AN: It's past 2AM, so I'm going to catch up on notes next chapter. Wanted to get this out to you! Thanks for your wonderful reviews! Please continue with them, they are the greatest encouragement ever and oftentimes spur inspiration!
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Harry sat on the front steps of his and Remus' house, they had all arrived the day before and the house was full of a strangely vibrant energy. Even Lily, at this moment, was laughing and playing drinking games with the three boys. Harry lit a cigarette with his wand and watched as a muggle couple made their way down the street laughing and stumbling. He smoked and stared after them as they disappeared around the corner at the end of the street.
It was barely June now, but the weather was still damp and chill. There was a wetness to the streets that didn't splash but made everything seem muted somehow. Harry rolled his neck on his shoulders trying to loosen some of the tightness there, but found only slight relief. He was no longer a student at Hogwarts, and he found that to be a startling concept. Even when he, Ron and Hermione had wandered across the country in their strange search for Horcruxes, it had somehow always felt as though Hogwarts was home base, the place to return to.
The threat of war loomed on the periphery of every thought he had and he felt the weight of his task falling around him like heavy rain. For a few precious months, he had felt as if this all had gone away. What a beautiful fairytale Albus Dumbledore had tried to create for his students. And Harry was caught between startled appreciation and cynical disapproval when he thought about it.
Tomorrow, they would all go to the Ministry for the final hearing on Alex's guardianship and Harry tried not to let himself hope. Lily had been telling him that there was no possible way the outcome could be anything but good, but Harry knew that there was always away for disappointment to seep in through the tiniest of cracks.
Harry shook his head and took another drag off his cigarette. He heard the door open and close behind him and was not surprised when Sirius took the cigarette from his hand. Harry looked over and watched the boy take a quick inhale and settle himself on the steps next to Harry. Sirius was beautiful, his grey eyes somewhat hidden behind his long wavy hair. He had a grace to him, even when he was still and confidence seemed to hang in the air around him.
"Lily Evans is positively drunk." He said, his voice slow and deep. Harry didn't respond but instead took the cigarette and took another drag, returning his eyes to the street.
"They're missing you in there." Sirius continued tilting his head toward the door.
Harry nodded a little, ignoring the question in Sirius' tone. He wasn't in the mood for the boy's subtle attempts at information gathering. He took a last drag and threw the cigarette to the street where it bounced and threw sparks before going out. He closed his eyes and let the cool night air wrap around him. There were singular moments in his life where he felt entirely alone, and here sitting on the stairs outside a house full of friends, with the only person who'd seen all of his scars, he felt alone.
"Is it over then?" Sirius' voice was quiet but strong and unemotional.
Harry looked at him and for the first time saw the distant pain in the grey eyes.
"What?" Was all he said, and even to his own ears his voice sounded dull.
Sirius waved his hand between them, "This."
Harry didn't want to have this conversation, not now, not ever. He didn't know the answers and he didn't want to imagine what they could be.
"I know that what I did was wrong," Sirius said, "I'm not foolish enough to think that you would grant me pardon."
Harry looked away from him, it was times like this when Sirius' aristocratic upbringing came out in him, and it made his language heightened and his tone cool and distant.
"Maybe you can't forgive me." Sirius stood but Harry didn't look at him. "Or maybe you don't want to."
Harry felt an impulsive anger welling up inside of him, but he held his breath and pretended it wasn't there.
"You didn't walk away from me then," Harry heard Sirius sigh as he paused, "I'm no saint. And I know I'm not the easiest person to love. But you chose to stay, and you're in my bed and you touch me…and I don't know how to respond. I don't know how much is too much to ask for. So I don't ask for anything at all."
Harry looked up at the sky and felt the smallest of raindrops sprinkle down on his face. He was hearing Sirius, he knew that the conversation was important and yet, it was as if he was watching this all happen from a distance. Watching Sirius gradually unravel his pain and frustration, watching himself pretend not to care.
"If you can't forgive me, or if you don't want to…I wouldn't blame you for it." Sirius said slowly, "But I can't keep thinking about a future that doesn't exist."
Sirius had raised his voice and his words echoed off the stone buildings and down a long the empty street. Harry kept his eyes closed and imagined how Sirius would look at this moment, the rain was drizzling, and his hair would have a watery sheen on it, he would be pushing a hand back through it to get it out of his eyes. There would be a mix of apologetic guilt and self-righteous desire in his eyes, when he got emotional they seemed to darken, making the silvery grey into something more forceful and intense. He heard the soft scuff of Sirius' boots as he made his way back to the door, when he didn't hear it open he turned to find Remus standing in the doorway and Sirius' back disappearing into the house. Remus pulled the door shut behind him and moved forward but didn't sit.
