Of Pink Hair and Spanish Flair
I don't own Fairly Odd Parents. Butch Hartman does.
I do, however, own these versions of Cupid's family members.
WARNING!: This series is about CupidxJuandissimo. Don't like, don't read.
Relationship: Lovers (at the end).
Word: Drink.
…
Hephaestus sat in his favourite armchair, newspaper in one hand and cup of coffee in the other. All was quiet. Aphrodite was out with her friends, which also meant Ares wasn't going to disturb him. Good. He hated his brother. Some people would say that, surely, he couldn't hate his own sibling, but he did. Trying to steal his wife…Pfft.
The God of Craftsmanship's leg twitched. Oh, what he wouldn't give to be able to go to his workshop, work on a chariot or two. But Aphrodite had told him that she wanted him in the house more often. Hephaestus, being the gentleman he was, obeyed her wishes; even if she wasn't there to check whether he was in his workshop or not. The cherubs were though, so, no matter what, Aphrodite would find out. Besides, they had their sons to think of.
Anteros was asleep, as far as Hephaestus knew. And Cupid…was most likely with him. Always was. Hephaestus was glad they had different coloured hair. It would be so difficult to tell who was who otherwise.
Whimpering slightly, Hephaestus put his cup of coffee on the saucer, which sat on the arm of the chair. He opened the newspaper and sat back. When Aphrodite got home, he would run out to his workshop and build something. Anything because Gods he was getting so bored. He supposed he could fiddle with the pocket watch he always kept on hand, though. Take it apart, put it back together again. He could do that ten times in two minutes. Even more times if he was really bored. Oh, why wouldn't something exciting happen?! Why?!
Then there was a tug on his trouser leg. He almost didn't feel it, since it was the right trouser leg that had been tugged. He paused, blinked, then peeked over his newspaper. A tiny, pink-haired God with Hephaestus's blue eyes stared up at him, tiny hand clutching his trouser leg. "Hello, Cupid," Hephaestus said. "How did you get down there?"
Cupid simply stared. Of course he didn't respond. He was too young to speak. That, and he had a pacifier sticking out of his mouth. Any day now, though, Cupid would start speaking. Anteros had already said his first word that morning.
Gods were like fairies in the sense that their babies were shaped like spheres. Anti-God babies were cube-shaped, like anti-fairies. No wonder they were often mistaken for each other.
Hephaestus set his newspaper aside and reached down, scooping his son up in one hand. He set the child in his lap. "I thought you were sleeping." Hephaestus said.
Cupid continued to stare. In his right hand, he held his rattle. Hephaestus hated that thing. He hadn't built it. He had attempted to build one for Cupid, but had gone crazy with ideas and had built one that was far too heavy. They'd had to buy a rattle. Pfft. Buy one…Pfft!
"I'm glad you're here, actually." Hephaestus said to his son. "I was getting so bored. Your mother says I'm not allowed in my workshop for a little while. It's slightly unfair, but I think I'll put up with it." He whimpered. "I hope I'll put up with it…" He looked back down at his son, who was giving him that same blank look. "So, uh, what's going on with you?"
In response (or, at least, Hephaestus thought it was a response), Cupid shook his rattle. "Ah, yes," Hephaestus said. "Rattling. Right." He gently took it from his child, who didn't seem to protest. Hephaestus shook it next to his ear, then frowned. "I don't see what's quite so amusing about it, but if you like it…"
Cupid looked at Hephaestus's hand, then crawled forward and latched onto his index finger with both of his small arms. The baby God looked up at his father expectantly. Hephaestus looked down at him. "Got my finger, huh? Well, that's pretty impressive for a child of your age."
Cupid blinked several times before holding Hephaestus's finger tighter. Hephaestus smiled, "I can't wait 'til you grow up. I can teach you to build things. I'll even get you your own goggles." As he handed Cupid his rattle again, the God of Craftsmanship asked, holding his son up to his face, "Would you like that, son?"
Cupid looked up at him then threw his rattle. It bounced off of Hephaestus's forehead. Hephaestus sat Cupid back down on his lap, clutching his forehead with his free hand. "Ow! Ok, ow. Ow. That hurt. Woah."
Behind his pacifier, Cupid smiled. Hephaestus saw this, "Well, I'm glad you find this funny. I think I may have gone blind in one eye." Hephaestus blinked several times. "You've, uh, got quite an arm on you."
