Jasper leaned forward and hid his face in his hands.
"Jasper," Katie said bluntly, not taking her eyes off the road, "What were you thinking?" He lifted his head to look at her. "Max clearly wasn't ready for that."
Jasper sighed and frowned. "I thought he was ready. We were in a good place, he and I were getting along." A note of desperation was creeping into his voice.
Katie groaned in reply. "It was too much pressure for the little guy, Jas." She shook her head in exasperation. "Was there any reason you couldn't explain this to mom and dad?"
"We… well… I didn't want them thinking that I can't handle this!"
"Jasper!" Katie snapped, irritated. "You need to stop caring what they think. Max comes first, you're a dad now. Jesus, I shouldn't have to tell you this, you're the one with the kid."
"I know that, Katie! I have this under control," Jasper replied with a glare, but Katie met his with her own.
"Considering what happened, you clearly don't, Jasper!" Katie snapped. "Grow up and face the facts! You can't have this perfect little family of yours; the perfect family doesn't exist!"
"Katie…!" Jasper started, but slammed his mouth shut with a grimace instead.
Things were silent in the car for a minute before Jasper spoke up quietly, "Am I a bad father?"
Katie bit her lip and looked at her brother in sympathy. "Jasper… No, you're far from a bad father." He looked up at her, feelings of regret consuming him.
"I'm so new to this 'being a father' thing," he murmured. "I just want to be a good dad for Max; I don't want to make him miserable."
They reached the apartment building and entered the parking lot. Katie pulled into a space and put the car in park. She glanced at him, then patted him on the back. "C'mon, Jazzy," she said softly. "You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and take action. You can be that awesome dad. It's not too late, you just started. It's still the first month, after all. You won't be perfect, but as long as you have Max as a first priority, you'll be a good dad."
Jasper smiled at her. "Thanks, Katie, I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for being hard on me when I need it."
She chuckled in reply. "It's not a problem. Now get going you, I'll see ya later. You'll be able to work it out."
He nodded. "See ya, sis." He then exited the car and began heading up to his apartment. Now that Jasper had to take action and confront Max, he felt his stomach knotted up in nervousness; he was overwhelmed with the worry of not doing the right thing as a father. He thought back to Katie's words: it wasn't too late; it was only the first month.
Jasper pushed the front door open slowly. He walked in and noticed that the only person in the main room was David, who was at the dining room table looking at his laptop. David gave him a soft smile when he noticed Jasper's entrance.
"Hey," Jasper greeted quietly, giving David an awkward wave as he did so.
"Hey," David echoed, turning away from his computer.
Jasper walked over to David and sat beside him; folding his arms on the table and burying his face in them. "I screwed up pretty bad, Davey," he murmured quietly.
David brushed his hands through Jasper's hair. "Aw, Jas, I think I'm at fault too for how it went down." He bowed his head and frowned sadly. "I know him best, I should have seen it coming."
Jasper bit his lip and lifted his head up to look at David. "Maybe we should stop talking about who's at fault." He didn't feel like having this conversation when there was something more important. "How is he?" he asked gently. David stroked his chin absentmindedly.
"He… was very anxious afterwards. You know, in his way. He'd hate it if you pointed it out, that he's worried about something." David rubbed his eyes for a moment before looking at Jasper with a dejected stare. "But I could clearly tell he was worried. I think he's worried that you're angry at him."
Jasper huffed a pained sigh; he was anything but angry at Max after what happened. "I'm going to go talk to him." David nodded in agreement.
"Alright, be gentle with him," he warned solemnly.
"Of course. I don't want him to be miserable over this." With that, he stood up from the chair and headed to Max's room.
Standing in front of Max's door left him feeling unsteady, but he pushed aside his doubts and tentatively knocked on the door.
Max irritably yelled out, "What?"
Jasper gnawed on his lip for a moment before responding. "Can I can come in please, Max?"
What felt like an eternity passed before Max's reply, "Yeah." He sounded more resigned than angry now.
With slow steps, Jasper walked into the room. Inside he could see Max was laying on his side, facing the wall. David's iPad was laid discarded on the bedside table. Max must have been playing with it before Jasper arrived.
"Go on," Max called out tiredly, "Get on with it."
Guilt, sympathy, and regret gripped tightly at Jasper's heart; Max clearly expected to get an angry lecture. "Okay, I will." He sighed. "I'm sorry, Max. I failed you as a parent."
Max rolled over towards Jasper and gave him an incredulous stare; he seemed utterly stunned. For a moment, Max digested his words, then: "What?" he scoffed. "Failed me? You wanted me to be goody-goody with your family and I fucked that up and you're the one saying sorry?"