"I know you have already forgiven him," Remus spoke and Harry closed his eyes again, "The question is, 'why doesn't he?'"
Harry didn't move, he itched to light another cigarette but didn't.
"It has been said, Harry, that there are times when silence has the loudest voice," Remus' words seemed to reach out and touch him and he felt himself being drawn back into reality, "I wonder, if your silence is saying what you mean it to."
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At nine-thirty Harry stood between Remus and Lily outside the Ministry. They were scheduled to appear before the panel at ten. Sirius had not come down from Remus' room that morning and when James had gone up to fetch him, he had not returned either. So, they had left and came to the Ministry. Lily insisted that they wouldn't miss this, and Remus had looked at Harry that made his friends words from the night before repeat in his mind.
They were entered the Ministry and registered their wands and received visitor's badges. They were directed where to go and made their way down the corridor toward the courtroom. As the approached the door, Lily took Harry's hand and he looked down at her, she didn't say anything but there was a strength in her eyes that kept Harry's feet moving forward.
Alex was to be interviewed by the panel this morning, and there would be no arguments today. The head of the panel would speak to their reasoning, and they would render their decision. Harry felt an overwhelming amount of helplessness, he was not good at inactivity, and he was not good at simply being told the answer.
It was three minutes to ten, according to his watch, when James and Sirius came flying down the hall toward them. James skidded to a halt a few feet from where they stood and Sirius stopped just behind him, James motioned for Lily to come over and she gave Harry's hand a little squeeze before letting go and making her way to them. Harry watched them as James spoke quietly to Lily, who glanced at Sirius and then to Harry. Lily seemed to go through a myriad of emotions, from confusion to, understanding, to frustration, and impatience. She was speaking to Sirius now and Harry could hear the demanding tone of her voice but not the words, she motioned to Sirius who seemed reluctant to even look at her before he finally brought a bandaged hand from behind his back and offered it to her. The bandages were hasty, and the red of the blood seeping through them was a stark contrast to the white of the cloth. Lily began to unravel them and Harry looked away. He looked at Remus to find his friend was already watching him.
Remus was about to speak when the door to the courtroom opened and a disgustingly familiar voice spoke to them, "The Panel is ready if you will all take your, seats hurry along now, no dawdling."
Harry didn't move for a moment, he took in the short woman, who was still plump and wore a bright pink bow in her hair. Harry felt his jaw clench and his fists tighten and glared at the woman who didn't seem to notice him at all. He felt Remus' hand on his arm and he took a deep breath before stepping forward without looking at the woman again.
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The room was different than the one, Harry and Lily had first been to. It was larger and seemed more formal. There were two tables set out in front of the raised platform where the panel sat. Behind the tables were rows of chairs. Alex sat with a mousy looking man at the table on the right, and Harry looked up to the panel as he made his way down the center aisle. The head of the panel, Garret Pruce, Harry recalled motioned for him to sit at the empty table. Harry walked forward and sat down in one of the chairs. He glanced back and saw Remus and James sit in the first row of chairs behind him. Lily was walking with Sirius and seemed to be lecturing him, when they approached Sirius slouched down into the chair next to James and Lily came to sit next to Harry.
Harry watched Delores Umbridge make her way to the seat behind Alex and a cold fury rose up in Harry's throat.
"This panel resumes." Pruce said in a deep baritone that rang out through the room, "Regarding the guardianship of Alexander Timothy Rettner. The panel recognizes Thomas Dodd, representative for the minor, and Harry Pierson, petitioner, as well as his support Lillian Evans."
Delores Umbridge tapped her foot and the sound resonated causing Pruce to look in her direction, but he continued.
"The panel has reviewed the information presented by Lillian Evans and has found precedence to be applicable. The panel has also reviewed, the financial standing of the petitioner and found reliable assets. We have found, through a personal interview with the petitioner, the minor, and the written letters of character from notable members of this community, that there exists appropriate intention and motivation on behalf of the petitioner."
Lily looked at Harry with a great smile.
"The panel, has also investigated the precautions taken in regard to the status of Remus Lupin, and has tested these facilities and found them to negate the concerns of danger to the minor--."
Harry heard a whispered 'yes!' from behind him and he allowed himself a great hope.
From the right side of the room there came a delicate hem, hem. That caused the hair on the back of Harry's neck to rise.
Pruce once again turned his attention to the small woman. "The panel recognizes the presence of Delores Umbridge, junior officer of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Did you have a question, Delores?"
Umbridge stood and smoothed down the front of her frilly skirt. He heard James whisper, "What the hell?" under his breath. Harry stared at the woman with cold eyes.
"Yes, Mr. Pruce. I only wished to provide myself to the panel as a reference regarding the regulations that are currently being drafted regarding situations such as this." Her girlish voice was grating and only Lily's hand his kept him grounded.
