Chapter 20

Anders

"Marian, wake up. Love, please?" I call as I gently touch her shoulder. She is dreaming...again. This is the fourth night in a row, but tonight is the worst. Her beautiful face is covered in a thin sheen of sweat and she is tossing and turning. "Mari love," I try again, but she thrashes her arms wildly and she connects me on my cheek. "Shit," I complain as a million stars swim dizzily in front of my eyes.

"No...Please...," she moans. "I won't...I won't..."

"Marian, wake up," I murmur as I straddle her. I hold her hands securely in mine, but she continues struggling. "Marian, wake up," I say forcefully and she opens her eyes. She starts crying and I sit up pulling her into my arms. "Wake up, love. I am here," I whisper and she slips her arms around me.

"I am scared, Anders. My Harrowing is a week away and I am so scared. I dream of demons, shades and abominations. They try to possess me. I cannot take it. My head feels as if it is going to explode," she explains.

She has been preparing herself for her Harrowing for the last two months. They told her shortly after we skipped out on Karl's lesson that she had two months to prepare herself and she has been studying non-stop. Day in and day out, she has her nose buried deeply in her books trying to learn as much as she can about the Fade and demons. I know she is pushing herself too much, but she refuses to listen to me.

"You need to give it a rest. No more studying and no amount of studying is really going to prepare you, love because no one knows what to expect," I explain softly and this only makes her cry harder.

"You are supposed to make me feel better, Anders," she teases as looked at me and I smile at her.

"I am making you feel better. Just give me a second," I tease. I grab a cloth that I have put on the sidetable just in case I needed. I wipe her face clear of the sweat and tears. When I am done, I kiss her forehead and I lie down with her straddling me. "You worry too much, love and I think you will be fine, trust me I know what I am talking about. I've been down this road before and I am here to help you," I remind her.

"But I am afraid, Andy. What if I am not as strong as I think? What if I do give in? I don't want to be made Tranquil," she says quietly as she reaches for my hands.

"You will be fine, love. I know you will come through. You are a very gifted mage. Healing may not be your best strength, but you still give me a run for my sovereigns," I tease and she actually smiles at me.

"I am not as proficient as you, Anders, but thank you."

"Well, we are awake, is there anything you would like to do or would you like to go back to sleep?" I ask.

"Well," she murmurs, leaning towards me. "Does this maybe give you an idea?" she asks as she lightly kisses me.

"Early morning loving, I see," I murmur.

"Very early morning loving," she says. She kisses me again. I caress her arms and it causes her skin to break out in gooseflesh.

I gently move her off me and I lie on my side as I pull her against my body. I kiss her deeply as I caress her legs. I pull away from her and I slowly slip my hand under her nightgown seeking out her small breast.

"Anders," she moans when I gently squeeze it. I move my hand to the swell of her buttocks and I pull her as close as I can. She slips her hand into my shorts and she gently caresses me. I move onto her and she slips my shorts off my hips. "Anders," she moans as I slip off her nightie exposing her body. I reach for her hands and I stretch her arms above her.

"Andy," she moans and I kiss her. She wraps her arms around me and she grips me tightly as we move as only lovers can move.

o0o

I force myself to wake up and I realise it is nearly midmorning. I gently disentangle her out of my arms and she protests.

"Love, we have to go to class. We are already late," I say quietly as I ease myself onto her. She definitely looks better, but I want to see her blue eyes.

"Mari love," I murmur as I gently brush her hair out of her face and she starts smiling.

"I don't have class for the rest of the week, Anders. They feel I need time to prepare myself properly for my Harrowing and they also suggested that I rest, so that I am good and ready to take on my fears in the Fade," she explains.

"And what fears do you have?" I ask.

"Losing you and losing my family," she replies and I frown.

"Why do you fear that?" I ask.

"Because it is what matters to me. You matter to me and so does my family," she replies, stifling a yawn.

"I love you to," I tease. "And I think I am going to give class a miss today to spend time with my favourite person," I tease and she blushes.

"I love you more," she teases as she tries to stretch herself.

"Good morning," I tease and I give her a kiss.

"Anders, you tease. Good morning to you, my love," she whispers as she cups my neck. "Another one?" she asks and I am happy to oblige.

"Why don't we get up?" I suggest and she sighs.

"If I were at home, I would stay here all day just taking it easy. Sharing stories with my boyfriend and laughing about nonsensical things," she teases.

