Chapter 20

We had just arrived at Poet's Corner when Alcide's phone rang, or rather vibrated, since he'd turned off the ringer. He started talking to whoever was on the other end of the line, and I wandered off a bit, gazing in awe at the architecture of the building. Just a few short years earlier, I would never have imagined that I would be standing there. Me. Sookie Stackhouse. Small town waitress and Plain Jane. Yet there I was, whisked away after my semester in Rome (Rome!) by a gorgeous Frenchman who did nothing but dote on my every whim. I knew he wasn't particularly interested in the gothic architecture of the church. He'd already made it clear that Paris' cathedrals, particularly Notre Dame, made everything else pale in comparison, yet he came for me, because he knew I wanted to see it and, in particular, to visit Poet's Corner.

I looked over at him once again, watching him talk animatedly on the phone, his black curls falling into his face. If your only impression of him was from afar, you might think him a brute, dangerous even. In fact, the first time I met him, he both terrified and thrilled me. I was visiting Venice with Carla, a fellow student at Sapienza, whose family lived in Venice. I was about a block away from the café where I was meeting her, her brother Paolo, his boyfriend who I had not yet met, and a few friends of theirs, when I was accosted by a man in the street, which wasn't too unusual, as Italian men are known for coming on strong, particularly if they peg you as an American. Only this guy actually grabbed my arm and started pulling me toward a nearby alley. I screamed, and tried to pull my arm back, but his grip was incredibly strong. Before I had a chance to do anything else, however, a large, broad-shouldered man intervened. He pushed the guy away from me, started yelling at him in French of all things, and then started hitting the guy so hard that he went down after two punches. My savior bent down to continue the beating, until I intervened and drew him away, leaving my attacker in a huddle on the ground. The look in my rescuer's eyes was fiery, and I could see him straining with the effort of settling down. He raked his gaze over me, and I swear he was like a caged beast. It both scared me and turned me on.

A moment later, Carla, Paolo, and another large, well-built man came running around the corner. "Sookie!" Carla shouted, and came running to me. I quickly assured her that I was alright, and that I had a handsome stranger to thank, when I realized that Paolo and the other man were hugging and kissing the stranger. It turned out that my "hero" was called Alcide, and he was one of Paolo's friends that we were meeting that night. He was on the way to the café when he saw what was happening to me. Paolo made the introductions, and I thanked him for his rescue. Paolo then turned to the other man, wrapped his arm around his shoulders and said, "Sookie, this is John, mio amore." He said proudly. John extended his hand and said in American English, "John Quinn, it's a pleasure to meet you, Sookie."

"You're American!" was my surprised reply.

"Yes ma'am," he answered, and I detected a hint of Texas in his drawl.

"Well what do ya know? Paolo went and snagged himself a cowboy!" I said laughingly, and everyone chuckled.

We all headed back to the café. John and I chatted a bit about the States. It turned out that his parents owned a large catering company, and he was sent to Italy to study cooking. He met Paolo in cooking class. That was six months ago, and he wasn't sure he was going to go back to the States. I could see from the way they looked at each other that it was probably a safe bet John wasn't going anywhere that Paolo wouldn't be. After a while, Carla and John got into a heated political debate, while Alcide, Paolo, and his friend Alessandro, who'd joined us a bit later, were discussing a recent art exhibit they'd attended. I excused myself to head to the restroom, and when I returned to the table, Alcide began to ask me questions about myself, my studies, and my life back home. By the end of the evening, he asked me to go for a walk with him, and we strolled about the city, eating gelato and enjoying each other's company. Alcide was there on family business, and would be traveling back and forth between Rome and Venice for several months while it wrapped up. He asked if he could see me when he was next in Rome, and although I was nervous about dating again, I agreed.

