Vacant – Chapter 20

Marlene had volunteered to say the prayer, a small piece of the Bible she was reciting right there, in the middle of the frozen, dead grass in between the two highways. It was as if the universe knew exactly what was happening and understood the weight of the situation; the sky was a light grey but clear of any clouds. Zeke and his brother and Four has finished the burial just awhile before, so the scent of fresh earth was still lingering in the air, the bitter wind throwing it in my face like it wanted me to hurt even more.

I was sitting on the ground, cold from the ground seeping through my jeans. Still, with my hand resting on the upturned dirt, I felt warmth. Caleb's grace was a small stone from the woods with the date engraved on it: September 30. Will stood a bit behind me, and everyone else behind him. Shauna and Chris had gone around the area for a while, looking for flowers that might be appropriate for the occasion, and they had sprinkled them around the grave neatly. Ironically, they were all mostly dead from the winter.

Marlene finished up her short speech and closed the book gently, looking down at me sorrowfully. Then she looked to Will, but he was staring down at Caleb's grave. I think she might have realized what we were going through as she gestured for the others to wrap up and leave us alone. It seemed like after they were all gone, the wind had gotten louder. I felt Will's presence behind me grow closer until he, too, was down beside me, kneeling. He put his hand on my shoulder and said soothing words, but I could tell from his voice just how hard it was for him, too. Guilt crept up on me unexpectedly, telling me I should comfort him as well. But it just wasn't in me.

Eventually, he stopped talking altogether. I brought my hand up to his and we were silent together.

We both had regrets about how we were living here in the world now, but this was one we both shared for sure. I regretted that I hadn't been there. He regretted that he hadn't done anything else to help him. And now he was gone, but we were still here. We still carried on. Caleb would have wanted that, never having been the sentimental type. So when Marlene returned with a blanket and another apology for our loss, and when Will finally left with her, I swore to myself, I wouldn't allow myself to mourn any longer. Today would be the last day; I would continue with my life, and I'd live.

I wouldn't just survive any longer; I'd live.

Later that night, when the numbing feeling of finality was wearing off, we were sat around another fire. Will and Christina had brought out a few beers that hadn't quite gone off just yet. I wondered if they had actually brewed it themselves, but Chris definitely wouldn't be the type to have that kind of knowledge, and I hadn't ever pegged Will as the type, and he was my cousin. Maybe they thought they were celebrating, but I wasn't feeling it. I kept to my cup of beans Shauna had cooked an hour before.

Still, even without the alcohol, I felt the celebratory air. Most of us were smiling, and some even managed a laugh, no matter how forced. We loosened up and felt more alive than we had for months. We had been on the move for so long, fighting the Turned even longer, probably more than was healthy. I thought about the millions that were all gone; we were what was left out of all those people. We felt like we owed it to them to get through this. So, yes, the celebration went on.

Four had a few drinks, Zeke was telling jokes, making the girls laugh, despite how unfunny they might have been actually. Uriah was chatting up Marlene even more than he had been for the last few days, and they were happy. If no one else was, at least they were. They were truly happy, which in turn made my stomach warm. I had sometimes felt concerned for Marlene's life. She wasn't ever in danger, but she almost always seemed unhappy. No, not unhappy, but at least not happy. I wondered if she would ever find someone like Uriah, and now she had. She had done so much good in this world, and the world was finally giving back to her in the form of Uriah. She was blessed.

And like I had once worried for her, she now worried for me. I was there, sitting on the pavement of the road by the fire, not wanting a chair. I was sitting alone, something I preferred at the moment, but every now and then, she'd look away from Uriah's smiling face and glance at me. I noticed this a few times, and saw the look on her face, so I'd make a point of making conversation with Lynn sitting in a chair across the fire. The fact that Marlene was concerned for me shook me; the tables were turned, and although it was reassuring someone was looking out for me, I thought about what that implied for me. Was I unstable? Did I need her concern? Would it really be beneficial?

I looked around and spotted an open beer sitting a few feet from me. I grabbed it and knocked some of it back quickly, savoring the burn it left on my tongue.

