I'm back! To the person who said that I don't write action very well it was sort of just because I was rushing the last chapter. If you want some action then read Taken Away! It gets awesome! Back to the story!
Katniss POV (I think it will be her POV for the rest of the story)
I watch the door swing closed as Gale rushes from the room and see him reappear on the other side of the glass that Peeta was previously punching. There is some rushed conversation as I walk backwards away from the small window and the unconscious Amethyst laying on the floor.
A searing pain runs the length of my stomach and I collapse into the chair by the microphone Gale used earlier to get Amethyst into the room. I contemplate using it but by the time I decide to I'm breathing heavily and can't seem to get rid of the pain and that's when I realize what's happening, I'm having my baby.
Peeta and Gale come back into the room and while Gale starts pulling Amethyst to her feet and putting her in a chair Peeta just stands in the doorway for a moment trying to process the scene I suppose.
I don't realize that I'm crying until Peeta comes over to where I sit on the chair in the corner of the room.
"Katniss? Sweetie what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asks taking my face in his hands. I shake my head no as I try to move my lips to tell him what's going on but all that comes out is a sob. "Katniss? Is it the baby? What's- Oh my gosh the baby! It's coming isn't it?" He exclaims then looks over to where Gale is now tying Amethyst to the chair. "Gale what are we supposed to do?" He calls to him.
"Well we're getting the hell out of here. Use the phone over there and call the hospital so they know we're coming." He states calmly still tying up Amethyst.
"No we are not going to the hospital!" I shriek through the pain that is slowly diminishing.
"Katniss we have to go." Peeta calmly tells me.
"No I don't want to go there. The needles and the sterile... No I'm not going there." I say tears streaming from my eyes yet again.
"Katniss honey we can't have the baby her. We need to go to the hospital." Peeta sooths as he smoothes my hair down on the back of my neck.
"I still don't want to go. Please just don't make me go" I say before I start sobbing uncontrollably again. The pain has disappeared and now I'm just left with the blinding fear over come me. This baby is coming, it's all real now, I think. This is really going to happen. Oh gosh, no, no, no, I can't do this, this can't happen, I can't have this baby.
Before I realize what's happening I blurt out what I was just thinking "I can't have this baby!" I yell while Peeta is still looking over to where Gale is. His head snaps back to me and I can see the fear etched on his own face, just as I know it must look on mine.
"Katniss... I know you're scared but so am I. We just have to... to... Gale what do we have to do?" He asks turning to face him once more.
"Well we need to leave before she wakes up and then just take it from there." He states calmly like he's done this a million times before.
Once Amethyst is successfully tied to the chair, ten minutes later, Gale walks over to the corner Peeta and I are still in.
"Catnip, you okay? Can you stand?" He asks crouching down to where he's eye level with me.
"I don't know but I'll try." I say as both he and Peeta stand and take my hands. I'm almost up when my knees collapse under me causing me to fall to the ground. "That'll be a no" I say laughing at my current predicament.
"What is so funny?" Gale asks.
"It's just, you two are... never mind." I say.
"Okay well you still need to get you out of here." Gale turns to meet Peeta's gaze and they both take one of my arms and sling them around their shoulders and hold me up so that my feet hardly touch the ground as they walk.
After some time walking we reach the top of the stairs we had come up earlier and I know there is no way we are getting down those. They seem to spiral down at a really steep angle, steeper than I remember when we were walking up them, and they seem to disappear into nothingness.
"Is this the only way down?" I ask as they let me go and I lean on the railing just at the landing.
"Well there is the service elevator but it doesn't work anymore... some idiot broke it last year" Gale says with a concentrative look on his face. "Looks like they'll have to just come to us. Come on we need to get out of the hall." Gale tells us. They pull me to my feet and we walk to a door not far from us.
No sooner do we reach the doorway but there is a small barely audible pop. Some warm water runs down my leg and spreads in a puddle on the floor. Peeta's eyes look to mine then to the water on the floor.
"Katniss-" he starts only to be cut off by my squeal of pain.
Gale snaps us both back to our senses by picking me up and dragging me into the room and laying on the bed. A blinding pain runs up my side and over my stomach instantly and I have no real way to question what is going on in the room.
"Well this is going to be a bit awkward... but I need to check to see how far along you are..." Gale says looking at me.
"Isn't it obvious you moron? I'm freaking about to have this kid!" I yell through the pain.
"I need to see how far you're dilated." He says looking awkwardly at me. "I mean I helped deliver my sister so I know a few things..." Gale looks at Peeta and then back to me.
"I don't care. Just make it stop." I yell at him. The pain is not leaving nearly as fast as the other contractions. I really don't even notice as he checks me to see how much longer I'll have to endure this horrible part of life. "How the hell do people do this? It's torture! Make it stop! Please..." I reach for Peeta and begin to cry.
"It's okay honey, it's okay, you're doing great. You'll be fine, we'll be just fine." He sooths me. I take his hand and hold it in a death grip.
Well there you go I updated finally! Next chapter will be up whenever and stuff. If you review then when I start to type up the next chapter I'll PM you some of it!