Chapter Twenty:
Fallen Kingdoms, Broken Pasts
Notes: I'm still alive, y'all. Things have finally gotten back on track. Please bear with me as my chapter numbers have developed a slight identity crisis.
Tzen, the town of the fallen kings, had once been a sprawling metropolis and the seat of an ancient continent-spanning kingdom. When Emperor Gestahl's young father broke Vector away into its own city-state, he had sown the seeds for uneasy alliances and broken promises. "Vector is the oldest city in the world!" he had shouted to his followers from his stately balcony as dictators typically did, in his pajamas no less. "We're the leaders in new ways, new technology! We deserve to lead the world into a new era!" Forty years of bloody war then followed, only ending when a young Emperor Gestahl ravaged Tzen and, without mercy, slaughtered the royal family. When Old Man Gestahl died, the current Emperor took his place, ruling Downunder with an iron fist, starting needless conquests on the other continents, and conducting questionable experiments of questionable natures. It wasn't soon after that espers happened, catapulting Vector's technology forward by nearly a hundred hypothetical years and for all the wrong reasons.
Those very reasons were dangerous embarrassments, affronts to any Imperial who had a decent sense of morality, and stains on their records that would never scrub clean nor fade away. No amount of cleaner would ever bleach away the pain. No amount of alcohol would ever drown the sorrows. No amount of vengeance would ever ease the anger. Celes could forgive what the Gestahlian Empire had personally done to her, but what they had done to Terra… To Doma… Maranda… All those innocents over the years…
They say history repeats itself. Some say because of divine intervention. Others say it's just the law of nature. In this case, it's because human beings are fickle creatures who only learn from the past warnings written on the wall when it's far too late.
As for Tzen, people died, moved away, or were forced to relocate to Vector and join the newly rebranded Imperial Army. Large sections of the city soon crumbled away becoming breeding grounds for ghosts, legends, and other more dangerous creepy crawlies. Proof of this could be found in the smattering of ruins found for miles around the northern coast, the aptly named Marble Gardens – urban ruins so dangerous that not even the locals dared to enter for a prize in the form of an ice cream bar coated with a hard chocolate shell. It wasn't the ghosts or the legends that scared them. It was the long list of dangerous monsters; the dog-like dons and ralphs, the dragonfly-like grasswyrms, Litwor's Chickenlips – the nightmarish crossing of a centipede and a rooster on steroids, the draconic wyverns, and former Imperial experiments let loose into the wild – jokers.[1] That was just naming a few out of hundreds or even thousands. But let's move on; a bestiary study this is not.
It was this quaint, run down shell of a town that Setzer had chosen to use as a base for his part in the mission because of supposed business. He also hadn't wanted to land any closer to Vector, a sentiment no one had questioned. An airship landing just outside the city of eternal darkness would certainly be scrutinized. This mission required stealth in and, touch wood, stealth out. Upon touchdown, he, Vyse, and Aika, armed with boxes of MGS Fruits, had disappeared into the dark alleys leading into the Marble Gardens, leaving the rest of group to their own devices. It hadn't mattered, anyway. He wasn't going into Vector. Someone needed to stay behind, ready for a quick getaway if needed, and that may as well be him. Hopefully, nothing happened to them in those ruins.
Celes was familiar enough with Tzen to know that they needed to be on the move and soon. It would only be a matter of time before someone recognized her and sent word to Imperial HQ. The last thing they needed was a garrison of MagiTek Soldiers crammed up their asses. She leaned up against a free space of the general store's stone wall and watched as a captivated Terra followed Locke around as he gathered supplies. She was like a little girl fascinated by anything that sparkled, hitting him with a barrage of questions. "What's that? What's that do? Can it do anything else? How did they make it? Can we eat it? What if we add ketchup? Can we eat it, then?" Those were just a small sampling. Celes couldn't help adopting a smirk; for once she didn't have questions directed at her.
Speaking of Locke, Ultros' gender-swap curse had dispelled itself rather quickly, despite Terra's multiple attempts to lift it. And even then, it was hard now to not see Locke in an entirely different light and marvel at just how feminine-looking he was. The structure of his face, the shape of his hips, as well as everything else, screamed woman. It was surprising that she had never taken notice until now. His voice was higher in tone than Edgar or Sabin's – hell, even her own. In fact, ever since she had started scrutinizing him more and more, she couldn't help but feel that she had met him somewhere once before, long before she had renounced the Empire and joined the Returners. Where kept slipping through her metaphorical fingers. It was possible that she might have seen him in Figaro, South Figaro, or even in battle somewhere. Anything was possible, though nothing was concrete.
