Dearest Quinn,

I know I have been remiss in informing you of my whereabouts these past few days. Although I already asked you in my last voicemail to be patient as there are a lot of things I need to settle here in New York and the future still looks uncertain for me, I feel I owe it to you to keep you informed of what's been going on as I don't want you to be worried about me.

Well, I finally moved out of the house despite San's vehement protests. I feel that it was just fair that I'd be the one to be left homeless even for a while. I already put her in so much misery and to allow her to be inconvenience by throwing her out on the streets would be plain brutal. I stayed for a while in the guest room. Yesterday I found this cozy apartment near the theater. It's a two-bedroom unit. A much smaller space than the town house of course but it is cozy and just enough for single occupant. I immediately signed the contract of lease and as of this morning I have already transferred all of my belongings here.

We already signed the divorce papers and were told that it will take just a month or so to be finalized. I have to be honest with you. I know I was the one to break things up with her but I still cannot help but be devastated. And because of this, I realized that I did the right thing in keeping my distance from you for now. I cannot, without adding more to the guilt of hurting Santana, put you in a situation where I could hurt you too. I am far away from being capable of maintaining any sort of relationship with anyone right now. I have to fix myself. Alone. Please don't even for a second think that I am pushing you away. But I have to do this. So, I'll reiterate my plea to you. Have faith in me and be patient, please.

However, I will never take it against you if ever you decide to move on. I will understand, Quinn. You have every right to do so. All I can do is throw a prayer to the universe and hope that destiny would be so kind and lead me to you once I am ready to be deserving of you…of us.

Until then, know that you have my heart. You have never left my mind, Quinn. The one thought that keeps me going nowadays is that I am here in this situation because I finally figured out where my heart truly belongs and that is to you. I will every second of every day be patient and wait for our time.

Take good care of yourself.

Loving you more each day that passes,

Your Rachel

xxx

My Rachel,

I miss you. That's all I can say to surmise what I've been feeling ever since you left that voicemail.

I feel useless just thinking I can't do anything to alleviate the pain you're going through right now especially because I know I am the cause of it. But I do understand the reason behind your decision to stay away from me. You are entitled to wallow, you know. Just because you were the one who broke your marriage does not mean you could not mourn the ending of your relationship. I know you loved her and still do. Hell, I won't even be surprised if you will forever love her. She loves you and has done nothing but show you how much. I know what I am telling you now won't help the feeling of guilt you are possibly experiencing but we both know that is the truth. But I will also forever try to make you not regret loving me.

You have nothing to worry about. I will willingly wait for you. I have already waited ten years for you, remember? You are the love of my life, Rachel. You telling me you love me that one night is enough reason for me to be patient and do whatever is needed if it means I'll get to be with you one day. And when that day comes, I will not let you go.

Rachel, I cannot express through mere words what I feel for you. The love I have been keeping and nurturing for 10 years now is beyond any descriptive words men can ever come up with. This love has got me going even at times when the world was screaming at me to let go and move on. This love is my everything. I would wish for better circumstance for us. But if this is what it takes for me to finally have you, I would gladly take it. It might be hypocritical for me to say this but all I ever regret amidst all this is the fact that we hurt someone we both treasure and love. I would really wish for better circumstance but I won't take anything back.

You have nothing to be worried of for I will be here waiting. Waiting for you, waiting for our time. I have faith in you and us. I won't give up because giving up would mean not living at all. I am just here, Rachel.

Take good care of yourself as well.