When I got back to the hotel, Carla was on me like white on rice to find out what happened. She and I hit it off immediately when I arrived in Rome, particularly since she was so pleasantly surprised to find out I spoke Italian. We had to compromise, though, because she volunteered to share a flat with an American in order to improve her English. So, every other day we switched languages. It made everyone around us crazy. The day I met Alcide was English, and I had to laugh when she called Alcide a "chunk" instead of a "hunk." Her English was pretty good, but sometimes the colloquialisms and slang messed her up.

I agreed with her that he was, and she squealed with happiness. She'd been trying to get me to go out with someone almost from the moment I'd arrived, but I kept refusing. I was still so angry and hurt by both Bill and Eric, that I knew I wouldn't be very fair to anyone I met. I also understood myself well enough to know that I was in love with Eric, unrequited as it was. I thought I'd seen a glimmer of something on Thanksgiving, another side of him, but after we got back to my apartment he'd just shut down. I don't know if I misread his feelings, or if he felt the same way I did (Amelia was sure he did), and was consciously rejecting me. It really didn't matter. I still felt gutted. Seeing him and the look of disgust on his face when he saw what Bill had done to me, only made matters worse. I'd seen that look before, and I was so ashamed and heartbroken, that I couldn't bring myself to return to class after that.

So, when I arrived in Rome, I decided that I was going to avoid men for a while. I'd done an admirable job, despite Carla's urgings, but meeting Alcide that night changed everything. I was a bit leery at first, but Carla and Paolo had known him for years, and Carla assured me he was every bit as sweet as he seemed. She also made a point of telling me that I seemed to be the first woman he'd shown interest in since his split with his girlfriend, Sophie-Anne. Perhaps it was that common ground that drew me to him. And she was right. He was sweet, exceptionally so.

Alcide's family lived in the Loire Valley, in a chateaux attached to their vineyard and winery. They produced a sweet, dessert wine known as Coteaux du Layon. The first time we discussed it, Alcide's eyes lit up as he animatedly explained all about the different wine producing regions, the types of wine, and why theirs was special. I could see that he loved what he did, and his excitement was infectious.

After that first weekend, every time Alcide came to Rome we spent all of our time together, although we were not intimate right away. My attraction to him, aside from the initial effect of his impressive physique, dark, unruly hair, and bright green eyes, grew slowly. It wasn't the frenetic, all-consuming, and nearly desperate pull I had with Eric, or the slow familiarity I'd shared with Bill. It was tentative, hesitant, and sweet. It was obvious we were both skittish, and we took our time with each other, getting to know one another.

Unfortunately, when I closed my eyes at night, more often than not, my dreams were filled with Eric. It was like he was under my skin and tattooed on the backs of my eyelids. It didn't help that I knew he was only a few hours away by train. Occasionally, when a fit of bravado would hit me, I'd want to go to Cambridge and see him. I imagined myself walking into his office, confident and powerful, and demanding that he stop hiding from me. Then he would finally take me on his desk, our mutual need and desire culminating in an almost animalistic coupling, after which he would lavish me with kisses and beg my forgiveness for being a fool. Of course, I would never go to him. Sex I could do, but exposing myself emotionally? I'd never been good at trusting men, but after what I went through with Bill? There was no way I could go to him, not when I'd seen the look in his eyes on Thanksgiving that told me he was through, and not after seeing his revulsion at what Bill did to me. Why would I humiliate myself like that?

When I dreamt of him, I would wake up in tangle of sweaty sheets, breathing heavily, and with drenched panties. Despite the pleasure I'd obviously experienced, however, those dreams would always leave me in tears. And at those moments, I hated him. Hated him for the hold he still had on me. Hated him for preventing me from opening myself up to someone as wonderful as Alcide. Hated him for not loving me, or if he did love me—as Amelia said he did—for not loving me enough to make an effort.