"Well, we can always do that, you know."

"I know. Well, tell me more about the farm you are born on," she suggests.

"Love, you would love the farm. It was so beautiful and peaceful, but I doubt I will go back there," I say.

"Why? What about your Mother?"

"What about her, Marian? I haven't seen her for years,"

"But she remains your Mother, Andy. You shouldn't write her off."

"Marian, leave it. You know it upsets me," I murmur as I look away from her.

"She loves you, Anders," she says softly and I sigh.

"One day, maybe I will go back, but I don't feel like facing him again. I might just kill him because it was he who prevented any contact between my Mother and I," I explain.

"You mean, your Father?" she enquires and I nod. I am close to tears and I try to wipe them away before she notice, but she is too aware of me emotions.

"Anders," she murmurs as she draws my head onto her chest. "I am sorry for mentioning it," she says softly.

"It is not your fault, Marian. It is a pain I carry and I doubt it will ever go away," I whisper hoarsely.

"I know and I am sorry. I am here for you. Always," she murmurs.

"And I am grateful to you. You are the best thing in my life and the only sure thing. I just wish we were somewhere else," I say quietly and we fall into a companionable silence. I start smiling to myself when I recall the cat I had as a boy. "Love, do you know that I have a great love for cats?"

She gives me a surprised look. "No, but you have now," she replies.

"On the farm I had a ginger cat called –"I start saying when she touches my lips.

"Let me guess – Ginger?" she asks and I grin at her.

"Yes...How...How did you know? It doesn't matter. He used to curl himself around my neck and he did nothing but purr all the time. I hope to find another cat or kitten some day," I explain.

"Are you dropping a hint, Anders?" she asks and leaned towards her. "Maybe," I reply and she smiles at me. "For a big man such as yourself, you have a soft heart and you are always so gentle, especially with me," she teases.

"Mmm...With you, I can only be gentle and that is because you give me a peace I have never known and you make me happy, but I am starving. Why don't we go to breakfast?" I suggest.

Marian

He is laughing at me as he drags me up the passage. I am not keen to go to breakfast, but he insisted. "Anders, do we really have to go?" I try again but he is adamant.

"Your Harrowing is in a week and you need to eat, Marian," he says firmly.

"Don't keep on reminding me, Anders. I am anxious enough as it is and besides that do think-"I am saying when I hear my cousin shouting at someone. I glance at Anders and he is frowning. We push our way into the Dining Room only to find Ariana and Jowan have a word-slinging match.

"Fine, I will help you, but then I ask you to please leave me alone," Ariana shouted at Jowan and he folds his arms.

"If you help me, I will not bother you again and that is a promise, but I need your help quite urgently," he says softly.

"Not today, Jowan. I am too busy. I have class after class and I will not have a chance until tomorrow and that is a big maybe," she says with a resigned look on her face.

"But I need that-?" he says.

"And I need permission," she gives him a warning look. "And you said just now, you will be in the Chantry later?" she asks.

"Not so loud, Ariana and if you have a problem getting permission, ask Anders. I hear he can be very persuasive," Jowan scoffs and she glares at him.

"How dare you bring him into this? This has nothing to do with him or my cousin. Just keep that in mind," she retorts.

Anders sidles up to her and he slips his hand into hers. "Walk away, Ariana," he advises and she allows him to lead her to our table. She lets out a long sigh as she sits down.

"What...What did he want?" I ask

"Maker knows. He will not tell me what this is about and he also told that I must request a permission slip from the First Enchanter to sign out a rod for magical research," she replies.

"Why would you need one of those?" I ask.

"Yes, why? Do know what they are used for?" asks Anders.

"I know they can be used to open magical objects that can't be opened by using normal magic," she replies.

I catch his eye and he is frowning. "Did he not tell you what he needs it for?" he asks.

"No. As I say he wants to speak to me later in the Chantry," she replies.

"Please be careful, Ariana. If this involves his use of Blood Magic, you are going to get into trouble," he advises and she glares at him.

"If it means getting him off my back, then I will help him and besides, someone saw him cast a spell using his blood the other day," she informs us and Anders stand up.

"So the rumours are true?" he states.

"I...I don't know, Anders and why are you questioning me like this?" she demands.

"You should report him, Ariana. If you don't, I will," he points out and she abruptly stands.