Loving you through time and distance,

Your Quinn

xxx

Dearest Quinn,

It's been a month now since I read your email. I deeply apologize for taking so long to respond. I have been preoccupied with a lot of things. Starting anew is taking over my life. For ten years, I have been half of a couple. I have yet to get used to waking up alone, eating most of my meals outside because having them home is just plain painful, and coming home to an empty and dark apartment with no one to greet me warmly and ask about my day. Until last week, I had been crying myself to sleep and waking up in the morning to cry some more. I've been seeing my therapist on a regular basis now, three times a week to be exact not counting those times I considered as emergency sessions. I can't even look at my own reflection in the mirror because all I see is a vicious woman who caused so much pain to an innocent, loving and wonderful person. My shrink told me that the first step to recovery is acceptance. However, I have long accepted the fact that I have hurt my own wife through my selfish act of infidelity. I may not have engaged in an adulterous affair with you but deep in my heart I know that I have not been emotionally faithful to her. I accepted this fact and still found myself far away from recovering. Instead, I feel that I am quickly purchasing ticket to the doom of insanity. I've been constantly asking myself "since when have I become this awful person?". I am gradually being convinced that I deserved nothing but sorrow for the rest of my life. How can I even dream of overcoming this situation when I know that I shattered the life of the woman who loved me immensely?

I am sorry for this whole rambling. I am certain that nothing of any of this would make you happy. I am certain that I am hurting you with all of this. I don't deserve you. You deserve somebody as kind-hearted as you. You deserve somebody who has no history of hurting somebody else. You deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be loved, not by you especially.

Please keep yourself safe. Be happy even if it would mean you moving on.

Rachel

xxx

MY RACHEL,

What was that all about? I have half the mind of purchasing a ticket to New York at this very moment. The only thing that is stopping me from doing so is the huge possibility that you're going to freak out even more when you see me. So I am left with no other option but to immediately respond to your email.

Rach, please stop thinking that you are a vicious and awful person. I know you are going through a very difficult time right now. I know that you think that you are so cruel for breaking up with her. But would it make you a better person if you stayed with and led her on pretending you don't love somebody else? You did not intend to hurt her, Rach. I've known you for so long and I have never seen you intentionally hurt people. I would not have been so in love with you if you are such a horrible person as you paint yourself to be. You are one most kind-hearted, well-meaning and loving person I know. And I am not just saying all of this just to convince you to not let go of us. I am saying this because it is the truth.

What we are feeling for each other was not planned. I did not plan to fall in love with you. I did not wish for myself to witness the love of my life loving somebody else. If I had any option, don't you think I would have just moved on and be with the next person who showed me love? On the same note, I have witnessed you giving your all to her. You are Rachel Barbra Berry and you never did anything half-baked. You poured your heart and soul to that marriage. You shared with me your dreams regarding your life with her and all I saw was sincerity in your eyes. You never planned to wake up one morning and feel something for me. If you consciously knew that you're in love with me, I don't think you would have stayed with her, you know why? It's because Rachel Barbra Berry always goes for whatever she wants. And you stayed with her and married her because you love her. As I have said in my last email, I wish for better circumstance for us but things happened the way they did. Maybe this is what your therapist is trying to tell you. Accept the fact that you are in this situation not on your own wishes but because it was the better option. Accept it and find a way to move forward.

Rachel, please stop blaming yourself. Please I am begging you, try your very best to feel better, to stay strong and to hang in there. I need you in my life. If only I can be there to assure you how good of a person you are, I would. Just tell me to be there and, I swear, I'll be there as fast as I can.

I am begging you, please take care of yourself for me. Please.

Loving you no matter what,

YOUR QUINN

xxx

MY RACHEL,

ANSWER MY CALLS, EMAILS AND TEXTS! I AM HERE IN NEW YORK SINCE YESTERDAY MORNING. YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHERE YOU TRANSFERRED SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK FOR YOU. YOUR DIRECTOR TOLD ME YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF OUT OF THE CONTRACT. SANTANA'S FREAKING OUT TOO BECAUSE SHE, TOO, DOES NOT KNOW YOUR WHEREABOUTS. I CALLED YOUR DADS AND THEY ALSO DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR ARE. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

It has only been three days since your last email. Please, my love, tell me where you are. The mere thought of you being hurt is making me die inside. I am rapidly losing my sanity. I love you so damn much. I can't imagine a life without you. Please just tell me where you are.