"Uh…sir."
Hephaestus looked over at the cherub, who floated awkwardly into the room. "Uh, yes?"
"Hermes is here, sir. He's got mail for you."
Hephaestus's eyes widened. "Oh. Oh, yes. Hermes. Right. It's mail day, isn't it?"
The cherub nodded. Hephaestus nodded and looked down at Cupid, "Right. I'll be right there."
The cherub nodded and flew out. Hephaestus said, "Well, I'd better go and greet Hermes. He'll want my signature." He gently placed Cupid on the arm of the chair and stood up, backing away slowly and making calming gestures with his hands, as though Cupid were a rabid dog he was trying to calm. "Now, you just stay there. I'll be right back. Stay."
Cupid watched as Hephaestus backed out of the room. That man was his father. That much he knew. The lady who was always cooing him was his mother. The boy he was always around was his brother. He didn't know who 'Hermes' was, though.
Cupid's eyes caught sight of the round container in front of him. He didn't particularly know what that thing was, but his father had been holding it earlier. Sometimes, he would bring it to his mouth. Cupid crawled over to it. It wasn't all that tall. Thanks to his ball-shaped body, Cupid was able to bounce up to the top of it. He peeked inside. Some sort of brown liquid. It smelled good, though. Cupid stared, then removed the pacifier from his mouth. After much consideration (as much as a baby can do, anyway), he dipped his pacifier into the liquid. He dunked it a couple of times, then brought it out into the air. The tiny God stared at it, watching as brown liquid dripped from it, then put it back into his mouth. He sucked on the pacifier, drinking the little drops of his father's drink. Slowly, he slowed down before coming to a halt. Cupid smiled as his body began to shake and his eyes began flashing blue. The caffeine had kicked in.
…
Hephaestus hummed as he walked toward his front doors. It was just like him to forget mail day, even though every God loved mail day. Hermes probably didn't though. The poor thing had to fly around to all of the Gods, delivering parcels and letters. Hephaestus wondered how he did it.
"Uh, sir?"
Hephaestus looked over as a cherub approached, holding out a tray of cupcakes, which were decorated with pink icing. "Oh, thank you." Hephaestus said, taking one of the cakes. The cherub zipped off as Hephaestus made it to his front doors, which were wide open. Floating there patiently was Hermes, Messenger of the Gods. Hephaestus nodded to him, "Hello, Hermes."
Hermes was a thin, young-looking man. He was dressed in a traditional white toga, otherwise known as his work clothes (he was one of the few Gods who wore one. Many had just taken to wearing 'normal' clothes). On top of his head of bright blond hair was a winged helmet, which matched his winged sandals - both made by Hephaestus. He had little white wings on his back, but he barely used them. They were weaker then his sandals and helmet anyway. A satchel hung on his shoulder and a caduceus - a winged staff with two snakes entwined - was clutched in his right hand. His hands adorned fingerless gloves that reached his elbows. When he saw Hephaestus, his blue eyes lit up. "Hi, Hephaestus! I've got a parcel for ya!"
"Excellent." Hephaestus nodded.
"It's around here somewhere…" Hermes muttered thoughtfully, digging around in his satchel. He frowned and ripped the satchel from his shoulder then stuck his head inside. Slowly, he began to climb further into the bag until he completely disappeared into it. Hephaestus watched patiently. Suddenly, Hermes burst out of the floating satchel, holding a rectangular parcel. "Found it!" He exclaimed and climbed out of the bag. He took a clipboard and pen out of his toga and handed them to Hephaestus. Hephaestus took them. "Sign here, here, aaaaaannnnnd here." Hermes instructed, pointing to the dotted lines on the piece of paper. Hephaestus did as he was told. "So, how's married life?"
"Hermes, I have been married for years and you ask me this question every time I see you. Married life is good." Hephaestus said.
"And your boys? Are they ok?"
"Fine. Anteros spoke this morning."
"Wow, really? That's cool. Do you mind if I tell that to the other Gods?"
"Be my guest." Hephaestus shrugged.
"Well, I better go. I gotta stop by Poseidon, Dionysus, Hades, Artemis, Athena, Apollo and Ares!" Hermes counted them on his fingers. Hephaestus frowned at the mention of his brother's name.
"Here." Hephaestus said, holding out the cupcake.