The first time Alcide and I made love was in Venice. He planned the trip just to see me, not for business. He surprised me by showing up on a Thursday, telling me to pack a bag, and then whisking me off for a weekend holiday. We ate dinner at a restaurant that was in a grotto, and then walked hand in hand through the Piazza San Marco. Afterward, we returned to the hotel, where Alcide proceeded to make love to me slowly and reverently. The next day, as we explored the city, I thought I felt someone watching me. I turned to look, and caught a passing glimpse of a tall, blond head. It couldn't be! I gave chase, but when I turned the corner whoever it was had disappeared. Alcide ran up to me, asking me what was wrong, but I told him that I just thought I'd seen a friend from school, but I must have been mistaken. I did believe I was mistaken, but my heart still beat erratically at the memory of my fevered dreams in the hospital seemingly come to life.

A month later, Alcide took me home to meet his family. That was the first time I began to wonder if Alcide and I could ever work out. When he initially described his home to me, I imagined a generously sized French country manor, but their home was much bigger. It was built of a pale limestone, with a slate roof. It had mullioned windows adorned with shutters, and a wide expanse of lawn in the front. I realized then that, foreign countries notwithstanding, Alcide and I had grown up under very, very different circumstances. I began to be nervous about what his parents would think of me, a plain barmaid from a no account town in Louisiana. As we pulled up to the door, a young girl on a horse rode across the lawn, and jumped off before the horse even came to a stop.

"Alcide!" She shrieked, and threw herself at him.

He laughed and hugged her back. "Victoire!" He pulled back and turned to me. "Sookie, I would like you to meet my sister, Victoire."

I held out my hand and said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Victoire."

She rolled her eyes at Alcide as she shook my hand. "No one but Alcide calls me Victoire," she said laughingly. "Please, call me Vicki. Welcome." Then she leaned forward and kissed me on both cheeks. Vicki radiated the same warmth and sweetness as Alcide, and I felt somewhat less nervous, assured that their parents must be nice if Alcide and his sister were any indication.

I wasn't disappointed. Alcide's parents, Maria and Victor (for whom Victoire was named), were warm and welcoming. By the time introductions were made, and I was shown to my room, I had just enough time to get freshened up before dinner. The food was fantastic, and I made a point of making sure I got to watch Maria the next time she cooked. I loved cooking and I knew I could learn a lot from her. If I'd had any worries about my humble upbringing, they were laid to rest when Maria told me how she and Victor met. It turned out that Maria was once an actress, with the stage name of Maria Starr. She'd grown up poor, in a small village, and ran away from home when she was fifteen. She made her way to Paris and began modeling for artists, until a French director spotted her and cast her in her in a small role. Apparently, when Victor saw her for the first time, he fell in love immediately and began to pursue her. At first she wanted nothing to do with him, but eventually he won her over. It was quite the social scandal, since Victor's family disapproved of the union, having expected him to marry the daughter of the man who owned the neighboring vineyard. "But how could I settle?" He asked, his eyes never leaving his wife's face, and his love clearly not dimmed by the years. How indeed? Came the unsolicited thought, and I tried to banish it from my mind. It was obvious that love and family— having children and continuing in this idyllic life—was important to them, to Alcide, and that gave me pause. Something must have shown on my face, because I felt Alcide's hand on my knee, squeezing lightly, so I turned and smiled reassuringly at him.

I don't know if Alcide sensed something, but when he came to our room later that night, he was much more aggressive than he'd ever been. It wasn't bad, in fact it was quite enjoyable, but it was very different from our usual lovemaking. Before, it had always seemed like he was afraid of hurting me. He told me once that he'd always had to be extra careful about what he did because he was so large and strong, and he was afraid he'd hurt someone. That night, however, he wasn't restrained. He made love with abandon, ferociously, and desperately. As if he thought I would slip away unless he claimed me. Maybe he was right. We fell asleep…[EDITED] SEE NOTE IN CHAPTER 2.

Two months later, my semester in Rome was at an end. Alcide had already convinced me to extend my stay into July, and asked me to accompany him to London in June. I knew we were both avoiding the elephant in the room, which was the fact that I was soon going to be returning to the States. When we arrived in London, and I found out we were staying at the Ritz, my eyes bugged out of my head. It was beyond extravagant, and when I made to protest, Alcide told me that it was the only place in London his family stayed, as the hotel was a large purchaser of their wine.