Jasper walked over to Max's bed and sat down beside him. "You were anxious, I shouldn't have put you up to this so soon. I realise now that you weren't ready for that. I should have taken you out of the house or at least the room when I saw how nervous you were getting."
Max scowled and looked away from him. Jasper figured that perhaps Max hated being insinuated as weak or not being ready. But he could hardly argue with Jasper's words, considering what had just happened.
"I… I'm new to this parenting thing… and I made such a stupid mistake. I acted like an immature kid. I wanted to show my parents I could handle this, but all I did was prove that I'm not as mature I'd like to think." Jasper felt his eyelids drop closed and he wrapped his arms around himself. "I should have put you before any attempt to impress my parents. I need to be a good father to you and I wasn't."
Max fidgeted; his hands played with the hem of his shirt for a moment before crossing his arms. "I don't think you're a bad father," he murmured.
Jasper's frown deepened slightly; he'd bet money that pretty much anything was better than what Max's birth parents could do. "Even so," he said resolutely. "I screwed up." He licked his lips and tipped his head back. "I still want you to meet them at some point, they're my family. They're important to me like you are to me, I promise I'll make sure we do it right next time, alright?"
He sighed; tapping his fingers on his, trying to find the words. "They aren't bad people, Max. I don't want to rub this in your face or anything when I say this, but I've come from a family that loves and supports one another. We don't judge each other or be nasty to each other. We have our arguments and misunderstanding yes. But we all love each other, and I just… want to have you be a part of that, to show you what a close family bond can be like."
Max watched him intently as he explained himself. Jasper smiled down at him in a friendly manner. "For now you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You don't have to push yourself," he said, trying to sound reassuring.
Max tilted his head at him, and his usual smirk appeared for a moment. "I don't have to go to school? That would be pushing myself."
Jasper's eyebrow rose and he gave Max an unimpressed smile. "Yes, Max, you have to go to school," he said with a somewhat amused tone. He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, I just want you to…" he stopped for a moment, wondering if now was an appropriate time to give the 'I just want you to do your best' speech.
But, as if reading his mind, Max quickly caught on without Jasper's explanation. "You want me to do my best. Yeah, yeah," he said tersely, rolling his own eyes as he did so, "Eat my greens, do my best in school, brush my teeth. I get it."
The accurate assessment of his thoughts prompted a huff of laughter from Jasper. "Yeah, cool. That's all I'm asking. You don't have to push yourself to do anything you don't want to, like playing soccer with me."
"No…" Max said with an annoyed sigh; moving to a sitting position as he did so, "I do actually like the soccer." Jasper glanced at him with slight surprise. Although it was clear to him that Max did like soccer from their time playing together, the circumstances of how they finally started playing together was an awkward one. It was definitely something Jasper would prefer not to repeat. "I just didn't… like you when I first met you," he said blankly.
"Oh, when you put it that way…" Jasper chuckled.
"You're hardly unique," Max said, his smirk back in force. "I don't like most people when I first meet them."
"Hehe, yeah I got that impression, little man," Jasper said with a snort, giving Max's shoulder a light punch.
He looked up at the ceiling with a groan. "With the soccer… I actually wanted to do some sort of sport when I was smaller. I used to ask my dad to come play soccer or whatever sport I saw other kids playing with their dads. I'd ask him at least once a week. I remember one day when I was asking him once again and…" He paused for a moment in his story, looking down at his lap, his body still for a moment; as if he were in deep thought. Jasper was about to ask if him if he was okay when Max suddenly whipped his head towards Jasper with a sneer. "I realised that no matter how much I asked him he wasn't going to do shit. I knew I was wasting my breath asking."
Jasper placed a hand on Max's shoulder for a moment, but the dirty look he received told him that his sympathy was unwanted and he drew his hand back. "Look, Max, if you ever wanna to do or try something, you can let me or David know, okay? David and I want to make sure you're happy, that's the most important thing to us. I'm sorry that you're parents treated you like you were an annoyance, you're not an annoyance to me or David, okay?"
"Okay, I get it, Jasper," Max replied, nodding quickly, sounding as if he were becoming impatient with the whole thing.
"Alright," Jasper said gently. "What did you want for dinner, you can decide tonight."
The sudden change in Max's expression, with brighter eyes and loosening tension, told him that Max liked the idea of that. "Pizza," he said without much delay.
Jasper smiled warmly. "Alright, pizza it is." The immediate agreement brought a pleased smile to Max's face. Jasper liked to think that their conversation went well and that it was a sign that things were improving between him and Max.