Letting Go
by icypinkpop
Pairing: GokuxVegeta
Disclaimer: Just borrowing them for a while. I seriously hope there are no late fees…
Warnings: Yaoi (M/M), Shounen-ai, Uke Vegeta (not really a warning…), swearing, references to rape, blood, crying, implied masturbation, perhaps some OOC-ness, sap, wife bashing (well, pretty much just Chichi bashing…), character death, violence, lime, angst, graphic sex, MPREG (later), Truten (!), anything one can warn about.
Author's note (changes with chapter): A tad bit grim, but what else did you expect? Mostly a teaser for the chapter that's coming next. Speaking of it, the following installment will be a LEMON (-claps- We've been needing one of those, eh?), so it will be censored on most sites. ;3
'Text' - Thoughts.
"Text" - Spoken dialogue.
--
Chapter 20: Trust –
(2 months later)
Vegeta chuckled as the two little cubs crawled shakily across the soft carpet, naked bodies clothed only with ribbons and torn paper as they wrestled playfully beside the fire. He looked up at the tall tree, dark eyes regarding the shining star on top. It reminded him of space, but in a…nicer way.
"I don't understand it." The Prince cocked his head in honest curiosity, snuggling further under the soft blanket as he leaned against his mate. "Why take a dead tree and decorate the remains? What does it mean?"
Goku shrugged, smiling against Vegeta's skin. "I dunno, but it's pretty, huh?" He tightened his grip, eyes moving to the cubs. "I love Christmas. I think they do, too."
Snorting, the smaller man yanked his new sweater over his head, watching the tiny Saiyans wrestle playfully over a strip of ribbon. The slightly larger of the two pounced onto its brother, tiny tail puffing out as the little cubs slapped and snarled at each other. "Hn, they're just enjoying the scraps," he chuckled out, eyes betraying his own happiness. Sighing in comfort, he looked up at his lover, tracing the dark patch of blue on Goku's cheek with the pad of his thumb.
"That bastard, I swear." He narrowed his eyes in anger, looking away. "I'm surprised you don't just kill him and get it over with. That three-eyed freak has no right to lay his hands on my mate."
Sighing, Goku pressed closer, holding a boneless Vegeta in his arms. "C'mon, let's just forget about him." He nuzzled the Prince's neck. "It's Christmas, 'Geta. And it's just him and Chichi, and it's not like they can hurt us. Everyone else seems to be fine with it."
"Hn, I don't care," Vegeta sighed out, stretching back against Goku. "They have no right to try and attack my mate. You are mine." The Prince turned around and pressed his lips to the other's neck, tail curling around his lover's waist. " Bastards."
Grinning, the larger of the two leaned forward to kiss his mate, a noisy purr breaking the silence. "Aww, you love me," he teased softly, unable to resist. Vegeta was so wonderful.
Said Saiyan looked up in annoyance at the remark, rolling his eyes. "And you'd better return the favor," he growled in answer, sighing as he rested against the larger chest. He bit his lip. It had been over two months, and he still hadn't been able to put his plan into action. The nightmares had been as bad as ever; he woke almost every night, head swimming and tears of fear leaking from his eyes. His lover was worried and confused, but Vegeta understood. He understood why the godsdamned dreams weren't going away.
He simply didn't feel safe if he couldn't see what was going on.
Trembling a little in the powerful embrace, he thought back to when Raditz would hold him close, how strong hands would run over his back after a particularly savage night in Frieza's grasp. He had always been the same. Sure, everything was fine in the daytime, when he could witness everything around him and was aware of where his enemies lurked. But it was different at night. He was completely helpless; anyone could easily take advantage of his obliviousness.
Vegeta had no defenses when his guards were dropped.
While a part of the Prince argued that that wasn't true, that Goku would guard him even when his own faculties lay dormant, another piece of him did not. It argued that Kakarrot, the man he shared his bed and body with almost every night, could easily be the enemy lurking, waiting for his precious guards to drop. He shuddered. His fear wasn't mollified in the least by the fact that his lover was likely the one person in the universe he could not fend off even if he tried.
To put it simply, Vegeta was afraid to close his eyes, and that was the last thing he wanted to be.
Gulping, the Prince looked up at his mate, eyes slightly watery. He needed to prove to himself that Goku meant no harm, that he could trust the larger Saiyan with his body and his soul. And he could only think of one way to do it.
"Want some food?"
Startled from his reverie, Vegeta breathed in the aroma of cooking turkey, giving his lover a grateful smile. Nodding, he slipped from the couch and took the squirming cubs into his arms, following Goku into the kitchen for some Christmas dinner.
He would do it tonight.
--
"'Geta!" Goku called out, wrapping up the leftovers and placing them into the refrigerator. "Did you put Rad and Veg to bed?" Cocking a brow, the tall Saiyan padded down the hallway in his new slippers, popping his head into the cubs' bedroom.
Smiling, Goku watched the little Saiyans nuzzle sleepily at each other in their shared bed. The tiny Saiyans usually slept in the bedroom with their parents (as Vegeta, Goku had realized, didn't like to leave them alone for long), so the sign that they were in their own room likely meant that the Prince wanted to make love.
More than eager to comply, the tall Saiyan stepped over towards the bedroom door, twisting the knob and looking immediately at the bed.
What he saw caused his lips to part in shock.
Vegeta was laying naked against the pillows, hands and ankles bound by glowing rings of ki, a black strip of cloth tied over the Prince's eyes. A single, thin sheet was draped over the obviously shivering form.
"'Geta!" he gasped out in shock, running up to the smaller's side, brows furrowed in confusion. "Wh-what's…what happened?" He immediately reached up to break the bands of energy form Vegeta's wrists, only stopping when a pair of soft lips pressed against his cheek.