"Do you are honestly think I don't know that, Anders? But what do you care? He is not hounding bothering you or Marian. He is bothering me and I have has no peace since my Harrowing. He nags me constantly and I have had enough," she explains as she looks at me. "Besides, you would do the same," she says softly.

"I wouldn't help a mage who is dabbling in Blood Magic," he retorts. "And contrary to what you think - I do care about you. I always have. You are the sister I wish I had," he says quietly and she looks away from him.

"I have to do this, Anders. I have to," she says quietly. She walks out leaving us staring after her in disbelief and he rounds on me.

"I am going to report this, Marian. I don't expect you to back me up, but the First Enchanter needs to know," he informs me as he stalks off, leaving me feeling confused as to what is happening. I let out a long sigh and I join the long queue at the canteen. I am starving and I am upset because he was supposed to sit with me as he promised.

I grab a bowl of cereal and a mug of tea and I am deep in thought about Anders. I don'trealise it has grown silent until a young mage elbows me in the ribs.

"What?" I ask in annoyance and she points to the door. The First Enchanter is chatting to a man. "Who is that?" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders.

"I don't know, but I think we are about to find out," she replies.

"May I have everyone's attention please?" First Enchanter announces. "I would like to present to you, Duncan of the Grey Wardens."

"A Grey Warden here?" I ask and everyone starts speaking amongst themselves. My Father told me about the Order a couple of years ago and my Mother told me that one of our cousins defeated the Archdemon during the Third Blight. He sacrificed himself to save the world. We have a family heirloom of his that is sitting proudly on a bookshelf at home. It is known as Garahel's Helm. They found it a distance away from the site where he destroyed the Archdemon. They never recovered his body and what made his story most interesting is that he was an elf.

"Why is a Grey Warden here?" I ask myself.

"Most of you are wondering why he is here and I am going to tell you if Duncan does not mind," he informs us as he glances at Duncan. He nods his consent.

"He is here to recruit a few of you to boost their ranks in Denerim and I expect all of you to make him feel welcome. He will be here for about two weeks," he informs us.

I head back to my table and I start playing with my food. I am no longer hungry. I am feeling uncertain as to why a Grey Warden would be here to recruit some of us. I grip my cup and I stare at nothing in particular. I hear a chair scrape along the floor and I look up. He frown at me.

"What?" I ask.

"You...You look terrible, Marian," Anders replies. "What happened?"

"Have you not seen him, Anders?" I ask and he raises his eyebrows.

"Heard what?" he asks.

"A Grey Warden is here to recruit some of us," I reply in exasperation and he smiles at me.

"Why should that worry you?" he asks.

"I don't know, Anders," I reply. I push my bowl away from me because I am feeling agitated for what reason, I did not know.

"Alright, just relax," he says softly, but it did not work. "Marian, tell me what is bothering you," he says as he reaches for my hand.

"Don't you know the stories?" I ask.

"Of course I do, but I don't see why that should worry you," he points out.

"Fine...What if they recruit you, Anders? What then?" I blurt out. "You do realise it is for life if you are recruited? We will never see each other again."

"Marian, they won't recruit me. I am too much of a rebel," he teases.

"You are not as rebellious as you claim to be," I point out.

"Look, I am only teasing you, but I honestly wouldn't worry about it and if they try, I would refuse," he explains.

"Anders, you are not listening to me! If they invoke the Rite of Conscription, you will have no say in the matter, "I point out and he stand up.

"I honestly think you are worrying about nothing. Is it not enough that your Harrowing is a few days away? You need to stay focussed and if you worry about this, you will not be able to focus. Think about that," he says firmly. I refuse to look at him. He is right and I know it, but I am not going to give him the satisfaction.

"I...I think I am going to take a walk," I inform him. "You can join me or you can do your own thing."

I am nearly by the door when I feel his warm hand on my cool arm. "Not so fast," he says softly. I turn around to glare at him, to let him know I am annoyed with him, but he is smiling at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Walk with me," he suggests. "And I won't take no for an answer," he teases and I feel somewhat reluctant, but he reaches for my hand. "Just walk with me. We don't have to talk or anything."

"Fine, I will come with you," I agree.

"Perfect. I think fresh air will be good for you. Where do you want to go? Do you want to sit in the garden or out on the balcony?" he asks.

"Anywhere would be fine as long as you are with me," I reply.

"Well, come along then," he teases.