Late December 2014:
Thanksgiving had come and gone. It had been a somber holiday in the Claybourne household. Void of the usual holiday hustle and bustle in anticipation of Christmas. No one dared say it, but it was clearly heavy on everyone's mind that Deacon was celebrating his last turkey day, possibly his last holiday.
Rayna and the girls normally spent Wednesday and Thanksgiving morning preparing the family feast. This year Rayna had opted to have Stephanie Wheeler cater the Claybourne bird and fixins. She was far too exhausted and preoccupied with Deacon to even think about cooking.
She hadn't even bothered to do any Christmas shopping. It had crossed her mind a time or two, but each time she thought about what to get Deacon, it just made her cry. "Would he even see Christmas?" she wondered…and if he didn't "How could she look at gifts under the tree with his name on them?"
Maddie now almost 8 months pregnant with twins was absolutely miserable. Rayna knew it weighed heavily on Maddie that while she and Colt were planning to bring these 2 new lives into the family, Deacon's life was ending. Maddie had been on doctor ordered bed rest for a couple months. Her blood pressure was extremely high and being very closely monitored.
She'd been told to stay in bed and avoid stress. She hated not being able to help Rayna more with Deacon, but it was extremely difficult and emotional for Maddie to see him deteriorate. Rayna had for the most part kept a lot of what was happening with Maddie from Deacon. He already felt guilty and horrible that his illness had cast a dark shadow over his little girl's life at a time when she should be blissfully happy as a newlywed and expectant mother.
Scarlett had gone home to spend time with Gunnar while he was home for the holidays, taking a break from touring. She still came by almost daily to help with Deacon. It gave Rayna a little breathing room away from Deacon to run errands, or handle Highway 65 business which for the most part had fallen on Bucky and Tandy for the past 6 months since Deacon's diagnosis.
Rayna hated leaving him even for a couple hours especially now that they'd passed the 6 month life expectancy mark Deacon had found on the internet back in June. They'd passed the 3 month mark Rayna had forced Dr. Rand to give her back in September. She feared they were on borrowed time now with little hope for a miracle. The fact that she still had Deacon was a miracle. He was defying the odds at this point.
Dr. Rand really had no explanation for how he was hanging on, and little had changed in the past month with his health. He was still on dialysis 3 to 4 times per week. The hiss and whoosh of his oxygen concentrator was such a familiar noise in the Claybourne house, no really noticed it now. His attitude had greatly improved after his melt down with Rayna last month, followed by their afternoon at the cabin the next day.
He still slept a lot, but often was up and around with his walker several times per day. To Rayna's surprise, after their day at the cabin he had even started to play guitar and write again in the home studio on his good days. He still had bad days and moments that made Rayna cringe, but he hadn't mentioned giving up and wanting to quit or die since that day in November.
His appetite wasn't great, but most meals he'd at least try and take a few bites. Rayna was still forcing at least one supplemental shake down him a day. He grumbled about being sick of them, but often that was the extent of it, and if she left it on his bedside table she'd find the can empty later.
December 19th was a Tuesday. Rayna had taken Deacon to dialysis, picked up lunch and come home for his afternoon nap. She was tired after a tearful phone call with Maddie the night before and little sleep worrying about everyone. She'd decided to nap with Deacon. Normally he fell asleep easily, but he was restless and clearly something was bothering him as Rayna tried to nap next to him.
"Honestly, Deacon! What is the problem?" she asked with more irritation in her voice than she meant to, but out of pure exhaustion, as he flopped and grumbled next to her, waking her each time she dozed off
"What aren't you tellin me about Maddie?" he finally asked
"Deacon, please…I'm REALLY exhausted! Can I please just have a couple hours to rest? I can't think clearly right now. I'm soo tired…Please, babe?" she begged knowing he'd be upset if she told him all she'd been keeping from him about Maddie
"I wanna know what's goin on with my daughter, RAYNA? I'm not dead yet, and I know you're all keepin things from me. Tell me!" he demanded getting upset
Rayna sighed. The last thing she wanted to do was upset him or fight with him, but he was already upset and clearly not going to drop it this time. He'd asked before and she'd been able to gloss over it and placate him.
