8) Knowings

"Good morning Mr. Rogers," a man in a white jacket greeted, "Technically it is the afternoon though," he smiled happily. Steve didn't want him to be happy. He didn't want him to be happy because he wasn't happy. His head ached in the worst way and everyone part of his body felt too stiff.

"Am I in the hospital?" Steve asked, although he sort of knew. The familiar smell of cleaning products, the beep of a heart monitor, the unexplainable cleanliness of the room, and the man in the white jacket were all clues. Steve cleared his throat, wondering why it felt so dry. He licked his lips and swallowed.

"Indeed you are, how are you feeling?" the man asked. He had dark black hair, brown eyes, and was shaven clean. Something about him made Steve wonder if he was a father.

"Strange," Steve said slowly. His jaw hurt. He looked up at the man who was checking something on a clear clip board. His eyes darted back and forth.

"You've been in a coma, Mr. Rogers," the doctor frowned. Steve's heart sped up and he sat up hurriedly. The rom spun and he placed a hand on his head, feeling it throb. "You might want to lie down, you just woke up," the doctor pointed out.

Steve obeyed subconsciously, his thoughts racing. How long was it this time? Why did this always happen? Where was he?

"What's your name?" he asked and kicked himself internally. "I meant, the date, what's the date?"

"Well, you can call me Dr. Rowe, and for the date, it is 2012, the 8th of January." Steve placed a hand over his head still trying to comprehend all of this. What the hell had happened? He rubbed at his eyes hoping that this wasn't real. He opened his mouth, but shut it, not quite sure what to say. He wouldn't believe it, except patches of his memory he was sure he was missing. It was a big relief he hadn't been asleep for another couple years though. "You've been out for about two weeks, and a day."

"Can I have water?"

The doctor nodded and poured cool water from a pitcher into a paper cup to the left of Steve. Why hadn't he seen that before? He took the glass and sipped at it slowly, staring into it as if it would give him the answers.

"Mind answering a few questions for me?"

Steve nodded placing the cup down next to him, listening to his arm pop and crack. He rubbed at it slowly and shifted in the bed.

"What is your name?"

"Steven Rogers."

"How old are you?

"24," he said after a moment. He remembered the doctor only said 2 weeks, not 2 years, so he was still the same age.

"Mr. Rogers, the question?" Dr. Rowe asked. Steve looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Can you repeat it, please?"

"What is your partner's name?"

Steve narrowed his eyes, looking towards the window. It was snowing out, what a joy. He rubbed his feet together under the blanket. He even wiggled his toes not liking that he had been still for so long. A partner as in a work partner, or more intimate partner? Last time he checked, he didn't have anybody special, nor did he have on specific partner.

"I have a team, if that's what you mean," Steve answered finally.

"Okay," the doctor said slowly. He wrote a few things down and handed Steve a folder. "Open it," Dr. Rowe said after watching the blonde just stare at it. Steve sat up slowly and placed the folder in his lap.

The soldier obeyed the command and pulled out the photo. He fingered the corner of it before chewing on the inside of his cheek.

"This is me," Steve breathed.

"It is, or it was, when we brought you in and patched you up," Dr. Rowe explained pressing the clip board to his chest. "You suffered from head injuries that would have most likely killed a normal man, and we didn't exactly expect you to wake up," the man paused, removing his glasses to rub at them with his sleeve, "We also didn't take into account that you could have amnesia."

"Amnesia," Steve murmured rubbing at his head where a gash and bandages had most likely been. He was battered and beaten in the picture, bruises and cuts all over his face and there were bandages and patches of gauze everywhere.

"You can't remember what happened at all, or who you were with?" he asked gently. Steve heard something a bit like disappointment in his voice, or maybe it was sadness. Steve ignored it as he shook his head.

"I remember, waking up briefly, and then nothing."

Dr. Rowe nodded, a small frown on his face, and looked down at his feet.

"Would you like to see anyone?"

Steve went with the first name that popped into his mind.

"Pepper?" he asked cautiously. He stretched his mind, as hard as it was, "Or Virginia?"

"I believe so yes, let me go give her a call? Tell me if you feel any sharp pains in your head, and that red button over there is in case of an emergency, got it?"

Steve nodded.

A couple of minutes later, a blonde was striding into the room, a small smile on her freckled face.

"You're a face for sore eyes," she smiled warmly. She sat down on the side of his bed and placed her neatly manicured hands in her lap. "How are you doing?"

