Ch-21: Self Harm, Self Doubt

[song suggestion: Excision-With you]

Nelo's reflexes were as sharp as ever. When Inanna Force Pulled him out of the elevator, he avoided brashing into the wall in front of him by doing a Force Push against it.

The room the were in looked like the mostly intact apartment of some noble. Only the walls were a bit burned and some chairs were strewn about.

A dark, cloaked shape approached him, red lightsaber turned on.

" Hello, little jedi!" Inanna's eerily alluring voice called out.

Hivaarr prepared a good retort, but then a disturbing thing happened: Darth Zannah's frightening face appeared over the dark acolyte's. The Force Ghost was possessing his forbidden lover, his dark princess, menacingly raising her hands and blasting him with lightning… red coloured, the most corrupted and vicious of ones. Even with his yellow lightsaber raised in defence, he couldn't avoid the sharp pain that engulfed his body.

Meanwhile, a dumbfounded Inanna watched as Nelo struggled at… virtually nothing. His face was scrunched, he seemed in distress, as if he was shellshocked by something.

Battlestress? PTSD? No, that couldn't be it. He faced death and peril too often for that to happen. No, it was something else, something to do with heir meeting just now. He was never scared of her- though he really should be, she mused.

Sighing, she took off her half-mask and hood, stepped closer, then used the Force to pin him down. In two quick movements, she parried the frantic lightsaber attack and Force called it to her hand.

…

Nelo was done for! The Ghost of that Sith Lord wouldn't leave him in peace; it had him at her mercy. Perhaps if he closed his eyes it would go away, just like in the nightmare. That was it…probably: not showing fear. Be that as it may, his mind couldn't coordinate itself with his body and soul…

…until he felt a stinging pain on his right cheek.

Inanna had slapped him, hard enough for him to wander if his teeth are still there.

" NELO! Cut the crap and look at me!"

He opened his eyes and was met with her beautiful olive face, her flowing brown hair, those alluring black coloured lips and her sparkling yellow eyes. At least their colour didn't hide 900 years' worth of cursing and hate. It was the gaze of a certain- mad, he now saw- dark acolyte.

" Inanna… you're back!" he exclaimed and raised himself.

" Of course I'm back, you idiot, I never left!" she sighed. " What the heck happened to you a minute ago?" she furrowed her brows.

Nelo stopeed for a moment to think. Telling her could be dangerous, especially now, when he didn't have all the pieces of this freaky puzzle. Count Dooku might get a hold of the information and might decide to capture him for interrogation, torture and conversion even. He'd heard enough stories of the sith faction's so called "hospitality". Books spoke of numberless acts if terror, atrocities, the last and most gruesome having been performed by the apparition that was haunting him.

And still, hadn't he broken enough rules, enough taboos with her? He already trusted her to such an extent that most will have him for a fool!

Inanna looked at him being lost in thought. At least he didn't have that scardy loth kat look on his face like before. Obviously, it had to be something sensible, for he refused to answer. Not that it mattered! She had her own ways on making prisoers spill their beans… usually their guts as well.

" Tell me, evil princess of my heart, have you ever heard of Darth Zannah?" Nelo finally spoke on a serious tone, gazing into her eyes.

Silence ensued. All sounds were dimmed all around them. Outside the building, the sun was setting, orange light bearing into the room they were in.

After a minute or so of silent tension, the dark acolyte answered.

" How could I not? I was the best in my class!" she grinned at him and went on. " Honestly, she is a bit of a model for me. I might just tell you why…some other time. Suffice to say that I owe part of my training to her, indirectly. Why?

" Let's just say that I've been having nightmares or visions or…both… today, concerning her. Mere minutes ago, she seemed to be possessing you, her face covering yours entirely: blonde hair, glowing tattoos, a vicious grin… then she shot red lightning at me. I fought you/her off, until you yourself did something and it all stopped and went away!'' he decided to be sincere to her, which she picked up on.

" I didn't fight you at all, neither use any powers. It must have been a figment of your imagination! And that's even stranger, now that I think about it!" she said as she gathered her stuff from the floor.

He wanted to speak, but his would be question never came out. A loud boom shook the entire building. The tower started to crumble, floor by floor, starting from above. The bomb had gone off in the meantime, destroying the antenna and with it, the jammer that had created the radar blank zone on the planet's map.

