Epilogue

However sad he was from Godric's death, he felt the need to pretend like he was the strong one. Like he was the one who could handle anything.
Ariana couldn't. After feeding her his blood, waiting anxiously for her to wake, letting her grief and anger and blame wash over him, he had asked her to accompany back to Louisiana. She had refused.
He'd asked her again. And again and again until she finally agreed to go. He knew how much she was hurting – he felt it. By feeding her his blood he had created a bond – another thing she liked to swear about.
As they returned to Louisiana, he had taken on the burden of pretending he did not care what had happened in Dallas. Pam was worried, of course, but accepted Ariana as she was – a wreck.
She stayed for six whole weeks. Six weeks he complied her to stay. Something was odd though. Despite the blood, she didn't seem to feel any different about him than she had before. He had to admit that to some extent, it frustrated him; as if she suddenly cared for nothing. Sensing her emotions was something he had been curious for ever since they had met. Yet now, he wished he didn't. All she felt was agonizing, heartbreaking, earsplitting pain. Betrayal. And nothing at all. Moments of complete absence of emotions seemed to pop up more and more. He couldn't deny it was not distracting.
But the new blood bond brought another unexpected feature.
It enhanced what he had felt for her for a very long time, but what he had buried deep inside, so deep he had forgotten of its existence. Something he was afraid to feel – he had seen what it did to humans, what it did to Godric, what it had done to her now. No, the things he felt when she did smile at him, when touched his hand or when she cried in his arms were absolutely forbidden. She was Godric's; even his death would not change that.

That was the lie he told himself every night again. And every time she smiled, he forgot it again.

Another month later

Fury engulfed him. How could she?
He crushed the phone in his hand. Pam stood by the bar and warily assessed his changing expression. He breathed in heavily, trying to figure out why it hurt so much yet again.
Pam shook her head sadly. 'She did it. Didn't she?' His head snapped up. His eyes were swimming with bloody tears.
She jumped over the bar and approached him. 'She couldn't. I get it. Eric, don't you? She didn't . . . What happened with you was . . . Comfort. That's all it was, Eric. You knew that.'
He breathed in deeply, trying to prevent himself from hitting Pam. Pam opened her mouth again. 'Maybe it's –' He broke her off, pushing her away. 'Don't!' He snarled. 'Don't say it's better! She was all I had! Now she is gone too! SHE'S DEAD!' He roared, 'She's dead and she's not coming back!'
Then he broke down. Pretending not to care had been easier when it had been only Godric. But both of them. . . Ariana. . . Alex . . . Godric . . .
He fell to his knees and cried.

He seen her just a week ago. The night before she had left. She'd seemed better than she had been before. He sank into the memory, finding reliving it less painful than the reality.

ERIC'S POV - Week before

I sat on my usual throne-like chair and watched the crowd of people in the club. A lot of vampires were in tonight. My eye fell on Ariana, who stood at the bar, talking to some guy. I felt a sudden emotion sweep through me. I couldn't place it. I hadn't felt it before. But I had heard of it. I knew what it was.
Jealousy. Though I had no right whatsoever to be jealous, I found myself being extremely jealous.
I fought the urge to flit over there and declare her mine. Kick the guy's ass. She'd kill me. I sighed instead and continued to watch her as she ordered another drink. She swung it down in one gulp and ordered a beer next.
She pounded that too, moving smoothly through the crowd of people. I got bored by sitting there. I got up and moved into the crowd, towards her. By the time I got there, she'd drained the bottle. Again. She was attempting to put it back on a table, but she couldn't get it right. She spotted me. She smiled.
God, I love that smile. It seemed hardly possible to think anything else.

'Eric,' she said, 'why is the table moving? It's . . . ' She made a wavy move with her hand. 'Swaying.' I smirked. 'I don't think the table is swaying. You are. I think, Ariana, that you have had just one too many.' I pried the empty bottled from her grip and set it on the table. She shook her head. 'No! I have not! Cannot possibly be. I've only had . . .' She fell silent, trying to count on her fingers. She frowned. 'Shit. I think I'd better stop.' I smiled. 'Yeah, seems safest. Before you do something stupid.' She grinned naughtily and pulled me into a tight hug. I suddenly felt very warm. I wasn't sure if that was such a good thing.
She leaned away. 'Like hugging a big bad Viking Vampire?' I half-smiled and put my arm around her shoulder. 'Let's get you out of here, shall we?' I could've asked any other vampire in the bar to do it. I just couldn't stand the idea of her being alone with another vampire.
I pulled her to the back of the club, into the employee room; thankfully, it was empty. I looked back at her and my breath caught in my throat. No matter how much I fancied Sookie, she could never compare to Ariana. She leaned to my arm; the one I had put around her.
She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen in my entire life. And coming from me, that means a lot. The way I could drown her deep blue eyes and her the way her dark hair framed her perfect face. Her full lips; pink and so kissable. What else was I to do, when she leaned to me that way? I did the only sane thing of that moment — I kissed her.

It was like a shot of adrenalin, causing me to stop breathing at all. It was only a peck to provoke her, see what she would do, but she quickly deepened it. As her tongue brushed against my bottom lip I growled and she took advantage to slip her wicked tongue into my mouth. I wrapped her legs around my torso, making sure our lips were in constant contact. Hardly aware of what I was doing, I sprinted over to my office and shut the door. My hands roamed every inch of her body freely. She moaned. I kissed her neck, down to her cleavage and back up to meet her soft lips again. She nuzzled my neck. I looked down at her and she gazed up at me with innocent eyes. My heart stopped. She smiled at me suggestively.
I tried to remember how to breath. 'Are you sure?' I whispered, fully aware I was about to lose all my self-control.

She shook her head. 'No. . . But I'm sure that I want you.' She kissed me, moving down from my lips to my neck and then my chest. Her hands wandered further down. That was it for my self-control.

He didn't go to the funeral. He knew he couldn't handle it. Guilt was consuming him.
He should have denied her advances. He should have known better. But when she . . . He shook his head. There was no excuse for what he had done.
She had left the following morning, when he was asleep. He had called her several times to . . . To what? Apologize? He wasn't sorry about that night. He was not sorry about having sex with her. If he got to do it all over again, he knew he would probably do it again. He had loved her. He still did. But now, just like he had done with Alex and Godric, he had to let go. He had to shut down the part of him that ached. It was the only way to survive. It always had been. He rewound the tape he had been watching.
The broadcast in which Ariana gave her version of the events in Dallas. The only thing he had to remember her. He swallowed.

Sookie had texted him when she'd seen it on the news. It was big news, and now, people all over America showed sympathy to the girl who had lost everything she had because some other humans decided to meddle in her life and destroy it. Suddenly, the Fellowship of the Sun was a lot less popular than it had been before.
They had tried to limit the damage by announcing their regret and deepest condolences on the six o'clock news. Yet to no avail. People were enraged that something like this could happen in America. Eric paused the tape when Ariana smiled.
His heart ached. He swallowed again and raised the clicker. His finger hovered over the 'stop' button. He closed his eyes and stopped the video.
Then, agonizingly slow, he raised his hand to the 'delete' button.

A tear ran down his cheek. And he pushed to the button, deleting the video, deleting his last image of Ariana, his love for her.

He shut down his heart. And nothing remained.

Yes people, this is it. The very end of 'Godric'!
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