That night, after dinner and a touristy trip on a double-decker bus, we got caught in an unexpected London shower, and ran laughing back to the hotel. My white shirt was hiding very little, and my clothes were clinging to every one of my curves. As soon as the elevator doors shut, Alcide…[EDITED] SEE NOTE IN CHAPTER 2…I heard him murmur, "Je t'aime."

I don't know if he meant for me to hear it, or if he was already asleep, but I froze. I had been skirting the issue for some time. Carla had been asking me about my feelings for Alcide, and I'd hemmed and hawed, and talked around it, wrapping my war wounds around myself like a protective barrier. Lying there in the dark, with his warmth against me, however, I realized that I did love him. I just wasn't sure if I was in love with him.

The next day we ate breakfast in the room, and made love once again before getting showered and dressed. It almost seemed like he wanted to get his fill before I left him, or perhaps he just wanted to make certain that I knew what I'd be missing if I left. Then he asked what I wanted to do. He said he had a late afternoon meeting, but that the morning and lunch were mine. I immediately told him I wanted to go to Westminster, and specifically to Poet's Corner. The very idea of a place that immortalized the writers I loved sent a thrill through me. I talked excitedly about it, and Alcide laughed lightly, teasing me gently about my love of books and words.

We made our way to the southern part of the church, and as we approached Poet's Corner, Alcide's phone began to vibrate. "Merde," I heard him say, as he looked at who was calling. He stepped away to answer it, and I spun around slowly, taking in the gothic architecture of the church. Just as I was about to turn back, a tall figure made its way around the corner, and my heart skipped a beat and then lodged itself in my throat. It can't be! I thought. My hand flew to my mouth in surprise, and for a moment neither of us said anything. Then he broke the silence and said, "Sookie, you look," but before he could finish his thought, Alcide came back, wrapped his arm around me and said, "There you are, ma chérie!" Before kissing my cheek. I saw Eric visibly recoil at Alcide's display of affection, and I felt a momentary thrill that I could still affect him that way, but I pushed it aside, since I had no business feeling that while I was with Alcide.

Eric finished his thought, saying that I looked well, but somehow I don't think that was what he planned to say. After another awkward moment, I remembered my manners (Gran would have been so ashamed), and I introduced them, but I got stuck trying to explain just who Eric was. He saved me from myself and told Alcide that he taught at my university. It was vague enough and Alcide, gracious as ever, warmly said hello. Then he told me he was going to have to cut our sightseeing short, but that he would meet me in time for dinner. I was disappointed, to say the least, although I wasn't afraid of exploring Westminster alone and making my way back to the hotel. Instead, before I knew it, Eric and Alcide had come to an arrangement for my day. It happened so quickly, I didn't even have a chance to get mad at either one of them before Alcide was hurrying out, and Eric sketched the most ridiculous bow I'd ever seen. I had to laugh.

He took my arm, and I felt that current of electricity that always seemed to pass between us. It was something that I had not felt with anyone else, and I couldn't deny the power it had over me. I immediately looked at Eric, and found him staring at our arms in awe. Clearly he felt it as well. A shiver ran through my body at his touch, and it made me feel things I'd buried for months. At the same time, it terrified me and I wanted to yank my hand away and run. Instead, I put on a brave face and we toured Poet's Corner, stopping to read the memorials and epitaphs engraved there, and discussing some of the authors' works. Eric asked what I was doing in England, and I realized that he didn't even know I'd been abroad in the first place. So, I recounted my semester in Rome, meeting Alcide in Venice, and our decision to take this holiday together. I saw his eyes narrow momentarily when I mentioned Venice, but then it was gone.