"Delores, this panel is aware of all regulations currently related to this case." Puce's tone was curt, and Harry was unsure if it was the woman's interruption or her presumption that caused the slightly annoyed set to the man's jaw.
"Of course, Mr. Puce, I only meant that legislation we are drafting should be taken in to consideration, as the decision here could damage their reception." Harry's eyes narrowed as the woman titled her head to the side with a strangely expectant look on her face. Mr. Puce sat tapped his fingers on his desk.
"And how close is this legislation to being effected?" The careful tone in which he spoke made Harry's heart drop.
"In the final stages, sir." The woman replied with a happy lilt.
Harry sat forward, ready to scream in outrage but another voice spoke up from behind Puce.
"Sir, if I may?" A woman with a crisp clear voice stood from within the panel.
"The panel recognizes Amelia Bones." Puce said and looked expectantly at the woman.
"I do believe, Ms. Umbridge is inappropriately suggesting that we enforce law which has yet to be made." Umbridge's face became slightly pink at the woman's words.
Puce drummed his fingers on his desk for a moment before turning away from the woman.
"Sir, I—." Umbridge began, but she stopped when Puce raised his hand.
"Delores, Amelia's statement is true. This panel cannot enforce or consider laws that do not yet hold the force of the Ministry." Puce looked down at the woman who seemed unable to decide whether to speak or not, "You are dismissed."
The angry click of Umbridge's shoes echoed through the room and everyone was silent until the door closed behind her.
"Returning to our course," Puce said. "The panel holds the following as true: the precedence that exists is applicable, Mr. Pierson's intention, motivation, and ability to serve as guardian are appropriate, the necessary precautions taken by Mr. Pierson in regards to the status of his roommate are acceptable. The minor's preference is clear and not resulting from any form of bribery, fear of harm, or misconception."
There was a moment of silence.
"The panel poses question to Mr. Pierson, please stand." Puce motioned to Harry who stood. "Are you willing to submit to reviews by officials of the Ministry in regard to the safety precautions taken to prevent harm from coming to the minor?"
"Yes." Harry said and he held his breath.
"Are you aware that should you be granted guardianship, unless terminated by this Ministry, the responsibility shall be held by you in full indefinitely?"
"Yes."
"Thank you, you may sit."
"The panel will now call to respond," Puce said and Lily gripped Harry's hand with unsuspected strength.
"In full understanding of those facts presented, and in good conscience, those members of this panel in support of granting guardianship, please express." Puce said and faced the panel.
There were sixteen members of the panel, along with Puce. They took up two rows behind him. Harry watched as three women in the first row raised there hands without hesitation, on the opposite end of the row a man and a woman raised their hands. Amelia Bones raised her hand confidently from the second row and four others followed. Puce faced forward again and raised his own hand.
"The panel, with full force of the Ministry, awards guardianship in total of the minor, Alexander Rettner to Harry Pierson." The man's voice boomed and Harry stared at him, "The panel is dismissed."
There was a loud yelling from behind him and he turned to see James and Sirius hugging each other, as Lily pulled him into a hug he caught Remus' quiet smile over her shoulder and winked at him. He turned from Lily's embrace to see Alex racing across the room and laughed as the boy, literally, jumped into his arms. Harry spun him in a happy circle and a flash went off. Harry turned to see Remus smiling from behind Harry's camera. There were pictures taken of Harry and Alex, and Harry and Alex and Lily, and Harry and Remus and Alex, and Sirus and James and Alex, and just about every combination they could arrange. They even convinced the mousy man to take a picture of them all together. As the man handed the camera back he turned to Harry.
"Mr. Pierson, if you'll step over here for a moment there are some documents you need to sign and some important documents regarding Alex that you'll need to take with you." The man's voice was surprisingly deep.
Harry nodded and made his way to the other table. The next hour was spent filling out various forms and receiving copies of them. When he signed the last form, the truth of it had finally sunk in.
Harry had one arm around Alex as they exit and couldn't keep the smile from his face. They were talking about where to go to celebrate as they headed down the hall to pick up Alex's belongings, when Harry stopped suddenly.
Hem. Hem.
Harry spun around and looked at the woman and he could feel his anger building rapidly. "What?" he shot out.
The woman looked a little taken aback, and Harry glanced to his sides to see all of his friends standing behind him, Lily with Alex slightly behind her. Umbridge didn't speak.
"Lets go," Lily said, and Harry slowly turned and the walked away.
"Bitch." Harry muttered.
"Tut, tut. You shouldn't be saying naughty words now that you're a daddy." James said and didn't move away fast enough to avoid Harry's shove.