Lynn's laugh made its way to my ears. "You sure you can take that?" she asked playfully. She sipped hers slowly almost like a dare, but my heart wasn't in it. I shrugged in reply. I was glad she was finally making the conversation; carrying both of our responses had been tiring when I was doing all the work. I tried to keep it going, but she went right back to being unresponsive.

After nearly another half hour, I had culminated in the cold and darkness and excused myself to bed. Tonight, it was my turn again in the bed, but I'd be sharing it with Lynn and Shauna now. Heading to the door of the RV, I noticed Four standing there almost like a guard. My heart fluttered a small bit when I saw a hint of a smile on his face. I hoped he'd make conversation with me, but he just made a smirking face.

"I'd wait a second or two," he said. "Zeke's saying goodnight to Shauna." I made a small understanding nod, rolled my eyes, and went to stand against the side of the RV next to Four. A minute passed and the door opened; Zeke stepped out.

He was smiling, and in the light of the fire, his face was flushed red. He looked to Four like he was going to say something, but saw me and stopped. He turned even redder.

"Were you-?" he stuttered. "Were you waiting on me?" I shook my head.

"Nope," I said. "Just got here. Four and I were just talking about the moon, weren't we, Four?" I didn't want to embarrass him or Shauna, and neither did Four apparently, because he nodded in agreement of our fake conversation. Maybe if I had actually wanted to, we would have.

Zeke shrugged and wished me a goodnight before walking off. Four began following him, but turned at the last second before I would be out of earshot. "Tris?" he said, looking back at me. I had reached the last stair, about to close the door, but I listened. "Yeah?"

He hesitated, but then wished me a short goodnight. I nodded curtly and smiled a little. "You too, Four," I said. "Goodnight." He nodded, too, and turned to walk away again. I closed the door and stood up straight, the smile still lingering. Shauna was all the way at the end of the RV, but the bedroom door was open. She was nearly naked, standing with just her underwear on, folding her clothes from the day.

She looked at me while she folded, but didn't say anything. I looked to the front of the RV, through the windshield where I could see the silhouette of Caleb's grave a few yards away in the grass. I closed the blackout curtains on the windshield and looked away.

The only light came from the three candles placed strategically throughout the RV so that it was nearly all lit up. There was one on the counter across from the booth and two in the back room. I blew out the first one and walked back to undress.

Zombie was lying on the ground, resting her head, eyes closed. Shauna had since climbed into bed, her clothes neatly folded and stacked at the end of the bed on the ground. She was writing in the journal she had been keeping for a while. I wondered if she was keeping the date like Will had been. I began to undress.

I sat at the end of the bed and pulled off my boots and then my socks. I realized they had gotten holes in them since the last time I had checked, only a few days ago. I sighed. I'd have to wait a while until I could find new ones, probably in Chicago. I put them away carefully as to not damage them anymore. I wouldn't last long without good socks; people didn't realize how vital they were.

"Damn it," Shauna swore behind me. I looked back to see her shaking her pen around and dabbing it to the tip of her tongue. She scratched a bit more on the paper. "The ink's out; goddamn it." I shook my head. It was a real misfortune, since pens and ink seemed to be just as rare as socks now.

"Pity," I said, moving from the bed to strip the rest of my clothes. I didn't feel the need to actually make conversation this late at night. Not anymore. And thankfully, Shauna didn't push it.

Instead, she made a sound of agreement and set the journal aside with the pen on top of it. She crawled further into bed and held the covers up for me to join her. Lynn would show up later tonight, possibly drunk and ready for a hangover, something Shauna would probably be able to cure quickly.

I blew out the candles before I slid under the covers. I would at least leave the door open for Lynn.

I shut my eyes and tried to not focus on anything in particular as I fell asleep.

…

Somewhere in the night, I woke up in the dark. Two bodies on either of my sides showed Lynn had come to bed, so it probably would have been sometime early in the morning, actually. I wondered what had woken me, so I nudged Lynn to see if she had just gotten into bed. Instead, I noticed the covers were pulled over her; she had been asleep for a while.

I moved to sit up, but a hand came down on my shoulder, making me jump. I looked over to Shauna, only seeing the whites of her eyes in the darkness. They were wide with something that resembled fear. I looked around the RV, and since the door was open, down the hall for something that would have had Shauna so frightened. Lynn had left the door to the bedroom open, but surely she wouldn't have been so inebriated to have left the main door open. And surely, even then, we would have felt the draft.