Thinking about it now, what they knew about him had mostly come from an old man nearly off his rocker. All that they knew for sure was where he was from and that he had suffered a traumatic event at some point. Everything else conflicted depending on from where it had come. All attempts to get him to spill the beans, as they say, ended up wasted efforts deflected towards something else entirely. Just who was Locke Cole? Why the mystery? Why the conflicting information? Was he hiding something? Was she jumping to conclusions?
"You've been staring at Locke a lot lately," Sabin said from his squatting position beside her. "You tryin' to make Terra jealous?"
Celes shot a scowl in his direction. "I'm not that crazy, hey," she said. "And, for the record, it sounds like you're the jealous one. Want me to stare at you while I think?"
"I'm flattered, lady, but I like you in the you're-one-of-the-guys sort of way, y'know?" He cleared his throat. "No offense."
For the first time in several days, Celes laughed. She'd never had anyone say anything like that to her before. It was refreshing! Usually, it was an exclamation of thanks to one of the various gods along with an invite to a seedy apartment for what clearly wasn't coffee. "None taken, mate. I've just been thinking, and every time Locke just happens to be in my line of sight."
"Every time? You not thinkin' of switching teams on us, are you?" He snorted with laughter. "Or maybe you liked him better as a woman!"
Locke called out from the opposite side of the store, "I'm right here, you know!" This prompted more guffawing from Sabin.
"Uh, no. I'm quite happy with what I've got, Figaro."
"Then talk, lady. What's on your mind?"
Celes almost turned to look down at Sabin, but the obviously nervous shopkeeper drew her eyesight like a magnet. Shopkeeps only got nervous if a customer was wanted by the authorities or if they suspected theft of goods. This one knew who she was. It was obvious and needed to be rectified. "I'm thinking we need to skip on outta here. The sooner, the better," she said. "This isn't the Northern Continents. I was quite popular here with the general populous, and thus easily recognized. I'm sure my defection's been vilified by Gestahlian media as well."
Sabin stood and stretched his legs. "You expecting trouble?" he said.
"This is Downunder. Of course, I am. Everything's big, poisonous, and out to kill." She snorted and pushed herself away from the wall. "Even the people."
"Ah. That kind of trouble."
Before Locke and Terra could empty their baskets of various supplies, Celes shoved between them and dropped a hefty bag of gil on the counter. She could feel Locke's surprised and questioning look boring into the back of her head. They were tight on gil, yes, but hopefully, this would quell things before violence became necessary. She held a hand out in his direction, silencing his stuttering before it began, and never took her gaze off the shopkeep behind the counter. The old man's face went through several variations of surprise before settling back on nervousness.
"I can't take your gil, General," he said with a shake of his head.
"So, you do recognize me. Look, I know Tzen's bloody struggle with the Empire. There's two thousand gil in that bag, mate," she said. "More than what the supplies are worth. Take it anyway. An apology from a former Imperial and a request that you forget we were ever here."
They gathered their gear and had nothing further exciting happen to them before embarking on their journey through the Downunder outback. They were three day's foot travel from Vector, and this mission was one that could end up with someone or all of them dead, either by the hand of an Imperial or the nasty, sharp, pointy teeth of the local wildlife. Somber thoughts, maybe even a little pessimistic, but a reality. They were heading into the heart of the Empire, to the place that even the craziest Imperials, save Kefka, dared not tread. Celes was dreading it, but death wasn't one of her fears; she'd meet that bastard head on in any of his reaper games, even that really annoying one where players had to put hands and feet in different colored circles to become human pretzels. It was more she was afraid that, with a slave crown, someone could take control of her, Terra, or, gods forbid, both of them and spell the end of the world as they knew it. Or perhaps the Returners would construe her proximity to Vector as traitorous.
Once a traitor, always a traitor.
And then there was the warning that she had delivered to herself; cryptic mind-boggling mumbo-jumbo from an alternate esper-like ego calling herself Exposition. It was something an amnesiac would experience in a badly written adventure novel. Yet, instead of the amnesiac experiencing it, it was her.
