Ch. 20

I must say something. This is definitely one of the most shallow and insensitive fics I have ever seen written. I love it and so do a lot of other people. It's sad but true. I can't believe I've written twenty chapters of it, and I think I'm gonna write at least six more. I'll give you the ballot for the next few chapters at the end. Enjoy this chappie. Du Vrangr Gata won. I'm gonna combine them with Trianna. P.S. I do believe in God. I just made Eragon not believe in God because he turned into the racist, atheist elves.

Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon, the "One Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall" song, or Finding Nemo. I'm sure you all knew that.

1. They are extremely bad at magic usage. Here's a skit where Eragon tries to teach them magic before the battle of the Burning Plains.

Eragon: Okay, let's get started. Today, we're gonna lift a pebble.

Du Vrangr Gata: Ooh. Ah. We can't lift this pebble. Wah!

Trianna: Idiots.

Eragon: sings Hey Mr. and Mrs. Grump Gills, you know what you gotta do when life gets you down? Just keep trying. Just keep trying. Just keep trying trying trying. What do we do? We try, try, try? OH HO HO! How I love to try. When you WAAAAAANNTTT to try, you want to try.

Du Vrangr Gata: Wow. He sings worse than we do. Woot! Woot! Point for the Shadeslayer!

Trianna: Idiots.

Eragon: If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you, but magic could be!

Du Vrangr Gata: Wow. He is so wise.

Trianna: Idiots.

Eragon: My non-existent God. Even I could lift that pebble before you guys could! Why are you so incompetent?

Du Vrangr Gata: Wow. He gives good constructive criticism. P.S. If God isn't real, why is there a potty fairy?

Trianna: Oh dear Gods! Why are you idiots embarrassing me in front of the idiot I tried and failed to seduce because of his dragon?

Du Vrangr Gata: Huh?

Saphira: Did you call?

Trianna: Oh, Lord.

Du Vrangr Gata: Huh?

2. Their leader tried to seduce everyone's favorite hormonal, dragon-riding twit.

3. She failed.

4. This was because Saphira came into the room.

5. Said leader was scared of Saphira.

6. Said leader also wears a snake around her wrist. That is just plain weird. Here's a skit about the attempted seduction.

Trianna: Hey.

Eragon: Hey.

Trianna: I'm Du Vrangr Gatas temporary new leader. I'd really like you to be the new leader instead because I'm lazy like that.

Eragon: I can't. I'm going to go visit the elves.

Trianna: That's such a shame. Maybe I could teach you about my lame brand of fire-engine-head-creating magic.

Eragon: Sounds fun. I can't though. I'm going to go visit the elves.

Trianna: Too bad. You could've gotten lucky.

Eragon: Wait a minute. Let's go get food.

Trianna: Who can say no to food with an idiot?

Saphira: WHORE!

Trianna: Oh Lord. runs away

Eragon: Why did you stop me from getting laid?

Saphira: I don't think I need to answer that.

7. Their old leaders were everyone's (least) favorite bald traitors.

8. Said leaders tried to extract Eragon's vocabulary so that they could conquer them.

9. All they needed was Eragon's vocabulary to conquer them.

10. Two of them died in like two seconds because of the twins.

11. Their asses were saved by everyone's favorite hormonal, dragon-less teen with zero magic.

12. Come to think of it, they only have a little more magic than said teen. Here's another skit.

Trianna: Ohmigod! They're all dying! Shadeslayer, the empire has two new magicians! It's the…

Eragon: I wonder who the two new magicians are. Holy s---! It's the twins. And holy double s---! There's a new dragon rider. I wonder who it could be.

Du Vrangr Gata: Ten magicians with their lives on the line. Ten magicians. Twins kill one. Watch him snuff it. Nine magicians with their lives on the line.

Roran: I shall smash you twins with my hammer.

Eragon: Don't do it, Roran!

Murtagh: Let him, dawg. I wanna see if them hatas buy da farm.

Du Vrangr Gata: Six magicians…Oh. They're dead. Our hero. Woot! Woot! Point for the crazy hammer guy!

13. They didn't even try to save themselves in that skit.

14. They are less competent than Eragon.

15. The Varden's last two leaders didn't trust either of their last two leaders.

16. All they're good for is lace-making.

17. Their name means "The Wandering Path".

18. They got it backwards so it says "The Path Wandering".

19. It should be Du Gata Vrangr.

20. Their name is about as pronounceable as Glaedr's, and that's saying something.

21. They are in complete and utter awe of the idiotic Eragon.

22. They still didn't listen to them.

23. They have no idea who they want their leader to be.

24.None of their choices are good.

25. If we accept numbers 23 and 24 as true, they're as bad as George Bush. (I just had to put that line in there.)

26. They are as much superstitious ninnies as the Carvahall idiots, and that's saying something.

27. They grew up afraid of their own magical abilities.

28. Their leader has to steal her powers from spirits because she's a sorceress.

29. She could end up a shade.

30. I don't think she'd even make a very good shade.

31. She'd probably make a worse shade than old fire-engine head, and that's saying something.

32. They have had at least two power-hungry leaders.

33. They completely missed the group of assassins.

34. They serve the Varden, whose leader is going to be proven lame soon.

35. Their current leader got mad at Eragon for trying to help save their sorry asses.

36. The hormonal, dragon-riding twit thought said leader was immature because of 35.

37. If we accept number 36 as true, then said leader is more immature than the world's most immature person.

I think that's it. Here are the review responses.

Snowlia: I'm going to bet Nasuada is going to be next.

Midnight4eva: Thanks so much.

Ebz: Like I said for Snowlia. I hope they make Murtagh hot because I'm gonna cry if they don't.

DragonRider2000: Thanks for numbers 2 and 35.

Star Wars Nut: I honestly can't believe I forgot Selena. She's going on the ballot. I don't think she actually married Morzan though.

Sedoras: I'm glad you've forgiven me. I love Gollum too. Not as much as my friend who thinks Chris is creepy and her friend, but I love him. Anyway, thanks for numbers 7, 9, 20, and 35.

Bananasrokk: Thanks for numbers 7 and 17-19. I never thought I had enough for Ajihad, but I think I might be to bash him now.

Nasuada: Don't you think it would be just a little weird if Thorn wanted to mate with Glaedr. I like Saphira, so that's why I put that. Oh, and I needed another reason. I'm willing to bet Nasuada is going to be next.

Tallacus: I totally agree. Geesh, can't I ever be good enough for you? Why can't I ever be right in your eyes? goes off and sobs Lol. Jk.

Soul of Power ROCKS OUT LOUD: The Varden will be done before this fic is up.

Natalie: I'm glad you did. I did Du Vrangr Gata.

Dreamless Wind: Like I said for Soul of Power ROCKS OUT LOUD.

Drownedinlight: I'm willing to bet she's gonna win next time.

Amantine: Thanks so much.

Here's the ballot for the next chappie:

A. Varden

B. Selena

C. Ajihad

After that is going to be Murtagh (possibly), Eragon, and then Chris.