Hermes gasped and took it. "Wow, thanks, Hephaestus! You know, you're the only God who tips me!"
"Well, I'm sure it must be difficult delivering mail to us all. Just something to keep you flying."
Hermes gasped. "You understand, Hephaestus?!"
"Of course."
"Thanks, Heph! Well, bye!" He turned and rocketed off into the sky. Hephaestus turned and began to walk back inside, but heard a voice, "Oh, wait, wait, wait!" Hephaestus turned as Hermes came flying back, almost knocking into him. Hermes steadied himself then said, "Uh, Heph, ya know my sandals?"
"Hm."
"Well, uh, I'm wearing my spare ones - ya know, the ones you made me? - but they really hurt my feet. I…kinda broke my other ones when I delivered mail to Ares the other day. He was working out and stuff and…well…" He reached into his satchel and brought out a pair of winged sandals. "So…maybe you could…?"
Hephaestus held up a hand. "I will get on it as soon as Aphrodite gets home."
"Wow, really? Thanks, Hephaestus!" Hephaestus took the broken sandals from Hermes, who saluted. "I gotta go! Poseidon gets really impatient about his mail! Bye!" He turned and rocketed off again, leaving a line of light in the sky. The wind blew on Hephaestus as Hermes shot off. The God of Craftsmanship closed the doors, then shook the parcel next to his ear. Aphrodite must've bought something because he couldn't recall buying anything. "Alright, Cupid, I'm back. And I've got -" He paused as he entered the room.
Cupid bounced and zipped around the room, giggling and laughing. "What the -?!" Hephaestus exclaimed, dropping the parcel and Hermes's shoes. His son bounced off of the walls. "Cupid! Stop!" He rushed forward, trying to get a hold of his child, but missed by a mile as Cupid bounced off the coffee table. As Cupid bounced off of the ceiling, Hephaestus dived for him, but shot passed him and crashed into the wall. He shook his head to clear it, then ran after his son again. "Cupid!"
Cupid laughed cutely as he continued to bounce around the room, Hephaestus failing to catch him. The God of Craftsmanship paused and stared at him. Calculations ran through Hephaestus's mind. There was pattern, Hephaestus noticed, in Cupid's line of travel. Wall, coffee table, ceiling, floor, bookshelf and back to wall. All in a vicious cycle. Hephaestus watched as Cupid bounced off of the bookshelf (knocking some books to the floor). The God of Craftsmanship dived passed the wall, catching his son in both hands before the child could hit it another time. Hephaestus fell to the floor, then held his son up in one hand like a basketball. He sat up, adjusting his glasses, then looked down at Cupid. "What're you doing…?"
Cupid was shaking in his hands, smiling. Hephaestus sniffed then breathed in, "Coffee…" He looked down at him. "You got into my mug, didn't you? You poor thing. Your tiny body can't take that much caffeine." He stood up, cradling Cupid against him. "Don't worry, Cupid. Caffeine rush is something everyone goes through. Daddy's gonna teach you how to get rid of that." He carried his son off.
…
Aphrodite stood over Cupid, who sat on the table, crying his little heart out. "Cupid, please stop crying."
The God didn't stop, however, and continued wailing. Aphrodite sighed. As her husband entered the room, blowing bubbles out of the pipe in his mouth and clutching a cup of coffee, Aphrodite exclaimed, "What do we do, Hephaestus? He won't stop crying! I've changed him, I've played with him, I've pulled faces - well, I had the cherubs do that one - and I've cuddled him! He won't have any milk either! Nothing's working!"
Hephaestus stared at his crying child, blowing more bubbles. Cupid didn't even acknowledge him. Hephaestus clicked his tongue as he stared at him. He stuck his pipe into his mouth and took Cupid's bottle from Aphrodite. He emptied the bottle - pouring the milk down the sink - and poured some of his coffee inside. Aphrodite watched - in shock - as her husband picked up their crying son and stuck the bottle into his mouth. Aphrodite prepared to protest, but Hephaestus held up an index finger. Cupid blinked, then began sucking on the bottle's lid; drinking down the coffee. His tears dried, his eyes shut and he clutched the bottle in both of his hands.
"Hephaestus!" Aphrodite exclaimed. "How could you let our baby drink coffee?! He's a baby!"
Hephaestus removed his pipe from his mouth, "It makes him happy, stops him crying and still feeds him. Isn't that good? Besides…there is milk in coffee…right?"