Only one problem remained: he was in the crumbling tower!

No time to waste! The lift was a death trap, the stairs too…

" The window, quickly!" he grabbed Inanna by the hand and they jumped.

" It's too high for both of us, idiot!" she shouted at him as she summoned Dark Rage. The level of mastery that she had was enough to shield her from the crash. Broken bones were a certainty, though!

As her hair was being blown by the wind, she gritted her teeth and summoned every ounce of rage and strength and will to live. Debris were hitting them, but she paid no mind.

A pair of glowing yellow eyes glanced at Nelo. He too seemed afraid. To his credit though, he kept it under control this time. What's more, he covered himself into a Force Barrier of sorts.

Their hands were glowing a strange shade of purple at their point of connection. It stung her and him too, most likely, but she could feel their powers increasing.

Nelo couldn't know if she felt it, but their powers were completing each other somehow. He felt pain in his left hand, but it couldn't compare to being splashed like a fly on the concrete street below.

He dared to glance at her one more time, as he increased his power usage. Their eyes met and they gripped their hands harder, the orange barrier surrounding them both entirely.

They neared the surface. The ground came closer and closer…

…

They felt the impact wholly, as well as the few blocks of plascrete that hit them from above. Slowly, their senses returned and they realized that they were in each other's arms. Making use of the moment, he kissed her earnestly, enjoying the taste of her lips.

Inanna felt attracted to him in the final moments of the fall. Instinctively, she had latched on to him- and he to her.

It was becoming clear that they were somehow meant to be together. To her it felt so right… but then they belonged to two different, antagonic factions. Like she told herself back in her apartment on Cato Neimoidia, she won't join the jedi, but rather convert Nelo to the sith in her own way and then he will be all hers.

Hivaarr stole another kiss off her lips before breaking the embrace.

" I would have you in my arms all day and night, O, Pearl of the Desert, but my men will crush our party soon!" he smiled awkawardly while Inanna began covering herself up in her robes and half-mask.

" I've had it with us being interrupted, Nelo dear! I want you by my side; always! You're wasting your time, potential and they are not even thanking you for it!" her green eyes betrayed a deep, sincere need for him.

He entertained the thought. At least three Council Members (Windu, Shaak Ti and Agen Kolar) personally had something against him in general; they did put a collar on him to keep tabs and they kept him secluded in the Temple on Coruscant. Try as he might, he couldn't ignore the truth in her words. At the same time, what would joining her mean?

Abandoning Master Erladin, Anakin, Padme- probably ending up fighting against them-not to mention endangering his natural family. Add to that taking orders from Dooku… or whoever the leader of the Separatists was. No, it didn't sit right by him.

He opened his mouth to answer her, but Inanna stopped him with a kiss filled with passion, longing and in no small part, seduction.

After a minute, they both gasped for air and looked in each other's eyes. They didn't have much time; they had to make a choice!

" People that I love, that I care about, my family and countless other families in the Galaxy are counting on me to do my duty as a Jedi and Sentient! I can't abandon either…" he put his hands on her shoulders, his forehead against hers. " Just as I can't abandon you!"

" You would love others more than you love me?" her icy tone inquired, an edge of danger to it.

" Force no!" he shook his head.

" Then CHOOSE! Me or them! You can't have both! I won't come to the Jedi to be tried, condemned to death or years in prison! They would strip me of my identity, my character, my powers and still forbid our relationship!" she pounded him with her fists, her eyes dropping small tears, but also turning yellow.

" So we are at an impasse, my dear!" he told her as he scanned the surroundings. His forces were probably on the move, led by a squadron of X-Wings, most likely.

" Inanna, you've got to…!"

" I'm not leaving without you, wether you want it or not!" she turned on her weapon- on training mode- and went for a hit.

Nelo arched back, avoiding the swipe at his neck. His own lightsaber came to life, intercepting Inanna's strikes. He fell back in his Vaapad Style, which he hadn't properly used in a while. He hoped it will be enough. His weapon was angled over his right shoulder, parallel to the ground, his energy concentrated on Force Absorb.

Meanwhile, Inanna had switched to Ataru, her Force Rage beginning to manifest. Fast, brutal strikes destined to tire out Nelo- or at least have him lower his guard.