Loving you amidst all the uncertainty,

YOUR QUINN

xxx

Dearest Quinn,

I am so sorry for making you all worry about me. I did not wish to cause any more pain and hurt to anybody. I just decided that it would be best if I detached myself from anything bearing semblance to the life I have broken.

I am safe. Yes, I terminated my contract with the show. I don't think I can give my audience what they deserve when I am barely surviving every day of my life. So, before I destroy all the efforts I have put through all these years in my career, I decided to take a breather until I feel that I am myself again.

I am in London. After I read your email, I realized that everything you said is true. I need to find my way out of this mess I myself created. I need to find a way to accept that I am in this situation and find a way to rise above it. But in order to go there, I think I need to be far away from where I built a happy life which in the end I was also the one to ruin.

This may seem to be a cowardly move but it is the only way I think I can mend the wounds I inflicted upon myself. I believe one more minute I stay in New York would be the death of my sanity. I am still uncertain as to how to lead my life but rest assured that I will gladly inform you of any decision I may make.

I apologize for giving you hell because of my recent actions. Know that I love you so much and consider you as the light in the end of this dark, dark tunnel that is my life right now. I may still believe that I don't deserve you at the moment but I will get there. Someday and hope it would not take long, I will be deserving of you, of us. Until then, remember that what's left unbroken part of my heart and entire being is yours.

Take care of yourself, my love.

With hope of loving you one day soon,

Rachel

xxx

Dearest Quinn,

One week of living a life here in London, I can say that I made the right decision. My therapist has recommended a friend of hers who is practicing here and I started seeing her yesterday. Starting anew here feels like really starting my life anew. I met new people, experienced a different kind of life without the spotlight, and just breathing new air.

This morning I found myself having a nice, long chat with a man I just met in a café near the hotel I am staying in. I learned that he is a drama professor at LAMDA. He told me that he had seen my show for at least three times, he could not really remember. We spent a better part of our chat exchanging our respective experiences in the stage. He was a former actor before he became a director and eventually a member of the academe. He shared with me his discovery of his passion in teaching, telling me that there is a certain high in sharing valuable learning to people and etching his influence in others. Finally, after talking for at least three hours, he informed me that there is a vacancy in the faculty he is in. He encouraged me to apply. I was truly impressed with all the stories he shared with me and am now considering his offer. What do you think?

This is it for now. I have some laundry to do and some places to see. I am really finding this experience exhilarating. One source of my melancholy is the fact that I just wish you are here to enjoy this new life with me.

Take care of yourself for me.

Loving you more than anything I can ever experience,

Rachel

xxx

Dearest Quinn,

I have applied for the position I told you in my last email. Guess what? I had been accepted this morning and expected to submit my lesson plan next week! I am so excited and nervous at the same time. Do you think I am adequately equipped to teach? I am feeling insecure at the moment.

You have yet to respond to my emails. I understand. You are probably still pissed because of my last stunt. Although I understand, I still wish you can find in your heart to forgive me. I never meant to push you away or leave you in the dark. I was just very much troubled then. I felt that I deserved to be alone in my misery. I am truly sorry, Quinn. Please know that I will never intentionally cast you aside.

Please talk to me.

Take care of yourself for me.

Loving you and waiting to be forgiven,

Your Rachel

xxx

My Rachel,

Sorry for ignoring you this past couple of weeks. The truth is I was really angry at you for just leaving the country without telling me. I did not reply because I did not want to say anything to you that I will regret. You know that I still tend to lash out when I am mad. So, I let my anger die down for a week and then I received your email.