"Please be wary of where you're traveling. I won't be able to protect you from what you may find there."
An amnesiac she was not; her memories were intact. She could remember everything from her childhood with crystal clarity, barring her parents, any family, and the magic infusion. Perhaps this was a side-effect of that procedure, a fact that Exposition had admitted to in a round-about way. It was hard to tell and even scarier to talk about. Celes didn't want the others, especially Terra, to accuse her of being crazy. But then again, she was leading the four of them straight into what could easily turn into the four of them versus all of Vector.
Split personality or not, she was fucking nuts.
Celes shoved the self-deprecating thoughts aside and rallied the group on for hours in the hot sun, carving their way through the tall grasses towards the mountains and the dark clouds to the south. This countryside and its fauna presented nothing new to her. The others, however, commented on its beautifulness, sparseness, and strangeness. "The land that time forgot," Locke had called it. She didn't share quite the same sentiment as she had grown up here, but now after a few times back and forth between the two continents, she understood what he had meant. The fauna in Downunder was different from that of the north – bigger, oddly shaped, almost prehistoric in nature. The wildlife instilled a similar feeling; they showed similarities to creatures long extinct elsewhere with some so drastically different from their nearest cousin that science failed classification. It didn't help that damn near everything was dangerous, poisonous, and able to kill a full-grown man in a matter of seconds if care was not observed. It also didn't help that the Empire dumped its failed genetic experiments and other monstrosities, the jokers included, in the bush to ravage travelers and natural wildlife.
If the heat had been the cause of their slow going, the wildlife had been what stopped them. Every few steps a hungry don tried eating their metaphorical baby, or they regretfully stepped too close to a nest of angry Litwor's chickenlips. It had been battle after battle after battle and nearly the entire day before they had finally been able to travel in peace. By then, it had been too late; the grumbling of stomachs and the sun rolling along the horizon reminded them that it was nearing time for camp. Wanting to stay away from open areas, Celes urged them to continue toward the shelter of a lone cliff face and a thick block of trees off in the distance. In the hot and dry grassy plains lands of Downunder that usually screamed of one thing – water.
The gamble paid off. Amongst the greenery, they discovered a quick flowing stream that fed a well-hidden spring by way of a small majestic waterfall from a plateau. The water was so clear that the bottom of the spring was visible, even with the dim light of dusk hindered by the trees. The waterfall roared with every passing drop, but not in an obnoxious loud-mouthed neighbor sort of way. It was relaxing, soothing, and unanimously beautiful, enough so that camp was made without question.
They sat around a crackling campfire and ate their meals in silence. The atmosphere, despite the natural beauty present, was apprehensive as if they all knew what was in store for them. The wildlife in Downunder was only a preview of what was awaiting them in the dark, dank underbelly of Vector.
Terra was the first to finish and seized the chance to doze lazily on Celes' shoulder. Celes took a moment, mid-bite of her sandwich, to pat her on her exposed thigh. "Don't fall asleep yet, hey," she said around chews. "I'm not making your bed."
"I'll just use yours," Terra mumbled.
Celes snorted with amusement. Yes. Knowing Terra, they'd end up in the same bedroll anyway. There was no point in fighting it. With that girl being so incredibly headstrong, it was inevitable.
Locke coughed, most probably due to the awkwardness of the unspoken sexual undertones. He followed with, "So, what's the plan? In getting into Vector, I mean."
Celes chuckled softly. "Says the bloke whose specialty is breaking and entering."
"Imperial camps are one thing," he said with a huff, "but an entire city I know very little about is a bit out of my league. Besides, I'm sure fake passports aren't going to get us in."
"With everything going on right now, I highly doubt the gate's even open. Hell, they probably activated the Guardians."
Sabin perked up with intrigue. "The Guardians?" he said. "That sounds ominous."
Celes nodded. "Nasty buggers, hey. Agile, spider-like machines that unload a never-ending barrage of MagiTek at anyone in their line of sight. Designed to keep interlopers out and dead if possible." She didn't think any of them would be silly enough to want to stage a full-frontal assault on Vector, but she paused to let that fact sink in regardless. "We'll have to sneak in through the sewage system and somehow find a way out of the slums and onto the upper plate."