Steve swallowed and played with the soft blanket in his hands, not wanting to look her in the eyes.

"I, can't remember much. I knew your name, and who you are, I just, you were the first thing," he explained, or at least tried to. She nodded placing a hand on the side of his face.

"Relax Steve, I get it." He nodded, pressing into her warm hand and stared. "Do you remember anyone else?"

"Bruce, of course, and Natasha," Steve said in a hushed tone. Pepper had a sad look in her eyes, like time was running out, or somebody died. That planted a thought in his head. "Is anyone dead?"

"No, no, no one, but your list of people is running short," she said taking his hand in hers. His hand looked so much bigger in her petite hands.

"It is? Well now I feel bad," he mumbled looking away. He didn't want to see the pain in her tired eyes. He was most likely the thing causing it.

"Tony Stark, do you know that name? Or Phil-"

"Coulson," Steve finished. "Stark sounds familiar."

"It should," she whispered.

Dr. Rowe walked in, his shoes clicking against the tile of the hospital room.

"We would like to have you x-rayed in a few minutes, if that's alright?"

Steve responded with a polite 'Of course' and looked at his lap again.

"Do you want to see anyone else, maybe," Pepper paused, eye's glistening, "Meet Tony Stark, or Clint?"

"Clint?" Steve asked, tracing patterns in the white blanket.

"Yes, Clint Barton, he's on your team as well as Tony," Pepper said, a barely noticeable crack in her voice.

He nodded. Pepper left the room, the click of her heels almost echoing of the dreary pale green walls.

"Dr. Rowe?" Steve called quietly. The man approached the side of the bed from charts he was looking at and nodded, beckoning him to speak. "Is this going to be permanent?"

"Well, we'll have to look at the x-rays and determine that. Tough there's also the factor of your serum that heightens your healing abilities, so yes, there is a possibility you could get your memory back."

Steve thanked him quietly and watched him exit. After a few minutes he began to wonder where Pepper had gone. He lied back down and closed his eyes thinking about things. He tried to match faces with names, dates with events, and people with abilities. He assumed somebody he knew better would explain to him what happened and how he ended up bedridden for 2 weeks.

Hopefully.

He opened his eyes at a knock and looked over to see a short man standing with Pepper. Steve sat up again and rubbed at his head.

"This is Tony, Steve," Pepper said nudging the brunette to walk. He swallowed, tongue darting out to lick at pouty lips and did as told. He strode up cautiously behind Pepper and waved.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Stark," Steve said holding out a hand. He waited for the man to shake it, and only did the man take his eyes of Steve's face when Pepper tapped his arm gently. He took the hand and gave it a gentle but firm shake. Steve's mother had always told him you could tell a lot about a man from the way he shook your hand.

He thought that was complete bullshit.

"Nice to see you awake again," Tony got out. It was forced, rushed and lacking in purpose. Steve wondered why.

"Does anything about him seem familiar?" Pepper asked wonderingly. Steve let go of the man's hand hesitatingly before he placed it back in his lap. His palms were slightly callused, and Steve remembered shaking his hand before. He studied the man's face. He was tan and had long wild black hair, where it was a little peppered at his temples. He had a dark black goatee that was neatly trimmed and long eyelashes encasing gorgeous brown eyes. Steve pondered briefly why he used gorgeous to describe them. They were gorgeous though, but they were puffy and slightly red, carrying bags under them like he's been awake too long. His smirk is fake though his teeth are very straight and white.

"You're last name?" Steve said shaking his head apologetically. Tony's grin faltered and he looked away and quickly left with a soft 'Excuse me'. Pepper called his name weakly, but let him leave. Steve frowned, guilt pooling in his stomach. The blonde looked down at him and shook her head smiling sadly.

"It isn't your fault Steve, honestly."

"Pepper," Steve said, voice wavering, "Pepper, who is he, to me?"

"I'll be right back," she answered. He saw her speaking in the doorway with Dr. Rowe. He felt like pulling out his hair wondering why no one could give him any answers. His eyes burned and he rubbed at them roughly.

Dr. Rowe came in, Pepper trailing behind him carefully. Everyone was being careful, tip toeing around him like he would break if they said something wrong. Maybe he would. Maybe they should try.

"We would like to take you in for some x-rays now, Mr. Rogers, is that alright?"

"I, okay," he sighed in defeat.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, the tiles cool on the soles of his feet. He pressed down a little bit before standing up slowly, and stretching slightly. It felt good to move again, like he wanted to spar with- he frowned not remembering.