I apologize in advance to what I am about to write. I was irrationally jealous of that man you talked to in the café. I was so jealous because in a little amount of time he was able to convince you to take a huge step in moving on. He inspired you, as you said. And I was just so jealous. Maybe it was the distance and time that got the best of me. But I realized that I have promised you several times that I would wait for you no matter how long it takes. I promised you that I will have faith in us. And by being jealous of some random stranger, I failed you. Again, I am really, truly sorry. I'll try harder, Rach.

Anyway, I am so happy that you are having the time of your life there in London. I am so proud of you for getting accepted at LAMDA. And of course, without any doubt in my mind, I believe you are very much adequately equipped in handling the tasks given to you by the academe. I am really proud of you, my love.

I share your regret that I am not there to share with you the life you are living there. I can feel your excitement in your emails and it brings tears of joy and giddy smiles to me. I am still praying that you find what you are searching for there.

Looking forward to more stories from you.

Take care of yourself, my love.

Loving you from the other side of the ocean,

Your Quinn

xxx

One year of exchanged correspondence

She was late. The taxi she was riding broke in the middle of the street. Fortunately, only a few blocks were left for her to reach her destination. But it was still rather unfortunate that she had to run those few blocks while in stilettos. She pushed pass through the other pedestrians and received not so few death glares but she had not time to apologize or bitch about it. When she finally reached the building, she halted her steps to arrange her clothes and wipe the sweat off her face and neck. She could not afford to appear all sweaty in front of her class.

She opened the door to the classroom containing nearly 20 students. She immediately placed her brief case on top of the table and profusely apologized for her 15-minute tardiness. The topic for today was application of the methods she taught the class the previous session regarding acting improvisation.

"Alright class, as I have told you during our previous session, all of you are expected to apply the methods you have learned when it comes to improvisation. So, who wants to go first? The first scene I want you to improvise involves accidentally meeting someone you have not seen for a long time. It need not be a romantic encounter."

Almost all of the students raised their hands. This was one of the things Rachel loved about teaching acting classes. It was not unexpected for everybody to be as enthusiastic to show off their abilities and talents. They were aspiring performers after all.

The rest of the class was spent in students improvising their lines to each scenario given by Rachel. She was really impressed on the amount of talent displayed by her students and proud to be one of the people to impart her own experiences to them. By the time the class ended, Rachel was so thankful she climbed out of the broken taxi and ran the remaining blocks to the academy. She felt, like any other day, fulfilled.

She was busy gathering her things when a voice rang through the now empty room.

"As much as I have enjoyed listening to your students act out different scenarios, I would have loved it more if I have gotten the chance to see the teacher herself improvise the first scene."

Rachel need not look up to know who the stranger was. She had dreamt almost every day of hearing that voice again. At times she thought she had already forgotten how the person speak, the distinct accent and the way she would elucidate her words. But listening to it now, the familiarity of it brought shivers down her spine. Rachel still had her head down, not yet lifting her gaze to the person who she felt was slowly making her way towards her. A small smile grazed her face. "Oh well, that's a pity. If only you have voiced out your wish earlier on I would have gladly granted your request. But as you can probably see, the class is now finished for the day. Maybe some other time?"

"Why not now?" the voice was nearer now, approximately a good 5 feet away from where the teacher was standing.

"Well, for one, the scene you were referring to involves at least 2 persons. And it would be highly ridiculous for me to play double parts, don't you think?" Rachel's tone was teasing. She did not have to look at the other person's face to know that the latter was smiling at her, liking the playfulness of the conversation.

"Well, I may not be a professional actor but for this one it would be an honor to act out the other part, if you will allow me?"

With that, Rachel lifted her head and met the eyes of the one person that kept her sane throughout the whole ordeal she experienced the past year. She had to control herself from gasping out loud because of the beauty standing in front of her. It seemed that her memory never once succeeded in reflecting the absolute perfection of the girl. It was like seeing her for the first time and being one those who suffered from love at first sight. She had to use all of her strength not to reach out and touch the face she missed the most. But she had a role to play. "Sure. But you must know that I am not fond of fake acting. Notwithstanding the fact that you are not a professional actor, I still expect you to fully internalize your part and be sincere about everything you would do. Is that a fair condition to you?"