This was assuming the Empire hadn't added any extra security measures. This was also assuming they made it out of the sewers and the slums in one piece. These were a lot of assumptions for a single plan. Was this really the best she could come up with?
Locke tapped his chin in thought. "So, uh, what's this upper plate? I've heard you mention it before."
Celes hugged her knees and stared at the dancing fire between them. The upper plate had been the source of her frustrations and, truthfully, still was. She said, "I don't know the whole story behind it, but at some point in Vector's history, a wall was built around the city to keep enemies out. Then the wealthiest of the wealthy capitalized on this and built another city right on top – the upper plate, Silius Sector – to separate themselves from the 'rubbish.' This created the dangerous lower levels – Midgard Sector and the slums – walling the people within everlasting darkness and artificial light with no chance of ever escaping."
"Far out…"
She was glad that other city-states hadn't tried emulating and even condemned this practice. Before traveling abroad, she had never thought twice about it. It was just the way of the world as she had known it. After visiting Figaro for the first time and seeing the happiness of its people and the freedom they all shared, the Vectorian way suddenly stopped making sense. "To be fair, Silius is just as dangerous as Midgard but in a different sort of way. The wealthy'll snob you to death, work you to death, and have no problems slitting their mum's throats, all for a quick gil, much like those Jidoorian dickheads. Another aspect of the Imperial Way."
"So that's why you wanted to avoid Jidoor…" Locke murmured.
"Sounds like a great place," Sabin said with a snort. "You sure you want to go through with this?"
She let loose a sigh. "We've come too far to turn back now," she said. "But I'd always hated the Imperial Way. I just didn't realize how much until my forced retirement. I…" She cast a quick glance to Terra, who had started snoring softly. "I make for a bad Imperial."
Locke flashed a wry grin. "Fate works in mysterious ways, Celes," he said. "You may be a bad Imperial, but that just means you're a great asset to the rest of the world."
Celes returned the smile. He certainly had a point. Fate brought her and Terra back together. Fate compelled her to seek out Edgar and the Returners. Now fate was bringing her back to effectively right the wrongs of her past and, for once, have a hand in a positive difference.
His Lordship Court Mage Kefka stormed his way through the bland, sterile hallways of the Devil's Lab. Normally, he despised stupid Emperor Gestahl's stupid orders, but this one was different. He was excited about this one! He just had to see the progress for himself! But still, appearances had to be upheld! The hired help couldn't fall lax in their trembling fear, oh heavens no!
He stopped at a glass window overlooking an unused darkened room and studied the reflection grinning wickedly back at him. "Well, aren't we a handsome devil?" he said. "I'd ask what kind of a person wears a grin like that, but I know a Returner defeating plan forming when I see one! Oh, those poor, sad fools won't know what hit them!" He punched the glass and shattered it with the aid of a magical gust of wind. He cackled in amusement until he had tears in his eyes. "Idiots!"
He continued his march, making sure to walk in such a way to make his cape dance behind him. The look of fear on their faces as he passed, yes, it filled him with a giddy, lip licking type of glee. The sweat forming on their nervous brows pleased him immensely. He was almost tempted to make one of them grovel at his feet and lick his boots just for good measure. Fear kept them in line and loyal. Plus, it was an excellent confidence boost…for him!
Kefka giggled uncontrollably, surprising everyone passing in the hallway; to them it would have appeared completely unprovoked. Perhaps he would mess with his soldiers afterward. Those louts were getting fat, stupid, and lazy and needed some fire therapy. But for now, he had a meeting to attend. And this was one he didn't want to miss!
He purposefully burst through the metallic double doors and announced his arrival with a high-pitched laugh. The scientists all jumped from their chairs in fear and surprise. One of them even wet themselves in the confusion. How disgusting! How lewd! Didn't these morons have any sense of decency?! Clucking his tongue in disappointment, he decided that he would save this young man the embarrassment of gaining the nickname of 'Pee-Pants' and used fire magic to dry him up. Oops! Pee-Pants caught fire and turned to ash! Better luck next time!
Kefka howled with laughter before lording over the nearest lab coat. "Where's Cid?" he growled. "And anyone who says the phrase 'not here' will find themselves getting a makeover!"
