When One's World Is Shaken

Author: MoonStarDutchess

Chapter 19: No More Haunting

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA

Warning: Descriptions are vivid and Gregory's words are disturbing. Reader discretion is advised as it has been throughout the story.

No More Haunting

As soon as Roy and Riza walked through the door, Marcie rushed out of the kitchen and engulfed Riza in a hug.

"Oh dear! I was worried sick!" she said.

"Sorry to worry you Marcie," Riza apologized

The old woman pulled away and smiled. "It's all right. All that matters is that you are safe. Now, come and eat some lovely hot food!" she said and walked back into the kitchen.

"She changes moods the quickest I've ever seen. How does she do that?" Roy asked.

"I've wondered that myself," Riza replied with a small laugh.

"I wonder if your grandfather is back yet."

"Yes he is! Now get your butts in here," Marcie yelled.

"That woman has incredible hearing," Roy said.

Riza merely nodded and the two made their way to the dining room.

--

Roy walked out of the bathroom after taking a hot shower and saw that Riza was sitting up in bed, with a book on her lap. However, her hazel gaze wasn't on the words of the book, but staring straight ahead, focusing on nothing in particular. He knew the only time she spaced out like this was when she was deep in thought.

"I thought you'd be asleep," he said, bringing her out of her musings. She shook her head as she closed her book, sat it on the nightstand beside her, and then rested her hands back on her lap.

"I had something to think about?" she said.

"That was?" he questioned.

"Can I go back to work?" she asked bluntly.

Roy's eyes widened at the question. She could go back to work anytime but it wasn't a question of physically being able to do so, but mentally. It was more of a question of should she return to work.

"Do you think you are ready? Is this just about the journal?"

"Partially because of the journal but mostly because I think I need to get back to my normal life as much as possible. I think going back to work would be a good way to do that."

Roy walked around to his side of the bed and crawled under the comforter. "If you really think you will be able to handle it."

"I won't know unless I try. I'll only come back if you are comfortable with me doing so. I don't want to inconvenience you in any way."

"Why don't we compromise?" he questioned.

"How?"

"Start you out with half a day and then increase it the more you feel comfortable. Baby steps so to speak," he said. "Maybe let Havoc deliver any paperwork that needs to be sent far across HQ. You can just stick to the main building until you are more comfortable."

"That's a good idea," Riza said. "I just don't want you to get too clingy. I want to be treated like a fellow officer and not just your wife, even though there were job modifications."

"All right, Lieutenant Hawkeye…no… wait I do believe it would be Lieutenant Mustang now, right?" he said with a smirk.

"Yes, I am no longer a Hawk," she said with a small laugh.

Suddenly Roy was reminded of the gifts that he got for her at the marketplace that day.

He got out of bed and walked to the table where the bag containing the items was located. "I almost forgot about these," he said, holding up the bag so she could see it.

"What are those?" she questioned.

He just grinned and walked back over and crawled back in bed.

"I got these for you at the Xingese marketplace when I went for Marcie."

"Riza took the bag and reached inside to pull out two sets of chopsticks.

"What are these for? You know I am useless with these things," she said.

Roy took them from her and grinned. "Those are for your chopstick lesson."

"Lesson?" she questioned.

"It's about time you learn to eat with them. So I am going to teach you. I thought it would be a fun and unique way to spend some time together."

Riza laughed. "Silly man," she said and reached into the bag to pull out a flat box. She opened it and smiled at the simple but beautiful Hawk charm on the gold chain.

"You like it?" he questioned.

Riza nodded. "It's wonderful."

"Open the others," he said.

"There are others?" she questioned, looking down in the bag. Sure enough, there were a few other items. She opened them all and loved each item. Finally, she gathered the boxes and sat them on the nightstand. She folded the silk scarves the boxes were wrapped in, and sat them on the nightstand as well. She got up on her knees and faced Roy.

"Thank you, I love them."

Roy returned her smile and nodded. "There are some really nice things we can get for the house at the market. If you want to go with a Xingese look inside as well. That's up to you."

"Xingese is the only way to go with that house," she said with a smile.

She crawled over and sat down closer to him. She leaned against his body as he wrapped his arm around her. After reaching over to turn off the lamp, they laid down under the covers. Riza moved her head to rest on his shoulder and quickly fell asleep. Roy laid there awake for the longest time just staring at her. Once again realizing how lucky he was and how beautiful she was, both inside and out.

--

"Are you sure?" Roy asked, as they got ready for work the next morning.

"I am sure," she said. "I have to do this."