"Dammit, Rayna…tell me or I'll call her myself." He barked grabbing his phone from the night stand
"NO, Deacon…she's supposed to avoid stress. I'll tell you what's going on, OK?" Rayna grudgingly gave in as she sat up in bed.
"Her blood pressure is extremely high and climbing. If it gets any higher they'll have to deliver early. They're trying to wait as long as possible. One of the babies isn't as developed as the other and they're not sure he'll make it if they have to take them early."
"…and what about Maddie? Is she in any danger?" Deacon asked worried
"She's having really bad headaches. Her liver, kidneys and lungs are all at high risk for complications. She's already had one seizure. If she has another they'll have to deliver. It's called preeclampsia. They're monitoring her and the babies closely because it can cut off blood supply to the umbilical cord."
"…and you didn't think I should know about all of this?" How long has all this been goin on?" he asked hurt
"A couple months. They cancelled the rest of their tour and came home in October. …and Maddie's been in the hospital for a few days." Rayna braced for the worst as his face reddened
********silence**********
"Are you gonna say anything, Deacon?"
"What the hell do ya want me to say? You and everyone else have been lyin to me for 2 months. What if somethin happens to her, Rayna?" he asked his eyes sad and misty
"Deacon…I didn't do this purposely to hurt you or hide anything from you. I knew you'd want to go to the hospital to see her and we both know your immune system …."
"FUCK MY IMMUNE SYSTEM, RAYNA! MY DAUGTER'S LAYIN IN A HOSPITAL BED, WITH LIFE THREATENING SYMPTOMS AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT MY ASS? I SHOULDN'T EVEN STILL BE HERE!"
"Deacon…calm down, please?" she pleaded
"What was goin on last night? You were on the phone with Maddie for over 2 hours." He demanded
Rayna took another deep breath. She hated fighting with Deacon, but he was right. At this point he might as well know everything.
"She and Colt were fighting. She's not sure what to do. They don't agree on how to proceed at the hospital. They need to make some tough choices and …"
"What the hell's he doin fightin with her at a time like this? I'll kill him if he hurts her, Rayna!" Deacon was pissed at this point and struggling to catch his own breath as his temper took over
"It's not that simple, Deacon! Let me explain before you get all defensive…The doctor wanted to deliver last night. If they go ahead now, Maddie and the healthier baby would most likely be OK, but the other baby probably won't survive. That's what Colt wanted to do to make sure Maddie is OK. Another option is to monitor her closely and wait. She's suffering a lot. They can't give her much for pain being pregnant. She wants to wait and save both babies. Says she'll suffer and take the pain, but…it …may cost her, her own life if ….." Rayna fell into Deacon's arms crying
"Shhhh….it's OK, baby. I wish you'd told me all this. You didn't have to keep it all inside. I may be sick, but I'm still your husband, and I'm still here for you and Maddie. We really should be there with her Ray. Come on…let's go to the hospital?" Deacon said getting up
"Deacon, No…you're so tired and …"
"I don't give a damn, Rayna. My little girl needs me, and I'm gonna be there for her if it's the last thing I do." He was shaking and worried as he got dressed
Twenty minutes later, against Rayna's better judgement, they were in her Escalade, heading towards Vanderbilt hospital.
Colt was in the waiting room a couple doors down from Maddie's ICU room with Luke and Stephanie when they arrived.
"Deacon! We sure didn't expect to see you here. Maybe you can talk some sense into your daughter!" Luke sniped
"I'd like to see my daughter and hear her side of things before I say much of anything. If that's alright with everyone? Seein as you've all kept me in the dark for 2 damn months about this." Deacon sniped right back in Maddie's defense
"She's risking all three of their lives, Deacon! She needs to just let them deliver! I can't lose all 3 of them. We've barely been married 6 months." Colt's voice cracked as he pleaded with Deacon to take his side and talk some sense into Maddie
"C'mere, son! It's gonna be OK. It'll all work out the way it's supposed to." Deacon pulled Colt into a hug. His heart broke for the younger man. He knew exactly what Colt was going through. He'd almost lost Rayna when Mason was born.