We came upon Herrick's memorial and I found myself letting go of Eric's arm and approaching it by myself. I reached up to trace the letters, and I remembered a time when he had traced my lips with his finger in a similar fashion and quoted Herrick to me. Then I felt him behind me, his breath ghosting across my neck, and my head instinctively want to fall back against him. I knew that if he quoted Herrick to me again, I would be lost. I would betray Alcide and open myself up to fresh wounds. Instead, I turned around and begged him not to. When my tears began to fall, he reached out to wipe them away, and I ran. He caught up to me before I got very far, and grabbed my arm, forcing me to look up at him, into those glacial blue eyes that somehow managed to radiate warmth and hunger. I was without anchor, without sail, and whichever way his storm blew me I knew I was going to founder against the rocks. Then his mouth was on mine, and oh, God help me, but I kissed him back. The heat of his lips and his tongue seared me, and I felt something inside me rekindle, shooting fire through my veins. His mouth was soft and demanding, warm and wet, and I felt more alive in that moment than at any time in the previous six months. That feeling thrummed through me, vibrating until I thought I'd crack the old stones I was pressed against. And yet, something in me pulled me back. Something reined me in, and we both pulled away and said, "I can't."

"He's a good man," I whispered, because Alcide was, and he did not deserve what I'd done.

"I'm not," he replied.

"Yes you are," I answered, confused by his response.

"No. When it comes to you, I'm selfish, high handed, and unfair. I'm sorry." He stepped away from me, clearly blaming himself for everything.

I began to tell him that he was wrong, that we were both to blame, but he silenced me with his finger on my lip, and I closed my eyes as the electricity pulsed through us once more. He brooked no argument about taking me back to the hotel, and when I told the driver where, he laughed and said something about Fate that I didn't understand until we walked into the hotel, and I discovered that he was staying there as well. Fate really did seem to be a cruel mistress, as we realized we were only a couple of doors down from each other. It seemed my life was destined to be difficult.

When he said goodbye, he kissed my cheek and I know I leaned in to him, wanting to savor the connection for another moment. I felt him pause before he turned and left. I watched him walk away, enjoying the sight of his gorgeous behind. I would deal with my guilt when the door shut behind me.

Which is exactly what I did. I got angry at Eric for, once again, toying with my emotions. I got angry at Fate for throwing him in my path. Finally, I got angry at myself for letting it go so far, for allowing myself to be drawn into his orbit again, where I would just wind up being spun off, adrift and without tether. I had a man who loved me, who treated me with respect and caring, and who made love to me as if I was the last woman he ever wanted to touch. A man I loved as well. I resolved to make sure Alcide knew that I loved him that night, even as the darker corners of my mind asked, But are you in love with him? Are you settling? And when he knows everything about you, will he be settling as well?

I took extra care getting dressed for dinner that night, wanting to make sure I looked especially good for Alcide. I tried not to let the guilt eat at me, but I can't deny that it wasn't what was driving me. I wore some sexy lingerie under my dress that he had brought me from Paris, and put up my hair the way he liked. When he stepped into the room, he just stood and stared at me, raking his eyes over me. Then he walked over, or rather stalked over, grabbed me by the back of the neck and kissed me as if his life depended on it. "Ma chérie," he said, his voice hoarse with desire, "you make it very difficult to want to leave this room." And he began placing warm, open mouthed kisses on my neck and throat.

"Then let's not," I answered.

He captured my mouth in another kiss before chuckling lightly and saying, "Oh, you are a temptress, but no! Tonight I am taking you out. Besides, I want to show you off. I want every man who sees you to burn with jealousy that you are with me." He punctuated his statement with another deep kiss, and his hand lightly grazed my breast. I can't say that I wasn't turned on. It wasn't the deep fire Eric lit inside me earlier that day, but it was still good. I pushed Eric to the back of my mind.