Every single man and woman pointed to the closed double doors on the other side of the room. Oh, Cid was hiding, was he? Well, lucky he enjoyed a good game of hide and seek, especially the seeking. Kefka once again burst with amusement as he pranced through the room and through the doors to the Esper Wing.
At the end of the hall beyond, he came to a room he recognized. The tank room. She had once been held here. Oooh…! How he hate hate hate hated her! And how he couldn't wait to snuff the ever-living life force from her. Oh, how he would enjoy it. Heavens yes! He would kill her slowly, with his bare hands no less, not only to prolong her pain and suffering but to stare gleefully into those blue eyes as the light behind them faded to nothingness.
He hungrily licked his lips with a giggle. He needed patience. His time for revenge would come soon. But not soon enough!
Once again, Kefka erupted through the doorway, making sure they slammed against the walls to startle the man who had been staring at a misty glass-filled tube. At any other time, he would have relished in scaring Cid half to death, but today… Today, he was distracted by the strong magical presence – no, force of nature that he had just faceplanted into. It felt as he had just walked into a room containing his rogue green-haired assistant and every esper they had in captivity.
"Oooh! Such magic power!" he crooned as he leaned on the catwalk's guardrails for a closer inspection. The misting on the glass was too much. He couldn't get a look at what was inside, but he liked what he felt. He really liked what he felt. "Cid, you knucklehead!" He was so excited that he pulled the bewildered man close and kissed him on the cheek. "You magnificent knucklehead! You really know how to please your Emperor!"
If Kefka had bothered to pay attention to Cid, which he hadn't, he would have noticed the older man cower in his yellow lab coat. "Thank you, Lord Kefka." His eyes darted around nervously as if looking for anywhere to be but there. He wrung his hands multiple times as if he were trying to squeeze the life from them. "Why… Why are you here, my lord?"
"A very good question, Professor," Kefka said with a giggle and a pat on Cid's head like he'd been a good dog who had just performed a trick. "You can say that I'm here for power. You can also say that I'm here for knowledge. Or maybe I'm simply here to see how it's going!" With a jumpy smirk, he returned his gaze to the tube and glared at the mist in hopes that it'd get scared and melt away. Sadly, this did not happen. "The truth of the matter is, my dear Cid, the Emperor sent me here for a progress report on our little…secret weapon."
Cid, taken aback, stammered, "Secret weapon?" Aw, all these science types were so cute when they were scared. "You mean Project One-Oh-Five-Three-Nine?"
"No, you dunderhead! I was referring to your horrible fashion sense!"
"My apologies, my lord. Everything… Everything is proceeding along as the Emperor requested."
"Good. Good! Will it be powerful?" Kefka didn't have to ask; he could feel it. It already was.
"Yes, my lord."
"Will it have magical abilities beyond anything we've ever seen?"
"Given enough time, they will rival yours, my lord."
Kefka giggled and clapped his hands. "The very thought of it sends a shiver down my spine!" He turned and planted the tip of his nose on Cid's with a glare. "And we're certain that you won't do any meddling with the experiment this time around?"
Cid began to sweat, so much so that Kefka could taste the glorious taste of the older man's fear. He could see it in his eyes, and it was a glorious sight. "No, Lord Kefka." And he could hear it in his voice and, by the gods, was it glorious! "You… You have my word."
"I should very well hope so, Professor," he said with a toothy snarl. "It'd be a shame if Jidoor were to…" He giggled uncontrollably at the thought. "…have something dreadful happen to it!" He took Cid's chubby old man cheeks in his hands and hilariously mashed them together. "We wouldn't want that, now would we?"
"No, sir," Cid mumbled through his mashed-up lips.
Kefka laughed at the sound, ultimately pleased with himself for creating the situation that had caused it. "How soon until we can let this marvelous creature loose upon the Returners?"
Again, Cid's gaze quickly darted around the room, looking for an escape. Finding none, he sighed and said, "A week, my lord."
A week?! Kefka grabbed Cid by the collar and screamed into his face. "I normally kill for such insolence! Be thankful the Emperor wishes you remain alive!"
"But I need time to create new mem-"
"You have twenty-four hours, Cid del Norte Marquez," Kefka growled. "You fail that, and my menagerie of jokers will eat good for days. Are we clear?"