"It's a big step Riza. I feel like you are taking this too lightly. After everything that happened yesterday, you should …"

"Roy, I want to go back to work. Please respect that decision," she said, tucking her shirt into her pants. He gazed at how the brown shirt clung to her curves and was extremely thankful that the jacket hid that body. She was much less curvy than she was before her raped but that didn't make her more or less attractive. It was a merely a small change in an ever-changing world.

"I do respect that," he said, walking over to her and putting his hands on each side of her waist. "I am just worried about you."

"I know," she said, "But you don't have to be. I am fine and ready to go back to work." Riza honestly didn't know how true that statement was but she wanted to reassure Roy that he didn't have to worry. Somewhere deep now, she knew that her reassurance would do little good.

"It's in my nature to worry about you. Ingrained deep within me." He rested his lips on top of hers and kissed her lightly, only closing his eyes slightly at the feather light position of his lips on hers. He pulled away and smiled at her.

"You have therapy today don't you?" she questioned.

Roy nodded. "Yes, at one o clock. I can cancel today if you need me at work."

"No, you can go. I don't need you." She then realized how that sounded. She was terrified that Roy might take that statement the wrong way. "What I meant was-" she started to explicate.

"I know what you meant Riza," he said, cutting her off mid sentence.

She smiled and pulled away from him.

"Let's go to work," she said.

After breakfast, Roy and Riza left the house and got into their car. Roy stuck the key in the ignition and turned to her. "You are sure?" he asked yet again, his eyebrows were furrowed and a look of concern was pasted on his face.

She looked at him, smiled softly, and nodded. She made no mention of the fact that this made the tenth time this morning that he asked her that question. "Roy, I am sure."

"All right," he said. "As long as you are sure."

Riza was starting to get annoyed and really starting to despise the word sure.

"Roy, for the last time. I am sure about this. No doubts that I am sure. I am the surest person in the world. Now if you don't start the car I am sure we are going to be late," she said, making it very clear through her tone that she was greatly annoyed.

"All right, sorry," he said and started the car.

--

Riza wouldn't admit it to Roy but her fear increased the closer they got to headquarters. More questions were flying in her head, asking her subconscious and consciousness repeatedly for answers that she didn't have anywhere in her body. Like always, she didn't know why she was thinking what she was. She had no clue why she was afraid when Gregory was now dead. Her two closest friends knew, so she didn't have to worry about them hating her, and the investigation team was a tight-lipped bunch. Riza knew people wouldn't be able to tell what had happened just by looking at her, but a small part of her brain kept insisting that they would. It was downright ridiculous. Emotions shouldn't be this jumbled.

It was almost as if her brain was divided into individually labeled territories. She saw one territory filled to the brim with all her fears, self-doubts, anxieties, and so on. It was as if they were at war with the other territories of her brain. As if they were trying to conqueror her morals, her standards, her loves. As if they were trying to kill both her work side of her personality and decimate the personal side of her life. It was as if they were trying to imprison her in her own life: Control something that she should be controlling.

It wouldn't happen anymore. She would confront that army and push them back into their own territory. She wouldn't be conquered and pushed around by some unwelcomed invaders.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to look at Roy. He was no longer driving and they were sitting in the parking lot at headquarters.

"You okay," he questioned.

"I was just thinking that this is the right thing if I want to conquer this invading army in my head."

Roy looked quite confused causing Riza to laugh. "It's not really important. Just a bunch of metaphors I have for what's happened and what I need to do. What I need to do for the rest of my life."

Roy lifted his hand and stroked her cheek. "And what is it you need to do?"

"Move on," she said. "There will be struggles for me but I . . . I can't let it stop me from enjoying the life I have. I can't let it hide how lucky I am to survive. How lucky I am to have you, my grandfather, Marcie, and my friends. I'll walk that path and try not to fall."

"I'll be there to walk beside you Riza and help you up if you do," Roy replied.

"I know," she said. "I'll never be able to show you how much I appreciate that."

"Just stay with me. That's more than enough," he said and leaned in to kiss her gently.

--

Riza held the notebook in her hand as she sat in Roy's office. They completed the paperwork required in a timely manner so that Roy could read the journal before he left for Dr. Lawson's office. Roy was on the couch beside her and frowning. He obviously didn't want her to read the things Gregory wrote. He waited for her to hand it back to him. No, that wasn't right. He wanted her to hand it back to him.