"Colt Wheeler?" a young doctor said entering the waiting room
"Yeah, that's me…How's my wife?" he asked pulling away from Deacon and brushing tears from his cheeks
"She's hanging in there for those babies. We've been giving her labetalol since last night to try to lower her blood pressure. Unfortunately, it's not dropping. However, it's not rising either. I can't really give her anymore or anything stronger without risk to the babies. It's high enough now to cause damage to her organs and the risk of stroke is there. We're monitoring her very closely for preeclampsia which could cut umbilical cord blood flow if things worsen. We'd have to do an emergency C section if that happens to save her life. The risk of hemorrhage is highly likely. I wish I had better news. As long as she chooses to wait, all we can really do is monitor her closely."
"So she still wants to wait?" Colt asked disappointed hoping maybe the doctor had changed her mind
"She's adamant about waiting as long as possible to give your son the best chance at survival."
"What are his chances if you deliver now?" Deacon asked quietly
"Well, his twin sister has been the dominant one. She's received most of the nutrients and she's getting most of the blood supply. I would estimate she's double his size. Her development seems normal while his is lacking. His lungs aren't fully developed, he may have mental issues if he survives. The longer he stays in the womb the better his chances, but at the same time there's a lot of risk to Maddie and the other baby. It's a difficult call and entirely up to the patient."
"What would you do, doctor? If this was your wife or daughter layin in there, what would you say now?" Deacon asked pointedly
"I wish I could give you an answer, but it's a personal decision, and different for everyone." He simply said as he turned to leave
"I'd like to see Maddie alone, alright?" Deacon said turning to Rayna. He'd refused to bring his walker and opted for just his cane.
"OK, but let me help you down the hall. You can go in by yourself." Rayna wrapped an arm around his waist as he stood to go to Maddie's room
"Hey, sweet girl!" Deacon leaned over Maddie for a tight hug and placed his palm on her overly large baby bump as he stood back up
"Dad! You really shouldn't be here, but I'm glad you are." Maddie descended into tears as Deacon sat next to her and held her hand
"Me too, baby. How ya feelin?"
"Pretty bad, but I need to do this for "Deacon". He's not ready to come out, and the longer I can keep him in the better his chances. I know Colt and the Wheelers all think I should just let them deliver now and…" he voice cracked and she fell apart
"Deacon, huh?" he smiled and brushed her tears away like he had when she was little
"What would you do, dad?" Maddie incoherently sobbed
"First you need to calm down. Bein so upset isn't gonna help your blood pressure. Take a deep breath. Try to relax. I'm right here, and I'm not goin anywhere right now." Deacon softly reassured Maddie as he held her hand
"I don't know what to do. Colt is so mad. He just wants me to let them deliver and take our chances, but I can't lose him …and you." She began sobbing again
"Is that why you're so adamant about saving Deacon? …cause of me?" he gently asked
"I dunno…maybe. How can I chose between my kids? How can Colt want to save one, but not the other?"
"Sweetie, I don't think Colt is mad. He's worried sick about losing, YOU!"
"I don't know what to do, Dad." Maddie continued to cry breaking Deacon's heart as he watched helplessly without having an easy answer for her
"Well, as a father I can tell you this…I'd do anything for any one of my kids, and there'd be no way I'd ever be able to choose one over the other in a life or death situation. Seein as you're my little girl, that part of me sides with Colt and wants the best option to make sure you're OK."
"So, you agree with everyone else, that I should let them deliver and risk Deacon's life?" she asked pleadingly
"No, baby. You're a mama now, and I guess you feel the same way about your kids. You'd do anything to keep all of them safe. So if you wanna wait this out, and give Deacon the best chance…I'll be right here with you every step of the way, OK?" he squeezed her hand
"Thanks, Dad…I don't know how I'm ever gonna live without you!" Maddie began sobbing again
"C'mon, now. Let's not think about that. I'm still here. I shoulda been gone a month ago. There's a reason. I'm gonna be here to hold Deacon when he arrives, OK? …and his ornery sister. I might know a thing or two about evil sisters." He laughed
"You promise you'll be here?" Maddie had such a pleading look as she reached for Deacon and another hug
"Yeah, I promise sweet girl. We just need to Let go and let god now, OK?" he gently kissed her forehead as he silently prayed to keep his promise, and be there to hold his namesake.