"Fair enough. So whose part am I playing?"

"You choose."

"Alrighty."

There was silence. Both of the girls maintaining eye contact until Rachel abruptly turned her back from her counterpart only to immediately face her again.

"Quinn!" she said with wide eyes and open mouth, her right hand on her chest.

For a moment, Quinn's face displayed a smirk before she acted out her part. She took a couple of steps towards the girl and spoke, "Rachel! Hey, it's been a long time! How have you been?"

"Quite alright."

"Only quite?"

"Yeah…how about you? I see time has been good to you. You look more exquisite than when I last saw you."

"Thank you. But from where I am standing I don't think I can even compare to you. I guess I've been quite alright, too."

"Only quite?"

"Yeah…I was missing my better half and felt so incomplete for so long."

"Oh…I see we are experiencing the same thing then. My days are just quite alright because I cannot seem to be completely happy even when my days were going well as my heart is not in the right place."

"That's unfortunate. Anything I can help you with?"

"You simply being here helps, if I am being honest."

"Is that so? Well I guess my decision to go here was right. I had spent the last two months deciding whether or not it's the proper time to see you."

"The last two months, huh? What made you decide then?"

"The fact that I cannot last another minute not being with you?"

"Is that a question?"

"I finally decided to fuck destiny and do something about my situation because I cannot last another minute not being with you." Quinn finally closed the gap between them, standing right in front of Rachel. "I know I promised you that I will wait for you. I am not here now because I am starting to lose patience but because I badly want to see you and just feel one more time how it is to be near you. If you tell me now that you're still not ready for us, I will accept it and return back to New York. I will continue to wait and be patient."

"I badly missed being near you as well. I craved to hear your voice, be intoxicated with your scent, touch your skin, hug with all my strength or just stand near you and be overwhelmed with your presence. I needed to see you. I was planning on going back to New York at the end of the semester. I planned to surprise you. I already had a design in my head of a grand romantic gesture to show you how ready I am for you. I-"

"You are ready for me? For us?"

Rachel reached out and placed a hand on Quinn's cheek, lightly caressing it. She took time studying every feature of the other woman's face. She then lightly brushed her thumb over the tempting lips, her eyes following the movement. She took a deep breath when she felt Quinn's breath hitched. "I cannot believe I have gone 10 years without even attempting to kiss these lips. I cannot believe I unconsciously led myself to feel nothing but platonic love for you for 10 long years. I cannot believe I was able to survive a year not being with you. Within just a few minutes, you made me realize what's been missing in my life, and I am not just referring to past year but my whole life."

"I still can't believe I am hearing these things from you. I wanted for as long as I can remember. But now that I am finally waking up to find to what I have dreamt for so long, I can't get myself to regret a single moment I spent loving you."

"I can't wait to finally experience being with you."

There is nothing left to say for Quinn. So, instead of using words to further express how she felt at the very moment, she carefully cupped Rachel's face with both hands. She stared at the brown orbs looking intensely back at her. Slowly but without any hesitation, she took the other girl's lips with her own. The kiss which was chaste at first quickly became heated until Rachel reluctantly pulled away, resting her forehead against Quinn's.

"I am ready, Quinn. I love you so much and I cannot wait to live a life with you, if you will still have me."

Quinn could not help but chuckle upon hearing this. "Do you really have to ask? I love you, my geek."

Rachel laughed at this. She missed their usual declaration of love to one another. But she knew this time it contained much more meaning and new promises for the both of them. "I love you too, my bitch."

-THE END-

A/N: Thank you very much for taking time to read this first fiction I have published. Thank you very much for all the kind reviews and all the suggestions. Sorry for making some of you cry. Lol Sorry for making some of you pissed because of all the angsts. But really, thank you for having interest in this little story of mine.