"Kakarrot," Vegeta sighed, shaking his head back and forth. "P-please don't."
Completely confused, Goku slipped the blindfold up to rest on the smaller forehead, looking into dark eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked, looking over the smaller body in concern. "What happened, Vegeta? Did someone…tie you up?" The taller snarled in instinct, looking around the room for any sign of the bastard that had done this to his mate.
"I did, Kakarrot."
Blinking in shock, the addressed Saiyan looked back into dark ebony orbs, head cocked as perplexity replaced anger. "Why?"
Vegeta sighed, averting Goku's gaze for a moment before looking back into his mate's face. "I-I need to make myself trust you, Kakarrot," he explained, watching the larger's face fall slightly. "No, I mean-I do trust you. I just…the nightmares…" The Prince trailed off, shaking his head a little at his own inability to answer a simple question. "I can't stand this fright. I want to-to end it once and for all."
Realizing what his lover was getting at, Goku gasped in shock and ran his hand over the smaller's neck, feeling bronze flesh shiver beneath his fingers. "You want to…make love like this?" he asked in surprise, watching Vegeta give a stiff nod. He gulped, dark eyes large. "But isn't this what…what-"
"What Frieza used to do, yes," Vegeta nodded, having divulged that particular bit of information after a severe nightmare one night had left him nearly unable to speak. "I-it has to be this way, Kakarrot. I need to know that I'm…safe."
Worried, Goku leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Vegeta's lips, never once breaking the precious gaze.
"I-I don't want to," the tall Saiyan shook his head, not liking the way Vegeta was bound up. He knew from experience that ki rings were nearly impossible to get out of, and…he didn't want to take Vegeta when his lover couldn't move or see.
Vegeta sighed his reply, looking down at the thin white blanket. "I-I need you to do this for me, Kakarrot," he pleaded softly, lip bit. "I know you will not hurt me, but…I need to feel it. I don't want to be afraid anymore." The Prince arched up as much as the bands would let him, knocking the blindfold back down over his eyes with a shake of his head. "Just…take me. Please."
Gulping, Goku looked down at the prone body of his mate, crawling slowly over his shaking Prince. "Okay," he finally agreed, sighing. If that was what Vegeta wanted…
Pressing another gentle kiss to his lover's mouth, the taller of the two stripped himself of his sweater, shaking his pants down to his knees. Divesting himself fully of both articles, Goku shivered slightly in the open air, pulling the heavier blanket over them both, pinning Vegeta to the bed as lightly as possible. Feeling the smaller tremble in obvious anticipation, the gentle Saiyan stroked his mate's cheek with a strong hand, watching the Prince turn instinctively away from the touch before calming a few moments later.
Goku bit his lip. This was going to be difficult for both of them.
"Shh, don't worry, I'm here," he said softly, sucking lovingly at the soft spot on Vegeta's neck. Taking a deep breath, he slid his hand slowly down the bronze chest, feeling his lover begin to shake more violently. He gasped, the realization of just how terrified Vegeta must be finally hitting home.
He had never realized just how violently the Prince reacted when he wasn't sure of his safety.
Sighing, Goku continued to whisper words of reassurance into Vegeta's ear, hands roaming softly over his mate's shivering skin. He stopped at the Prince's waist, not wanting to move too quickly. He felt a little guilty for the way his body was already responding to the sight of his lover's own.
"Mmmn," the gentle Saiyan licked his way over Vegeta's chest and abdomen, enjoying the taste of spicy flesh. A little moan reached his ears and he continued, lips curling around the Prince's right nipple, tongue flicking over the tiny bead as hot milk ran in rivulets down his chin. Not having expected that, Goku gave a surprised chuckle, licking away the thick fluid.
Only when Vegeta sobbed did the larger Saiyan come back to the reality of the situation.
Surprised, Goku slid his hand up to cup the smaller's face, wiping away the single tear that slid from covered eyes. "Shh, it's all right," he promised, feeling Vegeta's fear and uneasiness through the bond. He gulped, stroking the flame of hair. "You're safe. Don't be scared."
--
Vegeta trembled under the touches, lip bit between his teeth. He wanted to do as Kakarrot said. He didn't want to be scared.
But he simply didn't know how he could trust Goku when he had no idea what the other was going to do next.
Sighing, he leaned up as much as he was able in his current state, pressing his shaking lips against Kakarrot's cheek in apology for his actions. Using all the courage he could muster, he arched up at his mate, spreading his thighs, ankles and wrists warm with the ki surrounding them.
This wasn't Frieza. This was Kakarrot.
Trying desperately to pound that fact into his shaking head, the Prince choked out his lover's name, repeating it over and over in his mind. Whimpering, he felt strong hands travel down between his legs and started in fright, forcing himself to calm. "N-no…" he muttered out in habit as he was gripped gently, a thumb gliding over sensitive flesh. Vegeta moaned unwillingly, eyes opening to see only black. Completely expecting that strong hand to turn cruel at any moment, to feel blood spurt down his thighs as it had countless times before, the Prince gasped as pleasure rocketed through his small body, the soft shifting of blankets beneath him bringing him back to reality once again.
Vegeta breathed in his mate's scent as he thrashed under the covers, only a strong body and a thick duvet serving to blanket him from the memories he knew were sure to spring forth again at any moment. Sighing, the smaller Saiyan groaned out his mate's name, trying to press up against the stroking fingers.
He shivered, head shaking back and forth, repeating the calming fact over and over again in his mind.
This wasn't Frieza. This was Kakarrot.
--
Lemon on its way :D