It was the middle of the night when they left. The nest void of life or noises.
The watchers stood still at the entrance, unmoving forces fulfilling the elder's mandate. Their eyes careful as they saw Takeshi and Yuri approach. Yuri recognize them, they were retired monitors. They knew him and Takeshi well.
A lie got them to pass. It made Yuri feel slightly less insecure about Takeshi's intentions. The chief was risking his position in the nest and the security of his family. Yuri had every reason to trust him, but still a little part of him wondered if his friend was really coming along only to make sure he would return, or would he try to hurt to hurt Victor.
Yuri led the way. Takeshi followed. The conversation between them non-existent.
The silence made Yuri think of things he didn't want to. Of his life after today without Victor. What would it be like? Would he really move on? Will it all become a flicker of memory? Something he remembers once in a while?
Takeshi rose to the surface first. The moon still high in the sky as they reached the island. Yuri hesitated for a minute, listening to the sound of the water crashing into land.
"I'll wait here." Takeshi said. "Go."
Yuri took a deep breath and moved forward, stopping suddenly as his hand was snatched and pulled back.
"Twenty minutes, Yuri," Takeshi warned. The younger natare's eyes widened. Twenty minutes? Only twenty minutes? Why? "Any longer and I will come get you. I will keep our nest's vow if that human sees me."
The threat was clear and it was like Yuri suddenly didn't know this Takeshi. It wasn't the Takeshi that live in the same cluster as him for as long as he could remember. It wasn't the Takeshi that found him crying in one of the cave holes after his family died and hugged him. Nor the Takeshi that promised him he would do everything in his power for him to be a permanent monitor so he wouldn't be forced to be a mater.
No. This Takeshi was a natare Yuri didn't know. A natare that wasn't his friend.
"Ok." Yuri's voice was cold, devoid of anything. He turned around towards the island. "I'll be back in twenty minutes."
Yuri didn't check the seashell. He didn't search frantically.
He knew where Victor was, he could feel it.
The cave was dark. The fire had long since died out.
Victor was sleeping. His chest slowly rising and falling with every breath.
Yuri quietly hopped over the rock barrier and dipped into the cave pool.
He watched — for a minute – and for that minute he considered that perhaps it would be best to disappear without a word. To retain their last moment together as something happy and not broken. He could take the seashell and leave it on the barrier along with the necklace. Victor was smart enough to decipher what that meant. He would know that he would be alone from now on.
Victor took a deep breath and shifted in his sleep.
"Victor," Yuri called. Hand leaving the water and reaching for the human. "Victor wake up."
Blue eyes snapped open. A quick flash of surprise ran across them as they searched in the dark, adjusting and filling with affection as soon as recognition sank in. "Yuri, Yuri," Victor sat up and the natare pushed himself out of the water to sit next to him. "Yuri…" Fingers dipped into the skin of natare's arm, each one igniting the warmth inside him. The warmth now Yuri knew was his body recognizing and bonding with his aman.
Victor kept saying his name as the fingers travelled upwards, as they caressed his face and pulled him close so their lips brushed.
"Wait, I can't see you," Victor said as he broke apart and moved to the little fire pit.
Yuri slowly turned away from the touch, already wanting more. Yuko had confirmed that he hadn't fully bonded with Victor yet, but what if she'd been wrong and it was it already too late? What if he would say goodbye and the ache would never leave him?
Victor lit the fire on his second try, the light and heat from the flame filling the cave. He smiled proudly at the simple achievement and Yuri felt the warmth even if Victor wasn't touching him.
"You got the hang of it." The natare took his tail out of the water and rested it on the rock.
"Survival," Victor commented. "Raw fish is not exactly something my stomach enjoys."
"You can catch your own now right?"
Victor crawled back to his side and sat next to him, facing the opposite side. Their hands brushing against each other.
"To be honest, not really. The only fish I've eaten are the ones you caught for me. I've found some edible things on the island and crabs are easy enough to catch, but sometimes…"
"You go hungry," Yuri finished the statement.
Victor nodded as he leaned forward to rest his forehead on Yuri's shoulder. "I need you here, and not because I need food. Yuri, I want you here all the time. I miss you. I keep dreaming about you."
Me too. Yuri wanted to say, but only had a sad smile to give at the words. He was running out of minutes.
"Something bad happened in my nest," he said with a shaking breath. "I came to tell you—"
Yuri turned sharply towards the ocean at the sound of a splash. The undeniable sound of a tail splashing. Takeshi. Why… He still had minutes.
Arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him further away from the water. "Don't go back," Victor whispered against his ear, a tinge of fright hidden beneath the words, like he knew. "Stay here with me. We'll figure something out. I don't want to see you swimming away not knowing if you will return."
