I never want to be old. I don't mean that like I want to kill myself (again). I just don't want to go through the things that people go through when they're old like Dementia/Alzheimer's, graying of hair/hair loss, dentures, incontinence and probably the worst; sponge/bed baths.
After Hanna's R&R and after she ate supper last night, Eddie had to give her a bath in bed. It was the most awkward and embarrassing thing that she had ever gone through.
Why couldn't he have sedated me then? And why couldn't Wren have done it? It wouldn't have been as bad with him. Nothing against Eddie but Wren would've made everything about last night 10x less awkward.
When Eddie entered her room last night, he brought all the supplies he needed to Hanna's bedside. He then raised the bed to a comfortable height to prevent straining of his back. Hanna didn't know what the hell he was about to do so Eddie explained that he was about to give her a bed bath. After he undid her restraints, he gave Hanna a look that said "you better not try anything". And she didn't. She just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. And if Hanna was being honest with herself, she was disgusting. Just yesterday she said to herself that she didn't want to be friends with Big Rhonda because she was unkempt, and now who was Hanna to talk? She couldn't even remember the last time she took a bath or a shower. The last time she got into a tub was to slit her wrists. But Hanna tried not to think about that as Eddie bathed her. She tried not to think of anything. She kind of wished that that voice in her head was back so she'd at least have something to distract her from what was being done to her body. But ever since she started talking those pills that Wren gave her the other day that voice hadn't made its appearance.
Eddie made sure that he uncovered only the area of the body he was washing. This kept Hanna from getting too cold and it also provided privacy. While Hanna was lying on her back, Eddie began by washing her head and moved towards her feet. Then, he rolled her to one side and washed her back.
To wash her skin, Eddie first wet it, and then gently applied a small amount of soap. He checked with Hanna to make sure that he wasn't rubbing too hard but of course Hanna didn't answer him. He made sure that he rinsed all the soap off then patted the area dry and applied lotion before covering the area up.
He brought fresh, warm water to Hanna's bedside with a clean washcloth to wash her private areas. And that was when Hanna wanted her restraints back on. She wanted the strait jacket. She felt so exposed and violated. She wanted anything to cover herself up. She knew Eddie was just doing his job and that it must've been awkward for him too but she didn't want to see him again after last night. She couldn't look at him the same way.
Hanna had her eyes closed during the entire process but she closed them ever harder, if possible, during that particular moment. Eddie first washed her genitals, and then moved toward her buttocks, washing from front to back. Hanna wanted (and desperately) needed to be shaved but Eddie didn't bring shaving supplies with him; probably because a razor blade is what landed Hanna at Radley in the first place.
After what felt like an eternity, but was really only 20 minutes, Eddie was done and Hanna was clean. Neither Hanna nor Eddie said anything after. Eddie knew Hanna was embarrassed so he didn't want to make it worse by talking to her like he didn't just violate her.
Hanna didn't see Eddie at all the following day. He probably understood what was going through her mind and just wanted to give her some space. When Wren came into Hanna's room the morning after, he didn't mention anything about Eddie and/or her bath. He just gave her her breakfast, watched her swallow her pills and asked her if she wanted to watch TV after her session with Dr. Sullivan later, which of course Hanna nodded her head 'yes' to.
Hanna decided to take a nap after she had breakfast since she had a tough time falling asleep after her bath last night. But before she knew it, Wren was waking her up so she could eat her lunch.
After she ate, Wren (by himself this time) got Hanna into her strait jacket and into her wheelchair. On the way to Dr. Sullivan's office, they ran into Big Rhonda; literally. She ran out of her room and bumped into Wren.
"Sorry, Dr. Kingston," she said with false sincerity. She then noticed Hanna. "Oh, is this the girl who tried to off herself but failed miserably?" she asked nonchalantly.
Wren cringed and Hanna started to cry. Wren ignored Rhonda's question and simply said: "Rhonda, this is Hanna. Please be me more sensitive to her while she's here. She's been through a lot."
And without waiting for her response, Wren continued to wheel Hanna to Dr. Sullivan's office. He stopped in front of the door and crouched down on Hanna's right side.
"Hanna, I'm sorry you had to hear that. That was Rhonda; she's got IED so she can't help to be impulsive," he said softly as he used his thumb to rub away Hanna's falling tears.
That only made Hanna cry more.
"Do you not want to go to your session, Hanna? I can tell Dr. Sullivan to reschedule if you're not feeling up to it," he asked gently.
I just want to get these sessions over with as soon as possible. Plus Big Rhonda's probably still in the hallway and I don't want to run into her (literally) again so soon.
Hanna shook her head 'no'.
"'No', you don't want to go to your session?" he asked again.
Hanna shook her head again.
"So you do want to go to your session?" asked a surprised Wren.
Hanna shook her head 'yes'.
"Okay, Hanna. If that's what you want," he said as he stood up from his position near her to knock on the door.
