"You're neither friend nor foe, but I can't seem to let you go…All I know is you're keeping me down!"
-Sara Bareilles, Gravity
Maryse Lightwood, Pre-City of Bones
Sometimes she wondered if she could ever be happy. She felt like a balloon that was weighed down with a thousand anchors—big ones, like her family and her work, and little ones, like the lines growing around her eyes and her growing insomnia. Lately, all she could do was dream about flying away. But there was no way to get rid of all the weight. Most of all, there was the complicated, painful, mess that was Robert. In her mind, he was the largest anchor of all. When she was younger, he had been solid, and steady, a welcome weight to keep her safe and grounded. She had needed him to temper her wild dreams of the Circle and the future and the world. And she had loved him. She still loved him. He had been her saving grace and the best thing that had happened in her life.
But now…she just didn't know. She couldn't decide how to feel. How could she simply unlove him, after everything? She still melted into his embrace, and she still felt her own lips drifting into a smile when he focused his attention on her (though that was a rare occurrence—he never really looked at her anymore). He was not her enemy, he was her all. And yet...
He had broken her heart and betrayed her trust. He had blamed her and made her ashamed and small and hurt. He had treated her carelessly, and pulled her down. He was no longer the welcome steady presence she had loved, but a cold, indifferent dead weight. He was not her ally, he was her downfall. And yet…
She could not let him go, this aloof man who had once held her close and laughed with her. And Robert was so respected in the world—Alicante society loved him, and Maryse couldn't help but see why. Despite her desperate desire for freedom, she clung just as desperately to the memory of being centered and steadied by love (by Robert). And yet…
He held her down. She knew it. She knew that the little wrinkles and the cold, empty bed and the dark circles under her eyes were a product of his actions. If only she could let him go! If only she could be free! But she couldn't escape his gravity. It pulled her down lower than the ground under her feet, pulled her back to him even when she didn't want to be there. And even though he seemed to have let her go without a thought, she couldn't do the same.
Hi guys! I want to do a weekly update so as to avoid long dry spells. Thanks SO MUCH to the wonderful, fantastic reviewers: Antha32, nevertrustaduck1 (love the username!), Wolf Moon Diamond, dewikaka, shylit, and missy1234567890! Please, please review! Also, everyone should go check out Antha32's Maryse story, partially inspired by this same song. It's a wonderful work.
Reviews are a longer Christmas Vacation!