Yuri heard the splashing again. Takeshi was out there, watching him. Was he making sure Yuri wouldn't betray the nest? Didn't he trust him?
For that moment Yuri hated the older natare. For not only threatening Victor's life, but even stealing this moment from them. Hated him for making Yuri feel so powerless. There was nothing he could do. Nothing but say goodbye and stop prolonging the inevitable.
"I can't." Yuri squirmed away from Victor's touch.
"Yuri…"
This had to be enough. This would have to be enough to keep him warm for the rest of his life until he returned to the dark. As he mated with a natare they will pick for him, as he gave birth to fry and spent the rest of his life cold inside the nest.
"Yuri." Victor called his name again. Reaching. Touching.
When Yuri felt the warmth spread he broke the connection — afraid — then crawled quickly to the pool and went back in the water. Reminding himself he came to say goodbye.
"Yuri?" Victor's eyes were uncertain, he moved carefully, lying face down on the rock, resting his head on his right arm and reaching out towards the natare with the left. His fingers hovered less than an inch from the water, and from Yuri.
"I came to say—"
"Remember that day I ran across the island?" Victor interrupted as he stretched his hand as far as he could. "The first time we kissed?" Yuri avoided the touch, a flicker of hurt crossed Victor's eyes. "I told you I thought I'd heard a boat."
Yuri touched his own lips. The memory flickering in his mind. "I remember," he answered softly.
"It came back."
Yuri's fright was instant. A boat meant other humans. A boat meant other humans could have seen him just like Takeshi had warned.
"It came back while you were gone," Victor continued. "A young man with dark hair drove it. I watched him from the ridge as he reached the shore. Watched as he searched around the beach. I watched and I hid. I hid from him. I didn't even think about it. All I could think was that I couldn't just disappear without telling you. Without figuring out how we could see each other again."
Victor's fingers dipped gently in the water.
"We can't." Yuri said dryly. "It's mating season soon, I will be paired with another natare and start a family."
"But you don't want to."
Yuri looked up as his pretense crumbled. No, he didn't want to. He had never wanted to. He blinked as an overwhelming feeling of sadness suddenly tugged at his heart.
"It's the way things are. The only way they can be."
"But why?" Victor asked. "What if you run away? Couldn't you stay with me?"
I already tried.
Yuri reached for the necklace around his neck. Pulling the chain above his head and collecting it in the palm of his hand and offering it to Victor. "I can't stay. We don't fit."
"I don't care if we're different."
Yuri offered the locket again, this time with both hands.
"I don't want it if it means I'll never see you again."
Yuri didn't move. Take it back and remember I once had it. Take it back and remember that for a little while it made me happy.
Victor moved, snatched Yuri's wrist instead of the necklace, and pulled him forward. The locket slipped and fell to the bottom of the pool.
"I hear the words you're saying," Victor's voice broke a tad. "But I can see your face, Yuri. You're hurting, like me. You want to stay."
Yuri knew his face betrayed him, the crushing hurt in his chest. The natare felt warm tears trail down his cheeks. "I do want to stay. I want to stay, but I can't." He broke free and swam to the opposite side of the pool, as far from Victor as possible. "This time when I leave. I'm not coming back."
Victor's eyes widened, he moved without thinking, rising quickly and diving into the pool. Yuri scrammed away, he couldn't let Victor touch him. If Victor touched him his resolve would vanish with the warmth from his aman. If Victor touched him he would never want to leave his side again, and Takeshi would come looking for him, he would see Victor, he would kill Victor.
The natare hopped over the rock barrier with practiced ease just before Victor reached him. The human struggled desperately to go over the barrier as Yuri watched from the open sea.
"Take that boat when it returns," Yuri cried. It was impossible to hide his sorrow any longer.
"Don't leave!" Victor dove into the ocean and started following, but he would never catch Yuri, he wasn't built for swimming, he couldn't keep up. "Please don't leave! I—"
"I'm not coming back," Yuri cut the words, feeling a part of him die within him. Knowing he would feel the loss like a tiny wound forever.
"Don't wait anymore," Yuri told him. "Don't die here alone. Survive. Get on that boat. Forget about me and live a long life."
"But I don't want to forget you!" Victor used his entire strength to try to reach Yuri one last time, but Yuri moved away with ease from the human's grasp.
There was a small moment of silence between them, of understanding. Yuri tried to smile, committing Victor's face to memory.
"Don't leave," the human begged.
Yuri smiled through the tears, hoping Victor would remember at least that. "Goodbye," he said, then turned around and disappeared into the dark.
Author's Notes:
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