"I heard it, too," Shauna said. Confusion struck me; I hadn't heard a thing. What was she talking about?

"I'll go look," I offered. I began to pull the covers off of us, but she gripped my arm tighter. I repeated myself and shook her off. With the duvet off, I slid off the bed and walked a bit down the hall. I noticed the candle was still on the counter where it was supposed to be. I walked a bit further until I came up to where the curtains were still closed against the windshield.

I reached my hand out to draw them open, only a little bit, but my hand froze midair when I noticed something walking around outside. I had never stood stiller in my life. I breathed so quietly, and my lungs began to burn, so I wondered if I was actually breathing at all. A small noise came from outside, something like a wild animal. I hoped against hope it was just that. Really, I would have preferred a lion to whatever else might be out there. I slowly drew my hand away from the curtain and looked to the door of the RV.

I physically felt the color drain from my face. It wasn't locked. Lynn.

We had all agreed to lock all of the doors of all the vehicles at night for the wellbeing of everyone. And with that rule came a silent curfew. Be in your vehicle by a certain time, and you wouldn't get locked out. But here, the RV wasn't even locked.

I closed my eyes for three seconds before I gathered enough strength to move forward and lock the door. The entire action took what felt like forever. I moved slowly until my fingers hovered over the knob. In less than a second, I moved quickly to turn the lock and draw my hand away. I stopped and held still, listening with my body for any movement outside the door. Nothing came.

I stepped back and swallowed, relieved. I wanted more than anything to return to bed and fall back asleep, but the lingering threat of the Turned remained. I prayed the others were up in the van, but I couldn't count on it. I stepped even further back and began walking back to the bedroom, spotting Zombie lying on the ground still. She was a liability, no sense of the vitality of remaining quiet. She would sense the danger and bark, so I moved quietly, trying to stay normal. I moved more quickly now, though. The sooner I was back there, the sooner I might fall asleep. And then morning would come.

I finally returned, closing the door behind me. I looked to Shauna, who had since calmed down, and asked her to wake her sister. She tried in vain, shaking Lynn's shoulder, saying her name quietly, but she didn't respond. Black-out drunk. This was why I didn't drink, for fear I might get like that and not wake up in an emergency. This was irresponsible, but Shauna would lecture her about it later, I was sure.

I moved forward and tried myself, but still nothing. I began to speak to Shauna quietly. "The door was unlocked, Shauna," I admitted. I suppose maybe it was something she didn't have to know, but I figured it might be a reassurance that I had locked it. And of course, I had to ruin it by bringing up someone's presence outside.

"What?" she asked incredulously; she swore. "Shit. Who was it? What was it?" She got up, going to draw the curtain open, but hesitated. "Do you think the others heard it? Saw it?"

I shrugged and tried to crawl back into bed. "I don't know, maybe," I admitted. I actually hadn't heard anything. I had simply seen its silhouette. "It wasn't too loud actually, Shauna, I doubt it. Besides it's probably nothing. It didn't seem to be a Sensor. It moved along, didn't stay too long. It'll pass, maybe be gone by morning."

"Wasn't loud?" she asked, looking at me like I was deaf. "What woke you?" she asked. I shrugged again, unsure myself the answer to her question.

"I don't know," I said. "I just thought you had nudged me or something."

"Tris," she said with a tone of finality. "Tris, I woke up because something was loud enough to wake me. It was the sound of the tin cans outside around the perimeter."

I scrunched my eyebrows. "What the hell? They weren't making any noise." I really hadn't heard a thing, but I suppose it would have made sense for it to wake me. I shook my head.

"Look, Shauna," I said, trying to argue. "Just come back to bed. They'll be gone by morning, and if they aren't, we'll still need to wait for the sunlight. Come back and go to sleep. They'll be gone."

They most certainly were not.

Thanks so much for all the love and support of the last chapter, and also for the lack of hate for not updating in so long. I's been a while, I know, but I'll try to be more diligent for next chapter. And maybe a bit of Four and Tris relationship-building. I feel like it's just too soon, but I know you all want some, so I'll try to write some. All the love,

Viv xoxox