He looked down at the notebook in her hands. It was the average spiral notebook that one could buy in any store in the world. It wasn't a journal when one thinks of the standard look of a journal. The front page of the book that would have had the brand name of the paper was torn off. There was a circular stain of some kind on the edges of the first few pages. His messy scrawl was scratched across the faded blue lines on the old paper. The metal spiral that bound the book was undone in the top five holes making it slightly difficult to turn.

"Riza are you sure you want to…" he stopped when she flipped the page and took a deep breath. Gregory's writing was only slightly worse than Roy's was so it wasn't that difficult to make out the words. The first few pages of the journal read like an autobiography written about Roy. With a few of Gregory's opinions thrown in. He was praising Roy for his accomplishments. It didn't seem like he hated him at all.

"Riza, I need to go to Dr. Lawson's office. Let me have the journal and you can finish it when I get back."

"I'll read it while you are gone," she said. "I've finished my work for the day and someone needs to be here to answer your phone."

"Riza, I don't think you should be alone when you read this," he said.

She turned to him and smiled softly upon seeing his worried expression.

"I think that may be exactly what I need," she said. She withheld the urge to touch him or kiss him in the slightest. It wasn't proper to do when both of them were in uniform. When he didn't look convinced she said, "I promise I will stay right here and lock the door. Nothing will happen; other than a few tears. I am sure."

"Those tears are what I am afraid of. I don't want you alone when you are going through that."

"Roy, I don't only cry when you are around. There have been plenty of tears when I've been on my own."

"I know but…" he stopped when he saw her resolute look. He knew there was no use arguing with her. He moved to kiss her forehead but she placed a hand on his lips.

"Not while we are in uniform," she said.

Roy pouted. "You still don't want to go by that do you? I thought you were kidding with that rule."

"No, I wasn't," she said, standing and going around to sit in the chair behind his desk. "You don't want to miss your appointment."

"Someday I am going to convince you to make out in this office," he said before he thought better of it. He started to apologize to her but didn't when he saw the small smile on her face.

"When hell freezes over," she replied.

"Humm…" Roy said. "I'll have to find a way to do that with alchemy. If there is a hell that is. The verdict is still out on that one"

She smiled. "You have an appointment to keep," she said.

"I'm going, I'm going," he said and left the room, locking the door right before he shut it. She shook her head and took a deep breath before returning her gaze to the journal.

--

Roy told Doctor Lawson about the events that happened since the last time he saw her, and found himself feeling much lighter after getting them off his chest. He confessed that he was worried about doing and saying everything wrong and his worry that he might smother Riza or push her away. Doctor Lawson smiled after he finished talking and said some words that he wasn't expecting.

"The recovery is coming along really well," she said.

"What? Did you just hear about all the things that went on yesterday? No, that went on during the last few days?"

"Yes, I did. I confess that the shooting and the fact that the rapist killed himself is less than normal happenings, but I was talking about Riza's feelings. The way she's acting is going along with the process of recovery. Tell me, have you seen much of a change in her since the first week and now?"

Roy thought about it. Riza had changed significantly. She was becoming slightly more comfortable in her skin again. She was a bit more affectionate and tended to tense up a lot less when they went out. That day he was shot, she walked to the hospital on her own, and earlier today she'd actually walked over to the law building instead of letting Havoc do it.

"I have," he said finally. She's doing a lot more things than she used to. She's taking control of what she used to do all the time at work. I mean, she still has those times when she thinks about it. I know it's only been a few weeks and that can be expected, but she's recovering well. But…"

"But… you are worried about something?"

"Isn't it too soon?" he questioned. "I am worried that's it's too soon. I am worried that she's making herself do this because of me. Because I am worried for her. I am afraid that she's not really recovered. That she's acting so I won't worry."

"I don't think it's too soon and she's probably not fully recovered. One never becomes fully recovered. The difference I see in Riza and other victims that I counsel is the fact that Riza has a lot of support. More than I see most people having. She has people that love her and are there to lift her up. That is very important. She also had a mental standpoint that made recovery much easier. The fact that she's realistic and good at logic has helped her exponentially. The recovery of a person with that and a person without it will vary. I've had victims that resume their everyday lives and are living well within two weeks and there are others that have been struggling with it from six months to a year. It all varies depending on numerous circumstances. Just continue to be there for her and she will recover fine."

Roy nodded. "I will."

"I will speak with Riza tomorrow during her session. Depending on how that goes, I may make a suggestion about the two of you coming in together for a joint session. I think that will be very good for the both of you. Would you be willing if your wife is?"

"Yes," Roy said. "As long as Riza is comfortable with it, I will be."

"All right then," Doctor Lawson said.