Cid slowly nodded and swallowed what had probably been his stomach mid-fearful escape. "By your orders, my lord."
Kefka released him and turned on his heel, again walking in a such a way to intimidate. "Good," he said as he exited the room. "Don't make me regret my generosity."
The Emperor would be most pleased with this information. Soon, they'd have those pesky Returners right where they wanted them. The men? Kill 'em outright! Celes? That was a death he wanted to savor. Ooh! Maybe he could turn his sweet, sweet assistant and have her kill that blonde-haired bimbo herself! Such a bittersweet reunion he had planned! He couldn't stop the grin from spreading.
He could hardly wait! This week was going to be fun!
Terra startled awake with a hand clutched to her heart and the other seeking out the comforting warmth of Celes. Except where Celes should have been there was only an empty half of their bedroll. She took several deep breaths to enhance her calm and listened to the night's song, knowing full well that what had scared her had come from inside her own head, not outside it.
A nightmare; a dream unremembered of something horrible and one that had left her with a feeling of dread. She'd be lying if she had said that traveling to Vector didn't fill her with the same emotion. She'd also be lying if she had said that she wasn't afraid of what they'd discover there. The whole idea at first had seemed like this grand idyllic fairytale; freeing the espers, defeating the Empire, bringing everlasting peace, all with a hint of romance. But the closer they got to the city itself, the more panic slithered greasily up her spine, the more it clouded her mind, forcing her to hide it and keep it in a little box; a tiny secret only she knew.
Terra let loose the deep sigh that had collected in her lungs and continued listening. Crickets chirped. An owl hooted somewhere nearby. The waterfall continued pouring water into the spring. Other than the void of Celes' physical presence, nothing seemed out of place. That bright magical presence, on the other hand, could be felt nearby, shining like a beacon.
Rubbing the dried sleep from her eyes, she crawled out of the tent and took in her surrounds. Starlight filtered through the canopy of trees, offering very little in the way of light. Sabin and Locke were nowhere to be found; sleeping in their tents, she assumed. All that remained of their campfire were a few glowing embers smoldering within their own ash, their warmth not enough to keep the chill in the air at bay. The exposed parts of her legs and arms transformed from bare, smooth skin to gooseflesh. It prickled enough to cause a self-hug and a shiver.
Unlike her quickened heart, the night was still. There seemed to be absolutely nothing worth seeing or hearing, nobody around, but there was this eerie feeling of being watched that she couldn't shake. She could feel the malevolence behind it; its stench one of death and sorrow. It was enough for her to eye her surroundings with nervousness. Hopefully, it was just her imagination running away with itself and not something dire, like a hungry animal or a gang of thieves.
Whatever it was, it was eying her specifically. She could feel it basking in her presence, savoring every moment. She rubbed her upper arm to soothe her fears and lowered her head to make herself appear smaller. It had to be in her head. It just had to be. No one would find her sticks for limbs, scarred body, and lack of womanly assets attractive. She even questioned Celes' devotion to her at times because of this. Why couldn't she have exaggerated heavy curves like her? Why couldn't she be beautiful as well? Why was she, as exotic as a half-esper could be, so plain and uninteresting as an ironing board? What did Celes see in her that she didn't?
A faint splash from the spring caught her attention, the fear of being watched no longer apparent. What had that been? Celes? An animal? Some kind of boogen?
Part of Terra wanted to run and hide, but something forced her to stalk through the woods quickly and quietly. She darted from shadow to shadow, from behind tree to tree, stopping only when she reached the edge of the star illuminated spring. She scanned the area and found only rippling reflections cresting away from the waterfall along with the wavering grasses in the cool, cool breeze. A bird in the distance cackled in a human-like laugh, one that she had heard before, one that caused her to shiver in fear. It had almost sounded like-
And then it happened, startling her, causing her breath and her heart to catch in her throat. Like a mermaid from a fairytale, Celes broke the surface with a gasp for air, the move accenting her muscular curvature visible above the waterline. The moisture on her skin caught the shining starlight, illuminating her with a glistening glow that was as bright as the magic she commanded.
Terra could only stare in amazement. This wasn't the first time she had seen her partner sans clothing, but it certainly was the first time seeing her relaxed without the aid of alcohol and especially the first time seeing her beauty enhanced so much by their surroundings. She had once joked that Celes was queen of a kingdom in the sea, but right now, in this moment of treading water, she was breathtakingly looking the part.