The padawan jumped out of the crater and back on the highway. The dark acolyte used the Force to throw piles of debris at him, which he either cut down or deflected to the sides.

Out of a sudden, Nelo abandoned the defence, making three stabbing movements, one of which burned her left shoulder area. Even in training mode, such a weapon was painful and to be reckoned with.

Hissing, Inanna let out a wave of sith lightning, which Nelo blocked with both his hands, siphoning the energy and replenishing his own reserves.

" I love what you did to Saato; it suits her so well!" she taunted him, while delivering a kick to his stomach. " Never knew you had it in you, being so direct, so vengeful!" she laughed maliciously while keeping the current of the Force active. " Revenge for Anakin's hand?" she stopped her attack, jumped over him, landed behind and swiped his legs from under him. Next, a Force Grip had him paralyzed in the air.

Nelo discovered another, sadistic part of her today. He, of course, denied her words with all his being. That battle was fought without emotions- on his side at least. She had also refined her powers, it would seem, while his had faltered just now from weeks of misuse. The claw holding him in the air was just waiting to dig into his neck.

Afraid, one might say that he was. But not just for him. Shark and his squadron could kill her too, or shoot her ship down if she didn't get out of here quickly enough…

A deep pain inside of him. He looked down, but no wound was appearent. Even so, the area around his heart felt like it had been stabbed and burned at the same time.

" The Dark Side… or a Force Burnout!" his frantic mind suggested. He clenched his teeth, closed his eyes and tensed. It was of no use, for the throbbing would not subside.

Inanna had half the mind to squeeze his life out, to tighten the hold until his neck snapped. A voice inside of her argued that he deserved it for not having her as his number one priority. Yes, she now bathed in the Dark Side, enjoying the power, the way it banished dilemmas, uncertainties.

Inanna looked upon Nelo, at how he was struggling to break her hold. At a more sharper glance, however, she noticed that he began to hyperventilate, even though his windpipe was unharmed(for now). Focusing on his Force signature, she found it to be chaotic, pendulating from strong to unbelievably weak. It was flickering. Only question was: why?

And then it happened.

He stopped breathing. His body fell limply to the ground as she let go.

One one hand, she was satisfied; her revenge for the rejection, sated. Another part of her-her heart, black as it was- ached to see him in this state. He couldn't just die. He couldn't! Something was wrong.

She rushed to his side. Allthewile, a battle was waged inside of her as to what to do.

Nelo layed weak, sprawled all over on the cold, concrete street. His hair was all wild and dusty, his eyes nearly closed, their purple shine, gone. His armor was broken in many parts, undoubtedly his body was dead tired. And still, his chest didn't rise at all.

" That's it! Look at him,the weakling! He doesn't deserve to live! Just plunge the lightsaber into his heart and be done with it!" a dark voice inside of her beckoned.

" … but he said he loves me!" a timid, lighter voice of her countered, just as Inanna's hands cupped Nelo's cheeks. " He is so caring, so tender, if times were different!" it added.

The dark voice growled and shouted: "He is making you weak, undoing years of work on your part! How long did it take you to lift yourself from weakness, fear and poverty? Look at you throwing all away! You're fearful; he makes you weak; he'll use that as a weapon!" it bellowed maliciously.

" No he will not! He hadn't betrayed you when he had the chance; he gave you peace, love, satisfaction, a beautiful present and, above all, he accepts you!" the lighter voice spoke up, then added with a hint of amusement. "And he did kick Saato's ass, paying her back for her insults to you!"

Inanna sighed, her hand remaining on Nelo's left cheek. He looked so tender, so vulnerable, akin to a flower. He was in her power, totally. She should feel elated, but she didn't. She remembered being weak, being at someone else's mercy- that didn't exist.

Try as she might, she couldn't leave him like that, so she reached for his transmitter and activated an SOS retrieval signal. Some friendlies were bound to find him.

Before she left, she leaned in, planting another, last kiss on his broken lips.

Her own troops were scrambling away asap from the soon to come onslaught.

She walked away from her chosen one; her own path awaited.

/

Author's Note

Open poll for you readers:

- Inanna: her role, her alignment

- Nelo and his problems with Force Channeling

- Beyond the grave Sith Lords/Ghosts. Should I keep them?

- Do you want any new characters?

Answers are to be left in the review section.

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Credits to Lucasarts for the franchise and Excision for the song.