--

Riza was no reading in the middle of the journal. She felt like her stomach had flipped, and was tied in knots. There were chill bumps along her upper arms as she read the vindictive and jealous words on the page. She wanted to vomit as her eyes lingered across the page at each and every syllable of written poison that came to her notice. Gregory spoke about how Roy had everything he deserved. How fate completely fucked him over and gave him a life that wasn't fit for a dog.

He was calling Roy an arrogant bastard, an undeserving asshole, and a few other names that she couldn't make out. Just from the thickness of the ink and the smudges, she could tell that they were words that she would never want to utter anyway.

As she turned the page, something slid off it and fell on her lap. She sat the notebook down and picked up the item. She narrowed her eyes and cursed Gregory. How did he get this picture? He had to have gotten extremely close to accomplish it.

She stared down at the picture and her stomach twisted once again. She felt like her throat was clogged with cotton and her lungs were filled. She was disgusted. Not at what was in the picture but the fact that Gregory had this. The fact that he had the same thing on camera, in live action, so to speak. He had no right to see them in such a position. He had no right to pictures of her on her husband, making love to him. Her head was tilted back in pleasure and Roy's hands were cupping her breasts, his face mirroring the look of her own.

He had no right to watch such beautiful and intimate actions! Her emotions were right between disgust and anger. Since when did scumbags like him ever give a damn about someone's rights? She wadded the picture up and gripped it tightly in her fist. Roy told her that he had things like this, but actually seeing one he possessed with her own eyes was an entirely different matter. Riza didn't think she had ever been so furious.

She threw the wadded up picture on his desk and grabbed the book, continuing to read and her anger increasing . . . until it got to the part about her rape. He'd written an entire page on what he did to her while she was unconscious as soon as her eyes drifted to that, tears began to flow. She made herself continue with the journal. She read aloud in a low voice. As she read, she didn't find herself being disgusted with herself or with what happened but with what kind of monster that Gregory was proving himself to be. Her anger increased more and more as she read on. She didn't know why but she just couldn't stop. It was as if her body was forcing her eyes to gaze over his words and her lips to utter them in a low tone.

"I fucked her…I fucked Riza Mustang, I got a small taste of what Roy Mustang gets every night. What the fucker doesn't deserve. Riza's what I deserve. I regret knocking her out but she wasn't being very cooperative to her future lover. I'll have her again and again someday, next time I won't stop, and she'll be begging me to do her over and over again. I'll have her again as soon as I find out where she is. Oh, I'll find the little bitch. The best part about all of this is that I got to Roy Mustang. I showed him that his world isn't perfect and he can't have everything. He can't keep that hot little bitch to himself any longer. She was mine for that time, every part of her! Mustang will be shamed for having a wife that was-"

Riza couldn't read anymore. She growled and then screamed. "THAT FUCKING SON OF A BITCH DIDN'T GET ME! HE GOT AN UNCONSCIOUS AND UNWILLING WOMAN!" She stood up and with every ounce of power in her body; she threw the book against the wall. It hit a picture and caused it to fall and the glass inside to shatter. She sat back down in Roy's chair and took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Her heart felt as if she ran a hundred miles and her face was coated with sweat. Her hands were red from clutching the notebook so hard and her cheeks were flushed.

She tensed, expecting someone to come knocking on the door in response to the loud noise. When no one did, she relaxed slightly. The last thing she wanted was to have to explain why she threw something at the wall. Riza was known for her control of emotions and didn't want that reputation to change.

She leaned back in Roy's chair and moved her legs up in it, bringing her knees to her chest. Gregory wanted to put chaos in Roy's life and he'd succeeded . . . for a while. What she read made her more determined to banish all traces of Gregory out of her head and life. He never had her; he never had her heart and not even her body. She realized that while he did do all those things to her that he never really had it because she gave nothing willingly. He took it all and that meant he never truly succeeded in gaining anything.

She looked up quickly when she heard the door unlock.

"Riza, I'm coming in," she heard Roy's voice speak. The door swung open and Roy entered, shutting it behind him. He noticed the way she was sitting and looked at her worriedly. She stood and walked over to him. She stared into his eyes, her gaze filled with resolution. "He's not going to haunt my life anymore. He's not going to haunt us."

"Damn right," Roy said with a smile.

AN: It was very difficult for me to write a scumbag like Gregory and very taxing on my emotions. Just rereading what I wrote made me sick to my stomach so I guess I conveyed what an asshole he was. It actually scared me to write the words that he wrote. When I write I try to get into the mind of every character and it was disgusting and terrifying to get into his line of thoughts. I don't think a character like him will be anything that I write very often.