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They had celebrated at the Leaky Cauldron and Tom had given them two free rounds of butterbeer and lunch on the house when Alex blurted out why they were celebrating. The happiness seemed to invade Harry's mind and take over. The pure giddiness Alex displayed made Harry's heart feel whole in a way he had never known.
When they returned home they had shown Alex his room and left him to redecorate with Remus. Lily and James had gone to his parent's house to share the news and Harry had gone to his darkroom to develop the photos. He spent a long time working without thought, when the last photo was hung to dry he stood back and took them all in. Smiling faces smiled back at him and the joy of the day seemed to stream out of the photographs and become tangible. Harry smiled.
There was a knock on the door behind him and he called out, "Come in."
He turned and watched Sirius enter and close the door behind him. He watched as Sirius took in the sight before him and felt a pang of some bittersweet emotion as the grey eyes lit up.
"You did good, Harry." Sirius said coming to stand next to him.
Harry nodded and after a moment turned to face Sirius.
"What did you do to your hand?" Harry asked.
Sirius rubbed the now healed hand with the thumb of the other hand. "Put it through Remus' mirror…if you hadn't noticed, I'm a bit…impulsive.
Harry shook his head and sighed.
"I forgave you, a long time ago, Sirius." Harry said and held out his hand, "I told you once I didn't know how to stop loving you, and it was as true now as it was then."
Sirius took his hand and Harry pulled him forward and he buried his face in Sirius' hair.
"I'm not easy to love either." Harry said quietly, "So we'll have to manage as best we can."
He pulled back and pushed Sirius' hair from his eyes. Their eyes met and there was a moment of hesitation before Sirius leaned in and pressed his lips against Harry's. The kiss was soft and yet demanding. Sirius' hands pulled gently at Harry's hair and Harry sighed when he pulled away.
"We'll make do, I'm sure." Sirius said and leaned his forehead against Harry's.
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Without much transition time they had settled into any easy routine, James and Sirius had gone back to the Potters and were preparing for their training. Lily had timidly asked to stay at the house and it was Alex who told her that of course, she could stay, much to the chagrin of Remus and Harry. Remus had already begun his internship, which kept him away for most of the day; Harry and Alex spent much of his time helping Lily plan the wedding, while Harry had begun the task of compiling everything he knew of Voldermort's activities. He read the newspapers and clipped out stories and placed them along a timeline he had created on the wall of his bedroom. He had been in contact with Dumbledore, Kingsley, and more recently Mad-Eye, and they were preparing for the first meeting of the Order.
It was a week after the hearing that Harry received a strange letter. He didn't recognize the owl that brought it, he opened it and the edges crinkled in his tight grip as he read it.
Pettigrew can be found every Thursday at Byron's Pub in Knockturn Alley, past four.
Harry stared at the symbol at the bottom of the letter, trying to reason out its meaning or suggestion. He took the letter and made his way to his bedroom. He pinned it up next the photograph of Peter on his wall. And stood back a moment, and then glanced at his watch.
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Harry stood outside the Pub, the hood of his dark cloak thrown over his head. He was in the shadow and only the glowing tip of his cigarette could be seen through the darkness. Harry watched as people excited the pub and felt the steady beat of his heart in his chest skip when he saw a familiar shape stumble into the alley.
Harry watched Peter Pettigrew as he made his way clumsily down the street and he followed carefully watching the street behind and around him for any suspicious activity. Harry followed the sloppy, drunken man for five minutes and they came out into muggle London. He watched as Pettigrew turned his head to the left and right in confusion, and stepped back into a doorway just as the other boy turned and retraced his steps. As he heard the heavy footsteps approach Harry swept from his alcove and found himself a foot from Peter who looked up in a dazed stupor for a moment before fear dawned across his face. The man turned to run and Harry watched as he transformed. Harry held out a hand and a white light zoomed over and surrounded the rat in a small shield, which it fruitlessly tried to escape from. Harry approached Peter with wide strides and removed the shield and before the rat had a moment to run, held out his other hand and sent bright blue light at the rat. The rat was suspended in the air for a moment before he fell with a soft thud to the concrete, another flash of light erupted and the rat quickly grew back into Peter Pettigrew who made to run just as Harry shot out incarcerous.
Harry drug the man who was now bound with thick ropes around the corner and into a darkened alley.
Harry looked down at Peter and was disgusted by the darting eyes, and rapid rise and fall of the man's chest.
"Har-."
"Silencio." Harry said with a wave of his hand, "You are lucky, Peter, that I stand on the side of the light. Because, were I on your side, I would not hesitate to inflict on you a pain beyond measure, and it would be easily justified. But I stand with stronger men and women than you, and I grant you this act of mercy out of respect to their strength and the sacrifices they make for a greater cause."
Harry raised his hand, and fueled his anger with images of the man this boy would become.
Avada Kedavra.
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