"Come in!" came the sound of Dr. Sullivan.
Wren opened the door and Hanna was startled to see that Dr. Sullivan wasn't alone in her office; Hanna's visitor was there before her and it didn't surprise Hanna one bit seeing as to who that visitor was; Kate.
Of course Ms. Perfect would be early to our session. It's not like I expected anything less from her though.
As soon as Kate saw Hanna, she got up from the chair that she was sitting in, ran over to Hanna and threw her arms around her in a hug. Hanna was taken aback. Kate never showed her this much compassion, or any for that matter, before. She was even crying now. More than Hanna was in the hallway just a moment ago.
Why the hell is she crying? I'm the one in the mental hospital. She's probably happy I'm in here so she can have my dad entirely to herself now.
"Oh, Hanna! I'm so sorry!" she said hysterically, breaking the hug.
Wren took that opportunity to bring Hanna over to the loveseat; meanwhile Kate calmed down a bit and took her seat back in the chair she was previously sitting in and Wren left the room.
She's actually feels guilty? Oh, this session is going to be good.
"Hanna, I'm sorry about the dress and I'm sorry about the picture! I didn't mean for you to (almost) kill yourself! I was just so happy that I finally had a dad who cared about me and I didn't want to share that attention with anyone else. I didn't even know Tom was only paying for my college! I was so selfish and I didn't realize how it was affecting you. I didn't know about all the other things going on in your life and I'm sorry I just made things worse for you! My mom said she's sorry too for the way she's treated you. She didn't listen to or know about the tapes but she knows what happened to you and she feels really bad. I do too. I can't believe I almost cost you your life! I'm your step-sister; we're family! I should've treated you better! You might not even be at this place if it weren't for me!" yelled Kate, overemotionally.
Dr. Sullivan tried to calm her down while Hanna just stared at her in shock.
I have never seen Kate cry before. I don't even think I've seen her laugh. And now she's having a breakdown because of me? This sounds messed up, but I'm happy about that. I mean she apologized for what she did to me but seeing what my tapes did to her was not my intentions. I guess when I made those tapes, I didn't really think about how what I said would affect the people on them. I just assumed they wouldn't listen to the tapes or if they did, they wouldn't care about what I said. I guess Dr. Sullivan was right about these sessions; they'll be beneficial for me and for the other people involved. "Your visitors deserve to know how their visit affected you, if it did at all." I want to show Kate that I'm grateful for her coming here and I'm sorry for what my tapes did to her but I want to do more than what I did with Ali's dad, which was giving him a (small) smile.
Hanna stood up from the loveseat and walked/wobbled over to Kate. Since her arms were in the strait jacket, she couldn't exactly give her a hug like she intended to. Instead she smiled and Kate got that hint as to what Hanna wanted. Kate stood up and wrapped her arms around her step-sister. Both girls shed silent tears.
Kate pulled away and then looked Hanna dead in the eyes. "Do you forgive me, Hanna?" she asked nervously, afraid Hanna would say 'no'.
Hanna nodded and then looked down in shame.
"Hanna, you don't have to feel bad about what you said about me on that tape. You were 100% right. I'm just sorry that it took for you to make a tape about me to understand what I was doing to you. Do you think we could be friends… err… sisters now?" she asked sincerely.
Hanna looked up at her and smiled. Kate smiled back. "Good. I'm glad."
"Hanna, do you have anything you want to say or ask Kate while she's still here?" asked Dr. Sullivan.
Hanna shook her head. "Kate, do you have any questions you want to ask Hanna?"
"No. I don't. But I would like to thank you Dr. Sullivan for inviting me down here to talk to Hanna. I think this session really helped fix our relationship," replied Kate as she kept her attention on her step-sister.
"And Hanna, I wish you the best. And don't worry; you'll be out of this place before you know it. And once you're free, I'm going to take you on a girls' day out. We can go shopping, see a movie, grab lunch, do anything you want to do, my treat. How's that sound?"
Hanna gave her a big smile. Kate smiled back and leaned in to give Hanna another hug. "Bye, Hanna. I love you and I'll see you soon," she said as she turned to leave the room. "And, by Dr. Sullivan!" she said as she entered the doorway.
"Bye Kate. Thanks for stopping by," replied Dr. Sullivan, even though Kate had already left.
Hanna was so glad she told Wren that she wanted to go to this session. Hanna felt so much better than she did 15 minutes ago when she bumped into Big Rhonda. She was also glad that Kate's visit didn't just affect Hanna in a positive way, it affected Kate too. When Dr. Sullivan first told Hanna about the idea of her having one-on-one sessions with the people on her tapes, Hanna thought Dr. Sullivan was the crazy one. But now, seeing the results of each visit she had (so far), Hanna couldn't wait to see what would happen next and she no longer wanted to get the sessions over with as soon as possible.