"Come along then," he nodded. Steve followed the two of them out of the room and Steve looked both ways. Down the end of the hall on the right was Tony, talking to someone who looked like Natasha. He was sure it was, but he too busy staring at the man who looked desperately broken, hunched over in a crappy hospital chair that seemed too cheap for him, with his face buried in shaking hands.

"This way," Dr. Rowe said placing a hand on Steve's arm, which jumped. He turned back around and headed down the left hallway, Pepper not following this time.

Things began to fade, willowing, greying and blurring at the edges. There was a rush of something, and somewhere someone was calling his name in a strangled cry.

He was met with the sight of a dim ceiling, sunrays washing over the ceiling delightfully. He sat up, blankets swirling at his waist in a warm silky manner.

He looked around swallowing. He remembered that day so clearly, how ironic.

"JARVIS?" Steve called weakly.

"How can I help Mr. Rogers?" JARVIS questioned, clearly aware of Steve's distress.

"Get Tony?"

"Of course, it'll be a minute."

Steve nodded, though the AI couldn't technically see him and lied back down in bed, curling up on his side. The door opened and Tony flew in concern on his face. Steve sat up quickly in alarm.

"Are you okay? What's up?" Tony asked kneeling on the bed. Steve laughed weakly and removed Tony's worried hands from his face.

"Did we, used to spar?" Steve questioned. Tony's worry fell from his face and he nodded, hurt tugging at his eyes and smile. Steve knew what he had been to Tony, Natasha had told him. He accepted it, though he thought it was strange he was with a man, and apologized to Tony, though the brunette threw the remote at him yelling about how it wasn't his fault.

"Yep, three times a week," Tony smiled sitting back, a slump to his shoulders.

"Tony, I am sorry-"

"Don't start with this again-

"Listen to me," Steve snapped Tony's mouth clicked shut and Steve lowered his eyes, face heated from being so rude. "I know it isn't my fault, and I know the quinjet crashing wasn't yours or Clint's fault. Clint still doesn't think that, but I hope he gets it through his head, because I'm not angry with him." Steve paused to take Tony's hand into his own. He rubbed his thumbs on the engineers palm soothingly, like he could smooth out the wrinkles.

"I'm sorry for, for everything. I have this feeling of dread, or something like that, whenever you get a pained look in your eyes, and I don't want it be there, but I'm causing it even if I can't help it," Steve licked his lips. "I also, want to thank you, for being patient with me. I think I know how frustrating it is to try and live with someone you've been living with for a few months, but not having them remember their share."

Tony smiled, an actual grin stretching his face, dimples and all. Steve thought it was beautiful.

"You, uh, used to rub my palm like this," Tony said looking down at their hands, "It started when I jammed it in my suit, but then it became a soothing thing, I think."

Steve chuckled and let go of his hand hesitantly.

"What brought this on, by the way?" Tony asked tilting his head to the side. Steve huffed and rubbed at his head wishing everything would come back. 2 months without any recollection was quite enough he believed.

"I had a dream," Steve answered simply.

"Oh."

Steve nodded a sheepish smile on his face.

"Well it's still early, you should go back to bed," Tony said getting up.

"So should you," Steve replied, blinking. He felt like they did this often.

"Yeah, you're probably right, but well, there are things-"

"Tony," Steve said grabbing the man's arm as he tried to get away, "Stay with me?"

Tony kicked off his shoes and crawled into the bed beside him.

"I think you deserve a good night's sleep, and if that's with me, then so be it," Steve whispered, the lights dimming again. He shut his eyes.

He smiled, feeling right as the billionaire curled up against him, muscles relaxing and tensions easing. Yeah, he could learn to love this man again if he didn't get his memory back. It wouldn't be difficult anyways.

He fell asleep to a breathy thank you against his neck.

He had a feeling it was for so much more.

Authors Notes: So half way through this I was thinking about making it all a dream, but I do that too often, and I need something a little bit more angsty, so I threw you guys on a loop hopefully. It ended with a happy ending, though it's a little sad, right? I have a fever, so sorry if this isn't as emotional as I hoped it would be.

But oh my god! Guys I'm almost to 90 reviews! That is so insanely awesome, considering this is my first story on here! I haven't got one mean or disrespectful one yet either, and I'm sure I've made quite a few mistakes hahaa. Thank you all so much.

I will be going back to my long list of requests too, so, keep them coming guys! Thanks a bunch!

Cheers!

~rousey