I fixed my lipstick, and wiped off the traces I'd left on Alcide's mouth, and then he led me out of the room. Just as the door closed behind us, we came face to face with Eric. I silently cursed Fate once more, as I took in how wonderful he looked. His hair was down and flowing around his shoulders, and he was wearing a light gray turtleneck sweater that, somehow, made his ice blue eyes look stormy; black pants perfectly encased his award-winning ass. Eric looked at me with undisguised lust in his eyes. His gaze was so intense, that before he even said a word, I could feel moisture between my legs. I didn't know how Alcide didn't see it. Eric finally told me that I looked lovely, and my blush started at my toes and raced its way up to my face. When Alcide leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Burning with jealousy, my temptress," I realized that he absolutely had seen Eric's reaction. Then he invited Eric to join us! There was no way I would make it through dinner with the two of them, and thankfully Eric politely declined, saying that he had plans. I was so relieved.

Alcide took me to a lovely restaurant for dinner, and despite what people say, the British absolutely do know how to cook. I was distracted during dinner, as images of Eric kept jumping into my head, but once we started dancing, I let it all go. At first we were just having fun, but eventually, we wound up grinding up against each other in a not-so-PG-rated version of some dirty dancing. He spun me around so my back was against his chest and his hard on was pressed against my backside. He put his hands on my hips and we moved in tandem, swaying and bumping to the music. Then he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Every man in here is watching us, and they all want you. But it's me you are going to leave with, and it's me who is going to…

[EDITED] SEE NOTE IN CHAPTER 2

…this time when he said, "Je t'aime," he wasn't asleep, and he clasped a beautiful diamond pendant around my neck. We fell asleep entwined, but once again, I dreamed of Eric. I dreamed of Niall's wine cellar, and…[EDITED] SEE NOTE IN CHAPTER 2…but he was still sleeping peacefully, his handsome face nearly boyish in sleep; his long, dark lashes lay against his cheeks, and several curls were plastered to his forehead. I began to cry. Why? Why couldn't Eric leave me alone? Why did he have to haunt my dreams? Why did he have to remind me of what only he'd been able to give me, to do to me, to make me feel? I lay there for hours until finally, at five, I gave up and decided to go for a walk.

I slipped on a pair of jeans and a warm, v-neck sweater, threw on some sneakers, and headed out. It had rained while we were inside, and the sidewalks were wet. The air was cool and clean, and the streets were relatively quiet. I walked over to Green Park and just wandered for a bit, trying to clear my head of Eric and bring my focus back to Alcide. I kept worrying about whether I was settling, but I didn't think I was. Alcide was a wonderful man, an attentive lover, and generous almost to a fault. He adored me, he loved me, and he wanted me. Eric made me feel things inside that I never knew were possible, but even if he did love me, he didn't seem to want me, at least not as part of his life, or as anything other than an occasional liaison. I realized that I deserved more. I fingered the diamond at my throat. I'd forgotten it was still on when I left the hotel.

The sun began to tint the horizon pink, and I decided to head back. I was getting cold and wanted a cup of coffee. Plus, if Alcide woke up, he'd be worried. I walked back to the hotel, feeling a bit lighter. I deserved this happiness. I deserved to try and figure out a way to make my relationship with Alcide work, despite the distance. I was going to tell him that I loved him, and we were going to figure out a way to survive the separation. I was almost at the hotel, and was turning the pendant over in my fingers again, when I looked up. Approaching from the other direction was Eric, and in the dim glow of the early morning light, he looked every bit the Viking he was descended from, and he had a slight smile on his face. My heart began to thud in my chest, and I felt that unbearable pull toward him. NO! My brain screamed. Alcide is waiting for you! When Eric saw me, he came to a stop. His eyes followed my hand and stopped at my throat, and the smile faltered. For a moment, he just held me in his gaze, and I felt like a rabbit trapped by the hunter, a rabbit that knows it is about to be caught. He brought his eyes back to mine, then he turned on his heel and left. I let out a shaky breath, and willed away my tears. Alcide was waiting, and so was my future. But first, there was something I would have to tell him.