Like a boat out on the ocean in a stormy night, Terra found herself lost in a sea of emotion. She wanted to take part in this momentous moment but hesitated on the action. She and Celes had already been intimate in a very similar scene. It had been the first memory of their relationship that had come back to her, but large pieces had been muddled and lost then, the full scene and its impact in the past broken and unrealized.
As she stood hugging the trunk of her hiding tree, it all came back to her in an overwhelming flood. Celes' urgency as she drunkenly pulled her out of her bed. The slipperiness of the dewy plains lands grass tickling her feet as they crossed the Vectorian countryside in the middle of the night. The confusing exhilaration of being kissed by her best friend on the shores of a dream with only the stars and the moon watching over them. Every second had been a cherished moment of intimacy and love, something she, the Terra of the past, had never gotten the chance to reciprocate.
The next day, she…
The next day, she had…
A feeling of overwhelming hopelessness drove Terra to fall to her knees and fail at fighting back tears. Her fire had burned more people than she could ever count. She had killed more people than she could ever know. She had been forced to participate in and watch every single graphically bloody murder – Imperials, Domans, Returners – every single act of mass destruction; her reward for her esper heritage.
"I want you to go into the next room and destroy everyone there…by any means."
"I don't want to kill anyone!" she screamed to the winds of time with the hope that it would change something, anything. It succeeded in nothing. She still raised her hand and burned that group of unaware cadets until even the steel of their armor had turned to slag; the psychological weight of the action prompted her to wail in horror and despair.
"You can kick and scream all you want, my sweet little magic user. But you… You belong to me."
That laugh, that high pitched, deranged laughter filled her head, smothering her and inducing panic and fear. She knew that laugh. She had heard it when he had stolen her identity, after every murder, with every conjuring of her fire, every time he stole her innocence and womanhood, every agonizing, painful beating she received, and after every instance a frustrated Celes had failed to rekindle their friendship. She could feel it watching her, undressing her and leaving her bare, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
It never came. Instead, she relived those painful lonesome days as a science experiment. She relived every needle, every cut, every day of spent magic and gnawing hunger, every hour spent sick because of exposure to chemicals, every beating she received when she refused cooperation.
"I'm sorry, Thirty-One. I wish I didn't have to hurt you, but I don't have a choice. They'll kill my daughter if I don't. And you… You remind me so much of her. If I could set you free, I would."
She couldn't respond even if she had wanted. She had screamed until her voice had given out.
"All I can do is give you a name since you won't talk, and I don't blame you for that. I'll call you Terra, after my deceased wife. She had a strong will…just like you. Stay strong. General Leo will know what to do."
The voice was unknown, a yellow blur in a haze of bright blinding light and pain. But she knew its origin. It had been the one time one of her scientist captors had hugged her and shown remorse, an uplifting wind in an otherwise downward spiral. That upwards momentum continued well after her freedom was granted and her placement in the Imperial Academy. She could finally see the sky, the sun, the stars. She could finally feel the heartbeat of nature. The smell of Vector hadn't been too pleasant, but it had been a change. People still scared her, until Celes.
Celes, her first and only friend, the only one in that bunch of cadets who didn't care about what she was or what she could do. All that mattered was who she was. She was no longer sad or lonely. She had someone who cared about her. Terra latched on to that and let it fill her with this strange unknown emotion to the point of bursting. Was this…love?
She never got to find out. She relived every atrocity she had committed by Kefka's order – every injury, every death. She relived every atrocity he committed against her – the verbal abuse, every beating, every whipping, every instance he forced himself upon her. Unable to speak out or influence her own actions, she clung to the memory of that single night with Celes. The warmth of their embrace, the shroud of safety that it instilled, she hid within it praying and hoping that she'd be saved and her freedom returned.
That hope was crushed when Celes angrily cut ties because of the silence that couldn't be broken. Terra screamed out her pains, her fears, and the anguish that tormented her. She screamed until her mind was metaphorically bloodied and raw, but Celes hadn't heard. She could only watch as her heroine walked away, abandoning her and sealing her to her fate.