Aphrodite sighed and slapped a palm against her forehead. Cupid removed the bottle from his mouth, pointed up at Hephaestus, and said, "Dada."
Hephaestus grinned. "See? I told you I'd be their first word."
Aphrodite squealed, "His first word!" She turned to the cherub floating nearby. "Go and get the camera! I need to record this!" As the cherub zipped off, Aphrodite watched as Hephaestus cooed at Cupid. She grinned and looked to their older son, who sat in his high chair. "You know your daddy's nuts, don't you, Anteros?"
Anteros - a brown-haired version of Cupid - looked up at her, then pointed at Hephaestus and said, "Dada."
…
"Interesting story, Señor Hephaestus." Juandissimo said to the God who sat in the chair opposite him.
"It is, isn't it?" Hephaestus said. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
"The only downside to these stupid stories," Anteros, who sat on his father's shoulder, said unhappily, "is that I'm in them too."
"You spent an unusual amount of time together as children." Hephaestus shrugged.
A puff of pink smoke later and Cupid appeared in his living room, a shopping bag clutched in his hand, "Hey, Juan, guess what I found at the -" He paused when he saw his father. "Uh…Dad, what're you doing here?"
"Just sharing some stories with my possible future son-in-law." Hephaestus shrugged.
Juandissimo smirked, "So that is how you began your obsession with coffee."
Cupid froze, pondered about it, then gasped and clutched his hair, "Dad! How could you tell him that?!"
"Quite easily."
"Are you crazy?! This is so embarrassing!"
"Alright," Hephaestus said, "so, the next time your birthday comes 'round, I won't give you the totally amazing gift I have planned. When you ask why, I'll say 'Oh, sorry, son, I couldn't. Your boyfriend was there and that would be embarrassing'. You understand what I am saying, yes?"
Cupid stared, then zipped over to his father and sat on his other shoulder, "I love you, Dad."
"Well, yes, of course you do. I give you amazing presents for your birthday." He sighed. "Everyone loves Hephaestus when he's offering amazing presents…"
A cherub floated into the room, holding a pot of coffee. "Uh, sirs, would you like any coffee?"
"Yes!" Hephaestus and Cupid exclaimed in unison, both whipping around to look at the cherub.
…
Author's note:
So, it's all your fault, Hephaestus.
Heph: I did not know that was going to happen.
Hm. Right. Today's chapter is heavily based off a story my dad told me about how my oldest brother - when he was a baby - used to dunk his pacifier into my father's drinks then stick the pacifier back into his mouth. It wasn't coffee though and he didn't bounce around the room or anything.
I'd imagine Heph sometimes visits Cupid and Juan, just so he can bond with his possible future son-in-law. Then he probably reports back to Aphrodite or something. And Gods probably have a harder time talking then fairies…for some reason.
*Ahem* Now, about Hermes:
In mythology, Hermes is the God of Transitions and Boundaries and Messenger of the Gods. He's the second youngest of the Olympian Gods. In lots of media in which Hermes appears, he's basically the Gods' mailman. Hermes was quick and cunning and used to (in some myths) trick people for fun or the sake of humankind. He's the son of Zeus, but not Hera, so he's technically Heph's half-brother. He was also one of Aphrodite's lovers and some people think he is the real father of Eros. In FOP, however, Hermes is pretty much the Gods' mailman. He's close friends with Apollo and (to a lesser extent) Dionysus. He loves sugar (since it keeps him flying and gives him energy) so he likes to be paid with cookies and cupcakes, however not many of his 'customers' tip him. When they were teenagers, Hermes and Apollo enjoyed teasing/bothering Hephaestus (in a 'Come on, let's be friends' kind of way) but Heph was so antisocial that he always told them to go away or simply ignored them. I'm not sure what he is to Heph in FOP, since I doubt they'd put in Zeus's many affairs. His satchel is like the TARDIS.
*Ahem* Juan. *Points*
Juan: *Reads question* Well -
Cupid: Oh, I can answer that one!
Juan: Cupid, mi amor, please.
Cupid: *Grumbles*
Juan: Of course it has! I've become a much better cook! Right, Cupid?
Cupid:…No. But he doesn't kill anyone anymore.
Juan: I try my best, ok?
Cupid: Oh, I'm sure.
Yes, thank you, guys. Don't argue.