All that remained was a broken shell of a young woman rewarded with bloody beatings, ordered self-harm, and forced hunger. A young woman paraded around like a show pet, tormented by Kefka's humiliating 'special' time with her. A young woman crying out along with the tortured screams and wailings of the angry souls whose lives she had stolen.
"Wherefore doth thou seek our demise? Pray betoken, what deed hast we done to earn thy ire?" It was the Doman samurai who had defended his king and his country to the very end, an end she had given without mercy but wished she could have.
"I don't want to kill anyone!" she screamed once more, interrupted only by her own sobbing. "I'm a healer! I'm a healer!"
"Then wherefore doth thou not heal? Whence is thy love and compassion? Wherefore doth thou instead rain upon us with fire and brimstone? Wherefore doth thou smother the ordinary with thy envy?"
"I don't hate anything! I just want to know love!" She let out a pained animalistic wail, proof a dissonance had formed between her inner and outer selves, a dissonance that had become larger with every passing moment. But there had been one tiny sliver that had kept it all from falling apart in a meltdown of fire and anguish – hope. Kefka may have crushed it, but it was still there – barely alive. It gave her something to hold on to, a shining beacon of light in an everlasting, never ending realm of darkness, a safe haven to hide from his hatred.
She latched on to this beacon as tightly as she could, enveloped herself within its warmth as much as she could, and embraced its comforting touch. She cried into it. She pleaded with it. She bargained with it. She changed her form for it. She fought scores of soldiers for it. She promised her ever-living devotion if only it would keep her safe and return her to the one person who had, after years of suffering pain and torture, given her happiness.
It returned her embrace and soothingly stroked her hair. It lovingly kissed her cheeks and her ears, bringing her peace but not silencing her tears. "I'm here, Terra," it said in Celes' voice, urgent yet reassuring.
The mish-mashed scenes of the past crumbled away, allowing Terra to return to the tearful present in a mirror of that night she had first awoken from her nightmare. Out of shock, she pulled away to reorient herself. They were outside Tzen. Near camp. They were on a mission to save the espers in Vector. A very wet and very naked Celes knelt in front of her, but something was wrong. It was something she never thought she'd ever see and it scared her. Celes was shaking and openly crying. Did she know? Did she know that Terra had once again experienced a lifetime of heartache and torture in a short span of time?
"You weren't there for me," Terra said between the tears and the anguished contorting of her voice. "I cried out to you. I begged you to save me. You walked away." It hadn't been an accusation nor a threat; she understood why it had happened. No blame was laid. Instead, it had been a mere statement, a declaration of something that just simply was.
Celes' face screwed up with emotion before pulling Terra back into a loving hug. "I'm here now," she said with a hitch. "And I'll never walk away from you again."
Another round of painful hot tears burst forth. "Why? I don't deserve your devotion." Not only did she not deserve it, she didn't understand it.
"And I don't deserve yours. But I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped blaming myself for what happened nor will I ever. And I'll never stop wishing I could go back in time to stop it from happening."
"But I'm…broken," Terra said hoarsely. "I'm tainted. I'm not even human."
"I don't care." Celes separated them and cradled Terra's face in her trembling hands. "Who you are is most important to me."
"Why?"
"Because I…" Celes' concerned filled eyes flooded with tears, her voice wavered as she struggled to speak. "Because I…" Her teeth gritted together as she continued with her struggle. "Because I love you. …I always have."
It started as a tightness in Terra's chest and a pain in her eyes that ended with another burst of tears and a wail of anguishing happiness and relief. Celes loved her! Celes loved her! She shivered from the warm tears rolling down her neck and, opening herself up for a kiss, grabbed handfuls of golden hair in their tightened embrace. It was the strangest feeling, but one that she put her entire shattered being into. It wasn't the first time she had done so, but it felt as if it had been the first time in a very long time. The softness of those lips, the warmth of those strong arms around her, the security that such closeness gave her, this had been her hideaway, her safe-haven, for so long. It was a reality she no longer had to use as a shield.
It hurt to cry this much, but Terra couldn't help it. Now that she finally knew love, she never wanted to let it go.
[1] Due to the result of a slave crown experiment gone wrong, jokers were classified as part of the bird family. Their release into the wild had been no accident. Kefka had been seen letting them loose and, with a cackle, telling them to "Fly, my pretties! Fly and wreak havoc!"